I think she switches her profile off when she's not working - at the time of uploading this review it was off.
External Link/Members OnlyWhen First week of September 2022
Location: Hemel Hempstead HP1 – town centre –tired apartments above the shops
Booking & Comms: I called 45 minutes ahead and she said she was free. It was Mia on the phone. Confirmed services, she doesn’t do Anal, CIM is included. She followed up promptly with a text and the Postcode, street and apartment building name.
Price paid:£120 / 60 mins no extras
Arrival and the Girl:It’s a modern façade to what is essentially a tatty run down residential block above the flats in the Centre of Hemel. I parked in the Water Gardens Car Park a 4 minutes walk away.
Mia was ready and on time. She hid behind the door and appeared after I had walked in. As she revealed herself I thought she was ugly – no more than a 4/10. Mousy straggly shoulder length hair, horrible brown stumpy teeth. She was wearing a full length silky robe. I had been looking at her AW pictures and I thought OK, I can avoid the face and just look at her bod, because it was quite impressive in her pictures.
We went in to the bedroom, confirmed services and I handed over the fee. I asked to use the shower. She led me to the bathroom and provided me with a fresh towel. I exited the bathroom and waited for her to come back to the bedroom. She returns and removes her silky gown. OH, what a disappointment! She’s probably a size 14 with two tummy rolls, big droopy D cup tits and an arris that you would need two seats for.
Now I’m in a dilemma. I don’t fancy her enough to want to fuck her, but I decided I’ll let her blow me and I’ll unload in her mouth. I lay down on the bed and she starts kind of draping herself over me with her big droopy tits hanging down in front of my face. I start to give her nipples a lick and after a short time she gets up and grabs my hand, putting it on her tit, cupping it, “like this” she says. Nah, I don’t want to.
I just lay back and wait for her to start sucking me. She just licks my helmet like it’s a lollipop, and occasionally sucks it, but only the helmet. All the while she’s stroking my shaft with her forefinger, it’s not that good. She has her arms locked around my legs, so I can’t pump from underneath.
After a few minutes she stops and reaches for a condom. She puts it on me and lays down next to me with her back to me asking me to spoon fuck her. She’s too big for me and I can’t reach her pussy from this position, not only that, I lack any motivation to fuck her. I tell her to stop and get on top. She gets on top, cow girl position, but doesn’t slide over my cock, she rubs me inside her thighs. I look down and I’m thinking WTF and look at her. She makes no attempt to get me inside her, I’m not sure what’s going on, is this a B2B massage? I hold my cock and eventually position it so I can enter her. She doesn’t pump, she gyrates from side to side, it’s doing nothing for me. I’m definitely not enjoying it and I’m getting bored.
I decide to have a lick of her nipples, she pulls back and protests, “I’m not a mother, I don’t give milk”! I could understand if I was sucking them, but I wasn’t, I was only circling my tongue around her nipples. I had visions of “Bitty” – from the Little Britain sketch 🤣🤣 - I tell her I need oral and get her sucking me again. She does this without protesting, but we’re back to the same poor technique. I take myself in hand and when I’m ready I tell her to start sucking. I unload in her mouth, she takes everything until I’m finished and runs off to the bathroom to spit.
When she returns she asks if I want to relax, instead I ask for the shower. I take a shower, get dressed and go back to the bedroom. She’s sitting on the bed and is surprised to see me dressed. I tell her I’m done and make my exit, not much more than 20 minutes has elapsed.
Summary:Fail 1 - The pictures are not her and it’s false advertising
Fail 2 - Throughout the punt she was doing really poor fake moans
Fail 3 - Complaining about something completely normal, like licking her nipples
Fail 4 - Poor BJ technique
It’s a
red card
Would I return? No chance
