External Link/Members OnlyThe venue: No response to email so booked over the phone a few days later. Phone was answered by a female with east asian accent. She didn't even ask what I wanted, which seemed weird considering how verbose their portfolio is. Easy to find, walked in, said asian lady (I'd say in her late 40's, quite chubby, 3/10) was sitting on the couch in lingerie with garter belt and high heels. Considering they have a transparent glass storefront. I mean WTF? She just said 'hello' and then the asian guy, who I later found out they call 'the doctor', took over the convo. I said that I booked an hour with Christina. Soon Christina walked out of the office, dressed in yoga pants and a crop top. Paid £60 and followed Christina to the basement. The place is quite shabby and untidy. Smallest massage room I've ever been to, no space around the gurney, terrible decoration, messy, 20-year-old filthy plastic shower stand from IKEA crammed in there as well.
The girl: Blonde girl, hair tied up, in her late 20's I think. Slim body, face 4/10. I actually considered walking the moment she appeared cause she wasn't to my liking at all but then I remembered I was there more for a massage than anything else.
The service: I was given a towel and was asked to undress while she left the room. When she returned, she put on some music from her phone (youtube with commercial cuts, very annoying) and then asked me what kind of massage I wanted. I said that she should start with a full body cause I like first all my muscles/bones/joints stretched from neck to toes and that later I would point her to some specific areas. During the massage she was talking a lot, even asking me personal questions but she quickly realized I didn't appreciate that. Her massage was mediocre - i.e. it wasn't time wasting oil rub but I've had been touched miles better before without having to lead the masseuse on. I tried to even tell her what to do but it just wasn't working. Not a hint of sensuality, either. In the second half hour, I pointed to her some areas I've been having problems with due to my line of work or past injuries but I just couldn't get her to do it right or even hit the exact spot on my lower back. It was really frustrating. With about five minutes left, she asked if I wanted to cum. Just like that... it's 30 quid for HR. I was far from being in the mood, refused and couldn't even be bothered to enquire what else was on offer. Except, if she did private parts grooming. That would be the only thing that would make me stay longer or come again because I really don't feel like walking into some proper establishment just for that. She said, only 'the doctor' does that. I suppressed a snort (like hell I'm ever gonna let a dude touch me down under) and said 'I see, maybe next time'. So I washed off the oil and left.
Bottom-line: I should've walked!
