Former sex workers telling partners about their past

[Dogfather]

"Assume she has had a prolific number of partners in her past so you can only ever be pleasantly surprised". 

[Doc Holliday]

Thanks Katie for your reply and I wish you well 

My view based on my personal experience is that sexual attraction can be a very powerful driver in its own right and the concept that it can be 'just work' is flawed. This is from the perspective of both parties. That's a short answer

[jimbobted]

Yes, I would actually be fine with that. Some of the best longest lasting SP couples are both sex workers themselves in my experience, although I’ve only known lesbian SP-SP couples (power couples?) in real life.

I know one who's long term boyfriend is a male SW. She reserves so e activities for her partner only, which I guess is a way of differentiating work from private life too.

[Stevelondon]

Perhaps it’s easier for a bloke to accept he is in a relationship with a SW, if she does not provide FS.
Just massage for example.

I know TiaTease has a partner/ boyfriend/husband …..whatever. She does not do FS.

A Dom pal of mine has been happily married for a long time. Hubby very accepting of the work his wife does.

I agree with what Doc said about sexual attraction/powerful driver.

I’ve been very good friends with a SP for a number of years and I dare say I like her more than enough to admit I could very easily form a more emotional partnership.
Circumstances prevent it (too complicated to explain) but her past would not bother me in any way. Simply because of who she is as a person.

Or is it I'm just an old fart and don’t let things get in the way anymore. 

[Strawberry]

I know one who's long term boyfriend is a male SW. She reserves so e activities for her partner only, which I guess is a way of differentiating work from private life too.

I know this is a conception, whereas I tend to offer more activities to clients - because clients want to engage in activities my personal life partner is not into. Many services I offer have been developed by paying customers, and personal partner does not want to go into the BDSM side. The style of sex is however different, I am not in a 'looking after,' hosting, giving full attention mode and there isn't any bedding change, cleaning up, or me packing my bag afterwards. Similarly bedroom heels do not exist in personal life.

[sparkus]

Do former sex workers tell their partners about their past?

I’m wondering this because I recently contacted Ladybarefoot/YogiJessie. She said strictly only does massages and no sexual services. She also mentioned that she lives with her boyfriend.

Does he know what we know? Sex worker & appeared in that Channel 5 doc about prostitution.

Several SPs have told me they intended to 'retire' from sex work and stick to only legit massages. Their choice.

[Payyourwaymate]

Yeah there's sort of 2 things she's saying here -
1. That some of her partners ere friends or knew her / what she did before dating her in which case they went in eyes wide open
2. If they don't know then she tells them in 3 weeks, I can imaging that being a bit of a 

But i'm also picking up that when she's in a relationship and still working that she expects the man not to be shagging around paid or free 
If that's the case then it appears a bit cake and eat it really

Yep, that is exactly it. I got hit with that when I had an involvement with an SP that she expected my loyalty whilst she was not sexually exclusive to me by still being with her clients. The catch was it was paid time and just "work" but she would let slip here and there how she had a good time with so and so client, to be toxic towards me. I could not believe it. Thankfully I am free now  . It's not fair at all fullstop. If one of the parties is not sexually exclusive it is not appropriate to demand a monogamous relationship from the other party when your line of work acts as a loophole to bypass the sexual exclusivity monogamy demands, which is a prerequisite of a monogamous relationship, I think is safe to say. It is not realistic, the men that submit to it like I once did, I don't know... emotions have a tendency to subvert logic I guess  . 

[Payyourwaymate]

Thanks Katie for your reply and I wish you well 

My view based on my personal experience is that sexual attraction can be a very powerful driver in its own right and the concept that it can be 'just work' is flawed. This is from the perspective of both parties. That's a short answer

100% with you. It's "just work" is nonsense when the right guy turns up. Also from my personal experience I agree with you.

[jimbobted]

100% with you. It's "just work" is nonsense when the right guy turns up. Also from my personal experience I agree with you.

Agree. For sure many or most of the meets will be "just work", I know from my punters POV they are - girl gives good service and that's that. But every so often there's that "click" where it's clear the enjoyment is absolutely mutual and it's clear she's let go.
I mean it's bound to happen isn't it? If the tables were flipped and I was fucking women as a job, damn right I'm not going to enjoy many or even most of them, but every once in a while a cracker would walk in the door.

[akauya]

I found the discussion on this thread very interesting. I also agree with Katie’s assertion that emotional monogamy relationships exist and do work.

For many years I used to be of the opinion (such as many of the posters here) that you can’t be in a monogamous relationship, emotionally or otherwise, if one of you is free (or in agreement) to have sexual relations other than your partner. I suppose being catholic had a lot to do with this kind of thinking.

