External Link/Members OnlySo this is is unquestionably the worst punt I've ever been on.
I was coming back from Walsall, felt in the mood and thought why not. Searched around, noticed her ad for Birmingham and fancied the idea of it, oral is a big selling point for me. She got back to me within 5 minutes, asked for what I wanted, I told her, she gave me a postcode for West Brom? I was nearer to West Brom anyway so I thought why question it.
Upon arriving at the postcode, I found out it was a massive open park. Using my dumb brain I thought surely she is staying in one of the surrounding houses nearby. I text her that I'm here and she suggested she sucks my dick in the park? At first I'm taken aback, but truthfully at this point I thought fuck it, I've drove all the way here and I may as well give it a go. So I pull into the park and we meet by the lake. Turns out she's from London, is staying in Birmingham, took the bus with her dog to get way out of birmingham just to take it for a walk.
First few red flags, avoiding the obvious one of her wanting to do it in the park. Her dog starts nipping at me whilst we're walking around looking for somewhere to go, like jumping up to my arm and biting me to be fair. Another massive red flag is that she called it 'Versace', you know, like the fucking fashion brand.
She had massive balloon lips full of botox which are way more severe than her profile lets off, doesn't listen whatsoever when you're talking to her almost like her head is on its own path and she's decided what you're going to say. Like talking to herself constantly. Air head basically.
So after 20 minutes of walking around the park, I conclude this is a no go and I'm ready to leave. There's absolutely no spots and I'm getting a bit irritated. I knew I had to go into the centre afterwards so I thought I'd just find someone there.
This is where I should have walked.
She suggested I give her a lift back, now it's a freezing cold day and I'm not a horrible guy, she had explained her terrible bus experiences with her dog and how she had problems getting on and off the busses with her change (Honestly not even sure what she meant). So I offered her and her unneutered hyperactive dog a lift. 20 minutes later we're at the travelodge she's staying at and that's where the punt got underway.
Her attitude up to this point, although bizarre, wasn't a massive turn off. I could deal with it, and truthfully I found her body attractive and that's what it's all about to be fair. So we get up to the room, agree £150 for 30m. Now after I've paid I get told that we can't have sex. She says she's not showered and doesn't want to. Fortunately I only wanted oral, but this still for some people would be a bit shaky, she already took the cash. I take my clothes off (no help there, also no kissing) and go to sit on the edge of the bed. I immediately get shouted at, like not just "oh get up a second", no politeness to it at all. I get told to get my "bare bum" off her bed, and she puts down one of the travelodge towels down instead.
Now I should say, I'm extremely hygienic. I shower once, sometimes twice a day after the gym, and I'm not exactly hairy as fuck either, so this took me by surprise but I shrugged it off. I sit down on the white towel and she kneels down infront of me and starts going at it. This is the sloppiest but also most average bj I've ever had, and if I'm fair it was absolutely overkill. Within a minute everything was soaked, and it was starting to get uncomfortable. My asscrack felt like I had dipped it in pond water, and I was losing sensation in my dick entirely because of it. I've got quite a wide dick and her throat felt like the eurotunnel. About 10 minutes later I was getting close, exclaimed this, she did a different technique with 2 hands which truthfully had deflated the edge I was on entirely.
So I could feel sap rising, and precum followed. I'm 29 with no problems down there, absolutely knew I hadn't finished and thought well not long and I'll be back there. She was using her hands still at this point so I asked if she could suck it again.
Now this is where shit gets crazy.
She said "No, you've already cum, I can see stuff coming out of your dick and you need to wash it if you want me to go again".
I say "It's just precum, I haven't cum yet"
Now bear in mind I'm being pretty jovial and polite, and kept that energy throughout the entire punt. I'm a no drama kind of guy, everything is banter and laughs.
I got screamed at for this, I don't just mean it in a dramatic sense, I mean it literally.
"It's cum, babe, it's still fucking cum, it's in the fucking word, pre CUM, are you stupid? I don't put cum down my throat, ever, I cant, no cum in my throat at all, do not question me and stop fucking arguing with me okay? I know how to do my job"
I hadn't done squat to deserve this at all, and visibly I was absolutely put off. My dick went down to the size of a button mushroom as I walked to the bathroom and washed off. I thought, I've paid now, may as well see where this shit show goes.
I'm quite empathetic to be fair, judge as you please, but the man downstairs had decided he was done with this punt. 5 minutes of shit attempts later and some of the worst cock handling I've ever seen in my life, he wasn't budging. I said to her "Sorry, but that whole thing you just did has completely put me off, I'll get dressed"
She begins to yell at me again "That's not my fucking problem is it, you can either get dressed or have the remaining 5 minutes of service" (I had about 10-15 minutes left).
I opted for getting dressed.
I say "Don't worry about it, I'll get dressed. Did I do something?"
She says "No, but if you're going to get dressed just get out"
I say "Well at this point I'm just concerned, I don't think I deserve how you're talking to me. Do you talk to other clients like this?
She says "We're not doing this love, no fucking small talk"
So now my head is fully out of it, and I'm just trying to press the edges. 2 minutes of silence whilst I get dressed and respect the memory of what could have been a punt
I then decide to be cheeky.
"Anything else planned for your day? Didn't catch your name by the way"
Not my brightest idea
"WE'RE NOT FUCKING DOING THIS FUCKING SMALL TALK, OUT"
I wish her a lovely day, I get a lovely "fuck off" back.
I think what annoyed her more is my attitude throughout. Never stopped being polite and smiling for the most part, kept a chipper mood and this seemed to just ramp her up. To be fair in the last few minutes, I spotted it and thought I'll just kill her mood with kindness.
This has to be the biggest negative and biggest waste of money I've ever spent. The girl is clinically insane. Was telling me in the car about how she had found Jesus this year. I don't know if she found him during an overdose but it's likely the only conclusion I've been able to draw from it.
I should note, driving her home I made a couple cheeky comments that seemed to be well received about how I should get a tenner off for being her taxi driver, and she said "full rates babe".
Do not see, under any circumstances.
