Author Topic: Most hated punting clichés (Read 11076 times)

willmo1 · « **Reply #100 on:** April 30, 2015, 09:49:12 am »

Treat her well as othr guys said. Twat fancies himself as some sort of love machine.

One for the grown ups. Patronizing bitch.

Very slim figure. No tits and a sack of bones.

Quiet. Didnt want to be there.

Good conversation. Talked non fuckin stop.

Lovely kind man. Paid for doing fuck all.

Siadwel · « **Reply #101 on:** April 30, 2015, 10:14:32 am »

'A glance, a smile. A kiss, a caress. A moan, a sigh. Oh my! Thank you

)'

Oh, for fuck's sake.

PLeisure · « **Reply #102 on:** April 30, 2015, 10:24:45 am »

Any feedback or Field Report that starts, "Well, what can I say?" ....Your guarantee of mediocrity. Pass...

The most alarming line, however, was posted here earlier this week - lifted from the punter's original AW report. Paraphrasing, it went something like this...
"As I emerged from the shower, Valentina - with a look of pure lust [oh, please] - reached her toe towards my waist and expertly whipped off the towel with a deft tug. She beckoned me to join her on the bed."
vomit

If there was a prize for Worst Punt Report lines, this would surely take the prize.

kiltedviking · « **Reply #103 on:** April 30, 2015, 11:46:20 am »

Some of these are cringe inducing.

I wonder if some punters sometimes are trying to write the next "50 Shades" instead of giving us a field report full of facts.

I especially like the comments that state they "completely forgot the time, went over our allotted time" as if the happy couple were lost in the passion like two young romantics.

The likelihood is that the girl had fuck all booked in afterwards, because if she had you'd be guaranteed that she would kick you out of your little love nest as fast as she's pocketed your cash. Because despite what you might think is just another punter to her.

nike · « **Reply #104 on:** April 30, 2015, 12:04:14 pm »

Quote from: James999 on November 03, 2014, 10:13:29 am

Probably nervous of upsetting any punter / possible punter and thus losing a booking / £££££

Back on Topic it's

"Treat her well"
"I won't go into detail"
"it's between us what went on"
" A gentleman never tells"
"we sorted out the paperwork"
"Best blowjob ever"

+1 for all of the above except the"best blow job", they are just reporting their perspective on that one.

myothernameis · « **Reply #105 on:** April 30, 2015, 12:32:28 pm »

Some of the FAQ, they have a whole lot questions, like this one

External Link/Members Only

Ben4454 · « **Reply #106 on:** April 30, 2015, 04:21:09 pm »

Anyone had the pleasure

webpunter · « **Reply #107 on:** April 30, 2015, 06:36:20 pm »

Quote from: myothernameis on April 30, 2015, 12:32:28 pm

Some of the FAQ, they have a whole lot questions, like this one
External Link/Members Only

On the last line of the most recent review

"Please treat her well, not only because she is a little gem, but you will be rewarded many times over"

Just remember to go via the cash point many times over as well to make sure you are rewarded. And he's got 'THW' in the same sentence. Fluffy-twat

MrBridger · « **Reply #108 on:** April 30, 2015, 07:34:10 pm »

Or perhaps something like:

"She likes being fucked long and hard. To be honest though, i think sometimes you have to see these girls a few times before they are comfortable with you having rough sex with them.
But yeah, the girl being able to take a pounding is a must for me."

"I think she has no problem with the length It was my girth that was the problem"

"she gasped as I tounge (sic) fucked her hoop!"

All from real but different reviews on here. I'm sure all the girls in question were having a whale of a time.

Just saying, it's not only the fluffies that generate the cliches.

Type_O_Negative · « **Reply #109 on:** April 30, 2015, 10:09:06 pm »

The thing is many of these fluffy cliches i saw here on UKP - in fluffy to death reviews. They make me sick.

Roth · « **Reply #110 on:** April 30, 2015, 10:58:00 pm »

Or

OMG..! WTF..? Did I just dream this..? from some cunt-struck fluffy

cueball · « **Reply #111 on:** April 30, 2015, 11:11:48 pm »

The one's that piss me of more than any are "a gentleman never tells" and "it will remain between me and her"

Don't Fuckin bother writing anything if that's the shit you write

myothernameis · « **Reply #112 on:** May 01, 2015, 01:36:02 am »

something I have notice looking at escorts profiles; its the profile names

Some escort seem to be copying other escorts, not fully but enough, so when you search for a particular name, her profile will come up as well

for example: search Jasmine, you get 2 profiles, one of which is jasmine4hotfun, and the other one jasmine No1

webpunter · « **Reply #113 on:** May 01, 2015, 02:28:46 am »

