Friendly Thai Lady – Cradley Heath – TOFTT
NEGATIVE - NEGATIVE - NEGATIVE - NEGATIVE – NEGATIVE
Worst punt of the year so far.
External Link/Members OnlyExternal Link/Members OnlyFirstly, there are two links to two adverts because they’re both on the same phone number. This was at Chester Road flats again, although a different flat to a previous review I did.
The advertised girl is 23 though I’d put this fugly golem somewhere in her 40’s. Could have only been 5’ tall, got a gut on her, a fat arse, saggy tits, and a pussy that felt like I was fucking a bucket. Negotiations were done through google translate, which I fucking hate.
I paid £60 for 30 minutes, with an extra £30 for OWO and CIM.
I’d have to say it started badly and went downhill from there.
It was supposed to start with a 69 and OWO. But the cleaning process that she did used some sort of spray on foam that stung like fuck on my bell end. Then wiped down with baby wipes. She then did something I have never seen in my life before she took a mouthful of water and tried to give me oral while holding the water in her mouth. This just meant that although her mouth was technically on me there was NO contact at all. It felt like someone holding a bag of cold water on my dick. She also stood up while doing this so I couldn’t get my mouth on her. Unfortunately for her I have Mr Tickle arms and could reach her pussy. Which she objected to, she first put baby oil on my fingers so I could finger her, and then decided the best option was to put a condom on my finger. I wouldn’t mind if I work in dirty environment, but I work in an office, and I’d had a shower prior to going, and I keep my nails clean and trimmed short.
As the blowjob or aqua wash or whatever it was wasn’t working I decided to fuck her. She put so much lube on the condom and in her pussy that I couldn’t feel anything at all, there was no sensation what so ever. I even checked I was in, there was so little feeling. And all the time she kept saying “Slowly, slowly, slowly” while at the same trying to rush me. She did everything she possible could to speed things up, even bollocks like ‘we’re running out of time’ when I’d only been there 6 minutes. Missionary didn’t work because I had to look at her fugly face. I tried doggy but this just meant she kept bouncing back at me to speed me up. By now my dick is waving the white flag and going soft, I hate been fucking rushed. I said in your mouth now, I stood and she sat on the edge of the bed and I wanked myself into her face, or tried too. She tried every trick in the book not to do CIM which I paid for. She kept standing up saying “on boobs, on boobs”, so I pushed her back down, she kept turning her face away, she kept leaning to one side. I can’t say I’m proud of this, but I lost shit big time, which is saying something for me because generally I’m really laid back. But if you’re going to take my money then you give the service that I’ve paid for or you give me a refund. So, I grabbed her head and shoved my cock in her mouth and I came. I got two good jets into her mouth before she managed to turn her head away again. Although this just resulted in her getting the third jet of cum straight into her ear. She did a lot of shouting at this point and even though deep down I knew she didn’t understand what I said, I got some joy out pointing out that if she’d kept her mouth on my cock like I’d paid for she wouldn’t now be trying to get cum out of her ear with a baby wipe and a cotton bud.
I got dressed and left. I’d been there about 18 minutes.
Pros: Not a single fucking one.
Cons: Where the fuck do I start, too many to list.
Would I go back, not a fucking chance. I’d rather pay someone to put acupuncture needles into my scrotum, at least I’d feel something unlike with bucket fanny.