I got married quite young and was happy as much as someone in a marriage can be (happily married being an oxymoron in my opinion). As I grew older I had the distinct feeling that monogamy was perhaps not the ideal way for relationships to go.

So many of my married peers were so miserable that it was obvious that they were no longer happy in monogamous relationships but remained together for many different reasons. The ones who fell out of love and ended up hating each other, divorce/separation (however painful and stressful) was the solution. However, for others who still loved each other but were no longer in a working monogamous relationship there was no apparent way out.

This made me think, maybe humans are not meant to be monogamous. Why and when did modern societies come to see monogamy and nuclear family as the ideal form of society? After all there are various studies that many societies around the world succeeded and worked a lot better in non-monogamous societies. Why did we adopt the (mainly European/Christian) view of monogamy?

The first time I came across the concept of emotional-monogamy was when I got involved in the Swinging scene. I must admit I originally got involved thinking it was an “easy” and “quick” way to get my leg over. How wrong was I?!

The Swinging scene was a revelation for me and confirmed my ideas of sexual-monogamy being one of the main sources of problems that many couples had. The guilt-free freedom that some swingers had to have sex with people other than their partners was refreshing to see.

It wasn’t a situation where it was free for all sex everywhere shagging each other; instead I met people in a huge range of relationships. Couples openly having sex with other people as a couple, other couples where only one would have sex with others whilst the other was happy to observe (either being present or not.) I befriended a couple and met them regularly where only the wife had sex with other people. Her husband was always present in the room and was very encouraging.

Some of these swinging relationships were 100% open and others had some rules about it. I remember playing with a couple (or rather the female in the couple) where she would only give blowjobs to men but not full penetrative sex. There were other couples where only anal was offered but nothing else. What wasn’t offered was reserved for their partner only.

When one of my lovers was interested in swinging we participated in many parties; I don’t know how but we ended up with a rule that if she had sex with other men she would only offer oral and vaginal sex, anal was for me only. Bizarrely she said she really enjoyed having something to withhold and seeing the look of disappointment in the men she was having sex with.

The first time I saw women engaging in gangbangs (some of them involving more than 10 men) and because they wanted it (not getting paid for it) was amazing. Up to then my experience of gangbangs was from porn or parties (such as LMP) which always involved a form of financial reward for the women participating. For some reason it never occurred to me that some women (just as some men) would enjoy having sex with a number of people at the same time.

I could go on with a myriad of examples how non-monogamous relationship can work. The one factor common amongst the majority of the swinging couples though was the emotional monogamy. The stronger the emotional bond between them the happier they were as swingers. It was interesting to see also; when that emotional monogamy was broken the break up of the couples was just as painful and destroying as “normal” couples go through.

Sorry for the long post but just wanted to remind you all that us humans are very complex creatures. The historical decision to get involved in some type of “ideal” relationships perhaps it’s not that ideal after all. The fact that most of us were brought up staunchly monogamous (physically and/or emotionally) doesn’t mean that everyone else should be or is at all.

Our lives are a huge range of grey areas; hardly anything is black and white.

[Heph]

So you lie to them?! 

Eh? What kind of credulous question is that?

In my experience all prossies are masterful liars and actresses.

Oh, here it comes... 

[Colston36]

My memory is appalling, but re-reading the various views here I recall one of my more bizarre experiences which sheds some light on the wide range of attitudes one can have.

I took one domme to London and booked a flat for a few days where she could work, where I also took some photos of her.  On our last night joined a gathering of the ungodly in the City where we met a young Somalian guy she fancied and then on to a big do at Crystal Palace with another domme.

The problem was that one had to wear something kinky and neither he nor I were dressed for the occasion. I recall we got in by each wearing some item of clothing lent by one of the women. The evening was a bit of a blur though I recall dancing in a dress, before going back and having a trio at the flat. He fucked the lady's arse while I licked her cunt. 

I saw him and her again, and I recall him saying to me before another trio "you're not gay are you?" "Certainly not" I replied. "Oh, that's alright then."

He and I remained in touch as I gave him some business advice. I do recall the episode rather fondly, though she was - and still is as far as I know - a little too unhinged on Colombian Marching Powder.

[Thephoenix]

My memory is appalling, but re-reading the various views here I recall one of my more bizarre experiences which sheds some light on the wide range of attitudes one can have.

I took one domme to London and booked a flat for a few days where she could work, where I also took some photos of her.  On our last night joined a gathering of the ungodly in the City where we met a young Somalian guy she fancied and then on to a big do at Crystal Palace with another domme.

The problem was that one had to wear something kinky and neither he nor I were dressed for the occasion. I recall we got in by each wearing some item of clothing lent by one of the women. The evening was a bit of a blur though I recall dancing in a dress, before going back and having a trio at the flat. He fucked the lady's arse while I licked her cunt. 

