CFNM = Clothed Female, Naked Male* Can’t find a current link, this is the contact no.on shop front : 07729 241081*In Wolves recently,had seen intel about this gaff.Swollen + throbbing balls nestling uncomfortably in my kecks,sauntered over to have them drained off…….
Comms : Did a sly walk-past,photoed the shop front,rang the number.Received generic text detailing the address,texted back I wanted to come in X minutes .All seemed ok,but door not opened when I arrived later + chimed.Same text pinged back when I explained the issue.And after several aborted entry attempts (see below).Overall : not good.
Location ? Opposite the Corals on Princess St,next to a small African shop.You’re easily spotted from the eatery next to Corals, and there is some pedestrian traffic.Mission scuppered several times as when I buzzed,door wasn’t opened promptly + there was a guy on his phone across the road watching me keenly. Nosy Bar Steward
! Texted them after every attempt to explain,handler was clueless ,just re-sent me the info
.A real pain.Eventually snuck in after Mr.Punter Watcher vamoosed + I chanced it for the umpteenth time.
Inside : Surprised by its weeny size.A couple of square metres foyer,then into a single room with table. Loo + shower at rear, and a CCTV screen.That was it.Basically a massage bedsit.
Price ? 30 half hr RUB +
20 TUG =
50 Appearance + Stats : Tight black dress : 50s : 5’3” : Dumpy : bumpy : frumpy body form.Like a potato in a cupboard that’s long sailed past its use-by-date and has started to grow
.A few sprouts/bulges hither + thither.
Only remotely positive feature body-wise was a partly-decent (by Chinese standards) cleavage on show
No further intel , remained clothed (as per title)
Face : Painfully average.Had a Rice Krispie wart on corner of right eye.
Personality : Vocab probably < 10 English words.Severe language barrier.Quiet.
The Punt Eventually got in,sealed the initial part of the deal,stripped + onto her workbench.Must warn that it’s pretty wibbly wobbly during a vigorous pummel,those who get motion sickness beware !
Delivered an unremarkable oily massage to the top half ,the bulk of which consisted of repetitive, punishingly hard palm + knuckle presses on the nape of my neck + down my spine.Birmingham Orthopaedic Hospital had a field day diagnosing my injuries after this….fracture to C1 vertebra,displaced discs in the lumbar region,neck trauma…..Ha ha.
Her work on the bottom half was minimally sensual . Jealously sparing finger trips into my bum crack, and my vegetable patch was a no-go zone .Reach-unders + ballbag scrapes were both AWOL.
Wasn’t enjoying it as the massage wasn’t titillating : her manner wasn’t exactly upbeat : wasn’t attracted to her : and, the language abyss meant nada convo/banter.Seriously thought about keeping my powder dry,seeing the massage thru, + scuttling off to one of the King : Worcester : or Salop Street shops to lob my beans . CBA in the end.
I pursued extras halfway thru , miming skills coming in handy. Passed on the B2B without enquiring about it as her bod wasn’t exactly enticing + suspected it might end up with me paying maybe 30/40 just for a dress + knicker drop . After some back + forth gestures - Wank 20,Blow 10.Weird,as I thought it should be the other way round as a minimum
. Plumped for the HE as I cynically suspected she might magic up a food bag in which to pack my meat if I chose a BJ . Bagged oral does nowt for me.
Turnover ,piston liberally oiled up,started cracking me off .This was lamentably bland…..like watching oil-based paint dry…in the Arctic….yawn. A Tug - of - Bore,not Tug - of - War . Signalled to her to fiddle + diddle my balls (done OK) + ringpiece as she stroked away.Soon,felt a searing pain as she tried to force a finger into my reluctant bunghole
.My sharp werewolf howl said it all,and she stopped pronto.Easy does it, me ol’ China (literal + metaphorical).You’re not Dr.Pak My Poo conducting a prostate examination ! Behave !
Now I know how King Edward II,who allegedly had a red hot poker stuck up his bum, felt .
Eventually fired my gunk.Gently cleaned me off - a nice touch.Dressed, + out into the (thankfully) deserted street.
Summary : An experience drawn straight from the neutral shades of the Dulux Paints colour palette.Didn’t do much disastrously wrong/badly,apart from attempting to give me my first (unwelcome) pegging experience with her finger. Ouch. Something lost in translation,perhaps ?
But,no aspect of the punt left me feeling even 1% elated or impressed.
The girl just wasn’t very skilled at her job.
May be wrong regarding my assumptions about the course of a potential B2B or BJ that I didn’t partake in,but just didn’t feel a good vibe + the extras would’ve totted up,especially over a short half hr with a lady that held zilch appeal to me.
Wouldn’t see her again,but may return to sample another girl in future.We all know about the 1 or 2 week revolving doors at these joints.A bit like Tottenham or Chelsea managers….sorry.
Grey , as the punt dredged the sludge from my balls for what would probably be a consensus price.
Cheers,LM 
