I sometimes think the remaining old school parlours left open in the Midlands have been allowed to stay in business by the cops as long as they never redecorate. Fyonas has been in Coalville since forever. Henry Tudor and his lads probably stopped there on their way south for the Battle of Bosworth and stepping through the door is like visiting the 1990s at the most recent and, if you felt it was more 1978 or so, I wouldn’t argue.
However, I’ve been there a couple of times lately which is odd because parlours are not really my scene any longer. I don’t like the running-into-other-customers, hate the escort line-up business, and the whole thing tends to generally give me the ick. Also, I’m not keen on the general move towards women from the Far East and elsewhere. If they can’t speak much English, how would they tell you if they’ve been trafficked?
So what have I been doing at Fyonas? Well, it’s like this. When the urge runs strong, it’s convenient, normally open, has good parking nearby, there’s no need to make an appointment, the girls are local and, to be blunt, it’s really quite cheap in a world of escalating escort prices. The staff are welcoming and, if not top tier parlour women of the type you might typically find at say, Directors Lodge, it still feels honest, clean, welcoming and I seem to have quite a lot of fun. There’s a kind of charm.
Shannon is great in her own way. Probably mid-40s but could be 50, tanned, tattooed, quite pretty, not skinny but reasonably slim, easy to talk to, properly sexy, and massive fun in the room. There was a lot of kissing, a lot of stroking, and a very nice handjob. I think she came when I was touching her but I don’t presume to be able to tell the real from the acting and, if someone cares enough to properly fake it, that’s a good sign in my book.
Price was £20 for the room – although you can pay as little as £10 – and the charge was £60 for half an hour. There’s a shower on offer and you get a little bottle of mineral water at the end, like you’ve been a good boy.
The only downside is that the entrance is on the main road, although you can leave the back way. It’s not ideal but the doorway is permanently open, so you can duck in quickly and up the stairs.
I’ve been trying to think of a good analogy for Fyonas. It feels like you know a café that does a really good breakfast with all the trimmings for a tenner. The surroundings might not be exactly palatial and it’s not a gourmet experience, but it’s tasty, satisfying and just hits the spot. Sometimes, that's really what you want.
Web site is fyonas.co.uk but seems to be down at the moment.
