Cheryl @ Epsom Massage (Don't go!) (Really Don't)

[Lance81]

External Link/Members Only

A new place with several attractive ladies on the surprisingly frank website. Couldn't find any reviews so I TOFTT. They are NOT the women you meet.

Total bait and switch.

Comms. Quick and efficient.

Place. A dingy room with a single bed and massage table. Reminded me of a lock up. Awful. Dark. Cold. Between the car park and the Cinema.

Provider. 100% not any of the women on the website. Older 40+, saggy, huge mum tum and a growler with more fur than a barber shop floor. Huge tits though and a plesant attitude. I really should have walked. Why didn't I walk.

Service. 2mins of shit massage. Then 3mins of reach-unders and a tit wank. I had to look only at her tits otherwise I would have not been able to finish. Instant regret. Wtf was I doing.

I want my money back. Fuck I want my Spunk back.
£80 3O mins.

Avoid. Avoid. Avoid.

[Jonestown]

Thanks for the review, is this a flat or a shop ?

[tantraman]

Great inaugural review, Lance81

... Fuck I want my Spunk back.

... that said it all

[Lance81]

Thanks for the review, is this a flat or a shop ?

It's not a Shop that's for sure. But not a flat either, more like a converted garage.

[Fuzzyduck]

Quality reporting, OP. So much so that it seems to have killed off the website. Did you catch your belle's name?

[Sattob]

Quality reporting, OP. So much so that it seems to have killed off the website. Did you catch your belle's name?

Running now. Showing two good looking girls, and a third without a picture.

[Jonestown]

It's not a Shop that's for sure. But not a flat either, more like a converted garage.

Terrifying, what if someone comes along with one of those infra red garage door openers just after the turn over.

[webpunter]

Terrifying, what if someone comes along with one of those infra red garage door openers just after the turn over.

Grab clothes & run
Fast

From the website
"Epsom Massage is Epsom's Massage Center of Choice"
Me thinks not

Lance81
[as you are new on here you are the 'OP' - opening / original poster - you may see this referenced]
One of the most hilarious 1st reviews for donkeys 

[fastcar669]

Thanks for the review, is this a flat or a shop ?

Location, location, location - it makes all the difference 

[Lance81]

Quality reporting, OP. So much so that it seems to have killed off the website. Did you catch your belle's name?

Thanks all.
Her nane was Cheryl. However, she let slip she had been there all week. There is only one room, so I suspect the others don't exist.

[Celtic 69]

Superb review OP & great info for us all to cross off our list.
Wish these bait & switch establishments could read some of our members reviews..just to learn a valuable lesson!

[Stevelondon]

Good review. It’s almost a certainty there will be a few on here with a garage fetish 

[bartholomew]

I used to enjoy a furry growler 
Mind you I was 15 at the time