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Author Topic: Tips for punting when my wife is working at home  (Read 15923 times)

Online MeritofMirth

I hope I'm posting this in the right place. If not, feel free to redirect me.

I've been punting on and off for a few years now, so that I can enjoy the variety cancelled out by married life without fear of the consequences.

I mostly work from home whereas my wife doesn't. In usual circumstances, when needs must, I can sneak out in the middle of the day; satisfy my needs then return home and scrub up before she suspects a thing.

With the pandemic easing up, I really fancy another punt. However, with the wife at home, it seems quite risky. I was wondering if anyone (who has already navigated a similar situation) had any tips as to how I could minimise risk, or is it completely unadvisable?

Offline winkywanky

I guess you need to come up with a contrived but believable scenario where you have a good excuse to leave the house for a couple of hours, and be very sure that whatever WG you see, she has good shower facilities and that your missus (literally) won't smell anything when you get home.

As has been discussed here before, the sense of smell is so primevally important in humans (particularly of the female variety) that she'd possibly smell your punt a mile off.

Discuss this with any prospective WG?

Also the usual stuff like your phone's location capabilities, where did the money come from and can its loss be explained away?

Offline daviemac

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I would tell her I was going for a game of golf. That'll give you a good 4 hours. Or the driving range if you don't need that long.

Offline Hobbit

I agree about the smell aspect. You need to have a shower when you return immediately so whatever your excuse is, it must involve having a shower afterward. :hi:

And be careful with the lipstick.

Offline fredfunkster

I would tell her I was going for a game of golf. That'll give you a good 4 hours. Or the driving range if you don't need that long.

Not a bad plan, but, both options require locations, which could be checked on or asked about. You could go for a punt, then get in a quick 9 holes, (arf!) which means you won't have to make anything up.

Other options could be cycling, running, birdwatching - anything with a non-specific location. Going for a bike ride is good because you can ride to the incall, lock-up nearby, and have zero risk of you car being spotted.

Offline winkywanky

I would tell her I was going for a game of golf. That'll give you a good 4 hours. Or the driving range if you don't need that long.


Surely you'd come back with wood though?  :unknown:

Offline winkywanky

I agree about the smell aspect. You need to have a shower when you return immediately so whatever your excuse is, it must involve having a shower afterward. :hi:

And be careful with the lipstick.



Perhaps less of a problem if his wife hasn't seen his cock for the last 10yrs or so?

Offline Slaveofnature

OP I sympathise and I'm in the same position.  My job is such that I can come and go as I please without anyone caring but now my wife and I are both working at home and I don't have any good reason to be gone for a couple of hours.  Also the added factor of she caught me messing around with other women a couple of years ago and would be suspicious if I disappeared for no good reason.  Daviemac suggested golf but I don't golf, however the cycling idea sounds good. I am totally missing the whole sex experience i.e. the logging onto AW, the contact to arrange a punt, the text back etc. then the actual sex. Hope you come up with a good excuse and if you do be sure to share it on here.

Offline Jonestown

Going for a bike ride is good because you can ride to the incall, lock-up nearby, and have zero risk of you car being spotted.

Watch out for having your bike nicked in an area you have no reason to be in, can be tricky if you report it to the police and insurance.

Online RedKettle

I really need gyms to open up again, so that I can shower after a good work out!

Online MeritofMirth


Perhaps less of a problem if his wife hasn't seen his cock for the last 10yrs or so?

Very good advice!

I can confirm that my wife has seen my cock in the last ten years - we haven't even been married that long!

Online MeritofMirth

Watch out for having your bike nicked in an area you have no reason to be in, can be tricky if you report it to the police and insurance.

In London (where I'm based) this is the advantage of Boris Bikes...

Online MeritofMirth

OP I sympathise and I'm in the same position.  My job is such that I can come and go as I please without anyone caring but now my wife and I are both working at home and I don't have any good reason to be gone for a couple of hours.  Also the added factor of she caught me messing around with other women a couple of years ago and would be suspicious if I disappeared for no good reason.  Daviemac suggested golf but I don't golf, however the cycling idea sounds good. I am totally missing the whole sex experience i.e. the logging onto AW, the contact to arrange a punt, the text back etc. then the actual sex. Hope you come up with a good excuse and if you do be sure to share it on here.

