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Author Topic: The joke thread  (Read 150069 times)

Online VladtheImpaleHer

I've got a lot of admiration for athlete Colin Jackson, he's had to overcome a lot of hurdles to get where he is in life.

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Online myothernameis

A cracker of an April Fool, and its so good, could easily have been true

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Offline norwichfunseeker

I told my boss I needed a pay rise as 3 other companies were after me!

He asked which ones ?

I said "gas, water & electric"

Online webpunter

I told my boss I needed a pay rise as 3 other companies were after me!

He asked which ones ?

I said "gas, water & electric"

& dont forget Vivie  ;) :D




Offline Corus Boy

Situations you may find yourself in, and the orgasms you may encounter...

Sex in a boat - oar-gasms.
Sex with a nerd - dork-gasms.
Sex at the entrance to your house - door-gasms.
Sex on carpet or linoleum - floor-gasms.
Sex at the supermarket - store-gasms.
Sex at a Steven King Movie - horror-gasms.
Sex with a prostitute - whore-gasms.
Sex with an accountant - bore-gasms.
Sex while sleeping - snore-gasms.
Sex with 'Arthur' - Dudley Moore-gasms.
Sex with cartoon donkeys - Eyeore-gasms.
Sex while broke - poor-gasms.
Sex with a lion - roar-gasms.
Sex for hours and hours on end - sore-gasms.
Sex on a golf course - fore-gasms.
Sex with a nymphomaniac - more-gasms.
Sex in a gold mine - ore-gasms.
Sex with a dermatologist - pore-gasms.
Sex with a politician - Al Gore-gasms.
Sex with Chocolate, marshmallows, and graham crackers - s'more-gasms.
Sex with a bullfighter - toreador-gasms.
Sex with a masked man carrying a sword - zorro-gasms.
Sex on the beach - shore-gasms.
Sex at an all-you-can-eat buffet - smorgasbord-gasms.
Sex on a cruise ship deck - shuffleboard-gasms.
Sex in asia - Singapore-gasms.
Sex among the wonders of nature - outdoor-gasms.
Sex in the vicinity of a garbage can - odour-gasms.
Sex on the way to the train - 'All Aboard'-gasms.
Sex that wasn't very satisfying - 'There's the door'-gasms.
Sex in an adult theatre - hard-core-gasms.
Sex with someone who's not paying attention - ignore-gasms.
Sex with a competitive partner - score-gasms.
Sex while flying - soar-gasms.
Sex with a beloved partner - adore-gasms.
Sex with a meat-eater - carnivore-gasms.
Sex with a person who's got a really bad hairdo - pompadore-gasms.
Sex with someone who's got bad taste in clothes - velour-gasms.
Sex while travelling - tour-gasms.
Sex with a big dog - labrador-gasms.
Sex with Beavis and Butthead - 'GonnaScore'-gasms.
Sex on stairs at the mall - escalator-gasms.
Sex with three of your friends - four-gasms.
Sex with a Norse God - Thor-gasms.
Sex when resistance is futile - Borg-gasms.


Offline badsin






Offline badsin


Online WARSZAWA16

Don't suppose you know her name.... purely for research of course .....

I believe she is known as Norma Snockers. :)

Offline badsin

I believe she is known as Norma Snockers. :)

Why thank you, off to Google....



Online WARSZAWA16

Never, in the history of publishing, has so much human misery been created by one book.


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Online mr.bluesky

Never, in the history of publishing, has so much human misery been created by one book.


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 :D even when the recorder was played properly it still sounded out of tune 

Offline Andywb

Never, in the history of publishing, has so much human misery been created by one book.


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What about Book 2  :D








Online WARSZAWA16

That singer with the Human League Phil Oakey is good.
Not as good as his sister Carrie though.

Offline norwichfunseeker

Wife walks up to her Husband and asks "Do I look Fat in this dress??"

Husband: "Before I say anything,,, you gotta promise, no matter WHAT  I say.... You won't get mad.."

Wife: "Ok.. I promise."

Husband: "I fucked your sister."

Online mr.bluesky

A wife stands in front of a full length mirror naked and says to her husband  " look at me, I'm middle aged, overweight, hairs a mess and I look tired , pay me a compliment to cheer me up" the husband replies
" well there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."
« Last Edit: April 13, 2024, 10:07:06 am by mr.bluesky »

Online Jonestown

 I used to regularly donate blood but I stopped when they started asking lots of irrelevant questions, "Whose blood is it?", "Why is it in a bucket?".....

Online Jonestown

A Newfoundland farmer named Angus had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company.
In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Angus.
'Didn't you say to the RCMP at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine I'm fine?' asked the solicitor.
Angus responded: 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I'd just loaded my fav'rit cow, Bessie, into da... '
'I didn't ask for any details', the solicitor interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?'
Angus said, 'Well, I'd just got Bessie into da trailer and I was drivin' down da road.... '
The solicitor interrupted again and said ,'Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question. '
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Angus' answer and said to the solicitor: 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie'.
Angus thanked the Judge and proceeded. 'Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my fav'rit cow, into de trailer and was drivin' her down de road when this huge Eversweet truck and trailer came tundering tru a stop sign and hit me trailer right in da side. I was trown into one ditch and Bessie was trown into da udder. By Jaysus I was hurt, very bad like, and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moanin' and groanin'. I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans.
Shortly after da accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moanin' and groanin' too, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.
Den da policeman came across de road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you feelin'?'
'Now wot da fock would you say?


Offline standardpostage

New celebrity magazine, aimed at the older generation, being published soon.

It will be called, Hello Hello Hello  :)

Online mr.bluesky

New celebrity magazine, aimed at the older generation, being published soon.

It will be called, Hello Hello Hello  :)

I thought this would be for the police force  :D


Offline standardpostage

I thought this would be for the police force  :D
Could be. Dual purpose  :)

Online hornypunter


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I thought this was funny when it was originally posted in December 22  still as good now :D





Offline Corus Boy

A hot blonde goes to the gynaecologist for a check up...

When she enters his office, the doctor is overcome by his primal urges, and immediately tells her to take off her clothes.

"Do you know why I asked you to do that?" He asks, hesitantly.

"Sure, you want to check everything to make sure I'm fine."

"That's right!" He says.

After she strips, he starts groping her breasts.

"Do you know what I'm doing now?

"Sure," she says, "you're checking for lumps."

The doctor, growing more bold, slips his finger between her legs.

"Do you know what I'm doing now?"

"Yes, you're checking for any problems down there."

"That's exactly right!" The doctor says.

He can't contain himself any longer and proceeds to pull out his cock and begin thrusting it in and out of her like a crazed animal.

"Do you know what I'm doing now?" The doctor asks, panting.

The woman responds, "Yes, you're getting herpes."

Online WARSZAWA16

The man who discovered gluten intolerance has died. The family has requested no flours at the funeral.

Offline standardpostage

The man who discovered gluten intolerance has died. The family has requested no flours at the funeral.
:)

Online WASA38

A hot blonde goes to the gynaecologist for a check up...

-----The woman responds, "Yes, you're getting herpes."

When I was at school the gynaecologist was a priest at the confessional and the affliction was gonorrhoea

Plus ça change, --
« Last Edit: April 16, 2024, 09:30:29 am by WASA38 »