Colombia 2025: Mainly Bogota, But Medellin and Cartagena
TLDR: I am only adding stuff not covered in previous threads and is mainly about the RLD Santa Fe in Bogota – the cheapest and sleaziest option I tried in Colombia.
It had been too long since I had been on a mission. Even before the Scram-demic and the current cost of punting crisis my sex addiction, work commitments and general apathy meant my backpack had stayed glued to the back of the wardrobe. I had fond memories of my heyday letching around the globe as a plucky young council-estate-boy-done-good uni student. With a regatta pack on my back, student loan in my pocket and a bloated overdraft snapping at my heels I carried myself with the confidence of a young man who sincerely believed that not only would this all go on forever, but that it would all get better. How wrong I was.
By the time I came back with sunburn, a tape worm and a bag of memories, the girl I broke up with to go (quite possibly the love of my life - now having a power career, two beautiful kids and a big fuck off house in home counties, bless her but fuck facebook for keeping me informed) had moved on and done even better. She got stability, generosity and the dream, I had a slew of temp jobs, deepening addictions and the shame of being stuck in the endz in a sleazy bedsit, a bloated shadow of my former self.
It was mid morning, I was sipping a £7.65 milky coffee in a “cool” part of London deep in regret about being middle aged, over weight and irresponsible I heard two cocky young bucks bragging about a recent trip to Latin America. Fuck these privileged little melts had tugged me out of my malaise and captured my imagination. They uttered a word that had tickled my fancy for some time - “Colombia”. What a degenerate destination - narcos, big bums, reggaeton. These two moustached, badly tattooed vegan bisexuals were setting the bar high. But could I trust myself not to conk out off rat poison laced blow or would I get kidnapped and starved in the jungle by some left-wing savages? Fuck it I thought, at least I might get loose the gut and get a TV show out of it!
Browsing the wisdom on our hallowed forum got my cock tingling. There is plenty of info on here but I think my experiences can still add a few jewels for the sake of posterity, and because a few of the best knobbing shops I tasted had not yet featured on here. I am going to separate things by cities. Bogota is my focus – where I did most of my punting because its fucking cheap – circa £15 a pop!
Bogota:
Santa Fe is not for the faint hearted. Caught between the historic colonial part of Bogota and the gleaming skyscrapers of the city centre its mix of crumbling 1800s-1930s stock is neither historic enough nor new and shiny enough to matter in contemporary Colombia and most of the upper floors are bedsits for the urban poor. Its wet, smelly, grimy and contains the kind of desperate poverty that turns your stomach and makes even the hardest and jaded battle worn punter feel guilty. Its the centre of the “recycling” industry in downtown Bogota. No not Green-party-Brighton-tree-hugging recycling but destitute refugees and barefoot skinny drug addicts furiously sorting through waste to eek out a miserable living between taking hits of cocaine residue paste smoke - the left over from cocaine production literally called “rubbish” in local slang. But to paraphrase uncle Junior from the Sopranos - “eh take it easy we are not making a documentary here!”. Lets remind ourselves - however cold hearted this may sound - we are here for the fanny.
Action is between avenue Caracas and Carrera 17 south east to north west and from calle 19/20 south west to calle 24 north east. Caution is the order of the day - especially if you “no spigga tha es-Spanish” - this area is no joke. I first ventured in during the day after lunch and as long as you dont behave like a bell end and dress like a fraggle you should be fine. Keep your phone hidden, money in your sock - anyone from 90s London knows how to stash notes on their person. Prices start at 60k COP - circa £11 - for 20 minutes splash and dash - think Soho walk up quality but perhaps a little better you might even get lucky and score a real goer. Girls range from teens to late 40s - from stunning to grim, from plastic fantastic to natural spinners - with some very obvious trannies towards the southern end calle 20/21. Calle 24 is a good entry point and place to start with 24/23/22 and the tops of 15/16/17 where most of the quality is. There are strip clubs, bars, eateries, normal shops dotted around and I havnt fucked with any of these as I didnt want to betray myself as a gringo too early or too widely. I hit the strip both day and night – at night its more dangerous and you must stick to the main streets, and get a taxi in our out as the surrounding streets are abandoned and foreboding. Day time you can be a bit looser with personal safety in the surrounding streets – but it is at your own risk! However at these prices you can punt your bollocks off!
