I had done Scandallo Lounge, and the tranny punt seen was slim pickings. The other thing Sao Paulo is famous for is erotic massage parlours, concentrated in the well heeled Meoma area. Doing a bit of desk research Meoma Spa apparently is the reference point against which all else are judged. Needless to say my expectations were high.
External Link/Members OnlyIts a bit of a faff to get there not really on the limited metro map. Uber took a good 40 minutes but this is, after all, one of the worlds biggest cities.
They whatsapp me photos and details freely and were very responsive by phone. So far so good. 600 reals, £88 for an hour. That’s steep – other places quoted me 350, £50. I was torn, but I though pay a bit more for quality, start at the top. How mistaken I was. I asked for a girl with sillicone fun bags because I like that. Was told to puck “Chantille”. Sounded creamy.
Was delayed by uber fuckeries and rain - kept them informed they couldnt be nicer. So far so good.
I arrive - nice looking place good vibes, shown to a lovely room no pressure she says pay after - whats not to like? Chantille will be with me soon, undress take a shower and wait. An important detail - which gave me a rare accurate time stamp - just before the girl arrives, and post shower, literally seconds before she arrives, I whatsapp the spa number asking for the wifi password and “knock knock” she enters with a cheery “todo bem”.
Er who the fuck is this?!? Shes a different skin colour, eye colour and shape to the photo I send and has a flatish, silicone free chest. I check whats app and through tattoo verification it is the same girl minus whatever the fuck miracle worker she employed on her pics. Catch a glimpse of her phone and the moody photo is her lock screen. Fuck what to do? I should have got the receptionist or just bailed but I thought fuck it i am showered, naked and desperate for a squirt so I get in the mat in the floor as instructed. She puts music on, starts a “brass wasting time” type massage and her phone keeps buzzing and everytime it buzzes one hand leaves my body to unlocked and type. Fuck me.
A rare positive, she starts running her nails all over me including my back sack and crack all which get me going. However phone buzzing continues, and so does one hand treatment while she replies to her mates. Quickly she says turn over. OK.
Flip over, bra comes off, and out of said bra comes a condom. I’ve read all kinds of reviews about these places on another forum whos scope is more international than our parochial site here. These detail snogging, blowjobs, sex, all kinds of naughty goings on so with the quick flip over and the appearance of a condom had me thinking this is the reason for a shit massage, its because the focus is the fucking. OK, fair enough.
But no. She started to toss me off and it became evident that this was all I was going to get. A pretty good hand shandy to be fair, good ball play and is hot buckets as the gripped away at the base of my cock to extend the orgasm. Good stuff. Straight away I was told “shower?”. I was thinking hold on, this is way to quick.
I wiped myself down while she continued to lash her phone and after getting dressed I checked mine – I had literally been 30 exact minutes since my text asking for the wifi details – so I barely got twenty something minutes with her. I have not questioned a bill in a knocking shop, especially one in a country like Brazil, in my life. But I had had enough, this was a clear piss take.
I went to reception and with a beaming smile the receptionist presented the card machine to me to settle the 600 real bill. Through google translate (NB I never got the wifi details despite asking!) I explained what had happened. The receptionist looked shocked, she replied we don’t do 30 minute bookings. We proceeded to have the most silent, yet furious, argument in history – my furiously typing on my phone, and her furiously typing on hers. But I wasn’t having it. She finally went to the backroom to talk to the girl (awkward as fuck!), who apparently told her that I had asked to go. No no no.
After further silent protesting from me via google translate, she rings some guy on her phone, obviously Serge, or as I am in Brazil perhaps Sergehiño. It was quite a heated argument, and all I could understand was her saying “ANOTHER gringo!”. Oh fuck this isn’t going well. Hanging up, she apologies via google translate and says they will give me a discount and that I should come back and try another girl sometime. In the end I paid 450 reals - £65. Looking back I should have argued to get it down a bit further but I could not be fucked and didn’t want to risk things going south.
This could be a one off experience, and obviously the experiences of others may vary. I did not return neither to Meoma Spa, nor any others in the area as the faff and price was too much to take another risk.
