"Why didn't I check UKP first?"AW: External Link/Members OnlyWhen: April 2025
Price: £90/hour
Location: A small flat in a quiet area 15m walk from the rail station, plenty of parking available.
PrologueAfter a long hiatus from punting and finding myself stuck in the otherwise unremarkable town of Didcot (
which on a side note, does have a wonderful railway museum) due to my train breaking down, I figured I had some time to kill so I hopped on AW to see if anything was available locally.
Much to my surprise, there was, enter Sophia. Having a quick glance of her profile it ticked enough boxes to peak my curiosity, a surprisingly low price, a decent set of knockers and the offer for a massage with oral on the cards.
If any of you have ever travelled on the GWR Class 80x Hitachi trains will know, the standard seating is absolutely horrendous and being fed up of the train and absolutely nothing else that wasn't a clear scam available within a reasonable distance I sent her a text message.
CommsMy experience was better than most who have seen her and reported back here, however I will reaffirm this woman is completely unhinged and one wrong misstep or misinterpretation will get you absolutely nowhere.
For additional context, I consider myself to be well spoken and don't go blindly sending messages that read along the lines of "hi u available". I sent her a detailed message stating who I was, what I was exactly after and if she was available at such short notice.
The proceeding text exchange was akin to pulling teeth or getting blood from a stone, for someone was educated as her (
allegedly) I honestly expected the simple things such as complete sentences, but eventually I got the greenlight after some painful to and fro'ing and began to head over to the address given and instructed to call when 5 minutes away.
Following these instructions to the letter, out of fear of her wrath, I then proceeded to wander aimlessly around this little housing estate for approximately 15 minutes as she hadn't answered my calls.
Eventually, I get a message with the exact flat number and the block its located within and to head on up.
VenueThe area and the building itself are unremarkable late 80's/early 90's construction, it was clean and quiet with no sign of twitchy neighbours.
The flat itself is actually incredibly small and well-lived in, the bathroom was clean and tidy, the room itself where the deed takes place was hilariously small with a single bed occupying one side entirely and a massage table occupying most of the remaining space.
Now, if she hadn't of told me it was a massage table, I would have assumed it was a high wallpaper pasting table or an ironing board.
The WomanUpon arriving at the door, a gentle knock and I was let in to a (small) dark hallway. She is nothing remarkable to write about, on a scale of munter to model she would land just shy of average in my book.
Facially, nothing remarkable and you can tell what makeup she does wear is putting in a lot of effort to conceal her age which must be 50's at minimum.
Physique wise, she is approximately somewhere around 5ft10 with an slightly heavier than average body, a bit of a stomach but nothing I was phased by, I was greeted in some lingerie/corset type thing which may have concealed the truth from me.
Her chest is pretty accurate to that of the pictures she has posted, a decent size, soft and happy to be in my face.
The ServiceAfter a quick chat and the exchange of paperwork, it was onto the "massage table" and with the application of some oils, I received what I can only describe as a mediocre at best and bland at worst massage, certainly not good enough to relieve me of my train seat woes.
After a while on the table, it was onto the bed for part two of the massage, where she proceeded to get her breasts out and use them in the massage which felt good and got me ready for things to come.
During this, she did some light playing with me with gentle strokes before requesting I flip over, I got to fondle her breasts while she pleasured me but sadly no oral was offered, I asked if she could use her mouth to which she replied she currently didn't have any condoms so no mouth for me.
While it felt nice, it also felt very robotic and unenthused. Eventually I climaxed and made a mess on her and the sheets, a quick tidy up and use of the bathroom and I was on my way again, in the moment somewhat satisfied with how I've spent the last 90 or so minutes.
The Elephant in the RoomNow, we need to talk about the elephant in the room raised by the other reviews and feedback posted here, she is utterly unhinged and does not shut up.
Throughout the entire ordeal in her company, she did not stop yapping about some of the most boring and inane topics (to me at least), ranging from what minor inconvenience has befallen her lately, horses (
she loves these), politics, other service providers who she calls "battery hens", her disdain for the local area and so on.
At one point, I decided to play along and she seemed to want to play a game of educational one-upmanship, presumably to feed her ego of "I am smarter than you, I have a BSc/MSc".
Final ThoughtsIf I had travelled of my own free will to come see her, I would be mortified and deeply regret the entire experience and would look another SP sooner-rather-than-later to cleanse myself.
If she could engage in more relevant conversation and somewhat ironically, operate less like a "battery hen", and present herself on the initial contact as someone who isn't a psychopath or deranged then I would have considered this to be barely be over the line into neutral territory for the service I received for the money paid.
After this experience, I checked UKP when I eventually got home and saw my experience is largely inline with that of others, and reminded me of the importance of checking here first.
In future, If you are on a train heading along the Great Western I would advise you get off at Reading or Swindon and have a much better SP and experience there, seemingly Oxford and the immediate sounding area is seemingly completely devoid of decent, reliable SP's.
If however you have an iron will and patience that would rival that of a Buddhist monk and welcome a challenge, you can definitely do worse as if nothing else, it's a passable massage and tug for not a lot of money in the grand scheme of things.
But be warned, it's a challenge not for the faint of heart.
