Author Topic: Mistress E... Barnsley  (Read 7968 times)


2 review(s) for Mature n Sassy (1 positive, 0 neutral, 1 negative) [Indexed by ]

softlad

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My first punt for nearly a year and one I now wish I hadn't done.
I only realised I had a window of opportunity for a punt at v.short notice so couldn't travel far or plan in advance/do research etc.

Anyway... I phoned three local to me, didn't have time to mess about with emails, two never answered the third txt'd me back and a booking was arranged.
She wasn't my first choice but biggish tits, owo listed and nice telephone manner were enough to seal the deal.

Upon my arrival my first reaction was to understand why no face pic's, she probably does it for discretion reasons, had I seen the 'boat race' I wouldn't have bothered... :scare:
Her chest looked ok, body was much wider around the middle than photo's suggested.
She welcomed me with a full on kiss and felt for my tackle as she did so,
I thought... yeah she's ugly but sometimes munters are dirty,
anyway in for a penny... :music:

I paid my fee and resigned myself to what was hopefully going to be a good session, ugly/over weight birds sometime make up for what they lack in looks/body with better service...
Not this one...Fuck me can she talk !  :mad:
Typical southerner (no offence to my southern bro's), loved the sound of her own voice, thought I'd be interested how many "wonderful" clients she see's, or how well off they are and how they spoil her... :dash:
Hey one is even taking her to ST.Lucia... :rolleyes:


Service wise I'd asked for an oily massage which she did, then she spent 5 min's on a very average bj which she told me at least five times are her speciality, I just lay back thinking what the fuck am I doing here, I could hardly get hard with her constant fucking boring chatter.
She then declared "my time now you can lick me" normally I enjoy R.O. but draw the line with fat ugly birds... :vomit:
I felt bullied into it, I shut my eyes and went where no sane man would ever pay to go, with the memory still fresh in my mind the best I can come up with without fetching my breakfast back up is...not good.  :(

Eventually I got a hard on and condom on fucked her in mish' tried to get it over with as quickly as poss'
then it happened...
An over whelming stench filled the room, I thought fuck me she'll say something in a minute, an apology or something etc...
Nooooooo, she carried on seemingly oblivious still yabbering on how good she is and how successful in her real job she is... :dash:
I'm about 30mins into a 1hr booking now and was happy to make my excuses and leg it, she said let me clean you up and suck you clean...
I admit, i'm weak... :dash:
I laid back to get a bit of a pampering to erase the memory of recent events, next minute she declares "I'll sit on your face and you can lick me while I suck you off"  :scare: :scare: :scare:
What is it with this fucker !!!
Does she not realise i'm paying it's all about meeeeeeee.
She sat on my chest and I held my nose while she attempted to suck my flaccid cock, after 10mins enough was enough and I said I had to go.
This lady needs to get to the dr's she has a BV infection which fucking stinks.  :vomit:
Infection aside I can't recommend and wouldn't dream of returning.

If only we paid after the event walking would be easy but how do you walk when you've just handed over £120 ?

Back to retirement for me... :(

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Offline NIK

Bloody hell mate!  And I thought my recent experience was bad!  :scare: :vomit: :scare:

Please don't let your retirement keep you away from us though.  :thumbsup:

James999

  • Age Check : 18+
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 :vomit:

Fucking expensive for a fat old minger as well !

Offline Jimmyredcab

:vomit:

Fucking expensive for a fat old minger as well !

Yes quite, you can buy a house in Barnsley for £5K        :thumbsdown:

James999

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Yes quite, you can buy a house in Barnsley for £5K        :thumbsdown:

So even the property's over priced  :sarcastic:

Offline Marmalade

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Welcome back, Mr Softlad.  :hi:

Sounds like you've returned with a touch of 'Nik'-itis and beginner's-style luck in shit pro$$ie :cool:  :bomb:  :crazy:

Better luck with the next one as you relaunch yourself into hopefully better cock-receptacles.  ;)

  I'm sure your old nose for sniffing out fine fanny will return as normal service resumes.

Offline skittish

Shit luck Softlad

Entertaining story though  :drinks: for sharing. Makes my crap punts look positively excellent.

Offline pdq

sadly in Barnsley we have few quality prossies
there are two I would happily do but sadly the rest drive to travel to leeds or even worse sheffield 

whiterussian

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flippin heck Softy, there's nowt worse than a stinky clout.

sounds like the worst punting scenario ever, your balls must have been full for you to drop 120 on a stinker.

regardless, good to see your well mate :thumbsup:

softlad

  • Age Check : 18+
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Please don't let your retirement keep you away from us though.  :thumbsup:

Cheers mate... :drinks:

Fucking expensive for a fat old minger as well !

Absolutely...  :(

So even the property's over priced  :sarcastic:

 :lol:

Welcome back, Mr Softlad.  :hi:

Thanks buddy... :drinks:

sadly in Barnsley we have few quality prossies

True bud... :(

regardless, good to see your well mate :thumbsup:

Thanks mate, hope you are well... :drinks:

Iblisuk

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Very entertaining review, if not an entertains hour.
But how the hell has this obvious minger got so much good feedback. It's beyond me that punters expect so little.

softlad

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But how the hell has this obvious minger got so much good feedback.

Exactly....Just goes to show you can't trust all reviews read elsewhere...
At least on here posters can build up a reliable and trusted reputation and their reviews can be respected.

Toshiba

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Funniest thing ive read on here

Fuck me i laughed at that so much

Nothing worse the dorty minger

Offline Mr Farkyhars

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Presumably a lot of what 'Mistress E' did during the punt can be explained if she thought she was 'dominating' you? :D
Banned reason: Nothing in. 7 years
Banned by: Iloveoral

Offline munterhunter

flippin heck Softy, there's nowt worse than a stinky clout.

sounds like the worst punting scenario ever, your balls must have been full for you to drop 120 on a stinker.

regardless, good to see your well mate :thumbsup:

There is something worse than a stinky clout.
Having itchy pubes after shagging one!
Crabs to go with the "fish"

It's enough to put you right off punting.....or travelling to Barnsley!

Bad Luck softlad

Iblisuk

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Now working as Adorable Ellie.

Must have seen your review hehe

Offline munterhunter

Hey one is even taking her to ST.Lucia... :rolleyes:


Judging by this review.....lets hope he leaves her there!!!!!!!

Offline thekingreturns

Well she's bid on my RB and I thought looks like a milf so why not... then I remembered from my previous mistakes and checked her... thank god I did haha  :vomit:


Kingy