Glad to hear that there's someone who is in a similar situation.

We're quite newly-wed and it's not that our marriage is dead, I just like sleeping with different women. A fling I had at work nearly blew up in my face too. Punting is the safest option.

I'll definitely report back if I work up the courage. Winky Wanky's advice about enquiring about shower facilities is particularly good and potentially discussing it with the WG! Luckily we do maintain separate spending accounts so she doesn't have oversight of this. Daviemac has convinced me that it might be time to acquire an interest in Golf...   

Seriously aill, I'm really grateful.
« Last Edit: July 07, 2020, 11:11:27 am by MeritofMirth »

Offline Derrick101

I agree about the smell aspect. You need to have a shower when you return immediately so whatever your excuse is, it must involve having a shower afterward. :hi:

And be careful with the lipstick.

The trick there is to not put any on  :wacko:

And I concur with the golf excuse !

Offline haggismccormick


 

I can confirm that my wife has seen my cock in the last ten years - we haven't even been married that long!
[/quote]

Did she ever see it before you got married?  :rolleyes:
If yes, for how long before and how many times?

Offline daviemac

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Surely you'd come back with wood though?  :unknown:
Nah, I'm sure that would be ironed out during the 'game'.   :sarcastic:

Offline Watts.E.Dunn

You could always pretend that your going the see the bank manager. Well that can take quite some time and how could she check up on you?, ever tried to contact any bugger at the banker wankers therse days?.

Well have ya punk;!!!!

Offline daviemac

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Not a bad plan, but, both options require locations, which could be checked on or asked about. You could go for a punt, then get in a quick 9 holes, (arf!) which means you won't have to make anything up.
Phone on silent and left in a locker at the golf club.   :hi:

Offline winkywanky

Nah, I'm sure that would be ironed out during the 'game'.   :sarcastic:


I guess it depends how good your bunker game is?  ;)

Offline pewpewpew

The whole shower/smell thing is tricky. I told her once I was going to the gym and shagged a girl instead. Showered at her place and when I got home she noted that I smelled different as I'd used her shower gel. I said I left my shower gel in the locker and some guy let me use his but if not for the gym excuse I don't know what I would have said

Offline winkywanky

Take your own (regular) showergel to the punt?

Online MeritofMirth



I can confirm that my wife has seen my cock in the last ten years - we haven't even been married that long!


Did she ever see it before you got married?  :rolleyes:
If yes, for how long before and how many times?

Very specific!

Offline Dashing

.... However, with the wife at home, it seems quite risky...

Alternatively, OP ... might there be mileage in a different kind of subtle scheme ... centred around encouraging the wife to not be at home ... with lockdown easing ... and her having been cooped up indoors ... and hairdressers re-opening ... and her not having seen her friends for so long ... :cool:

Offline Pennine Rover

A related issue is the cash.  No I do have some extra income sources but I usually get some cash out of the bank each week to pay for incidental shopping, coffee, drinks etc. Some of this goes to one side for a monthly punt. With the lock down and everyone doing cardless there is no need for cash except for the SPs.  Thus when we get going again it will be difficult to get the cash without questions being asked.
It will also effect the ladies of course, as they will do as much of their shopping by cash in order to get rid of the money.  One lady I saw monthly said when I gave her the money that is was her "petrol money" for the month and we joked about each tine I paid her.

Offline Fredbone

The reason needs to a regular activity that you do (or could start to do) which is done alone and has or requires a shower when you get home. Plus if the wife asks to take part this can be done. So golf or golf range works, swimming (but need to get in the pool so trunks smell chemicals and wet towel), gym, cycle ride, walk, walk the dog (two issues with this 🐕🐕), please add to list

Offline Adoniron

Go fishing. I mean really go fishing. You'll be gone for hours and can punt on the way there or the way back. You can even send the wife some photos from the lake or river bank or you can ignore her and say you had no signal.

