30 Minute Incall £60
External Link/Members Only(Hope this link works - new bloody phone)
Comms.Fantastic comms through text with Amber, postcode and street given, I was a little concerned that the area is a busy road however Amber reassured me it was flats which put my mind at ease.
Location.
Located on the second busiest main road in Darlington, on a junction with traffic lights on all sides, pubs 100 yards away.
When I arrived, I text Amber to ask for a rear entrance as this location was terrible, sadly not. She said Livvy would come and open the main door so there would be no standing around.....in hindsight this was the time to cancel and walk, anyway little man ruled and I went back to find by poor chance, the road was clear so I dived in - a bit like an old fashioned private investigator film following a suspect. With that Amber text me flat number which was easy to find.
The Meet.Knocked and door opened by Livvy, stats are about right I would say, 5ft 5, size 8 and 30 years old, a bit rough round the edges, fantastic figure to be fair with great tits and arse. At this point I am going to use specific quotes to try and give you the complete picture. I got shown into the bedroom which was just a mattress on the floor, the bed was in pieces leaning against the wall.
"You give me the money and I'll be back in a minute" ok, at this point I normally crack a joke about parking fees, renting the room and contents etc. No warmth or attempt to lighten the mood. Whilst I started to undress, Livvy from another part of the flat started telling me the rules (walls must be thick otherwise everybody would know what was going on).
"I don't do kissing in the mouth" - doesn't bother me.
"If you want blowjob then it's with a condom" - why the f**k else am I here?
"No going down on me I'm just finishing my monthly" - like seriously WTF. BORK! At this point seriously I can't believe I didn't walk myself before you all have a go.
I laid down looking for the will to live, whilst taking in the situation in hand, never mind I thought to myself, in truth I am here for one reason and one reason only so let's get on with it.
"Are you a boob man or an arse man"? I said I like a good arse, personally all tits are good tits with a pretty face. Livvy wouldn't be too bad if someone hasn't just microwaved her cat or the bin man had not forgotten to empty her bin, that's the facial expression I was contending with. I said I'm an arse man, and I swear to god, on my life she said "there's my arse" and turned slightly to show me where it was. Thank fuck, I was actually stumped at what to say, obviously wise cracks were a no no. She reached for a condom and asked me to put it on because she had jagged nails and couldn't figure out which way it went on, I pointed out it won't go on because I'm not erect, I was limper than a strand of cooked spaghetti, at this point she must have realised 'oh yeah, that's the bit where I come in' and she started staring at it and shaking it from side to side, I managed to stuff myself into the bag, and she gave me a covered 'helmet job' I don't know if I have just invented this new phrase but I'm sure you get the gist, within 30 seconds "just let me know when you want sex" I said "I'm ok for now" expecting this performance to actually turn into a blowjob, 30 seconds later she stopped the 'helmet job' and said "now"? I said "yeah fine let's have sex",
I realised there and then that my enthusiasm now matched hers so I was thinking of anything to keep myself hard. "If you want me on top it won't be for long as I have asthma but we can try" she got a handful of white foam lube and splattered herself with it and lowered herself onto me, then sat.......not sure what she was waiting for, then it hit me, I'm the one supposed to do the work, so there I am rocking and jumping around like a tied up hostage in a sack trying to fuck with a sack of spuds sat on me.
After about a minute "do you feel the urge to come yet" - I feel the urge to never punt again was what was going through my mind, I said "let's go doggy", this was the good bit because now I could use my imagination to make me cum and use Livvy as a container. I went rock all to try and get it over with and bang....job done, she moved off me and passed me a pack of wipes and said
"I'm just going to freshen up for the next one" - it was just a carry on film now so that didn't even shock me, alone in the room I then realise - BLOOD! Fucking BLOOD. Anyway she never appeared again so I let myself out.
I can't even be arse finishing this review because im disgusted, although I did phone Amber and told her how terrible the punt was, she was great to be fair. Was offered a discount on another girl, to be honest I think I need to see a shrink now not an escort.
I was in and out in 10 minutes.....no exaggeration as it was Amber who pointed that out when I called.
Nothing else to say........apart from BORK!
