Sergie fucks up again or very demanding girl.

[S.X. MacHine]

Another oldie:-

There was once a man from Madras
Whose bollocks were made out of brass;
When he ran in hot weather
His balls clanged together
And lightening came out of his ass.

There once was a monk from Nepal,
Who had a triangular ball.
It’s molecular weight
Times the square root of eight,
Equalled the sum of fuck all.

[Students Notebook]

There once was a monk from Nepal,
Who had a triangular ball.
It’s molecular weight
Times the square root of eight,
Equalled the sum of fuck all.

There was a young man from Belgrave
Who fucked a dead whore in a cave
He said "I'll admit I'm a bit of a shit"
"But think of the money I save"

 

[WASA38]

We seem to have off piste. However,

A pretty young girl from Cape Cod
Thought her kid was the offspring of God
But it weren't the Almighty that lifted her nighty
'Twas Roger the lodger, the sod.

(Have edited this cos' I've noted that I'm not the only one here who likes limericks to scan. )

[Happylad]

There was a young man from Cape Horn
Who wished he had never been born;
He wouldn`t have been
If his father had seen
The condom he used was torn.

Sorry! Back to my school days again.

[Charlie Chalk]

Full marks for at least getting that right, although I must confess to some surprise that boys were still singing it 10 years or more after his death.  Do you remember the complete verse?
 "Hitler has only got one ball.
  Goring has two but both are small
  Himmler`s are very similar
  And Goebells are no balls at all"

It was our marching song in the School JTC when I was 15 as we trained for the call-up that fortunately was forestalled by VE Day

There seems to be a few versions of this knocking about. The version from my school (early 80’s) is:

Hitler has only got 1 ball
The other is in the Albert Hall
His mother, the dirty bugger
She farted when he was born

Oh, the hilarity!

[WASA38]

There seems to be a few versions of this knocking about. The version from my school (early 80’s) is:

Hitler has only got 1 ball
The other is in the Albert Hall
His mother, the dirty bugger
She farted when he was born

Oh, the hilarity!

Neither rhymes nor scans and makes no sense. The passage of 30years didn't accomplish much.

[Happylad]

Neither rhymes nor scans and makes no sense. The passage of 30years didn't accomplish much.

Simple explanation is that with every generation the original version has become slightly corrupted - usually because someone forgot the words
Remember that old party game where a phrase is passes along the line? It starts off as something like "I told the doctor I`d got a pain in my ear" and finishes up as "I told the docker to top up a pail with beer"

We get the same problem when someone decides to modernise Shakespeare and turns it into a meaningless shambles

[winkywanky]

True, but there's never an excuse to mess up the cadence, rhyme and rhythm, that's just criminal (and lazy).

It's just like the people that write of instead of 've, why should we let them rewrite history?

[Happylad]

I`m afraid that we have to put this down to the general lowering of educational standards, and, as I`ve known many schoolteachers who were guilty of similar transgressions, particularly of the multiple uses of the apostrophe and the difference between an adjective and an adverb, it`s sometimes a case of The Blind Leading The Blind.

Added to which teachers no longer have the means or ability to enforce their authority by use of a bit of corporal punishment.  I well remember, on the first day of the School Certificate year in 1944, our Classics Master informing us "You`re all going to make me proud of you in the School Certificate exams, and if I can`t drill it into your thick skulls the easy way I`ll hammer it in the other end (produces size 12 gym shoe) with this" - and most of us felt the latter several times, but nobody failed the exam and most got either a credit or a distinction.

I`ve known two young SPs, each with a perfectly genuine 2:2 University degree, neither of whom was capable of presenting a grammatically correct sentence of more than half a dozen words, and whose profiles on AW provided more than  adequate proof of this.  I think the degree requirement these days is something like:-
First -    You really know the subject and can convey this in grammatically written English.
Upper Second - You appear to have a good knowledge of the subject and it`s a pity you couldn`t express it more coherently in decent English.
Lower Second - Well, you spelled your name correctly and answered all of the questions in some fashion
Third - You spelled your name correctly and you wrote something in reply to each question.