Offline winkywanky

That's a good idea, even if you came back smelling of fish it'd be just fine  :thumbsup:

Offline Thephoenix

Nah, I'm sure that would be ironed out during the 'game'.   :sarcastic:

It's obvious you've got your excuses off to a tee.
I agree you can't just go for a long drive, then pitch up without some planning, and returning home smelling of lynx shower gel can be a giveaway if you only use carbolic soap.
If you're determined enough to master the doggy leg and practice your short strokes, you'll be sure of putting it in the hole,  or if not, just below the hole. :rolleyes:

Offline donnybob

Alternatively, OP ... might there be mileage in a different kind of subtle scheme ... centred around encouraging the wife to not be at home ... with lockdown easing ... and her having been cooped up indoors ... and hairdressers re-opening ... and her not having seen her friends for so long ... :cool:

Years ago I was a  driver for an agency and this one particualar day I drove an escort to a booking and the instructions were incredibly specific parka round the corner past the house, not before stuff like that, will ring when can approach the house.
seems the wife went out to the local to play darts  so it was timed for that specific period of time she was out the house, god knows what would have happened if she had forgotten her darts or came back early.

Offline Horizontal pleasures

I am in the same position, and no golf or cycling or gym excuses available. The only time I get out without her is to pop down to the corner shops and get the Evening Standard in the afternoon which means I get my daily walk.

Her work is adult education and she does it on Zoom now and probably in the autumn it will still be on Zoom. All I can hope for is if she goes on an outing to an art gallery or Kew, but I should only have time for a local massage, not to find a real Indie.

HP

Offline therma

Depends on your overall circumstances, assuming normal working hours of your wife during the week (9-5, Mon-Fri). If you are planning a punt on a weekday, you can say you were called into office for an urgent meeting, which will last a few hours. On the weekend, likely to be more tricky as less viable excuses given the situation surrounding corona. Possible excuses given easing of lockdown restrictions, playing football with mates in the park, going to the pub with mates or going out shopping for items for yourself.

Also, your excuses depends on what kind of session you booking.  Are you booking a WG that you can get to fairly quickly or quite a distance from you? how long are you looking to book? - a quick pump n dump or an 1-2Hrs? The shorter the time frame you will be out, your excuse maybe somewhat easier as going out for a short while is plausible during lockdown compared to a longer time frame.

Offline blend57

I think some of you must be married to former members of the Stassi......

You could always develop an interest in art and antiquities. That way you can pay a visit to one of the many art galleries and museums in London. A trip to the British Museum could occupy you for a day and would leave you plenty of time to nip off to see an escort for a hour, either on the way there or the way back.

Bear in mind that museums tend to change the exhibits and put on special exhibitions, so it will not be unusual for you to visit the same place several times in a year.

Offline fastnet

Slipping the leash for a couple of hours will of course depend on your circumstances and any hobbies, sports or legitimate interests.
Any time there’s a birthday, anniversary or xmas on the horizon I can disappear for a few hours simply smiling saying don’t ask or it will spoil the surprise.
Any remarks about smelling different can be answered by the hint that you visited a store to buy wifey perfume and it really stank of the stuff.


Online RedKettle

I think some of you must be married to former members of the Stassi......


Yes and mine specialised in interrogation.  :scare:

Online David1970

Yes and mine specialised in interrogation.  :scare:

Does she have the uniform, handcuffs and whip? :yahoo:



« Last Edit: July 07, 2020, 07:36:21 pm by David1970 »

Offline Tricks

I normally go for a beer in Leeds with some mates, which means I'm not dressed like a tramp. I have a punt beforehand and make a proper day of it . Any shower gell smell has worn off by the time I get home.

Offline Murray Mint

Get a 'virtual friend' to send you an email suggesting that, with the easing of lockdown, you meet up for lunch and a drink.

Offline Bonker

Sounds to me like it's not worth the risk.

Offline fredfunkster

I think some of you must be married to former members of the Stassi......

