Stop the press - FINALLY a decent punt in Amsterdam RLD!
I am sure they say some bollocks about lightning not striking twice in the same place. Whatever. But this month it seemed like it happened again - another long layover to be manipulated - this time I managed to wangle 15 hours in the ‘Dam.
My expectations were low. This was not Germany where there is some semblance of order, quality and dare I say honour in the way they play this seedy game of ours. No, this was ‘Dam, preserve of scallies, rip off Roms, low end dealers on every corner. But fuck it, choose your poison, this would surely be better than ANOTHER wank at home, being gawped back at by the rodent in the logo of XHamster.
I arrived in the RLD around 11:30 PM and frankly it was just as fucked up as I remembered . Checked in, I hit the streets. Patience, persistence and basically getting the same bullshit sales pitch, asking the same fucking questions. It goes hence “Hi babe, how much please?” “hi, 100” “yes but 100 for what?” “20 minutes one shot” “yes ok so 20 minutes one shot, suck and fuck?!” “no” and then you either get 1) 100 is EITHER bj or sex (weird) or 200 is for both or even worse 2) 100 is for 20 minutes to enter the room, fuck is 300/400 OR the absolute fucking pits 3) 100 is the door fee baby, once I get you hard in the room i will explain you sex menu, you can pay with credit card.
For fuck sake, I know this is selling the common law rights to graze my ram up her village common but have we really stooped this low?!?.
However I have to say the talent is fucking ace. Top quality, 8/9/10 out of 10 pornstar fuck doll roms, fake lips, fake boobs, mafia tats - fuck I can’t get enough of them. But I am not risking a big wedge on one its no way worth 200+ for a shitty service.
Trudge trude past the swollen masses of gawping civilians, couples where the guy tries to pretend to his ugly bird hes not interested in smashing a stunner and the fucking CROWDS of North Face wearing wankers, both local and foreign, smoking shit weed (why always The North Face?!?). A few of these North Waste pricks tried to goed me, one even barged me I didnt budge nor respond just looked street through them which seemed enough to set them scurrying off back to under which ever rock they crawled out from. I don’t like the idea of clamping down on RLDs but on a damp night in ‘Dam you really see how bad it can get and why locals just want rid of this shit. Not Brussels North bad by any means, thats the trenches, but bad enough to want to sweep all this shit far away from the chattering classes.
But I wasnt going to be beaten, a punt was getting punted so I continued. Bless them, the various trannies offered an honest price, 50/70/100 suck and fuck, some of them half decent, waving their knobs at me, one even yanked me in and fondled my crotch. I was tempted, very tempted. But this was post Trump election punting - Trannies were pasé, last seasons trend, Cis-Women were back in trend and I wanted a tight, young, hot pussy to pound and I was going to persist until I got one.
More trudge trudge trudge past the various pubs, clubs and depressing sex shows to the soundtrack of “sss sss hey big man you want anything, weed, coke”. Yawn. I genuinely considered paying a scamming sex doll a ton “door fee” to just look at her and wank one out I was that gagging for a squirt.
Up on the first floor in a red light window I spied a petite raven haired toned wench - between 44 and 46 Oudezijds Achterburgwall - photo attached for reference. She had some black PVC bondage type vinyl in her outfit, a few metal spikes sticking out, nice big overblown funbags. Just my type, apparently Serbian she later told me - if I could give a fuck, as if pussy has a passport, as if I was going to worry about her nations history while I pumped one out into her cervix.
If I am honest I judged her - fuck sake another scammer, waste of time, I am going yo just keep going. She beckoned me up the stairs and I almost didnt climb them, but I am obviously a sex addict so I did. Heaving myself up the white stone steps I managed to utter “How much babe?” 30 minutes, suck fuck one shot €150. Wow. I nearly fell back down the well worn wet grimy stairs. I reconfirmed with her. AND importantly i can fondle your clown tits to boot? all for €150, no scams? She rolled her eyes “no baby, you get what you pay for”.
