Do you think most guys on here have a Sexual compulsivity disorder (Sex Addict)

[FlaccidChimp]

I have an addiction to sex like I have an addiction to ordering food. I get cravings for it and I pay for what I want to try. I can do it my self but it wont be as good. Do I have to do it? Maybe not but it will lower my quality of life.

[Jonestown]

Would think a discussion should be based on something that's established to be a real thing, a quick google search brings up 'sex addiction isn't a medically recognized diagnosis. Contrary to cultural belief, psychiatrists don't consider sex addiction an actual addiction, disorder or diagnosis'

That's not to say that there isn't a thriving industry dedicated to the treatment of "sex addiction" because there is, populated by expensive self ordained specialists operating out of plush facilities dedicated to the treatment of not only the addicts, but for an extra income stream, their non-addicted partners and dependants as well. I once heard a talk by an acolyte of the aforementioned Patrick Carnes, whilst it was very profound the only thing that sticks in my mind is that his name was Randy.

[Thephoenix]

To be fair to the OP, this subject comes up from time to time on punting forums.

I recall the old NW site having a section at the top of the main board about sex addiction, that had been left to run, and it ended up with pages of posts from  punters who confessed to having problems giving up their behaviour even though they felt it was impacting negatively on their home life, work, relationships and finances.

Addiction or not, I think we'd be naive to believe there aren't punters, including guys on here, who genuinely feel their punting may be at least verging on becoming compulsive, out of control and possibly destructive.

Probably most of us don't feel that applies to us, or at least we convince ourselves it doesn't.

However, at what stage does what we refer to as a hobby, become compulsive sexual behaviour?

Is it when  we reach a stage where we feel it's having a far greater impact on our finances, work, relationships etc, than maybe we anticipated and we have difficulty in maintaining control?
Is it when we use punting as an escape from other problems such as loneliness, depression, anxiety or stress?

My old Aunty Nell used to say " Enjoy everything in moderation Sonny Jim",  and "A little bit of what you fancy does you good!"
Old Earnest from next door used to drop in occasionally to slip her a goldfish, so she should know.

Sex is like whiskey..... It's a good servant but a bad master!.

[GoodLookinGuy]

To be fair to the OP, this subject comes up from time to time on punting forums.

I recall the old NW site having a section at the top of the main board about sex addiction, that had been left to run, and it ended up with pages of posts from  punters who confessed to having problems giving up their behaviour even though they felt it was impacting negatively on their home life, work, relationships and finances.

Addiction or not, I think we'd be naive to believe there aren't punters, including guys on here, who genuinely feel their punting may be at least verging on becoming compulsive, out of control and possibly destructive.

Probably most of us don't feel that applies to us, or at least we convince ourselves it doesn't.

However, at what stage does what we refer to as a hobby, become compulsive sexual behaviour?

Is it when  we reach a stage where we feel it's having a far greater impact on our finances, work, relationships etc, than maybe we anticipated and we have difficulty in maintaining control?
Is it when we use punting as an escape from other problems such as loneliness, depression, anxiety or stress?

My old Aunty Nell used to say " Enjoy everything in moderation Sonny Jim",  and "A little bit of what you fancy does you good!"
Old Earnest from next door used to drop in occasionally to slip her a goldfish, so she should know.

Sex is like whiskey..... It's a good servant but a bad master!.

I guess it's a problem when, like the OP says about wanting to stop but can't. If deep down you want to stop but can't then I guess it's more like the junkie getting a fix.

Most people on this board, I get the sense see it as a hobby and are comfortable doing it. However as with a pub full of people, most will be social drinkers without a problem, but there will be a handful of alcoholics that need alcohol to function or to fulful the need to get away from their everyday lives.

[Cheshuk]

That's not to say that there isn't a thriving industry dedicated to the treatment of "sex addiction" because there is, populated by expensive self ordained specialists operating out of plush facilities dedicated to the treatment of not only the addicts, but for an extra income stream, their non-addicted partners and dependants as well. I once heard a talk by an acolyte of the aforementioned Patrick Carnes, whilst it was very profound the only thing that sticks in my mind is that his name was Randy.

see reply 44 

[HappyShopper82]

There are so many variables. I for one would never punt if in a relationship. Given that modern dating is seemingly in the sewer, largely thanks to female empowerment, swipe apps, and the women can have it all mentality for many men even getting a date, let alone a relationship is out of reach. I'm not Brad Pitt but a safe 7/10 yet all I get is munters approaching me. So for me personally I see Escorts as a nice meal out without all the pleasantries and f*cking about paying for her food etc.

[cunningman]

So for me personally I see Escorts as a nice meal out without all the pleasantries and f*cking about paying for her food etc.

When you go on a date, is it because you want to chat and maybe flirt with a new friend, or maneuver for a fuck?

[Colston36]

Thanks for the balanced response, it was what I was hoping for when I asked the question to chat to similar open minded people who reflect, but in hindsight that was naive lol.

I agree on the high chasing, but we all go through with punts that we know we shouldn’t, or have punted when in a relationship risking transferring a STD that condoms don't as effectively block or cannot be easily tested for, like HPV. I’ve taken that risk, so not trying to shame, but it is very selfish behaviour if you take a step back and then you ask why would I do that? It doesn’t sit well with my moral compass but yet I still do it. Or when you’re struggling financially and still punt more than you can reasonably afford too.