Here's some gushing comments from a WG back to a punter

"as always such a gentleman. Did I miss him ? Oh gosh yes !! Makes me so wet everytime"

'Miss him' - actually means fuck the rent is due on ****day & i've spent a fuck load on this, that & the other

IMO you've got to make allowances for the fact that for lots of the WG's its different lingo. And they haven't got the interest level / time that love struck fluffy twats have got. It gives just some insight into what the WG's are possibly like when reading how they give feedback. The established / well regarded WG's [on here] seem to normally write nice FB but its not OTT. When i occasionally read the FB they give out and its a load of crap then they head south on my HL. Just adds to the crap on their profile that they or someone else has written

Roth · « **Reply #114 on:** May 01, 2015, 06:16:46 am »

In Prossie speak the words Thanks for paying all that cash to fuck me. I like your fat wallet so make sure you come back soon. can be translated like this -

It was incredible sparkling connection from beginning and till the end mix with passionate love. Thank you for amazing time!

Thank you my sweet man for delicious time and I'll remember your amazing asset for long. It was simply the best. Welcome again. xxx

Always is great pleasure to meet hot, highly skill gentleman, super lovely. Thank you for pleasure you gave me AGAIN ! xxx

MancSean · « **Reply #115 on:** May 01, 2015, 07:48:34 am »

Anything to do with making her cum makes me want to chunder. Firstly do you really care if she cums or not and secondly 99% of the time they haven't even if the twat writing the report says she definitely came.
Not discussing what happened also fucks me right off. They are not ladies when they are getting paid to rim you or have there face plastered with spunk.
Paperwork pisses me off what the fuck does that even mean.
BBW what the fuck! How many fat women are beautiful can you name one? Me and my lad call them FUCs that's fat ugly cow that should stop guzzling on junk food.
Anything when the punter starts talking bout the size of his cock just makes me think what a sad cunt.
Also fucking hate the terms mango and banana. Mango for fuck sake any bird with a twat like a mango better get it seen to quickly yuk
I don't bother reading any aw feedback anymore it's just so wank. Although just getting positives is enough fuck off with worthless comments
Sucks like a Dyson - how would anyone know and less they are some sick fucker who actually sticks his nob in a hoover but maybe his nob is too big for a hoover nozzle

myothernameis · « **Reply #116 on:** May 01, 2015, 07:57:33 am »

Quote from: MancSean on May 01, 2015, 07:48:34 am

BBW what the fuck!

Me and my lad call them FUCs that's fat ugly cow

+1

RedKettle · « **Reply #117 on:** May 01, 2015, 10:23:13 am »

Quote from: MancSean on May 01, 2015, 07:48:34 am

Anything to do with making her cum makes me want to chunder. Firstly do you really care if she cums or not and secondly 99% of the time they haven't even if the twat writing the report says she definitely came.
Not discussing what happened also fucks me right off. They are not ladies when they are getting paid to rim you or have there face plastered with spunk.
Paperwork pisses me off what the fuck does that even mean.
BBW what the fuck! How many fat women are beautiful can you name one? Me and my lad call them FUCs that's fat ugly cow that should stop guzzling on junk food.
Anything when the punter starts talking bout the size of his cock just makes me think what a sad cunt.
Also fucking hate the terms mango and banana. Mango for fuck sake any bird with a twat like a mango better get it seen to quickly yuk
I don't bother reading any aw feedback anymore it's just so wank. Although just getting positives is enough fuck off with worthless comments
Sucks like a Dyson - how would anyone know and less they are some sick fucker who actually sticks his nob in a hoover but maybe his nob is too big for a hoover nozzle

Do you feel better after getting that off your chest!?

Agree 100%

MancSean · « **Reply #118 on:** May 01, 2015, 10:28:30 am »

Quote from: RedKettle on May 01, 2015, 10:23:13 am

Do you feel better after getting that off your chest!?

