External Link/Members OnlyThis was such a cock-awful experience that I had to fight myself not to write an immediate next day review.
However. I've waited, let my feelings about the punt sink in for a week and my conclusions are as follows:
A TRULY TERRIBLE EXPERIENCEOpinion is divided amongst UKP reviewers about this woman (and her AW feedback is clearly just a massive work of fiction), but UKP collected wisdom tends to suggest that if anyone with more than a few Negs in a 15+ review count is probably worth avoiding. This woman certainly is, but I risked £100 on half an hour alone with those boobs - no way was I about to spank £170 on such a rotten reputation.. Wish I hadn't seen her at all tho'....
As you all know that I ramble, here's the up-front summary:
Time/cost: 30 mins/£100
Extras on offer: CIM £50 - you have got to be kidding, right?
Services delivered: RO, Protected sex in just 1 position and she did her best to make this as awkward as possible
Venue: dark, dingy, collapsing bed, no soap, no towels, no oil
Ease of booking: Good. 7/10
Face: 6.5/10. Attractive enough but you wouldn't give her a second look in the street
Body: 9/10 Mega boobs, wonderful soft skin, a curvy size 10, nicely shaved/waxed, great legs too
Verdict: A sour and cynical clock-watcher who commands a ridiculous rate based purely on tittage and then totally fails to deliver VFM for it.
AvoidI was going to be in London, so I openend up my HL. I'd started my booking process with my main target at the weekend, but she blew me out me on Tuesday night for a Wednesday punt. Come Wednesday four of my top five are not working and the one who is, Cutest Lucy, is a) impossible to book same day and b) saved up for when I'm seriously flush. I should have kept my money in my pocket but no "Princess" Jazmine's light is on, so I drop her a text...
Comms very good. All by text. Postcode and door number provided and half hour GFE arranged.
When I get there it's a smartish looking mansion block behind Earl's Court Road. There's even a Maserati parked outside!
Buzzed in and descend into the bowels of the block to a......taaa-daaaa....dingy, pokey one room bedsit.
First impressions aren't great with the Princess either, who ducks out of the way of an attempted "hello" peck on the cheek. She's wearing her work underwear and a kimono but they are both failing to contain her mega boobs. She welcomes me with a laconic "it's a half hour isn't it?". The shower's in there."
SHIT PROSTITUTE ALERT: There is no soap or bodywash in there, no mouthwash and only one sopping towel. I ask for a dry towel which clearly annoys the Princess, who returns with a flannel sized cloth. Hmmmmmm.
Out of the shower and onto the bed. Which collapses. I shit you not. The fucking bed is matchwood all over the floor and I'm sat in the wreckage, naked and fat.
Normally this would be a golden moment, a real ice-breaker with hilarity all round and shared bonding over an awkward but funny situation. Not here; not now. Princess Jazmine stands over me fuming. "Why did you throw yourself on the bed like that? At your size, it's bound to break....". Charming. I've been dieting/exercising recently - I'm a modest 16.5 stone. The bed was just a shit bottom of the range IKEA slatted thingy.
Still naked, I carefully reassemble the bed and check my work (it's solid - it'll hold) whilst the Princess waits. I then gingerly get on t'other side of the bed and Princess Jazmine gets on to the dodgy side. It collapses again.
"Why did you throw yourself on the bed like that?" I say. "At your size, it's bound to break...." Princess Jazmine is not amused by this
AT ALL. (Personally I thought that it was fucking funny, but there you go
)
I suggest that we just chuck the mattress on the floor and go for it and I'll fix the bed fully clothed off the clock, but the Princess is having none of it. "It'll be fine" sez she. Lies....
At this point I should have said "Fuck this. I'm off" - after all, I haven't paid her yet.......
No. I solider on upon the broken bed, half of which is completely collapsed and half of which is still intact. It made the "punt" logistically very difficult indeed.
Princess Jazmine is justifiably proud of her chest. She's had a number of goes up until now at stuffing them in my face and now, to break the ice and with no thought of foreplay, subtlety or finesse dumps them out of her bra. "This is what you're here for" She knows her target audience this one.
I weigh them in my hands. They're heavy, really heavy and soft too. She's removed the barbell from the right nipple tho' which is s shame for me. Having experienced Alicia345's puppies I'd put Jazmine's at HH and for their size, they're pretty perky too.
"Where's the oil" I say.
