When: Sunday 30th March
External Link/Members OnlyAfter having no luck getting any of the Thais in Sutton to answer their phones on Sunday, I took a look at Croydon and this ad caught my attention. I rang but got no answer, but after hanging-up I immediately got a text with a street name and post code, followed by "CASH ONLY" then a full list of prices, including "blow job shoot in mouth +£30".
Everything about the ad screamed bait & switch, and the address they'd given was on a sidestreet in Norbury when the ad says "Croydon Town Centre" which would an extra 15 minutes to my drive, so I replied with a text asking if it was actually the girl in the vivastreet ad working. The response was a simple "yes. available". Still dubious, I decided I'd risk it in the hope that it actually was the girl in the pic.
On getting to the road itself, the first thing I noticed was the complete lack of parking. I had to park on the the next road and texted again to say I was almost there and what was the house number I needed to go to. I get a text back with the house number and "don't knock. message at door i will open for you". I walk to the house and text as soon as I'm outside. Despite replying "ok" immediately, she then takes a couple of minutes to come to the door. The front door has frosted glass looking into a communal hallway, with the house clearly divided into flats beyond that. On finally coming to the door, she opens it but stands behind it as she pulls it open so I can't see what she looks like and points me in the direction to walk. On walking in, I of course take a look behind the door and rather than a "24 year old Thai", I can see what's clearly an older Chinese lady. I allow her to lead me into an inner flat in the hope that she's a maid rather than who I'm there to see. No such luck. On leading me into a flat, she shows me into a room where there's a double bed and, curiously, a mattress on the floor at the foot of the bed which she seems to be leading me to. It's clear there's nobody else in the flat, so I take a proper look at the lady and it's not pretty. She's clearly Chinese rather than Thai, late 40s (if I'm being generous) or early 50s. She has several completely discoloured teeth too and there's zero attempt to dress nicely or be in any way alluring. I turn on my heels, saying "you're nothing like the woman in the picture, thanks for wasting my time". The look on her face and the lack of effort in trying to get me to stay suggests this is the outcome she gets most often.
There was a happy ending in the end, as on the drive home I stopped in Croydon and whatsapped a house I've been to there before to see if the madam would reply. She quickly sent me pics of the two girls she claimed were working (it's another Chinese place, where they always describe the girls as Japanese or Korean despite the fact they shout at each other in Mandarin). 30 minutes later and £60 lighter, I'd finally got what I left the house for - but no point me reviewing that place as they no longer seem to run ads on adultwork or vivastreet, so I have no way to link a review to their details on here.
Anyway, if you see the vivastreet ad this review is based on, run a mile.
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