What the fuck was I thinking.......
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External Link/Members OnlyOK, no excuses at all really. Let down by Plan "A", "B" and "C", should have gone to the Pub had a couple of dozen beers then home to see Mrs Palm and her 5 lovely Daughters but fuck no, contacted Plan "D"........
Asked if OWO and Anal were included in the price of £80 for the hour (was I on drugs?), "Yes", came the reply. How bad can it be I think. So arrange a time, only 45 minutes away and drive to the given Postcode. Park in a 2 hour spot, thinking who knows, maybe I will extend the meeting? Arrived 10 mins early.
Text Ping Pong goes like this;
Me - I am here
Her - go to Number ??
What a stroke of luck, I was actually parked right outside it.
Her - Come to door, text again, she says.
15 seconds later
Me - i'm here.
Her - You can't be, that was too fast
Me - Well I am
Her - What colour is the Door Bell?
Me - WTF. I'm here
Her - OK
I should have walked at this point.
At which point, Door opens and a short stock girl is stood behind the door. I enter and am asked to follow her up the stairs. It is the girl on the profile, no doubt at all. She is bigger than I like but then again she is Plan "D"......
Through a lounge, which is a shit tip. Couch, small table shit all over the floor. Probably 5 or 6 quid in copper coins, strewn around the place on the floor. I ask about them and get a mumbled non-coherent reply.
I should have walked at this point.
Ushered into another room. The bedroom. I know this because it was a room with a Bed. I felt uncomfortable, as though being watched. I walked over and opened the wardrobe, just clothing but fuck it felt weird.
I should have walked at this point.
As I returned to the bed area, the humongous tits were out. "You like"? Well, apart from the nipples pointing to the floor, they were the best I was going to see today so like a dickhead I said Yes.
In a Romanian accent (When will I learn) "Money", "Money". Now I know I was crazy for even going but I had one second of sanity and handed over £50 for 30 mins, NOT the £80 for the hour... Phew, I am learning eh?
I strip down, cos I just know this is not going to be any kind of GFE experience.
She gets on the bed, grabs my cock and starts tugging. "Suck titties", I am told. Why the hell not. Oh, I know why. "Too hurt" "too hurt", what? Ah, they are sensitive, I have to stop. Fuck me. She then grabs a condom. "Sex" "Sex".
No, oral, I say. This is met with a blank look, as though I was speaking a foreign language or something. Oh wait I was.....I had to motion what I wanted. Ah!! The Penny (Ruble or whatever) dropped. She continued with the condom. I tried to explain that we had confirmed OWO in a text less than an hour earlier but I was getting nowhere, literally. Then, second good idea of the day, lets go OW....I only have 30 minutes and it might take that long to explain.
Dick has gone soft due to having to explain, not that it was ever rock hard but anyway.....
Condom on, 3 or maybe as many as 4 times in her mouth and it was, "Sex" "Sex".
Why not, this is NOT what I was planning for today so lets get it over.
Fanny like a dustbin and dry as a bone.
Gave up trying, wanked on tits, wiped myself, used her wetwipes, without asking, got the evil eye for using a third one.
"You enjoy", I am asked as I rapidly get dressed. "Oh hell yes", I reply. Thinking about it now, that was a lie.......
I am ready to leave when she says "Money", "Money". What. I paid before we started. I was looking and listening now for Sergie to rush in and freek out...... "You cum on titties", yep, that was me. "That extra".."Extra 20".
Like fuck it is. In my best Yorkshire accent I said "NO FUCKING WAY" and left.
She was still mumbling as I went back into the Lounge, again, being alert for Sergie to come bounding out from behind the curtains, cos there was fuck all else in the room he could be hiding behind but no. I leave the room, head downstairs, she shouts "Close Door". I did, gladly.
Car was still there, thank god. I jump in and drive just a few hundred yards down the road, sit and calm down.
17 minutes, from arrival to parking up. $50 quid wasted.
Now, its time for that pint.
Pretty sure you don't need me to say but, NOT recommended as a Plan "D", maybe a Plan "X" or something......
Took longer to write this review and to be honest, I had more fun writing this than the punt too.....lol