"Oh, I haven't got any" says the Princess. FFS - if you're marketing yourself based on a monumental rack, everyone's going to want to oil them up and slide their cock in.....d'uuuuh
I tongue her nips a bit (Nips totally unresponsive - weird. I also looked up at one point to see PJ rolling her eyes in exasperation at something or other - probably still pissed at the boken bed). However by the sound of the Princess's fake moans, you'd think Mandingo was chucking one up her exhaust pipe. I slide a hand towards her pussy and do a bit of co-ordinated nipple tongueing/clitty bumping. Fake moan volume setting goes up to 11 at this point. Pants dispensed with, clit located and exciting finger motions commenced - the "Princess" reaches under the shattered bed for a megaphone - "OH FUCK YEAH" (she didn't really have a megaphone, but she did shout it unconvincingly loudly). I stick my head down there and get going on some RO going - surely this will melt even the coldest of hearts? Her pussy is beautifully smooth, fresh and sweet tasting. The volume gets even louder - the Princess has abandoned the Megaphone and is now broadcasting to the nation - "OH YEAH. I'M COMING BABE". I'm briefly taken in here, so I keep going for five minutes or so, persuing the advertised orgasm (which is entirely a figment of the Princess's imagination btw). Then an alarm goes off on her phone. I ignore this of course, because the punt has been interrupted by about a thousand message alert chirping noises from other phones secreted about the flat - it can't be significant can it?
It isJazzy: "Your time's up babe. Have you cum?"
Fugly: "No"
Jazzy: "Oh well. Not to worry. I hope that you enjoyed yourself"
Fugly: "I've only been having sex with you for about 10 minutes. I spent 15 on repairing the bed. Just hop on top of me. I'm ready to go and I'll cum in about thirty seconds. "
Jazzy (under her breath): "More like 5 minutes repairing the bed. Listen, get on with it, the next guy's due any minute"
(Fun fact: I had time to spare before my evening's drinking, so I watched the front door for fifteen minutes after I emerged. No one went in, so the whole "next guy" speech was a pack of lies as well)
Princess Jazmine then hops on top and makes absolutely bloody certain that I'd sack any further attempts at sex by shifting to a more awkward and restraining position every time I tried to get a rythmn going. Previous reviewers have noted this too. I couldn't even enjoy the sight of watching her golden orbs bouncing around as she rode me over the line - worth the admission fee alone. Incidentally - I personally don't think she's that tight either.
I jack it in and head for the shower. Whilst in the shower, I decide that I'm going to spend an age in there just to turn the favour, so I spend 10 minutes just messing around. When I emerge, the Princess is newly pissed off because I didn't pay her up front - she'd been so cold at the start that I didn't bother. I bet she was annoyed with herself because I could have just walked out and told her where to shove her lousy service. But I don't. I toss the money on the table and head for the door. Once again I offer her a peck on the cheek, but this time the evasive action is so violent, that I end up kissing the back of her (shit) wig.
I have only ever left a whore's boudoir without cumming three times - two of those were my own stupid fault for going all-in on VGR and being physically unable to cum. Princess Jazmine however didn't get me off.
Objective 1 of prostitution: get the punter off - FAIL.Here's the punt timeline:
Shower: 3 minutes
Reassembling bed: 12 minutes
The punt: 8 minutes
The second shower: 10 minutes
Overall: 35 minutes start to finish, which means that the "Your 30 minutes are up Sir" alarm actually went off after less than 25 mins - which is also a piss take.
Personally I don't think that "Princess" Jazmine is cut out for prostitution as she completely lacks any notion of how to provide a service. She's been blessed with reasonable looks, a great figure and really very shapely legs tho'.
It all comes down to maturity. I visited HTF when she was 19 and she was the finished article; great service, but totally unashamed about the fact that she was only in it for the dollar. Princess Jazmine at 20 (unbelievably, I don't think she's lying about this) still lacks the maturity to understand that she's destroying her own reputation by being unreliable, inconsistent and unpleasant with her customers.
At the low-point of his alcoholism, Tony Adams did a News of the Screws expose, in which he admitted that he'd once been so rat-arsed that he offered the barmaid at his local £2,500 for a feel of her tits. Doubtless Donkey would have found this punt exceptional value, I didn't though.
AVOID
Topic: PrincessJas AKA Princess Jazmine - Earl's Court. A truly terrible experience (Read 6529 times)