Does one
never learn?
For various reasons, I was feeling a bit fed up this afternoon – although not half as fed up as I felt an hour or so later – and for the first time for years I decided to take a trip up Viva Street.
Yes, I know.
But Adult Work is a desert – and in Leigh Park / Havant, which is just up the road from me, VS is currently offering a choice of seven
putains. (Although I think there is probably some duplication. See below.)
Anyway, here’s where I ended up:
External Link/Members OnlyCurrently she is Vannessa (sic). Formerly, as the link demonstrates, Viviana.
£70 for half-an-hour.
The
putain in the photos looks a bit of an Amazon, you might argue, but is not devoid of features of interest.
Now, this being Viva Street, I obviously anticipated the strong possibility of a bait-and-switch.
However, in order to walk, one has to be psychologically primed at just the right moment. In other words, one needs – at the very second the door opens – to be repeating to oneself, “Be ready to bail out.”
But I’d taken my eye off the ball, partly because finding the flat – which was above the shops in Leigh Park shopping centre – had been something of a palaver.
Also the
putain who opened the door was initially friendly and welcoming – and, in the first moment, there was enough of a resemblance for me to conclude it might have been the
putain in the photos, although half a dozen years and a lot of Chicken McNuggets and Flake McFlurries later.
I didn’t expect her to be Spanish, as declared on the profile, and she certainly wasn’t. Almost certainly Romanian. Needless to say.
Anyway, she was 30-ish. Not hideous, but not in the least shapely, and twice the size of the
putain in the photos.
Now the point about most Romanians is of course that they have zero expectation of repeat business. A
putain like this knows that no punter will ever return because (a) she’s not a looker and (b) the service will be awful.
And the service being awful is therefore, in a circular kind of way, already embedded into the contract.
So once she’s got you through the door, her work is done. She’s achieved everything she wanted. She has no reason even to attempt to deliver on the priorities of the British punter (to adapt Boris Johnson’s much-used turn of phrase).
And of course she didn’t.
I’m afraid I’m going to draw a veil over the details. You won’t go wrong if you mentally copy and paste in all the standard stuff from the worst Romanian reviews. I will have done my service to humanity if I simply say that it was awful from start to finish – a horror show – and advise even those of an insensitive disposition to steer well clear.
Vannessa’s flatmate, whom I saw very briefly before I left, is presumably this
putain, since the two profiles share the same phone number:
External Link/Members OnlyAgain the resemblance of the
putain I glimpsed in the flat to the
putain in the photos is at best cursory.
I suspect that these two profiles (which also share a number, though not the same number as is shared by the first two profiles) will also probably deliver up the same two
putains:
External Link/Members OnlyExternal Link/Members OnlyIndeed the photos on the second pair of profiles resemble those on the first pair.
You have been warned.