Venezualan spinner - the danger of punting being so cheap is you are in danger of punting when your frankly not really in the mood. That what happened here is was in two minds but her spinner body and pierced nipples got me. There was nothing wrong with her performance but I wasnt upto scratch end couldnt keep it up so ended up getting a hand shandy.
Venezualan blonde Nicole. Fuck me every so often you just strike gold. 60k COP standard (including kissing this time!) plus 30k COP (total £16) for OWO my expectations were low but fuck me she blew my mind. Sensual oral and kissing, ball tickling, pelvic floor contractions while we copulated in missionary just wow. Her bin was reassuringly full meaning many a man had been thrown into contortions of pleasure by this naughty little harlot.
Colombian Domina “Angie”: One day when I was milling around a tatted girl, black hair, glasses, goth look, fucking BODY – fake boobs, BBL, shot passed in a shiny plastic dom get up with big boots and a spikey dog collar. WTF was this?! I was in hot pursuit until I saw her dart into one of the brothels. I hung around until she emerged and approached. No English, google translate and the service list was extensive – all kinds of kinky stuff that’s not may bag but I went for OWO, sex, and prostate massage. Cost me more than the normal – circa $60USD. Wow was it worth it. She took out a Bluetooth speaker and put on some Ramstein metal and put on a show. I was in awe of her – she went like a rocked, gently choked me, spat into my mouth, sucked my cock, fingered my ass and hoped on top for cowgirl. It was intense and some of the best sex of my life. We went back to OWO and bum fun, where she offered CIM for a “tip” but I declined and shot a gallon all over her plastic boobs. I was spent, that slightly post nut clarity guilty feeling when you have pushed your boundaries. She was a total sweet heart didn’t rush me, let me shower, we spoke a bit on translate and she is one kinky girl. We swapped numbers and I re-booked several times via whatsapp. She could bankrupt me and put me in a wheelchair and I would die happy!
WARNING: Tranny punts:
Random tranny: I was passing the southern end of the RLD where the trannys hang around. Some were terrible, others gorgeous. I took the plunge with one that seemed vaguely together, pretty and sexy. Its £12 a pop after all. However, the service was terrible. Constant upselling, weird remarks, I managed a pop but barely. Would not repeat…until…
Tranny Handy: I was walking down the street a few days later. Not looking for a trans, just passing through and then I saw her. She was more than 6 feet tall, perfect soft skin, big fake tits, barely wearing anything (see photo attached). Sex on legs. She beckoned me over – price for everything was $50 top bottom massage everything. I was wary for two reasons – 1) I had been stung the day before. 2) she was working outside a biker shop. Plenty of burly alpha guys, giving a slightly dirty look. They knew I wanted it, I couldn’t hide it. I walked on. But within 5 minutes I had turned around. I was heading back. I could see the bikers looks of disapproval and the shame almost turned me on even more. She smiled at me like an old friend and took me up to her squalid windowless room in a love hotel – it was a dump. I was scared, excited. She got me to shower, she was all over me. Kissing, stroking, touching. This was hot stuff. She was also very conscious about safe sex – condoms on, wouldn’t let me even suck her without. I rated this and it put me at rest slightly. But she wanted to fuck, this wasn’t going to be mutual oral and cuddling this was going to be carnal. She was rock hard, pushed my legs back lubed me up and pushed her cock into me. Luckily she was not too hung. It was painful at first but became more pleasurable with time. She had enough, flipped me over and took me in prone bone. It was fucking hot. I could feel her balls slapping on mine, her rock hard silicone orbs in my back as she kissed and nibbled my neck. It felt like I was the whore and she was the punter, it was fucking kinky. She was loving it, it was sweaty, passionate sex and without warning she started to shudder and shot into the dom! WTF?! I was strangely flattered but also disappointed that I wouldn’t get to an explosive nut while her love muscle knocked my prostate. She hopped off and took of the johnny. I really got an insight into how these girls feel. I flipped over and beckoned her over to finish me off and she fingered my ass as we snogged passionately and I blew my load. This was immense. I was almost startled at how quickly how carnal this had become, I was trembling. We cuddled, chatted over translate and swapped numbers. I am not going to see I was in love, but excuse the pun – she had reached parts that other trannys had not reached. We swapped numbers and I left. The bikers looks were scornful and in my head they knew that I had just been used like a fleshlight but a big tranny. In reality, they see this day in and day out…but I quickly shuffled away across the street into a taxi. I felt like screaming “DRIVE DIRVE DIVE!” like a getaway scene in a bad American action movie but I held it together. I sadly did not get a chance to see Handy again, but wow what an experience!
