Advice needed

[tikika]

I’ve always been a quiet and shy person and have never been that successful with women, only ever being with a couple of ladies and never really having a proper relationship, so after realising how easy this was I started doing this last year.

I first started seeing this one girl last summer and I saw her regularly, after some months I realised that I had developed feelings for her, but her profile disappeared and so I thought that was that.  However a month later I came across her Facebook profile and added her as a friend and sent her a message about why she had gone and maybe if she wanted to meet up again, a mistake I know but it’s done now.

So we met up for a meal and watched a movie at my flat, me only paying for the meal and drinks not for her time, where I told her about my feelings for her.  As expected she said she had no feelings for me but enjoyed seeing me as it was before and would be happy to continue this way, even though she said how she has stopped escorting now and I would be the only one still doing this with her.

Now it was fine at first but recently she has got into a relationship with someone and I thought that would be it, but she has said she is happy to continue seeing me as it is not serious between them at the moment, it has made me think of her more and more and makes me think how I am so useless with women and cannot meet anyone in the usual way.

I realise that nothing was or will ever happen between us relationship wise but I still can’t stop thinking about her despite this and the fact is since starting seeing me again she charges me at a really great rate, £180 for 3-3 ½ hours, and I do love a bargain.

I should stop seeing her and cut all contact and see other ladies, but like I’ve said it is exceptional value for money and where I live there is little choice for alternatives and if I started seeing others I would more likely see them more often, and start to think about how I cannot meet anyone and have a relationship.

How has anyone else copied with a situation like this?  I guess there are two issues, how should I deal with the situation with my regular? And how can I get over the feelings of not feeling worthless that I can’t meet someone on civi street the usual way and yet still continue to punt?

[Tailpipe]

I feel for you man but you need to get a fucking grip of this quick.

They are WGs and it's about money if you are easy going then most will take advantage.

More on and do it now ,in time you will heel.

Reading threads here and listening to the likes of smiths and nik will in time make
You understand what is going on.

Sorry but you need to here the way it is no point sugar coating this. 

You are cunt struck and it happens to the best of us.

[Daffodil]

Oh dear, oh dear.

You really must have self-esteem issues if a prossie can do this to you, they're hardly an amazing catch.

Fuck this one off, go see another 

[FLYING BLUE]

Ditch it immediately and move on.....

[smiths]

I’ve always been a quiet and shy person and have never been that successful with women, only ever being with a couple of ladies and never really having a proper relationship, so after realising how easy this was I started doing this last year.

I first started seeing this one girl last summer and I saw her regularly, after some months I realised that I had developed feelings for her, but her profile disappeared and so I thought that was that.  However a month later I came across her Facebook profile and added her as a friend and sent her a message about why she had gone and maybe if she wanted to meet up again, a mistake I know but it’s done now.

So we met up for a meal and watched a movie at my flat, me only paying for the meal and drinks not for her time, where I told her about my feelings for her.  As expected she said she had no feelings for me but enjoyed seeing me as it was before and would be happy to continue this way, even though she said how she has stopped escorting now and I would be the only one still doing this with her.

Now it was fine at first but recently she has got into a relationship with someone and I thought that would be it, but she has said she is happy to continue seeing me as it is not serious between them at the moment, it has made me think of her more and more and makes me think how I am so useless with women and cannot meet anyone in the usual way.

I realise that nothing was or will ever happen between us relationship wise but I still can’t stop thinking about her despite this and the fact is since starting seeing me again she charges me at a really great rate, £180 for 3-3 ½ hours, and I do love a bargain.

I should stop seeing her and cut all contact and see other ladies, but like I’ve said it is exceptional value for money and where I live there is little choice for alternatives and if I started seeing others I would more likely see them more often, and start to think about how I cannot meet anyone and have a relationship.

How has anyone else copied with a situation like this?  I guess there are two issues, how should I deal with the situation with my regular? And how can I get over the feelings of not feeling worthless that I can’t meet someone on civi street the usual way and yet still continue to punt?

