External Link/Members Only or
External Link/Members OnlyExternal Link/Members OnlyDecided on a whim to look for some action when in MK recently and landed on her profile. I decided (foolishly) not to check out UKP reviews and literally took a punt. To be fair though, I really just did feel like a really good massage with some OWO and she seemed to fit the bill. Never again!
Her profile states she offers a "great Swedish sensual massage". She's been told she's very good apparently and she holds a qualification. And she provides OWO. Perfect I thought! It turned out that there may be a breach or three of the Trade Descriptions Act!
Comms was good. Arrived at the postcode but should have walked when I saw the place.
It appears to be a bungalow of sorts attached to at least one other back to back. You approach down a fairly wide driveway where anyone seeing you is going to know what you are there for. The place itself is a hovel. It feels like walking into a family home. There was stuff absolutely everywhere that indicated a big family lived there, one that didn't have enough cupboards. Clutter central and I felt for the entire punt that that one of her kids or boyfriend/husband might walk in. The 'action' took place in what I assume is her bedroom whilst the living room door on the other side of the hall remained shut. She disappeared for a few mins in there at the beginning and end and in my mind she was sitting on the couch with someone watching a bit of TV.
The action: the massage table was at the end of the bed and against the window. There was no room to walk around it so the massage took place from one side, my head at one end looking straight down into a set of Argos canvas drawers which was also full of crap. And the massage was truly shit, on a par with the worst of some of the really awful Chinese ones I've had in London. It was the type of massage that a child would give if you asked them to show you what they thought a massage was, ie just hands kind of doing breaststroke on your back. Eventually turned over and I got some OWO; only I couldnt even feel it. she just put her mouth lightly around the tip that I had to observe just to make sure that anything was happening. It was tricky to get it up but as soon as it was she gave me a HJ to completion. I wasn't offered a shower, but needing a piss I asked for the bathroom. Thank god I didn't ask for a shower: the bathroom was disgusting, old, decrepit, full of clutter again.
Dressed and left as quickly as I could.
Paid £70 for 45 mins
And what about the "gorgeous Amy"? Well if I'd looked at UKP and followed the links I would have seen the pictures (when she was called Sophie) that I have re-linked above. Make your own judgement, but suffice to say I would never have punted. She also didn't say anything for the entire session and nor did I instigate a conversation because I'd given up on life at this point.
