External Link/Members OnlyQuite possibly the worst punt of 2017. Took place in November and am belatedly writing it up. Apologies for tardiness. Hopefully it helps anyone avoid a similarly unpleasant experience. This was a hastily arranged appointment after a particularly stressful day and I was in this area so I opted for something convenient rather than researching properly.
Small apartment in a not overly glamorous (student / council?) block of flats near Warren St station. Bit of a palaver with having to call the agency again on arrival to get buzzed up. You're not even given the flat number by the agency until the very last minute so there was a bit of undue waiting around for a text back etc. Confusing and annoying.
Fantasy v Reality : It's the girl in the photos but the reality is in stark contrast to the promise that the photos suggest. Of course there's a ton of photoshop. That's understood. The beautiful luxury apartment (lol) in the pics is obviously fantasy. The super tanned honey with the seductive looks and the expensive lingerie turns out to be a pasty white, geek-y emo type girl who greeted me in jeans and a Nirvana t shirt in a tiny bedroom, almost like a student bedsit. I had to wait a while for her to change in to some nice underwear and as I'm sitting there, with the clock running down, I realise her shelves are packed with computer games and a console. I'd probably have had a more pleasurable time playing Call Of Duty.
Facially she's nothing special. Quite a hard face with a small mouth. Slavic looking, I didnt catch which part of the EE she comes from. You'd not look twice at her if you saw her in civvies on the tube. Fully dressed the body looks promising though. She's 5'6", mid to late twenties, size 8 and clearly has massive knockers so despite quite a slow start I reassure myself that the minute her clothes come off things are going to really hot up. How wrong could I be?
As I get her out of her lingerie I realise that these big natural hooters are a quite oddly shaped. Literally one is pointing East and the other pointing West. At this point you realise why her photos show her cleavage in the way they do : all scooped in from either side.
Now none of the above would necessarily mark this out as a negative but performance & attitude-wise here's where things went rapidly downhill. "No kiss". I protest and end up with a couple of tiny pecks from her firmly closed mouth. Ok, on to those boobs, surely that will liven her up..."Stop kneading them. You are not making bread". FFS! Ok last chance saloon, she grabs my dick and gives it a bit of attention (by this stage it needed it) as I attempt a bit of light manual clitoral stimulation at which she winces "Oh not too hard. I dont like that". At which point I thought this is non rescuable and I need to be out of here. I said this is bullshit, nothing has really happened let's call it half an hour and hand me back some of the ££s. In this situation some service providers would negotiate but she turned very sour indeed and my hard earned £150 was up in smoke. It's a stretch to call her a service provider tbh. One of those 'My way or the highway' punts.
Comms : 6
Apartment : 4
Face : 4
Body : 5
Accuracy of Profile : 3
Service : 0
Attitude : 0
No way would I repeat. YMMV.
