Kinkymilfbbw - Stratford

[mistergourmet]

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This was one of those spur-of-the-moment punts when you've got the horn at home alone so you search the 'Available Today' girls in your chosen area and find a dirty girl to get you off. My first choice was Milf Eva who comes highly recommended, but she wasn't available and her phone gave off a foreign ring. So I looked for Plan B providing the same services (anal, rimming, OWO) and the only viable option was Kinkymilfbbw, allegedy a "horny Hungarian girl" of 34. I was apprehensive of the suspiciously cheap price (£80ph all-inclusive) but she was conveniently located and I fancied getting off quickly and affordably and she fitted the bill.

Fee: £60 for 30 mins

Venue: Big block of flats on the main road with entryphone and lift; flat was spacious and modern, bedroom was small and functional.

Comms: I made initial arrangements by phone to check services ("Yes baby, anal, rimming, all service, no extras" in broken English, with the voice of a chain-smoking middle-aged Eastern European) and text to arrange time. Her English is sketchy so after parking at the given postcode and calling for details, she kept asking me where I was and not understanding the answer; eventually I found the building by a process of elimination and she came down to stand outside and take me in.

Appearance: She is a middle-aged Eastern European woman with long peroxide hair, big tits and an orange all-over sunbed tan. She was wearing ripped black leggings, a kind of boob tube and pink lipstick. Strangely, she's not really a BBW, just a slightly out-of-shape MILF (or maybe GILF - she claims to be 34 but is probably mid-40s, maybe 50).

Encounter: Once in the bedroom I checked the services with her again and she repeated her mantra - "Yes baby, anal, rimming, all service, no extras" - and I handed over £60 for 30 minutes. She then took a shower (but didn't offer me one) and, upon emerging, asked me if I smoked (which I don't), sighed, and took off her knickers (which, for some reason, she had put back on for the 10-second walk from bathroom to bedroom).

After disrobing, I stood by the side of the bed while she lay on it and sucked me to hardness with more efficiency than enthusiasm, then she rolled over and lay down on her belly and suggested I give her a massage. I was surprised at this odd delaying tactic so I stroked her a bit before rolling her over to suck me again, then crouched down for the rimming. She first used a wet wipe to clean what was an already clean orifice (I had bathed before hand, but fair play to her checking for cleanliness) and performed some perfunctory probing with her tongue, which really wasn't worthwhile, and didn't even stimulate the perineum.

As soon as I turned back around she lay on her back with her legs apart, where a quick feel discovered a bone-dry orifice that could have easily accommodated my entire arm, and alarm bells rang as she asked, in what seemed a genuine inquiry: "You want condom?" She shrugged as I insisted on one and produced a black one with the thickness of PVC and asked me what position I wanted. I replied "Your bum" and she said: "No bum. No anal. No like."

So I'm sure some of you have been here before: you're at the very point of entry, so to speak, and you now realise you are not going to get what you wanted and paid for. But you are going to get SOMETHING, and you're horny, and there's a woman whose other orifices are available in front of you, and you know you could ask for your money back but you probably won't get it, which means you won't get ANYTHING you paid for, which would be even worse. So you go ahead. And I did. 

Her pussy was too wide, too dry, just too unappetising, and the condom was too thick to feel a thing, so off it came and I stuck my cock into her mouth again, and she eventually got it hard again, but her sucking had subsided so I was basically just thrusting it in and out and in order to come I had to resort to wanking over her face. To be fair, she didn't try to get out of the way or divert my aim towards her tits, but she did seem surprised when I spurted over her cheek and mouth.

Immediately she produced a box of wet wipes, helped herself to some and left the box on the bed for me to rummage in, before she announced: "Shower". "For me?" I asked, checking. "Me," she replied, heading back to the bathroom as I dressed. I glanced at my watch: I'd been there 15 minutes (which I could have got for £40, which would be about the right price for what I got).

Conclusion: It's a Negative because she confirmed the services requested - twice - and failed to deliver them.