Headline: £60, munch munch munch, covered oral, pleasant but hurried. A Positive, but only just beyond a Neutral.
So it's been a while since I ended my punting drought, and I wanted my first review to be a real barnstormer. Holy Grail type revelations, gents I have found the perfect demure, girlfriend-like fuck bunny who does sex like she a) genuinely wants it and b) hasn't actually had it in ages.
That sort of thing.
But being a muppet, an absolutely thorough muppet, I eventually thought fuck it, I've got a bit of time on my hands, I'll just walk in to a parlour and take my chances. The exile had lasted too long.
So I'm in Athena on Attercliffe Road, right next door to Diplomat, one midweek morning. Three girls have just said the routine hello: two with robotic politeness, and one - the shapeliest - with what looked like a genuine smile. This was Demi.
I immediately said 'Demi' as I was in the mood for big knockers and a bit of personality.
'You want the girlfriend experience?' she said in the room, before liberating me of sixty quid. There was no need to say more. All bets off, try anything, she'll let you know when you've gone too far .. this intuitive moment of understanding passed between us in half a second, but I could already, instantly tell that this was going to be a little mechanical.
Look I won't bore you with a blow-by-blow account. Here's the essentials:
- Demi had exactly the look and shape I wanted to indulge myself in that day .. she looked in her mid 20s, quite tall, dark blonde hair, nicely tanned, English (nice northern accent), attractive face, and the main event was a curvaceous, size 12-14 body, lovely smooth skin, with a big, shapely arse and nice big cleavage - not big old udders, but what looked like a really great pair of NATURAL tits inside a bikini-style top. On this fact, I was right.
- Best Moment #1 ... It really got interesting when she lay back and I just settled down with my head between her legs, and enjoyed myself. Fantastic tanned thighs, tight, shaven pussy, clean as you like, lovely little arsehole, honestly the perfect sight. Plenty, plenty on offer, verging on the voluptuous but a long way short of 'big'. Just how I like it.
- But there was nothing real about it. She was nice, agreed to more or less everything (at one point I thought she was pushing her arsehole back onto my finger - result - but no, she pulled it away), but I could tell she was a clockwatcher.
A clockwatcher, in a parlour, who'd have thought. Should have gone independent, that's the bottom line.
- And yes, it was Covered Oral, so I didn't worry about that for too long. Pulled away within twenty seconds, not a lot going on down there, and I went back to that lovely, natural body for other kinds of fun.
- Best Moment #2 ... when Demi sits on your cock, and leans forward while riding you, her tits are big, perfect, and absolutely right in your face. They are a SUPERB shape, great big nipples, full, and pretty sensational.
And so it eventually ended. She gave me a happy ending. As always I went in wanting Krakatoa, East of Java ... Dante's Peak ... Yellowstone in 2012 ... that hospital in The Dark Knight ... but I got a gently-popped champagne cork. Friendly, polite conversation, peck on the cheek, turn left love it's that door have a lovely day hope to see you again.
Initially I selected Neutral. Why? Because Demi, though perfectly nice, and possessor of more or less exactly my favourite kind of body, just didn't give enough of herself. We all know, parlour girls usually don't. And every time, you walk in hoping you're going to find someone different, wicked, individual, enthusiastic, creative ...
But I flipped it to Positive because of the tremendous sight when she lay back, spread her thighs, and received my own enthusiastic oral .. and because of those perfect big tits in my face.
Would I go back and book Demi again? No, but she gave me what I expected. Not quite exactly what I hoped for, but I didn't walk out unhappy. Just not ecstatic.
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