Hi everyone, this is my first time starting a discussion topic and I hope I have posted in the right place. I don’t think this topic has been posted anywhere on the forum.
Having read the discussion topics on here asking why did people start this hobby, a common reason seems to be having no luck with civvies / having had enough of chasing a lost cause. It got me thinking…to what extent have you chased after civvies/been played by civvies? Did you do anything ridiculous trying to chase them? When did you realise chasing after that specific civvie was pointless? What was the damage (emotional and financial)? What did you learn?
Hopefully we can all learn from each other’s experiences. Generally I have had ok success on the civvies front. However, two girls from a couple of years ago (within a short space of each other) knocked my confidence completely. I think my experiences are fairly ordinary for blokes chasing, but to start off this discussion:
Girl A: I met her at a female friend’s party. We hung out loads afterwards, spoke daily on the phone and I also helped her out with loads of stuff (like moving house, giving her career tips as we were in the same industry etc). She was also into her social media- you know, the type who posts their ‘inspirational quotes’ with a stunning photo of themselves regularly in an attempt to get more likes. It was obvious that I was chasing and from the outset her response was, ‘yeah we will see where this goes’. In the 3 months or so that I chased, she would say things like, ‘you would make a great boyfriend you know? You are so kind, attentive’ on a regular basis. When I did suggest we should get together, she said, ‘you are putting pressure on me...why are all you guys the same?’ WTF? Obviously I was taken aback by this and decided to cut my losses- having reflected on this, I think she was one of those girls who liked male attention and knew she could call on Male 1 to do X for her, Male 2 to do Y for her etc. She was not promiscuous (mutual friend who was good mates with her said this) but had that side to her that would be able to attract a lot of male attention. The net financial loss was probably £200 (food and drinks, travel, going out).
Girl B: I cannot remember where I met her but she was not from the UK. She was from a moderately conservative country. I introduced her to various British things (to help her ease into life in the UK). Each time she wanted help or to hang out, I would drop all my stuff to be with her. Also, on two occasions she asked to borrow money. On both occasions, I lent it without hesitation and to be fair to her, she paid me back within 3 days on both occasions. We would hold hands and kiss when we were out. She was a bit ditzy (such as leaving phones on trains etc). Throughout my time chasing, I dropped hints and after about 4 or 5 months, I plucked up the courage. She replied, ‘oh really? But I don’t want to date anyone at this stage of my life’. The net financial loss was probably around £300 (food and drinks, travel, going out).
Both experiences knocked my confidence a lot at the time especially as I think I was 'led on' slightly both times. I recovered after a few weeks on both occasions and luckily there was no major financial damage. From both experiences, I learnt to focus on myself more and to not chase after a few weeks (or 3 dates). I also learnt to use my time to research into this hobby and to save up for it!
JD