To add to the surreal atmosphere she had Tupac hit ‘em up blaring from her bluetooth speaker:
External Link/Members OnlyAll confirmed, we went to the back, and she bought her thumping speaker with her as ‘Pac spat from the grave “its on for life, dont let the westside ride tonight”. Well, too late because some riding is getting fucking done in here right now!
She asked me to wash my hands, my face (weird!) and my cock. I was nervous was this going to go south? I touched her boobs she look somewhat surprised at how much I liked them. I started to realise that she was a bit strange, slightly off, but somehow I liked that, combined with her impeccable taste is music it made me more into her. At this point the dark sounds of “No more pain” echoed across the hard surfaces of her fuckshop as she slipped out of her PVC bra and he rock hard tits didnt even ripple:
External Link/Members OnlyRubbered up she started sucking. Strangely attentive, almost like she actually wanted to do a good job, squeezing the shaft, swirling her tongue, looking up at me while I played with her silicone backed bullet nipples. “I came to bring the pain, hardcore to the brain” rang out, weirdly echoing in the strange space we were in, disco lights spinning around the ceiling as I watched her work in the mirror. This was spectacular.
But now I wanted what I came for. I wanted to fuck. In fact, I NEEDED to fuck. “not yet babe” was her response. Fuck. was this it? Too good to be true? Time for the usual Amaterdam bollocks “babe fucking is €300 you can pay by card” time?!? I insisted - “babe, just let me fuck and finish and i will go” she perked up realising I wasnt going to subject her to a prolonged pounded, relieved i wasnt there to prove a point, that i just wanted a quick release, a classic squirt and divert operation. Finding a renewed sense of purpose she hopped up, dropped her studded panties (I fucking LOVE watching a tart take her panties off) and bent over. I requested her on her back, ankles for earrings, no, she just wanted to bend over and get it over with. Bit of a romance killer, but fuck it, in I went and it was good pussy, I was pushing into her she was pushing back telling me to take her hard and I shit you not, on my life, swear down, guess which track comes on?!? Ambitionz az a ridah:
External Link/Members OnlyAmbitionz az a fucking ridah. You couldnt make this shit up! I was transported back to the bus to school, all of us having our multicultural emo London moment in the mid 1990s listening to a bit of the west coast. I was balls deep bending over a brass in tje ‘Dam and I was listening to ‘pac, fucking quality. Peak experience shit. I would never compare myself to our dear fallen icon himself, but right there, watching myself slap slap slapping away in the mirror with her face down ass up I felt like I could have been one of Pac’s flunkies, a minor member of the outlawz or the perhaps having a bit part on tha dog pound.
I was building up steam steam slap slap slapping away as she told me to keep taking that pussy yanking away on my nuts, I metaphorically made a “wesssssside” gang sign in my mind as I sprayed out a drive by down her Crenshaw Boulevard. She kept yanking my balls intent on milking every drop out of me. What the fuck was this good level of service at a fair price all about?!?
I wasnt going to linger. I hopped up and deposited my kids in the bedside bin and rinsed my cock in the sink.
Told her I liked the tunes and she tried to tell me something about how she researchs old music or something and that sometimes she gets to fuck musicians who come to her window. I tipped her a tenner just for the sound track of classic gangster rap. On my was out into the night I took a moment to fire up a play list.
And would you believe it, two doors down a pretty blonde Romanian in a white shirt with no bra underneath and decent bee stings beckons me forth. I stop just for curiosity sale she offers a hundred and i ask her if she is going to rip me off, she laughed said “no honestly a ton, 20 minutes suck and fuck no bullshit”. I was spent otherwise I would have loved to test her clearly non-binding offer of a bunk up.
Look its well established on here that no credible John should travel to Amsterdam purely for a sex break - those days have clearly long gone - but if you get the chance to pass through, or if you find yourself in the ‘Dam, and specifically the RLD, if you grind hard enough you might just be able to find yourself a half decent beat.
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