Once you get feelings for WGs of the romantic type my advice is move on and particularly as she has been honest enough to say she isnt interested in a relationship with you so she hasnt led you on which does happen sadly. I have got tangled up myself over the years but nowadays i just punt for the sex and if a WG is good VFM i punt with them as much as i can not thinking about having relationships with them.

You seem to have a lack of confidence in yourself, its not that rare. Best thing to do in my view is go out and try to pull whilst still punting and dont take any knockbacks from civvie women to heart. A mate of mine is one ugly guy but he has a blanket bombing technique with civvies that has resulted in him pulling some very attractive women over the years. All because he is both confident in himself and has a good sense of humour. Only you can change yourself of course. Good luck.

[Daffodil]

Once you get feelings for WGs of the romantic type my advice is move on and particularly as she has been honest enough to say she isnt interested in a relationship with you so she hasnt led you on which does happen sadly. I have got tangled up myself over the years but nowadays i just punt for the sex and if a WG is good VFM i punt with them as much as i can not thinking about having relationships with them.

You seem to have a lack of confidence in yourself, its not that rare. Best thing to do in my view is go out and try to pull whilst still punting and dont take any knockbacks from civvie women to heart. A mate of mine is one ugly guy but he has a blanket bombing technique with civvies that has resulted in him pulling some very attractive women over the years. All because he is both confident in himself and has a good sense of humour. Only you can change yourself of course. Good luck.

Exactly, I've seen some very good men try and fail with the ladies on many occasion. Means very little, women are a complicated bunch.

[Roland D Hay]

You might as well keep seeing her at those rates because given your general mental status you will almost certainly fall for the next one you start seeing. I hate to sound harsh but you need to toughen up and appreciate what you will get from punting. If you are shy and awkward around women then punting with a variety of women will help you overcome that and gain some confidence that you could maybe start to apply in civi life.
Continue to feel 'worthless' and you'll be guaranteed to not meet anyone or you'll meet someone who feels equally as 'worthless.' Not a great combination! You have to stop talking like that and thinking like that because no one wants to be around a depressive. People want to be around upbeat optimistic people and if you harbour ideas that getting women or anyone for that matter to feel sorry for you is a good idea then you will never break the cycle you're in. As I said, experience lots of different girls and watch your confidence develop. Just understand the difference between punting and real life and don't ask the first civilian girl that takes your fancy to suck you off for 50 quid. 

[Makka124]

You need to get in your head that she's using you and nothing will materialise from her then
delete all contact with her and start to better your self by going to the gym or join a fitness club to get your self esteem up.
Try to keep your spare time busy with other things then thinking about her
Go to clubs, holidays , see other WGs or work longer
Unfortunately this will take time but within a few months you will forget about her
Good luck you can do it

[HeyDougie]

Tough situation but the chaps above are right, you need to nip this in the bud and quick.

If you have confidence issues then might I suggest you seek out some fresh punts and treat them as an opportunity to work on your confidence, with WGs you are more in control of the situation so why not work on your punting persona, the more confident you that is a hit with the ladies.  You could then look to translate some of this onto civvy street, get out and socialise, using a little of the punting persona to boost your confidence.

WGs are there for one thing and one thing only; reads like you'd rather a relationship and it's just not a good idea to attempt that with one.

Good luck and have faith, as Daffodil says, they are very bloody complicated.

[hendrix]

Exactly what the guys have said. It happens, you can't always help how you feel, but you can help what you do. Move on.

[Roland D Hay]

I don't understand the 'she's using you' argument. Yes she's getting paid but he clearly enjoys her at a rate of roughly £60 per hour. Is she 'using' him just because he is now her only customer? We're all getting used if girls taking our money in exchange for sex is the criteria. She's been very clear that she is not interested in him personally so is not leading him on and is very clear that it's purely a business arrangement.

[smiths]

I don't understand the 'she's using you' argument. Yes she's getting paid but he clearly enjoys her at a rate of roughly £60 per hour. Is she 'using' him just because he is now her only customer? We're all getting used if girls taking our money in exchange for sex is the criteria. She's been very clear that she is not interested in him personally so is not leading him on and is very clear that it's purely a business arrangement.