I saw him and her again, and I recall him saying to me before another trio "you're not gay are you?" "Certainly not" I replied. "Oh, that's alright then."

He and I remained in touch as I gave him some business advice. I do recall the episode rather fondly, though she was - and still is as far as I know - a little too unhinged on Colombian Marching Powder.

Just sounds like another day in paradise for the legend that is Colston.

[davey.edwards1969]

I guess it is a minefield - a SP might be lucky or it might be catastrophic

We had a very nice girl working in our office who was very popular and well liked by all of us - male and female
She did admit that when she was a single mum she had worked at a lap dancing / pole dancing club
No one thought anything of it and it wasn't talked about - we had better things to discuss
Unfortunately for her - at one boozy works do she got talking to a female colleague
A few of the other girls working at the club had told her there was good money to be made by agreeing to meet the punters away from work for paid sex- even though it was banned the management turned a blind eye to it - and she confessed that there was about a dozen times when money had been really tight that she had gone to hotels after work to meet guys
Of course this so called work friend didn't keep it a secret and that she had in fact only done it a few times - and soon it was common knowledge that she had been " a prozzie" 

Interestingly enough most of the guys understood why she had done it and never said anything but most of the females there treated her like dirt after that and made her life so unbearable that she had to leave

There are some nasty people out there !!

[Milfman1112]

Op, why are you even asking this?
Surely it has nothing to do with us as punters,
If she wants ttell a partner or friends that is her choice, same as it is your choice to tell your partner or friends you punt, no?

[Thephoenix]

I guess it is a minefield - a SP might be lucky or it might be catastrophic


Interestingly enough most of the guys understood why she had done it and never said anything but most of the females there treated her like dirt after that and made her life so unbearable that she had to leave

There are some nasty people out there !!

It seems that the majority of women still see prostitutes as a threat.

[Doc Holliday]

Op, why are you even asking this?
Surely it has nothing to do with us as punters,
If she wants ttell a partner or friends that is her choice, same as it is your choice to tell your partner or friends you punt, no?

To be fair to the OP this has already been asked and answered earlier in the thread and where he agrees it is none of his/our business 

For whatever reason however, many punters are interested in SP's personal lives and their relationship status... a few to the point of obsession.

[Watts.E.Dunn]

It seems that the majority of women still see prostitutes as a threat.

They do over on Mumsnet, their like despised!, more often that not if a man sees a WG then thats much worse that having an affair, much worse!!

Husband or partner sees a WG then they'll all screech STI test right now!! dosent seem to apply to seeing a civvie! Still that site is an alternate universe:!..

[Thephoenix]

They do over on Mumsnet, their like despised!, more often that not if a man sees a WG then thats much worse that having an affair, much worse!!

Husband or partner sees a WG then they'll all screech STI test right now!! dosent seem to apply to seeing a civvie!

       ***** Still that site is an alternate universe:!..*****

       ****I guess they say the same about this site.***

It's a wonder there are any successful long term relationships.
And yet somehow we muddle through.

The problem is there's no easy recipe, as everyone's different.

I sometimes wonder whether the only women who get the nearest to understanding men are the older, experience WGs who've probably experienced all the vagaries of men and their testosterone ruled existences. 

[Heph]

It seems that the majority of women still see prostitutes as a threat.

Quite sensibly: because from their perspective, they are.

[Bonker]

Different strokes for different folks.

[Bonker]

For the enlightenment of some of the posters on this thread, not only have I been faithful to my wife, I've been faithful to my mistresses and every single SP I've seen.

So it does happen.

[Thephoenix]

For the enlightenment of some of the posters on this thread, not only have I been faithful to my wife, I've been faithful to my mistresses and every single SP I've seen.

So it does happen.

Obviously a true gentleman.
It's good to see that chivalry still exists in this mixed up world.

[sparkus]

Obviously a true gentleman.
It's good to see that chivalry still exists in this mixed up world.

But were they all faithful to him?

[Nagilum]

Funny story. I was dating a girl a few years ago. She kept dropping in punters lingo into our conversations, like feels like a punt you coming over at night or she would randonly tell me she would make a crap escort knowing her friend was a former one.

I was dating a former escort unknowingly at the time  I found out later that she was offering services when we broke up. Perhaps a rebound, but I know she resumed very briefly afterwards.

[jimbobted]

Funny story. I was dating a girl a few years ago. She kept dropping in punters lingo into our conversations, like feels like a punt you coming over at night or she would randonly tell me she would make a crap escort knowing her friend was a former one.

I was dating a former escort unknowingly at the time  I found out later that she was offering services when we broke up. Perhaps a rebound, but I know she resumed very briefly afterwards.

Aren't you going to review her for us?