[paper7]

I`m afraid that we have to put this down to the general lowering of educational standards, and, as I`ve known many schoolteachers who were guilty of similar transgressions, particularly of the multiple uses of the apostrophe and the difference between an adjective and an adverb, it`s sometimes a case of The Blind Leading The Blind.

Added to which teachers no longer have the means or ability to enforce their authority by use of a bit of corporal punishment.  I well remember, on the first day of the School Certificate year in 1944, our Classics Master informing us "You`re all going to make me proud of you in the School Certificate exams, and if I can`t drill it into your thick skulls the easy way I`ll hammer it in the other end (produces size 12 gym shoe) with this" - and most of us felt the latter several times, but nobody failed the exam and most got either a credit or a distinction.

I`ve known two young SPs, each with a perfectly genuine 2:2 University degree, neither of whom was capable of presenting a grammatically correct sentence of more than half a dozen words, and whose profiles on AW provided more than  adequate proof of this.  I think the degree requirement these days is something like:-
First -    You really know the subject and can convey this in grammatically written English.
Upper Second - You appear to have a good knowledge of the subject and it`s a pity you couldn`t express it more coherently in decent English.
Lower Second - Well, you spelled your name correctly and answered all of the questions in some fashion
Third - You spelled your name correctly and you wrote something in reply to each question.

You, sir, are spot on!

[winkywanky]

I have to say HL, I agree with all of that, apart from the corporal punishment bit  .

I went to a local Comprehensive and I did OK, and I felt proud to learn about and to know my mother tongue. No one seems to give a shit now. We had teachers who cared, they knew their subject (at least, most of them) and they weren't afraid to tell you when you got it wrong, and if you kept getting it wrong they kept telling you.

That's how I learnt the difference between there, their and they're (and many other things). It took some time to get it in my thick skull, but they persevered and I wanted to get it right.

And now I'm on UKP and I still get the occasional thing wrong but normally Rochelle is right behind me and putting me right  . I think she's on holiday at the moment, I await her return with some anticipation  .

But of and 've...FFS  .

Could of

Verb conjugations for of:

Present: I of, you of, he of, we of, they of.

Past: I ofed, you ofed, he ofed, we ofed, they ofed.

etc, etc.

Actually it's quite growing on me, it's very simple  .

[Private Parts]

Amo Amas Amat.
Of/have. Base error
PP

[winkywanky]

I could've had = I could of ofed

[freeze44]

Back on topic,,,,

Welcome to hell! Who wants to be owned?  Talk about demanding and a scammer!! 

External Link/Members Only or External Link/Members Only

[Colston36]

The newspaper 'The Sun' and the word 'Quality' don't go together imho!

I once had lunch with the Sun editor who ran that line. Very funny man - especially about Rupert Murdoch.

[winkywanky]

I have an idea which one that is. Perhaps the one with the forename the same as the surname of a famous Scottish scientist?

What a shame he was just effectively doing what Murdoch told him then. He voss obeying orderss.

[freeze44]

For the grammar squad 

Dill dolls anyone?! 

External Link/Members Only or External Link/Members Only

[winkywanky]

Platinum blonde or blue rinse?

[freeze44]

Platinum blonde or blue rinse?

Yeah! This babe could be on a few threads! bingo wings galore in the pics! Poor duck been online for over 6 months but looks like no takers yet! The interview as well...fav colour....greeny 

[Happylad]

Yeah! This babe could be on a few threads! bingo wings galore in the pics! Poor duck been online for over 6 months but looks like no takers yet!

Well, who would want to admit they`d enjoyed spending their cash on THAT ?
There are limits!

[S.X. MacHine]

And before the conversation gets TOO intellectual, remember-

'Have you heard the sad tale of Lord Brockett
Who was caught in the blast of a rocket?
The force of the blast shot his balls up his arse
And his penis they found in his pocket.'

[Students Notebook]

This thread is completely off piste, however that's better than being pissed off ............so just one more from me.

There once was was a Bishop from Birmingham
Who buggered young boys while confirming 'um
To shrieks of applause
He pulled down their drawers
And pumped his episcopal sperm in 'um