I have eclectic tastes in my lady choices for escort/massage frolicking.If there was such a thing as an Escort Buffet,I’d pick up most offerings to put on my plate.A smorgasbord punter,me.
Ali B’s recent review -
- put me on Alt Girl alert.However,had a mega blow out punt with one of these maidens last year . So,without torpedoing the ol’ bank account below the waterline, could the car boot sale Escort Agency - Lush - help me have a better experience this time around ?
External Link/Members OnlyComms : Simples .Got on the dog’n’bone to my man Sergei to book (no Bromance here,honest! ).Usual confirmation call to him when I was loitering nearby in my dirty raincoat + faded Trilby hat,looking all innocent.
Premises ? My debut at this flat.5 - 7mins walk from Digbeth Coach Station.Close to the bigger block they also use.Confusing : the even-numbered buildings are on both sides of the road ! Alexa descended to fetch me.
Basic gaff .
AND,the usual cheapskate f*ckery. Lush must have a copyright on shit facilities.Shower was cold AF . FFS,we’re talking people about to engage in intimate sexual acts here…where’s the hygiene ?
AND, its glacial temperature probably scuppered my punt. Listen,Lush people. SEE IT : SAY IT : SORT IT. Rant over…..
Cost ? £60 for 30 General Appearance : Alt / Eco Warrior / Pagan look.Has Swampy got a younger sister ?
Could imagine her cavorting in Stonehenge Druid ceremonies
Perhaps slightly north of claimed age of 34. 36-40 ?
Lush say 5’1” - I say 5’3”
Carpeted with Occult/Satanic/Wicca/Celtic tatts
Lawnmowered downstairs
Black top + skirt + thong
Face : It’s her in the pic…but, has made the metal dealer her best pal since then… far more facial piercings now. Long black dreadlocks : blue fringe on right of her temple : green on left.Not a bad looking girl IMO.
Figure : It’s her body in the pics - some key tatts match up.She’s added to her skin murals since then.
Photos depict a lean/borderline svelte figure.Not reflective.Significantly bigger-boned/stouter IRL . Bigger body,but not exactly a chubster oozing lard - maybe size 12? Decent handful of 30 D tits, with nipple bars.Plump ass .Coconut crusher thighs + proper rugby player calves.Could provide some serious oomph in a scrum’s front row.She’s a hooker,after all…..
Personality : Friendly + enthusiastic when she settled.Needs nudging along - submissive. Sporadic,faint N.Irish accent.
The Punt When I first saw her,I was like “Hmmmmm”.Didn’t expect her to be quite as thick set as she was.Anyways,we bounded up the stairs,dropped her the dollars inside.
Jogged into the bathroom with my little fella not exactly hard,but reasonably perky + ready to play.Stoked up the shower + a liquid nitrogen blast nearly turned me into one of the frozen creatures in Narnia
.Turn of the dial to the right? Didn’t work.This way left? No way,Jose! Eventually gave up …a feckin’ warm shower wasn’t on the horizon
….I’m sure the nozzle laughed at me ….but,with Churchillian spirit,pushed forward + scrubbed my goolies.
The trouble with this cold spray was ……Phut ! Mini-LM was rapidly turned from a semi-live wire into an electrically dead cable.It blew his erection fuses.In fact,he started a tactical retreat into the warmer climes of my pubis.A bit like slowly reeling in a circular cable lead…..just what I needed….NOT. Sometimes have issues getting him up ,but I was now swimming against the tide…..
Into room,got touchy-feely with Alexa.Cupped her handful-sized puppies from behind,twiddled with her nips.They were like mini 2-bladed propellers with those bar piercings.Some girls with nipple metal don’t allow fiddling -”sensitive”- but she was chilled about it.No stirrings from downstairs yet ( damn you + your cold showers,Lush).So, asked her to work on my ice block - sorry,cock.
Lay down + Alexa blew some wind into the little fella’s sails with some pretty good,spirited oral work.Not DT ,but ate as much as she could,varying the depth + rhythm.Also, utterly drowned the todger in gob juice while sucking.Dribbled + spat gallons on him.More drooling than a rabid dog.Nice. Also gave quite a few sexually wicked stares that bore into my eyes when I signalled my enjoyment,and herself let rip with occasional squeals + groans.Nicely smutty PSE phase ! However,still wasn’t rock hard….
Shagging time.Had obviously clocked her big ass,so piping her in doggy was a given.Prepared for this by rolling on the latex bladder ,but the elephant in the room that I’d so feared started trumpeting.My chopper had been bowled a bouncer + had hence started off on the back foot cos of that cold shower - he was still feeling the after effects,even after that good blowie.When the ‘dom went on….within a short time,shrink-wrapped soggy sausage from Lilliput would just about describe the sight.Tried to ease into her several times,to no avail.Was hardly solid enough to even split her pussy lips.
Yeesh…more maddening than the Krankies….Ant and Dec….or the Baby Shark song.Pulled the jacket off + Alexa resumed her good oral efforts.This time round,asked her to stir some ballsucking into her oral cauldron as well.Bollox treated to a proper sucking,spit ‘n’polishing + had a nice sheen after.Great job feeding on them + didn’t let up.
Her 5 minute alarm punctuated our frolics.Luckily, I was loaded + nearly ready to fire anyway.My hand took over,propelling me to the cusp of ejaculation.She gaped her jaws,and Pop Went The Weasel.An open mouth, dribbling “CIM”.
Must state that there was no kissing,not bothered about it for this meet.
Alexa was considerate with the clean off.I don’t outstay my welcome ,so some interesting after chat while dressing + left without showering.Gathered she worked for Lush many years ago.
Caution - made my way down with her brief directions,but took a wrong turn + spent the next few mins wandering inside like the world’s biggest lemon.Eventually found a route out into the back courtyard + then towards the front.Not ideal if residents start quizzing you….
Summary :Some facets of the meet were varying degrees of scarlet :
A) Major red - freezing shower withered Mini-Me + just downright discourages good hygiene
B ) Medium red - inaccurate pics regarding her current build.Got some idea of this from Ali’s review, but didn’t anticipate such a big disparity
C) Minor red - not what I consider a proper CIMWhen the dust settled,LM the Assistant Referee could’ve flagged this offside of a green - a neutral. But, after consulting my punting VAR, have brandished a weak positive card.A pistachio shade of green,not a deep emerald one.
Why ? Cos of her friendly attitude : enthusiasm : deep industry throughout : her v.good sloppy cock + ball sucking , which I really enjoyed : her after care : got the full time : and ,a cheap punt.As always,reviews are slaves to subjectivity + others may’ve daubed the meet grey or even red.
Cheers.
LM 