Agree 100%

Yes especially as has to read whole thread before I posted and it made journey into work fly by

Roth · « **Reply #119 on:** May 01, 2015, 07:42:20 pm »

Quote from: MancSean on May 01, 2015, 07:48:34 am

Anything to do with making her cum makes me want to chunder. Firstly do you really care if she cums or not and secondly 99% of the time they haven't even if the twat writing the report says she definitely came.
Not discussing what happened also fucks me right off. They are not ladies when they are getting paid to rim you or have there face plastered with spunk.
Paperwork pisses me off what the fuck does that even mean.
BBW what the fuck! How many fat women are beautiful can you name one? Me and my lad call them FUCs that's fat ugly cow that should stop guzzling on junk food.
Anything when the punter starts talking bout the size of his cock just makes me think what a sad cunt.
Also fucking hate the terms mango and banana. Mango for fuck sake any bird with a twat like a mango better get it seen to quickly yuk
I don't bother reading any aw feedback anymore it's just so wank. Although just getting positives is enough fuck off with worthless comments
Sucks like a Dyson - how would anyone know and less they are some sick fucker who actually sticks his nob in a hoover but maybe his nob is too big for a hoover nozzle

MancSean, fair dos.

Must admit to being guilty about using Paperwork in my reviews. Might have to change that now.

Also I do like to make a prossie cum once in a while but only in a long punt and only if I get what I want out of it.

Don't care if she's acting as long as she's good at it.

But that's just me. Can understand if other punters don't have the same view.

Punting Valley · « **Reply #120 on:** May 01, 2015, 10:07:14 pm »

Quote from: Roth on May 01, 2015, 07:42:20 pm

Must admit to being guilty about using Paperwork in my reviews. Might have to change that now.

I see nothing wrong using paperwork to describe money changing hands.... it is easy to understand.

MancSean · « **Reply #121 on:** May 02, 2015, 10:02:27 am »

Quote from: Punting Valley on May 01, 2015, 10:07:14 pm

I see nothing wrong using paperwork to describe money changing hands.... it is easy to understand.

I wonder if anyone has ever paid fully in pound coins. Could you imagine the look on the girls face? Then again depending on the girl she could take over 5 minutes to count it all

Kingy28 · « **Reply #122 on:** May 02, 2015, 10:41:43 am »

Quote from: MancSean on May 02, 2015, 10:02:27 am

I wonder if anyone has ever paid fully in pound coins. Could you imagine the look on the girls face? Then again depending on the girl she could take over 5 minutes to count it all

What a great idea. Bag it up in silver & see what happens!!

Roth · « **Reply #123 on:** May 02, 2015, 11:13:40 am »

Quote from: MancSean on May 02, 2015, 10:02:27 am

I wonder if anyone has ever paid fully in pound coins. Could you imagine the look on the girls face? Then again depending on the girl she could take over 5 minutes to count it all

If you pick the wrong prossie she might decide to double check it a couple of times and you will end up getting a 10 min service in a 30 min booking!!

Ali Katt · « **Reply #124 on:** May 02, 2015, 06:47:51 pm »

"wonderful gifted courtesan"
"respectful gents only"

sticko · « **Reply #125 on:** May 02, 2015, 07:31:04 pm »

Here's a particularly egregious example:

External Link/Members Only

"OK guys. So far I have told you about my second date with Charlotte. How much fun I had with her. How it feels natural to be with her, to hold her, to cuddle her, to kiss her, to roleplay with her. And the memory of her smile lingers with me... BUT.... I've not told you the best bit yet.

I can't stop thinking about her! Every morning (and night) of this week I have been thinking about her. What roleplays we can get up to next time we meet. What I like and what she might like."

Not so much cliché-ridden as just a load of old EAS drivel. I'm fairly mild-mannered and this report made me cross. Ruined my weeky trip to the butcher this morning. And that is hallowed ground.

Ali Katt · « **Reply #126 on:** May 02, 2015, 07:41:40 pm »

Quote from: sticko on May 02, 2015, 07:31:04 pm

Here's a particularly egregious example:

External Link/Members Only

"OK guys. So far I have told you about my second date with Charlotte. How much fun I had with her. How it feels natural to be with her, to hold her, to cuddle her, to kiss her, to roleplay with her. And the memory of her smile lingers with me... BUT.... I've not told you the best bit yet.

I can't stop thinking about her! Every morning (and night) of this week I have been thinking about her. What roleplays we can get up to next time we meet. What I like and what she might like."

Not so much cliché-ridden as just a load of old EAS drivel. I'm fairly mild-mannered and this report made me cross. Ruined my weeky trip to the butcher this morning. And that is hallowed ground.

The irony is from what I've read most prossies try to avoid EAS guys and he's clearly one.

Hyperchicken · « **Reply #127 on:** May 02, 2015, 07:51:39 pm »

I'd imagine that potential stalkers set alarm bells ringing with most of them.

Roth · « **Reply #128 on:** May 03, 2015, 07:16:48 am »

Quote from: Hyperchicken on May 02, 2015, 07:51:39 pm

I'd imagine that potential stalkers set alarm bells ringing with most of them.