Indeed, although its not provable he really is her only punter of course, it relies on taking her word for that, not something i would do. I made the point that unlike some she has been straight with him and not led him on about a possible relationship, so the OP knows where he stands on that.

The reason i advised moving on is he is torturing himself as i see it, better to have a clean break and hope he doesnt get as caught up with another WG. If he does i would then say punting isnt for him.

[Tailpipe]

I don't understand the 'she's using you' argument. Yes she's getting paid but he clearly enjoys her at a rate of roughly £60 per hour. Is she 'using' him just because he is now her only customer? We're all getting used if girls taking our money in exchange for sex is the criteria. She's been very clear that she is not interested in him personally so is not leading him on and is very clear that it's purely a business arrangement.

He is not in a good place at the moment if he punts more with different girls his confidence will
Grow and hopefully spill over it to civie street. I agree he's getting a good rate , but it's
What's in his best long term that matters and he needs to get her out of his system.

He's lucky he has meet a nice one that has been straight with him which is refreshing in its self.

[Taggart]

As tough as it may be, and however nice they seem, you should never lose sight of what they are and why they are doing it. They want to make money.
I recall a secondary school joke where a girl points to her crotch and says "with one of these, I can always get one of those", pointing to the guys dick area.  It's crude but true, and we should never forget.

In my early punting days, I was smitten by a slim blonde 20-something from Sheffield, very willing, slightly sub, stayed over time, and saw her more regularly that I should have, which made matters worse. Thoughts of her kept me awake at night. Daft, innit?  I almost felt like a protective father figure, given age differences, so there was another set of emotions coming into play.

Nowdays, I dont have any emotional attachment to a WG, just find em, fuck em and generally forget em - with a couple of exceptions where repeat visits are warranted because they are damn good, but not on a regular basis.

Thing is that she's doing this 3hs for £180 to you, are there others? She only needs a couple more seeing her frequently, and that's a nice tax free income too.

It'll be hard to move on, but do so you must - and you will feel better for it too. Then gradually, the emotional attachment will diminish.

[Daffodil]

As tough as it may be, and however nice they seem, you should never lose sight of what they are and why they are doing it. They want to make money.
I recall a secondary school joke where a girl points to her crotch and says "with one of these, I can always get one of those", pointing to the guys dick area.  It's crude but true, and we should never forget.

In my early punting days, I was smitten by a slim blonde 20-something from Sheffield, very willing, slightly sub, stayed over time, and saw her more regularly that I should have, which made matters worse. Thoughts of her kept me awake at night. Daft, innit?  I almost felt like a protective father figure, given age differences, so there was another set of emotions coming into play.

Nowdays, I dont have any emotional attachment to a WG, just find em, fuck em and generally forget em - with a couple of exceptions where repeat visits are warranted because they are damn good, but not on a regular basis.

Thing is that she's doing this 3hs for £180 to you, are there others? She only needs a couple more seeing her frequently, and that's a nice tax free income too.

It'll be hard to move on, but do so you must - and you will feel better for it too. Then gradually, the emotional attachment will diminish.

Kicking her into touch (certainly rather than the other way round) may even help his confidence 

[akauya]

Plenty of good advice there.

Like others said I must reiterate, you have to try very hard to stop seeing this girl. You may think it’s good value for money but aside the money, it’s not good for you because you have become emotionally attached to her whereas she only sees you as a client.

You need to get yourself a real civvy girlfriend. Of course you have sort out your self esteem issues first and obviously this will not happen overnight and will take a lot of will and persistence from you.

Try to get yourself into situations where you will meet a lot of women, not necessarily to date but to socialise. I hope this doesn’t sound patronising but you will see women are just human and there’s nothing mystical about them. They are just as fallible as us and some have even more self esteem issues than some men.

Once you are more comfortable socialising with women then you can start looking for dates, one thing to remember though is never take rejection badly. Rejection is part of the game. You HAVE to expect it, learn from it and move on to the next.