You could always develop an interest in art and antiquities. That way you can pay a visit to one of the many art galleries and museums in London. A trip to the British Museum could occupy you for a day and would leave you plenty of time to nip off to see an escort for a hour, either on the way there or the way back.

yes, or go to visit Salisbury cathedral, has tallest church tower in England and very old clock, is very famous, but snow was making it very cold..

Offline threechilliman

I normally go for a beer in Leeds with some mates, which means I'm not dressed like a tramp. I have a punt beforehand and make a proper day of it . Any shower gell smell has worn off by the time I get home.

Perfect. My advice is never return home direct from a punt. As for punting whilst the wife is working from home, forget it. I won't be punting until folk are back at work where I can punt at lunchtime and allow an afternoons graft to rid myself of any curious odours.

Offline Home Alone

I think some of you must be married to former members of the Stassi......


Yet again, as someone who didn't - dare - start punting until over 18 months after the OH pissed off with 'my successor', I can only marvel at the ingenuity some of you display to make sure that you can keep practising this pastime of ours! :hi:

Offline Marquis

I have mostly worked from home for several years now whilst my OH has had a regular day job.

My current situation has some similarities with the OP's - missus furloughed and me working from home. But, since part of my job involves technical sales, I'm expecting that I will soon be able to make appointments with customers and fit in a quick session of horizontal jogging followed by 20 minutes in the gym (hopefully open from next month) to work up a sweat before I get home. 'Accidentally' spill some coffee on my work shirt and chinos so both they and the gym kit have to go straight into the wash after I've had my post gym shower at home. An alternative to the spilt coffee excuse is that the customer uses strong chemicals and my clothes smell.

This depends on whether the risk of catching Covid-19 continues to decline over time. I'm not ready to chance it yet.

Offline Fredbone

Another reason for a few hours out during the day - job interview that an old mate set-up for you - that you never get. Only works a few times - getting a hobby is still the best for regular punts.

Offline SN5

Another reason for a few hours out during the day - job interview that an old mate set-up for you - that you never get. Only works a few times - getting a hobby is still the best for regular punts.

This is a good one. Could go online and send a fake email to yourself inviting you to an interview. Im sure you could Google interview invites and copy and paste the wording and just change the particulars. Good reason to be out of the house for a few hours. Just don't forget to follow it up with a fake rejection email so she doesn't get her hopes up of you getting a new job.

I'm in a similar position to the OP, with the other half being at home a lot now. Recently I told her I was having a quiet day workwise, so fancied going out for a couple of hours for a long walk at a nearby forest or mountain. No reason for doubt, its something I do weekly anyway. In reality I had an appointment with someone.
Just make the excuse for getting out believable, an activity she knows you already partake in.

Online thimble29

Just to add that the trick is not to find an excuse for a particular occasion, but to cultivate a life whereby you're out of the house on a regular basis. If you punt every time you go out you're likely to be caught out by anyone checking.
If you genuinely go out semi regularly (ie to play tennis) then odds are anyone checking will normally find you playing tennis, which looks more believable.

Offline RLondon99

Another reason for a few hours out during the day - job interview that an old mate set-up for you - that you never get. Only works a few times - getting a hobby is still the best for regular punts.

Ha ha. If you can find a company doing face to face job interviews right now I'd be amazed. And so would your OH.


Offline Mr Sinister

Watch out for having your bike nicked in an area you have no reason to be in, can be tricky if you report it to the police and insurance.

False, they don't care about why you're in an area, just you have proof the bike is yours and that it was locked/secured properly.

At the moment bike theft is rife due to the demand of everyone taking up cycling.

Offline Jonestown

False, they don't care about why you're in an area, just you have proof the bike is yours and that it was locked/secured properly.

Yes, I'm sure the police or insurers wouldn't give a toss why you were in the area, not so the wife were she to see or hear any details.

Offline Payyourwaymate

Would saying you have taken up a position as a volunteer in a particular area or organisation which requires you to be outside/lots of travelling work?

Offline Jonestown

Would saying you have taken up a position as a volunteer in a particular area or organisation which requires you to be outside/lots of travelling work?

Yes a good one  :thumbsup:   

Lots of scope for emergency call outs as well, should you feel the need.