External Link/Members OnlyWhen: Yesterday
Where: Holdenhurst Road, Bournemouth
Why: Curiousity
Comms: Good via text messages
Cost: £110
Having lost my regular goto girl Ria at Chana, I thought I'd go take a punt with her replacement Katie. Booked a 1 hour appointment the day before, which was confirmed by return text from Katie. Arrived at the allotted time to be greeted by Katie. A short, slim, smiley lady well in her 40s, possibly early 50s. Very attractive. Wearing tight black leggings and a tighter t-shirt which looked like it was almost ready to give up the fight to contain a pair of huge tits. Katie ushered me into the room with the wide massage table. "Ow lon you wan stay?" Hmm, so much for the 1 hour booking confirmation the day before
I said one hour please. "Feefty pown". At which point I decided to be upfront and asked how much more for her to get naked and have some oily body to body fun. "Wa you meen fun? I don do zeks." I confirmed I wasn't there for FS but wanted some naughty fun. "Okay dahleeng, seexty pown." Deal done and she left the room as I stripped for service.
A couple of minutes later she's back... "U okay dahleeng? You appee?" Yes, I'm okay and happy. At which point she's straight into massaging my shoulders and back without asking how I prefer it. Now, Katie is a damn good masseuse and has clearly been trained professionally. The massage was firm without being painful. Perfect. I attempted to strike up a conversation every now and then, but her grip of English is 'patchy' to say the least. Quite surprising, since she's been here for 10 years apparently. So there were periods of giggly babble which I struggled to understand, apart from the all too frequent... "U appee dahleeng?" which began to irritate. Plenty of CC swipes and ball tickling throughout the massage.
Exactly on the half hour I was invited to turn over. Katie, still fully dressed, began to perform a weird gyratory dance while holding her tits and looking at herself in the mirror. "Oooo, ee a big boy now" she said, glancing at the rampant hard on. "Ee appee?" (Jeez
) Then she said something incomprehensible and commenced to strip down to a pretty red and black bra and black lacy knickers. Nice. The weird dancing continued but now she accompanies this with wailing in Thai along with the background music "Eees poplaa in tyrand" as she releases the aforementioned tits from the straining restrictions of the overworked bra, revealing HUGE bolt-ons! So massive that they border on ridiculous. There in front of me is a tiny lady with a typical small Thai arse, skinny legs with out of proportion massive tits.
After more dancing and singing, the knickers hit the floor and she moves to stand at the side of the table slapping oil over cock and balls. Then off she goes with jack hammer wanking. I didn't want to cum too soon, so asked her to slow down a bit. "Let it go dahleeng, make u appee!" I reached up to gently play with her nipples in the vain hope this might slow her down a bit and think about having a bit of fun together. Not a chance, "Don pull nipple" (I wasn't) "no to nipple, just one". What! "Don squeeze!" Jesus!!
I moved my hand to her pussy... dry as a bone. I asked her to direct some of the oil she was continuing to drown my dick with to my hand. "Wat 4?" Because I want to smooth your pussy and play with your clit. "NO INSIDE!" She complied and faked arousal, all the while wanking me furiously and staring in the mirror. At this point I'm getting slightly pissed off and attempted to assist her up onto the table for the agreed b2b and perhaps RO. "No! Neks time" WTF!!! At this rate 'dahleeng' there ain't going to be a next time. So I let go the load, got cleaned up accompanied by more unrecognisable babble, got dressed and bid my farewell. "U com bak c me agenn?" Yeah, right
45 minutes after arrival I was walking back to my car feeling cheated and short-changed. Will I go back? No way.
This review bordered on a Negative but because the massage was so good it deserves a Neutral. So guys, if you want a decent massage and a wank, go and see Katie. However, if you want more, don't bother. Oh how I miss Ria
April has also left Chana btw.