Or there's all this from one prossie's EAS-struck followers -

A beautiful evening with a beautiful lady. It's not all about sex, there's true affection & a great personality which shows the real woman. Lovely as always. Ax

I have been fortunalte to visit this gorgeous young lady about 20times over the years. And every time i see her I awake the next day wanting to see her again xx

No "Goodbyes!" my Princes; just "Au Revoir" until I see you again....xxxxxxx

A sleepy Saturday morning girl, still wearing her baby doll pyjamas, she soon woke up when I let her hold the biggest one she had ever seen. (Nice to know) xxxx

Have u ever met a woman who can smile with only her eyes? I have & her name is XXXXX. A smile that makes u feel weightless. That's why they call her Goddess

INTENSE! Completely SPELLBOUND by this sex GODDESS. I call her HEROINE_K- GORGEOUS with noble qualities and ADDICTIVE and INTOXICATING like the drug! A true GEM

The grace of a leopard, the spirit of a cheetah and the heart of a lioness. She may purr like a kitty but she is one sexy wildcat who can't be tamed ^..^

Sad cunts.

Whilst all she's after is their filthy lucre!

Siadwel · « **Reply #129 on:** May 03, 2015, 01:42:15 pm »

'No "Goodbyes!" my Princes; just "Au Revoir" until I see you again....xxxxxxx'

webpunter · « **Reply #130 on:** May 04, 2015, 12:38:24 am »

See this on the occasional profile: "100% genuine photos or your money back"
Like i'm going to give a B&S / photoshopped WG the cash & then expect it to be given back

Haven't ever walked - a couple of times long time ago i've cut 60 mins to 30 mins & made up some excuse. LittleWP ruling my brain - like how bad can a HJ be ? [as long as no safety issues] Haven't had a even a remotely shite one since being on UKP

Sonny Crockett · « **Reply #131 on:** May 07, 2015, 06:31:50 pm »

From the lady - "C'mon give us yer spunk"..........

NOTHING IS MORE CRINGEWORTHY THAN A WOMAN SAYING THIS....... IT'S ALL MASSAGE PARLOUR SPEAK!!!!!

Ali Katt · « **Reply #132 on:** May 07, 2015, 11:23:45 pm »

We chatted about the weather, politics and the failed Ant and Dickhead (Dec) film Alien autopsy. Who gives a fuck?

Ali Katt · « **Reply #133 on:** May 07, 2015, 11:24:17 pm »

Quote from: The Crockett Man on May 07, 2015, 06:31:50 pm

From the lady - "C'mon give us yer spunk"..........

NOTHING IS MORE CRINGEWORTHY THAN A WOMAN SAYING THIS....... IT'S ALL MASSAGE PARLOUR SPEAK!!!!!

Especially in a Northern accent.

Roth · « **Reply #134 on:** May 08, 2015, 12:01:09 am »

Quote from: The Crockett Man on May 07, 2015, 06:31:50 pm

From the lady - "C'mon give us yer spunk"..........

NOTHING IS MORE CRINGEWORTHY THAN A WOMAN SAYING THIS....... IT'S ALL MASSAGE PARLOUR SPEAK!!!!!

Quote from: Ali Katt on May 07, 2015, 11:24:17 pm

Especially in a Northern accent.

I dunno!

It's growing on me!

webpunter · « **Reply #135 on:** May 08, 2015, 12:43:07 am »

Quote from: Roth on May 08, 2015, 12:01:09 am

I dunno! It's growing on me!

Me too - when i've done a parlour visit after a load of drinks and struggling a bit to shoot my bolt, some verbal encouragement has been just what the doctor ordered ! Not the same words but the message is the same. Has seemed to transform bell-end feelings from 'no chance' to another minute or two and its 'thunderbirds are go'

MrBlackDude · « **Reply #136 on:** May 08, 2015, 02:42:21 am »

"Classy", "sexy", "intelligent", "educated" etc...

Affirmations the WG wants people to think about her.

Roth · « **Reply #137 on:** May 08, 2015, 10:14:30 am »

Quote from: MrBlackDude on May 08, 2015, 02:42:21 am

"Classy", "sexy", "intelligent", "educated" etc...

Affirmations the WG wants people to think about her.

Or try

High quality company for the discerning and respectful gentleman = I charge more

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Author Topic: Most hated punting clichés (Read 11076 times)

willmo1

Siadwel

Ben4454

MrBridger

Type_O_Negative

Hyperchicken

Siadwel