I think it’s helpful to at least ask yourself the questions.

I fear anyone who talks about their moral compass will find it maroons them up their own arse pretty quickly.

[blubandy]

One thing I find interesting is the amount of people that feel the need to “attack” threads like this, as always with a General Discussion forum, if you’re not interested in the subject matter then don’t click on it, but yet many do and proceed to ridicule or attack the subject. There is likely a reason there, something triggered.

For those mentioning moral compass and my “struggles”, yes I have struggled with that. It’s mainly around things like HPV, which cannot be easily tested for in men, and condoms don’t reliably protect against, but is heavily linked to cervical cancer in women. So when I have punted when in a relationship in the past I knew deep down I was exposing my partner to a STD risk. And that bothered me, yet I still wanted the thrill and enjoyment punting. I only punt when single now, but it took a little while to get to what is obviously the right thing to do, longer than it should have.

[southcoastpunter]

So when I have punted when in a relationship in the past I knew deep down I was exposing my partner to a STD risk. And that bothered me, yet I still wanted the thrill and enjoyment punting. I only punt when single now, but it took a little while to get to what is obviously the right thing to do, longer than it should have.

so you never envisage having another (real life) relationship in the future? You will definitely be single forever? because if not, then you are exposing them to the same risks which is not "the right thing to do"

[Payyourwaymate]

One thing I find interesting is the amount of people that feel the need to “attack” threads like this, as always with a General Discussion forum, if you’re not interested in the subject matter then don’t click on it, but yet many do and proceed to ridicule or attack the subject. There is likely a reason there, something triggered.

For those mentioning moral compass and my “struggles”, yes I have struggled with that. It’s mainly around things like HPV, which cannot be easily tested for in men, and condoms don’t reliably protect against, but is heavily linked to cervical cancer in women. So when I have punted when in a relationship in the past I knew deep down I was exposing my partner to a STD risk. And that bothered me, yet I still wanted the thrill and enjoyment punting. I only punt when single now, but it took a little while to get to what is obviously the right thing to do, longer than it should have.

So I take it you just got out of an 8 year relationship then? Since March this year is your only and most recent review although being a member since 2015. I don't think you have anything to worry about you know  .

[blubandy]

so you never envisage having another (real life) relationship in the future? You will definitely be single forever? because if not, then you are exposing them to the same risks which is not "the right thing to do"

Do you mean by that I might be carrying HPV from previous exploits and not know it? Hence would carry that risk onto future partners

[daviemac]

One thing I find interesting is the amount of people that feel the need to “attack” threads like this, as always with a General Discussion forum, if you’re not interested in the subject matter then don’t click on it, but yet many do and proceed to ridicule or attack the subject. There is likely a reason there, something triggered.

Could be because you totally ignore genuine questions relating to the topic you are posting about, I asked this ↓ a few days ago but as yet you haven't responded.

What makes you think paying to partake in something you enjoy makes you an addict? I enjoy going for a drink but I'm not an alcoholic, I also like the occasional bet but I'm not addicted to gambling.   

Not much point to the thread if you can't say what has led you to the conclusion that paying for sex makes you an addict when paying for other pleasures in life doesn't mean you are additcted to them.

[blubandy]

Could be because you totally ignore genuine questions relating to the topic you are posting about, I asked this ↓ a few days ago but as yet you haven't responded.Not much point to the thread if you can't say what has led you to the conclusion that paying for sex makes you an addict when paying for other pleasures in life doesn't mean you are additcted to them.

Apologies I missed your question, and I feel I kind of touched on it in my posts. The definition of addiction I like best is from Gabor Mate: “any behaviour that a person craves, finds temporary relief or pleasure in but suffers negative result of, and yet has difficulty giving up”.

Therefore paying for sex doesn’t make you an addict. However one example is punting destroying a marriage, that person saying they’ll never punt again, but then find themselves doing it again within a few months is. Another example is being in a relationship and getting a STD scare whilst punting, and resolving to quit through the guilt that you could have passed it on to your partner but then find yourself punting again. A final example would be that month or month you struggle to live financially, and you know that dropping punting would make your financial situation better but you find yourself still punting.

It’s a slow process, and it’s more above addictive behaviour than being an addict per se, which people relate hardcore addictions like crack.

[Jonestown]

One thing I find interesting is the amount of people that feel the need to “attack” threads like this,

If you want to have a serious discussion on here you need to first establish yourself as a serious punter, not a journalist, thesis writing student or general purpose all round twat.

[WelshClipper]

Just a casual observation. I don’t think the OP can complain too much about the responses he has received on here.
There is no real attacking, just probing as to the circumstances of the inquiry.

My own view is this has been a very journalistic type inquiry.

The board was rife with them eight years ago. We used to get questions like “How do you feel about older men paying for sex with younger women” 

The OP ought to be grateful he’s got off lightly. He would have been ripped to shreds years ago. 

[willie loman]

When you go on a date, is it because you want to chat and maybe flirt with a new friend, or maneuver for a fuck?

most men see a date as a prelude to a fuck, women seem to view it as some sort of interview,