External Link/Members Only - Cutie Alice - the quintessential taking one for the team (as one I indeed took).
What the hell was I thinking? When will I finally learn that if the usual rate of disappointment in this sport is 50%, with Brazilians, at least for me, it is closer to 95%? And how come that among many possible options at the same price level or slightly above I ended up choosing surely the worst one? I blame my galloping age, and the constant nagging thought that I should just give up and accept that I've lived too long to enjoy punting in its most basic form.
The truth is that ever since I had a bunch of arrangements found on Seeking (some of which were among the best sexual experiences of my whole life, both for attractiveness of the girl and for intensity of the session), normal punting just doesn't make the cut, particularly in this era of rampant AI-aided fakery. Still, in a period where I'm mostly not interested in sex and I also don't bathe in cash for various reasons, I'd just like the occasional cheaper shag to keep me active, and Seeking is way overkill and too expensive for that
Let me get to the gist of the review, though. I was attracted by this girl because of the beautiful face in the pictures, as well as the slim body with the declared "size 6". For some reason the expression in the pictures seemed to convey a maturity and a confidence that made me think this might be the girl that finally would give me the pleasure of punting back. How naive I am.
The girl receives in a flat in Goodge Street up three flights of stairs that offer the exact opposite of a "discreet approach" to the flat: both flats at the intermediate landings have cameras (one is a security camera, the other a Ring doorbell) which not only record your passage and are pointed directly at your face, but also surely send an alert to the owners. The flat itself is not too bad although it was unbearably hot on a spring day.
I've now seen that
in this thread the profile was connected to a crew of B&S peddlers, but I missed it (I relied on my old habit of Googling "<profile number> UKPunting" but clearly this is no longer a reliable mechanism as no results came out whereas the internal search tool returns two posts).
The truth is that I suspect the pictures on the profile were originally of the right girl, but the quality of AI filters nowadays is so good that it's impossible to tell that photos have been doctored. In this case, they have been to a point that it's almost as if this was a bait and switch. While I would describe the girl in the picture as easily an 8 for both face and body, the girl I met was a 6.5 at best.
I should have walked, to be honest, but I had been so worried by the fact that the door was opened by a completely different - fully unattractive to my eyes - girl who kept me waiting in her room for a while saying something confused about her friend getting ready that I started suspecting it was an elaborate bait and switch, and when the "right" girl popped up I was so relieved that she was somewhat palatable that I decided to give it a try.
First, the positives: the girl is indeed cute-ish, and she isn't fully incapable of smiling, although she does that too sparingly for my taste. She is also clearly very young, probably around 19/20. End of the positives.
Face-wise, as I said, she is nowhere as attractive in the pictures. I guess she could be described as a girl next door, albeit one that I wouldn't salivate behind. Body-wise, she's at least 2 measures heavier than the stated 6 (more 10 than 8, that is), and this is what really started turning the experience into a devastating disappointment. I guess that she might have some appeal for lovers of the "big ass latina" genre, but my favourite body type is "otherwordly Russian or Romanian goddess" and with the age my limited horniness became less and less tolerating of imperfection with respect to the canon.
She looked surprised that I asked to take a shower, and that in itself is not a good sign. When I got back, she had the typical dead-fish-stare that is the sure prologue to a shitty punt. No reaction to my gentle caresses other than some grabbing my hands, just awkward tight-shut lip pecks in reaction to my attempts to kiss her (so goodbye to the stated "FK" on the profile), and generally the kind of passive behaviour that really does not help setting my mood.
I undressed and had her lay on the bed. In addition to the waist/buttocks/legs heavier than I was expecting (and than it's shown in the pictures) she also has small, unreactive nipples. Tolerable level of hygiene, although a couple of minutes into the session I started perceiving a vague smell of bitter sweat.
My naive attempts to create a GFE interaction with gentle caresses and kisses were met with a lack of discernible effect, which ended up being the hallmark of the whole session. That is to say: no reaction when I went down on her, not much when I stuffed my cock in her mouth (although the short blowjob was the only part of the session that could be considered vaguely reaching a passing grade) and not much when I pumped her with an increased sense of dread in missionary and in doggy.
After 5 minutes of this, with her clearly just tolerating me politely and the obvious impossibility to reach any minimum form of chemistry, I lost the erection and partially the will to live, so I laid defeated on the bed for a while with her giving me the most perfunctory oil massage and left after 30 minutes what should have been a one hour meeting.
I had paid 180£ for the hour (160 + 20 for OWO). In terms of value for money, consider that when I was leaving my brain kept telling me that this should have been a 50 or 60£ 30-minute P&D max. Which means: avoid at all costs.
Overall (scores out of 10):
location: 5 (absolutely don't go if you're in any way worried of leaving a trace of your punting)
face: 6.5
body: 6
friendliness: 5
performance: 2
value for money: 3
