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Author Topic: Kimberly Blonde - Stratford- Fishy Fanny  (Read 1846 times)

Offline Snax

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Saw her pics and thought she looked beautiful. She wasn't far from me so I fired up my £109,500 Audi R8 and was soon speeding towards a block of flats just off the Bow roundabout. Parked up and walked to the front, given flat number and buzzed in. Excellent Comms.

Kimberly's flatmate Innez Hot let me in. Who looked 137 years older than her own adult work pics but was very pleasant and complimentary about my eyes. Usual questions "are they real?" Etc etc. She apologised and said Kimberly was just taking a shower and asked me to wait in the front room she then waltzed off. As I was waiting I heard Kimberly taking a shit in the bathroom, charming.

She soon popped out in just a towel apologising profusely and looking nothing like her profile pics - she had a massive nose which dominated her face, a pet hate of mine. Anyway she then asks me to remove my clothes. I think aren't we going into a bedroom? Apparently not. TV stays on Jeremy Kyle is playing and I'm now stark naked holding my 12.8inch dick in my hands looking at Kyle's face while she has popped out to stash the £70 that I will never ever get back.

Back into the (living) room and she drops her towel to reveal a nice pert body. She lays on the couch. Lubes her fanny and asks my to come closer. I ask her to give me head first, she obligies and givesd OWO which felt good, warm mouth on a cold day. She is bringing me to the edge so I ask to fuck. She lays back on the couch and I enter her. Fanny is loose, I pump away and go for the kiss that other reviews have mentioned. She declines "I don't kiss". That's not what the reviews say but oh well. I ask for doggy and when she turns around I smell it. Stanky fanny. Bacterial vaginosis? I start to lose wood and so put it in before I get softer and then ram to completion with no moans and engagement from her.

Mediocre punt, she looks NOTHING like her pics without make up, has a massive hooter and fanny smells. But she did have that doe eyed look which I find attractive in girls.

However I won't be returning due to the smell issue. Couldn't wait to get back into my R8, which smelt of vanilla and roared off into the night.

Offline sparkus

Christ, I know that flat. Last two punts there beyond dismal, as reviewed.

The lights on the landing never seem to work so you have to find your way around in darkness. TBH the flat could do with it inside too.

Online PilotMan

@Snax - you forgot to mention your 28 inch biceps  :lol:

Online Iloveoral

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To be fair you do sound a right prick mentioning the car, it’s not against the rules so sadly I can’t ban you for it, but it won’t do you any favours here  :lol:

Online PilotMan

To be fair you do sound a right prick mentioning the car, it’s not against the rules so sadly I can’t ban you for it, but it won’t do you any favours here  :lol:

I think he's kidding, unless he really has a 12.8 inch dick as well  :lol:

Offline Punterperson1971

Op do you by any chance…….and its just a guess that I’m putting out there……by any chance own an…….R8  :dash: :dash: :dash:

Offline daviemac

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so I fired up my £109,500 Audi R8
Give your head a wobble mate, do you actually understand the purpose of reviews? they are to relay relevant information in order for others to make an informed decision whether to book or not.

Are you saying it was because of the car you 'drive' you got a bad service and other lesser mortals with regular cars would fair better.   :unknown:

Offline VidiViciVeni

I thought the R8 and the 12 inch dick was satire but who knows.

Maybe doing noisy laps around the WG's block in an R8 before whipping out a horse's cock for them to service is not a formula for success...

Offline MLawro93

Haha, definitely reads like a car ad. I know you mentioned it in another thread, but its always important to review your positives as well, even if the girls you are seeing have plenty of positives already. Every experience is different, and it shows consistency over the years  :thumbsup:

Edit: The other review mentions the car as well!  :lol: Nice car mate, but not sure it is relevant to the reviews, also it helps ID you, so best to play it safe.
« Last Edit: May 13, 2023, 01:49:35 pm by MLawro93 »


Offline LLPunting

If he's a fantasist about the cars and appendage then can we trust the review of the girl?

Maybe he just has a couple of plastic controllers and a gaming console, Twitching about how he porks the waifus as he abuses a sock?

Offline daviemac

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TV stays on Jeremy Kyle is playing
Reviews have to be for bookings within the last 6 months and Jeremy Kyle finished years ago so I've moved this fantasy bullshit to discussions.

Offline golden bull

Only thing fishy is this supposedly review🐟🐠🐠

Maybe he’s Ironman?
Surprised he didn’t mention his suit :wacko:

Offline contentguy

Suspect Snax is a down market Lamboman.

And not a single positive review.

I just can’t figure why anyone would buy an R8 and think it’s a proper sports car.
If you want a sports model from the VAG, Lambo or Porsche are your marques.


Online PilotMan

Suspect Snax is a down market Lamboman.

And not a single positive review.

I just can’t figure why anyone would buy an R8 and think it’s a proper sports car.
If you want a sports model from the VAG, Lambo or Porsche are your marques.

You obviously have some marque issues. The OP never said it was a sports car.

