The perfect FBSM?

[Thephoenix]

.....or what can stop it from being perfect?

Asking for more entry fee than advertised,
Not the lady you've booked,
Being kept waiting when booked,
Cold room,
Dirty smelly towels and pillow,
No opening for head or not padded properly,
Cold massage oil,
Cold hands,
Too much oil,
Using smelly tiger balm without asking,
Massage feels rushed,
No teasing/cc swipes,
No sensuality in the massage,
Too much yapping,
Silly prices for extras,
Haggling,
Having to stop and get your money for extras,
Poor HJ technique,
B2B, that isn't B2B,
Feeling rushed,
Silly fake noises, oohs and ahhs,
No shower,
Cold shower,
Shower not working,
Getting short timed.

Surely I've missed something.
Anything to add?

[stampjones]

Old Chinese farmer’s wives

[mr.bluesky]

.....or what can stop it from being perfect?

Asking for more entry fee than advertised,
Not the lady you've booked,
Being kept waiting when booked,
Cold room,
Dirty smelly towels and pillow,
No opening for head or not padded properly,
Cold massage oil,
Cold hands,
Too much oil,
Using smelly tiger balm without asking,
Massage feels rushed,
No teasing/cc swipes,
No sensuality in the massage,
Too much yapping,
Silly prices for extras,
Haggling,
Having to stop and get your money for extras,
Poor HJ technique,
B2B, that isn't B2B,
Feeling rushed,
Silly fake noises, oohs and ahhs,
No shower,
Cold shower,
Shower not working,
Getting short timed.

Surely I've missed something.
Anything to add?

Carrying out the massage with one hand whilst texting on the phone with the other
Answering the phone during the massage
Leaving the room during the massage to answer the front door or phone

[triggs91]

watching Netflix on subtitles while she works (yes I have had this, no I didn't complain because I was a wimp)

[JackSaint]

Old Chinese farmer’s wives

....with a massive bush that stinks of piss

[IAmNotFamous]

The perfect FBSM is when the punter leaves satisfied…

[rocket88]

I would add as my bugbear the playing of shite Thai/Chinese pop music at high volume

[mr.bluesky]

I would add as my bugbear the playing of shite Thai/Chinese pop music at high volume

I've had so many Thai/ Chinese massages I'm beginning to quite like their music 

[Colston36]

.....or what can stop it from being perfect?

Asking for more entry fee than advertised,
Not the lady you've booked,
Being kept waiting when booked,
Cold room,
Dirty smelly towels and pillow,
No opening for head or not padded properly,
Cold massage oil,
Cold hands,
Too much oil,
Using smelly tiger balm without asking,
Massage feels rushed,
No teasing/cc swipes,
No sensuality in the massage,
Too much yapping,
Silly prices for extras,
Haggling,
Having to stop and get your money for extras,
Poor HJ technique,
B2B, that isn't B2B,
Feeling rushed,
Silly fake noises, oohs and ahhs,
No shower,
Cold shower,
Shower not working,
Getting short timed.

Surely I've missed something.
Anything to add?

All easily avoided if you remember the military maxim: "time spent on reconnaissance is seldom wasted".

[simon07]

The golden age has gone.

I rarely go for massage now as i am not spending my scarce money on overweight, elderly Chinese or Thai women who are asking ridiculous amounts for B2B and HJ. Not that i want their bodies with urine drenched hairy bush anywhere near me. 

[shiptonlad]

Agree that Golden age has gone.
50+ women who ask more than £40 for body to body when all they do is stand and give you a wank with little to no access.
Smelly premises
Filthy toilets.
Any woman who promises body to body and doesn't
Slide.