£100 for 60 minutes (closer to 40)External Link/Members Only Comms: 6/10 Found a new ad on VS (
External Link/Members Only) with an enticing profile picture and started texting. Prompt responses to start with but when a booking request was made for 5.00pm on a Saturday, there wasn't enough time on the confirmation to get there. Then I was asked to come at 5.30pm.
Girl: 6/10 40 something, five foot nothing, curvy Thai woman. NOT the woman in the VS profile picture. Golden, rather than dark tan. Short, dark hair in a bob. Bum freezer tunic-style dress. Been in UK a while. Used to work at Chok Dee. Decent English that includes more direct descriptions of body parts and actions than I prefer but I know that these please the majority.
Location: 8/10 Nothing in the VS advert said this was a shop and when I first parked up, I asked them to confirm. They did and I parked on a side street. The front is obvious what it is and it’s all new and/or work in progress inside. That weird combination of recently refurbished but things not quite to a decent finish. The bathroom door doesn't properly close for example and there's a curtain area in the treatment room for goodness knows why.
On arrival, the mama-san was sticking flowers and butterfly decorations on the reception counter. The front door was unlocked on arrival but it only let me into an ante room, with a locked inner door where I waited until mama-san let me in.
The massage was upstairs in a spacious room with a shower over corner bath, that looked like it had hot tub jets. The massage was performed on a table, covered in layers of sheets, with a towel covered pillow from the off. No sign of paper towel.
Meet: 6/10 I arrived at 5.15 to query if they worked at the shop and got no response until 5.40. It was 5.45 when I was in reception and I was told that the girl was busy. I sat on a sofa after using the toilet and was given a bottle of water while I waited.
Around five minutes waiting and I'm shown upstairs and into the room. Money paid and Emily disappears as I get changed and comes back with another bottle of water.
I laying down on my front, undraped (having put the towel under the table) and I hear the sound of a zip. I don't turn over but the lack of any other shuffling noises and what I can feel later indicates that she had nothing on under the dress.
The sight of the hot tub and reference to prior working at Chok Dee get my hopes up.
I'm covered with a small sheet for the initial warm-up stretches, without oil before the oil comes out. I'd call it a routine, rather than structure. Right foot-2-3, right calf-2-3, right thigh-2-3, etc etc.
There are no CC swipes, or anything else but she does put her thigh across the back of mine, at times. She uses a towel to mop up the oil on the backs of my arms and legs before asking me to turn over.
From the start of the turnover, attention starts at little muffin who has still been dozing. She clambers on and off and slides around and little muffin definitely has her attention. She makes some unconvincing noises when I venture to her 34Cs and their long, soft nips, or between her legs to press around and along her furry man cave.
Then she tells me ten more minutes. I tell her that this doesn't feel like an hour and suddenly her English isn't good enough. I tell her that I trust her and relax to enjoy what time is left.
Then she gets off and leaves to take a shower as I wonder what the hell just happened. Getting dressed, it's barely 6.30 so I'm well short on time. I'm putting my trainers on when she comes back and I tell her that I've been short changed on time. Again, her English disappears and so does she.
As I walk through reception to the front door, (there's a back door onto a row of garages as well), mama-san asks if I enjoyed. Her English is better and I tell her that I won't be back because of the poor service. She apologises, tells me that a new girl starts next week and if I come back, I'll get a discount. I tell her, I'll think about it just to get her to unlock the inner door.
VFM: 4/10 Charging less, or giving more in a 40/45 minute session, I can almost accept but this much for nothing special isn't.
Would I return?: No I'll watch others' reviews and see if they get any better before I think about it.