Offline bedhedred

Christ, I know that flat. Last two punts there beyond dismal, as reviewed.

The lights on the landing never seem to work so you have to find your way around in darkness. TBH the flat could do with it inside too.

Inez and Kimberly have gone on holiday now.

I've been in that flat. You fuck in the bedroom, except when there's another client, then you fuck in the living room in front of the TV. There was some Hungarian soap on the time I did.

I didn't like Kimberly much either. Embellishments aside, I'm not convinced this is a fake review.
« Last Edit: May 13, 2023, 10:57:09 pm by bedhedred »

Offline contentguy

You obviously have some marque issues. The OP never said it was a sports car.

You’re right, he didn’t say it’s a sports car, indeed, why would he  :unknown:

Offline Cheshuk

People spend money on the back of reviews, they're the one thing on the site that shouldn't be a joke or contain embellishment. This is literally making a mockery of the main tool we have here to avoid bad punts.

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Offline thebastard

People spend money on the back of reviews, they're the one thing on the site that shouldn't be a joke or contain embellishment. This is literally making a mockery of the main tool we have here to avoid bad punts.

Correct - all for humour but can we ascertain the validity of the review?

Offline Fuzzyduck

Reviews have to be for bookings within the last 6 months and Jeremy Kyle finished years ago so I've moved this fantasy bullshit to discussions.

I'm as upset as anyone else but Kyle came back last year. He's on TalkTV.
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Offline Fuzzyduck

Correct - all for humour but can we ascertain the validity of the review?

When I read the review I was conflicted: on the one hand I wanted to thank him for the review (I've no reason to doubt it's validity) but also wanted to tell the tosser to grow up.

Offline Cheshuk

I've no reason to doubt it's validity

The guy said he has a 12.8 inch cock and her fanny felt loose around it, if there was any validity to that, a lot of his reviews would talk about the hesitation sp's have when he takes it out. One line of clear bullshit, throws a whole review into question, surely I can't be alone in thinking that way.
« Last Edit: May 16, 2023, 04:38:00 pm by Cheshuk »


Offline Fuzzyduck

« Last Edit: May 16, 2023, 06:04:43 pm by Fuzzyduck »

Offline Fuzzyduck

The guy said he has a 12.8 inch cock and her fanny felt loose around it, if there was any validity to that, a lot of his reviews would talk about the hesitation sp's have when he takes it out. One line of clear bullshit, throws a whole review into question, surely I can't be alone in thinking that way.

I do hear you, and the bullshit does discredit the review somewhat but he does have a certain style of reporting. That aside, I don't doubt that the punt happened, that she's not as attractive as she is in the pics and that her service is poor. Other reviews attest to this.

ps: 80 reviews in less than a year? Props. You must be knackered.

Offline Cheshuk

I do hear you, and the bullshit does discredit the review somewhat but he does have a certain style of reporting. That aside, I don't doubt that the punt happened, that she's not as attractive as she is in the pics and that her service is poor. Other reviews attest to this.

ps: 80 reviews in less than a year? Props. You must be knackered.

Yeah, I actually also don't doubt it took place, I'm with you on that. It's just this way of reporting makes it hard to know what is to be taken with a pinch of salt and what's legitimate, so far from ideal.

I've still got some youth on my side plus loads of sildenafil, so the fires still burning strong  :cool:

Offline Fuzzyduck

Yeah, I actually also don't doubt it took place, I'm with you on that. It's just this way of reporting makes it hard to know what is to be taken with a pinch of salt and what's legitimate, so far from ideal.

I've still got some youth on my side plus loads of sildenafil, so the fires still burning strong  :cool:

That's part of the joy of UKP. I'm sure many reviews are embellished in some way (does anyone miss KT?) but at least it's more obvious here :lol:

Online PilotMan

(does anyone miss KT?) but at least it's more obvious here :lol:

What the 👊🏻🤛🏻🥊🥊🐯🐅

Online Iloveoral

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Well I wasn’t going to comment  :lol: :lol: :lol:
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy booting that twat  :yahoo:

Online Jonestown

El Snax has gone dark, flogged the Audi and had plastic surgery to change his appearance.

Offline Fuzzyduck

El Snax has gone dark, flogged the Audi and had plastic surgery to change his appearance.

And maybe cut half his dick off?

Online Jonestown

And maybe cut half his dick off?

And grafted it onto his forehead.

He’s a chameleon, he’ll be back, maybe is already.

Offline Fuzzyduck

And grafted it onto his forehead.

He’s a chameleon, he’ll be back, maybe is already.

:lol:

Offline LLPunting


Offline Fuzzyduck

Why would anyone want 6.4?

It's more than 6 right? And every centimetre counts!

Offline sensualencounter

If this review is bullshit then why hasn’t the OP been banned?

Offline LLPunting

It's more than 6 right? And every centimetre counts!

The girls keep telling me size doesn't matter...  :cry:

Online PilotMan

If this review is bullshit then why hasn’t the OP been banned?

