020 8770 0204
This rainy weekend I found myself in Sutton with hours to kill and balls heavier than my wallet. A bad combination.
I spied a Chinese massage place over the road and took a punt.
Maybe they don't do HE you worry. A risk in was willing to take being 95% sure wanks would be on offer.
The décor of the place was new and somehow rundown and as basic as possible. Clean, but as there was nothing to get dirty that's not saying much. I was 99% sure as soon as I stepped in that a HE was all this place was about.
Two women were sat in the front, one 50s, wrinkly as my nuts and was the short straw option. The other early 20s, short, fat, but massive tits.
I fancied neither. I didn't ask to pick who was doing the deed, just went with what the wank god's will. The younger it seemed, was mine.
They offer a few massages I assume all the same, I picked the £45 hour Swedish option.
I saw 4 massage rooms as I walk through. All basic and had a 60s style Buttlin's basic massage table in them.
Mine room was in the very back, it had a shower which I didn't use. I was 199% sure wanks were on offer and who knows what else for the money. Or i wake up in a bath of ice minus all my organs.
I got my naked self on the table. It was clean, paper covered table and it wasn't wobbly.
Then girl was called Sha sha or Cha Cha or something like that. Her English was awful but i didn't want a chat. She started to massage my neck. Her short legs a perfect height for her to rest her gut on the back of my head.
The massage started out ok but it became obvious she didn't have a fucking clue what she was doing. About 10s minutes into rubbing my back far too much she asked if I wanted B2B! I wasn't expecting that. Nor did I want that.
I asked how much, she said £50. Fuck that. Said sorry I only have £30. £10 over what I wanted to haggle for for an HE but I'm crap at haggling and she now knew what i had and she said HE only. Ok. Well at least I didn't have to worry about leaving with a full sack.
My back overly rubbed I started helping my self to some arse grabbing. Couldn't reach her minge.
She asked if I wanted B2B again. I told her I only had £30.
She rubbed about. Not much credit card swipes. Not much ball action. Leg done and feet. And I flipped over.
The HE was ok. But anything would have worked. She didn't understand my request put your finger up my arse Or did and didn't want to. I grabbed those tits and wasn't long before a shot. I had ideas about her taking that bra off but I think they would have hit the floor.
20 mins left she washed herself and me and finished massaged my legs and shoulders.
Finished just under time but glad to get out.
Do I recommend it. No
Will i go back? Annoyingly maybe if I get stuck in Sutton for a few hours and I've got bothersome bollocks. Maybe that old lady does a better massage.
Curiosity satisfied about the place and nothing else I post here so others can go along and enjoy expensive wanks.
Massage £45. tip £30.