END OF TRANNY SECTION!
NB: I didn’t try, but strangely there is also a high end brothel called “Loutron” in the nicer, northern neighbourhoods of Bogota. I went one night for a change and it was in the format of a nightclub. Everything was there from waif, English speaking high class girls, to plastic fantastic vulgar bimbos. The prices were extortionate - $200-$300 USD. From my research online, it seems this place, and the cluster of those around it, are popular with locals and foreign businessmen who prioritise security and discretion – the kind that wear expensive watches and would get cut up for parts on the streets of Santa Fe. I did not partake – but its worth bearing in mind these options exist if you are flush and want to partake in safety.
Medellin:
Theres been a lot written here about the now trendy Medellin. Lots of remote work wankers, “passport bros” i.e. American men that think they are really streetwise and cool but are really not and often get chewed up and spat out but young hussies who are genuinely street wise, cool, and not scared to drug a man and take his stuff. My advice stay off - the gear, watch your drinks – get a hotel – they register the girls details and avoid Tinder – bizarrely street girls from Lleras Park seem safer here. BUT because of the market saturation, they are fucking expensive – prices start at 100USD but you can sometimes get some of them down to 60USD – others wont negotiate and will just walk away. Service is so so – think Soho walk ups.
However, there are some high points – two massage places I tried were worth it – Jade Palace Spa in Poblado was functional for the 50USD for 30 minutes – ok massage, very nice handjob from a BBW local girl.
However, the highlight of my couple of days in narco land was Loutron. Fuck me. Set in a 70s era narco mansion up in the hills reputedly to be have been owned by the Escobar Clan. This place is the real deal. Big gates, security, killer view over the city. Walking in I felt like scarface. I sat down for the obligatory brass parade and the polite madam gave me a pencil and a cutely designed, hello kitty-esque school notebook. WTF?! This was weird, until I opened the book and saw other punters scribbles – names of girls. Ah I see. There were a bunch of Canadian mummies boys playing hard in the bar, and their brass parade was wrapping up as I was coming in. One of them went off with what I can only describe as the kind of woman that is why you come to Medellin – beautiful, plastic, tall, slim, big ass big silicone tits, confidence, poise, I was in LOVE. Going through the motions of the parade nothing grabbed me like she did. So I used google translate to explain to the madam that I wanted to wait for maple syrup sloppy seconds who replied with one word only – “Listo”. I had just settled in for a prolonged and slightly awkward wait on a couch in the corner when mummies boy came down the stairs looking like he was going to cry – head bowed, humiliated, defeated. Time to discreetly break out the popcorn and he started to complain to his boys – basically he had popped in about 90 seconds and was trying to play it off as her fault. Hilarious. A few minutes later she re-appeared to claim me as her next victim – wow, white teeth, red lips, soft tanned skin, taught over her silicone additions, bulging out of her underwear under her negligée without a single blemish. She was a thoroughbred and I couldn’t wait to get my grubby paws on her. For $70USD for one hour this was a bargain. Her massage was very competent and she worked out a few knots from my back. What followed was a blur of OWO, kissing, her riding me and me exploding doing her in mish. She didn’t rush me after and sat on the bed while I tried to recompose myself and we made small talk while I tried not to sob gutturally and propose to her. Fuck me I was done. Uber back to hotel and straight to bed.
Cartagena:
Cartagena is gorgeous. Very touristy, expensive but fucking beautiful. However, the downside to this is pussy prices are high – think $100USD and often they won’t even negotiate they will just walk away. Also, the local authorities are clamping down on the flesh trade in the old town – a few well-known hook up clubs have been closed down, and there are increased checks on girls near the clock tower so there numbers are lower in the old town. I wasn’t there long enough to find out where the action has moved to. I did sample a few street girls – beautiful, service was ok but nothing amazing.
In short, Colombia is a good crack and worth a visit – but it is not the land of milk and honey and it is well and truly now on both the tourist and punter trails – and prices elevate accordingly.
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