Because he doesn't drive a BMW  :lol:

Offline Snax

If this review is bullshit then why hasn’t the OP been banned?
Because maybe some people understand that amongst the satire the review itself is 100% truth.
But don't take my word for it, Kimberly is back, go try her out and you'll see that everything I said about her (and my punt) is true.

Online myothernameis

Because maybe some people understand that amongst the satire the review itself is 100% truth.
But don't take my word for it, Kimberly is back, go try her out and you'll see that everything I said about her (and my punt) is true.

100% truth you have a 12.8" cock, who are you kidding :scare: :sarcastic: :sarcastic: :sarcastic: :sarcastic:

Offline Cheshuk

Because maybe some people understand that amongst the satire the review itself is 100% truth.
But don't take my word for it, Kimberly is back, go try her out and you'll see that everything I said about her (and my punt) is true.

you wrote 'Kimberly's flatmate Innez Hot let me in. Who looked 137 years older than her own adult work pics'

Satire may be one thing but that's bad/complete bollocks information on an sp

I think most people here are up for a laugh, but a member giving bad/questionable information shits on the collaborative effort of everyone here to avoid bad punts

Anyway, hopefully you've read this thread, and are the type of person that will take things on board.

Offline Stevelondon

I can comment in this thread through personal experience. As I’ve owned an R8, Lamborghini and a Porsche.
The car I drive most of the time being a M3.
I find that particular model handles better on the tighter scalextric track I was given at Christmas.

I would like to know where the OP gets his car freshener from. I would love to get in my motor and find it SMELT of vanilla  :lol:

Ahhh the sweet smell of molten iron  :D

Offline Cheshuk

I can comment in this thread through personal experience. As I’ve owned an R8, Lamborghini and a Porsche.
The car I drive most of the time being a M3.
I find that particular model handles better on the tighter scalextric track I was given at Christmas.

I would like to know where the OP gets his car freshener from. I would love to get in my motor and find it SMELT of vanilla  :lol:

Ahhh the sweet smell of molten iron  :D

Bugatti or Pagani this year for you fingers crosses, still op will be going to his next punt via private jet parked outside the sp's home, so you may have to up your game

Online PilotMan

Because maybe some people understand that amongst the satire the review itself is 100% truth.
But don't take my word for it, Kimberly is back, go try her out and you'll see that everything I said about her (and my punt) is true.

I got it mate, but others will want everything in crystal clear black and white.

It's a serious business this punting lark, you can't mess around with it and introduce satire, even if it is glaringly obvious.

If only everybody wrote their reviews exactly the same. F&!K, how boring would that be.

Offline Snax

I got it mate, but others will want everything in crystal clear black and white.

It's a serious business this punting lark, you can't mess around with it and introduce satire, even if it is glaringly obvious.

If only everybody wrote their reviews exactly the same. F&!K, how boring would that be.
ok that's noted then. No more satire.

You'll be surprised that I had a positive experience with a very negatively reviewed girl the other night.

Review incoming (without satire)

Offline Cheshuk

ok that's noted then. No more satire.

Review incoming (without satire)

I respect that attitude, taking advice on board.. it's not personal. The way I see you publicly set a bad example, so I publicly expressed my disapproval

Online Jonestown

I respect that attitude, taking advice on board.. it's not personal. The way I see you publicly set a bad example, so I publicly expressed my disapproval

You’re not by any chance a trainee Headmaster are you ?

Offline Cheshuk

You’re not by any chance a trainee Headmaster are you ?

Nah but I don't want to come across as a bully
« Last Edit: May 19, 2023, 03:36:02 pm by Cheshuk »

Offline Harry Stotle

ok that's noted then. No more satire.

You'll be surprised that I had a positive experience with a very negatively reviewed girl the other night.

Review incoming (without satire)


Writing comedy is an art form and takes skill and experience.  Many folk have lost their jobs because they've sent (what they think) are amusing emails to their respective bosses.

A while ago there was a case where the editor of a supermarket food magazine sent (what he thought) was a funny reply to an email from a femail food writer, who was enquiring about the possibility of doing an article from the vegetarian point of view.

Long story short: he lost his job.

I could see where he'd gone wrong.  it was clear he worked in a very busy office where there was a great deal of laughter and banter.  He didn't understand that the woman was sitting alone at home, in front of her laptop, sending out pitches for work, and really, really hoping to get some articles published.  To get the reply that she got felt like utter contempt.

First rule of comedy: Know Your Audience!

The punting community has more than its fair share of dick heads, and it is all too believable that some punter would write a review and include a boast about his expensive motor.

Interesting to see that a member has started a thread about punting in a Tesla!  In the opening post he tells us he has just bought a Tesla.  I'm not saying he is a dick head, but he clearly wanted to share!

And don't forget most comedy is clearly flagged-up as such.  We know what TV shows are comedies, before we watch them.

Anyway, I've said my bit, I'm now going to slip off my ten grand Rolex, and slip into a warm bath!









« Last Edit: May 19, 2023, 06:08:29 pm by Harry Stotle »