You can also try swinging, although that maybe jumping at the deep end at the moment but if you have thought about it let me know. PM me and I will give you some advice about the swinging scene.

Also have you tried online dating?

Basically you need to get yourself busy, very busy and away from this girl so you don’t start dwelling on it all the time. Meet other people and other women especially and have different experiences and with time you will get over it.

[Tjkooker]

Without reading the other replies.


If she is cheap, good looking and a good fuck keep doing her. Realise it's purely sex for you and money for her. She must enjoy the sex or she would avoid you. Experiment with her sexually. Do all the kinky things you want to try until she says no. Then find a new one that will say yes. 

[Tailpipe]

Plenty of good advice there.

Like others said I must reiterate, you have to try very hard to stop seeing this girl. You may think it’s good value for money but aside the money, it’s not good for you because you have become emotionally attached to her whereas she only sees you as a client.

You need to get yourself a real civvy girlfriend. Of course you have sort out your self esteem issues first and obviously this will not happen overnight and will take a lot of will and persistence from you.

Try to get yourself into situations where you will meet a lot of women, not necessarily to date but to socialise. I hope this doesn’t sound patronising but you will see women are just human and there’s nothing mystical about them. They are just as fallible as us and some have even more self esteem issues than some men.

Once you are more comfortable socialising with women then you can start looking for dates, one thing to remember though is never take rejection badly. Rejection is part of the game. You HAVE to expect it, learn from it and move on to the next.

You can also try swinging, although that maybe jumping at the deep end at the moment but if you have thought about it let me know. PM me and I will give you some advice about the swinging scene.

Also have you tried online dating?

Basically you need to get yourself busy, very busy and away from this girl so you don’t start dwelling on it all the time. Meet other people and other women especially and have different experiences and with time you will get over it.

Great post as always balanced clear and helpful.

[akauya]

Great post as always balanced clear and helpful.

Cheers 




PS. Glad you're back and posting

[Dani]

A decent prossie would have refused to see you again them moment you declared your feelings towards her.  she would not have said she will see only you at a special rate as this is actually leading you on, making you feel you are the only one she is seeing. again when she got a partner and tells you not to worry as it is not serious (meaning even if it was she wouldn't tell you as she wants your cash).

The moment she heard you declare your feelings knowing how insecure you are she should have stopped seeing you at least until you got over those feelings.

The best thing for you is to stop seeing her as you wont get over her if you are still visiting her, you will just get more involved and more hurt.  She makes it clear she doesn't want a relationship with you but still sneakily leads you on by saying you are the only one she sees and her relationship is not serious and blah blah blah.  I have seen this happen so many times and girls know if a guy has fallen for them then whenever they are skint they can rely on him to visit and pay up.  Its an old trick to say they don't want thembut give them a discount  to give them hope and no good ever comes of it.

[AnthG]

My advice, continue seeing her, just don't see her as much. Make sure to mix it up between. As in book with other girls in between the bookings with her.

[Tailpipe]

Dani

You are cynical but 100% correct , good to see from the the other side of the fence
Hopefully he will take this on board.

From my experience every punter thinks that just may be he is special in some way
And may be 1 in a 1000 it's true. The rest of the time it's exactly as you have posted.

[JB1969]

Look I have heard of prossies leading guys on with false promises until they get what they want out of them i.e money wise and then ignore the guy or treat him like shit.  At the end of the day you are being used because you allow yourself to be used, say goodbye and move on your merry way as you certainly do not need to be lead down the merry path by prossie no matter how good she thinks she is.  At the end of the day they tell us what they think we want to hear.

As for not having much luck with women, paying a woman to fuck you is not going to help in that department, maybe have a bit more taith in yourself.

[tikika]

I never meant for this to happen, I have seen 6-7 other ladies but I don't know what it is about this one.

Of course she could be saying that I am the only one she sees, but she was only doing this briefly and she did tell me things about herself and her life before I saw her facebook and the facts did match, I do even know where she and her family lives.  But again she could just be saying this of course.

She was upfront with me when I told her my feelings and I am lucky if she wanted she could of taken me for far more than she has done, I did offer.  The thing is I realise this and it makes it worse.

I don't think I am in any way special, it's just it is a really good price.

Thanks everyone for the advice, it has helped a bit.  I shall have to think about what to do and sort my head out one way or the other.  I guess I either try and get it into my head that its just sex, not see her as much, see others or just completely forget about her which would seem the sensible thing to do.

akauya - I have tried online dating, been on some dates but never lead anywhere.  I'm not one of these so called lads with all the banter(bullshit in other words) or really good looking and that what seems to matter to many nowadays.

[potato]

Tricky one this and I know the overwhelming advice is not to see her.  She has been straight enough to tell you that she has no feelings for you and you should accept that. The relationship she is having may not exist and she is using that to reinforce the fact that you don't count in her life. If the relationship does exist and she is still happy to see you, then would you be happy with the standards of that sort of girl anyway?

If you can separate out in your mind the sex from the emotion then carry on fucking her whilst you are getting a good rate.  If you can't then walk away.  As for the only one she see's - I doubt that that is the case.  Many girls disappear from AW and carry on working with a small amount of regulars that they think are okay - If you had to hunt her down then you didn't even make that list!

[Dani]

akauya - I have tried online dating, been on some dates but never lead anywhere.  I'm not one of these so called lads with all the banter(bullshit in other words) or really good looking and that what seems to matter to many nowadays.

Absolute rubbish unless you are trying to pull 18-21 yr olds that want to be wags.  Most women actually want a kind decent caring guy more than some macho hunk.  Don't put yourself down. If every woman only wanted conventionally gorgeous and macho men there would be a lot less marriages than there is.  Looks are very unimportant to most women as they tend to not be visually stimulated but emotionally instead so a good caring guy is going to get on much better than some macho twat who thinks he is gods gift.
 
Your only problem with women is your lack of confidence.  Seeing one prossie makes you comfy but getting out and seeing a different one each time will help you overcome your insecurity once you realise we are not some unknown species that just wants the macho hunk.  The more women you meet the more comfortable you will feel around them and the more chance you will have of meeting a civvie woman as you will be seen to be self assured and in your comfort zone around women.  We do like a confident man.  That is more of a turn on than most things.  Just don't confuse confidence with arrogance as some do

[Jvosta]

Where is vorian when you need him?

 IMO if you really like her, be happy that you get to see her and experiencing things with her, even if she's never going to be yours.

Of course you can never really know if she is sincere when she tells you things, or just things you want to hear....but that's just how it is

[Toshiba]

Just remember shes only after ya money, only interested in ya money, fucking you for ya money

Get it now?

Go shag another hooker, then another, then another

They all just want ya money

Hope thats put you off her

[Rochdull lad]

. . . and whatever you do, don't read the "Emotional Attachment Syndrome" thread!!

[SirFrank]

If you are happy to keep on fucking her for cash at a reduced rate, knock yourself out but accept she has no feelings for you and you will never have a relationship with her other than on a punting basis. If you genuinely have feelings for her you will have your heart broken if you carry on. I e never had a punting relationship like this but when I was early 20s I had a relationship with a 30 year old woman who I worked with. She was engaged and living with her fella. I started to develop feelings for her and she started talking about leaving him etc. then she said she just wanted a NSA relationship. I wanted more at this stage but went with it all the while knowing she was just using me. I got to the stage where it was starting to really get to me and started to think I've got to end this when she broke it off and said she had to concentrate on her relationship. It was a terrible relief!

2 years later he fucked off with a younger model. We worked miles apart at this stage and I'd moved well and truly on. I then bumped into her on a night on about 5 years later and she was all over me. Later in the night she asked me if we could go out on a date. I said sorry that ship has sailed. I didn't get any real joy from it as such and the whole experience was a learning process for me. Never again

[Pauluk1]

If you get her at that rate for 3 hours of non stop fucking then fair enough.  If not I'd pay her for an hour max and eat the pizza and watch the movie by yourself.
The cash saved can buy you another punt.