After Tuesday’s disastrous punt on top of two losses on the bounce for Leeds I was badly in the need of a self loathing expunging pre weekend pick me up.
I trawled AW and tried a few highly rated girls who failed to respond to calls and texts and checked out the EE agencies, the issue is that I’ve normally seen 20 to 30 of the current crop and the new girls fill me with fear that they won't measure up, as has been proven this week.
Agency birds are tough at the moment, £150 ones are a mixture of munters or shit service providers, £180 ones are often filthy but a bit rough looking, the £200 mob are a right mixed bag and loads of the new ones, particularly the Russkies are charging £250 or £300 an hour which has been more than I’m prepared to spend.
It was a tough job and nothing much took my fancy and I really needed to end the week on a high so I tore up my punting rule book for one punt only.
I love Russian birds and Amma ticks all the services boxes so figured that if her attitude matched her looks I’ll swallow the daft £300 price, just for once because she looks phenomenal and shagging a bird that good looking gave me a shot of lifting my sagging spirits.
Nothing could possibly go wrong, right? WRONG!
Amma, Russian, brunette, 24, 34D-24-34, 5’7” - reality Ukrainian, mid - late 20s, thicker in the waist and arse, shorter.
External Link/Members Only Comms: Spoke to the agency, they confirmed her physical attributes were as advertised and services would be delivered with gusto, she also duos with Ashley which augurs well but my request for a buy one get one free offer fell on deaf ears and even in my desperate state I’m not spending £500 on a one hour punt.
Gaff: Very nice first floor apartment in a posh crescent between Harrods and Brompton Cross, definitely more lads called Tarquin than Terry, parking difficult, loads of residents only to accommodate the Maseratis and Range Rovers. I rang the buzzer, no answer and as I tried again, fellow resident, blond be-quiffed Tim Nicebutdim let me in.
Girl: When she opened the door I was expecting the kind of girl who will be hanging out on a yacht in Monte Carlo all summer with random billionaires hanging out the back of her, paying heavily for the privilege.
She was good looking for sure, big, well done hair, nicely made up, too much false eyelashes and lipstick perhaps but there is a reason she doesn’t smile, her upper teeth are a bit short, so her slight trout mouth makes her face look a little vacant, as she led me in her lacy dress, thigh boots and hold ups her arse looked dumpier than I was expecting, mmmm.
Service: At this price [I know, I know, price doesn’t guarantee quality of service], I was
expecting senfuckingsational, top notch attitude and engagement from first deep French kiss and grope to the long farewell, an Academy Award winning girl friend experience. For the record, these are the services offered on the agency website, confirmed beforehand verbally: FK, OWO, GFE, CIF, CIM, COB, DFK, Deep throat, Dinner dates, Fetish, Fisting giving, Light domination, Massage, Naughty talk, PSE, Party girl, Role play, Spanking giving, Strap-on, Striptease, Uniforms, Rimming giving, Open minded, Rimming receiving, Soft domination, Toys, Latex outfit, Schoolgirl uniform, Group, Secretary outfit, WS giving, WS receiving, MMF, Dirty talking, Spanking receiving, Fisting receiving.
What I got was a business like greeting, kiss on the cheek and offer of a shower along with an explanation that she had to text the agency to tell them I’d arrived and paid, I hesitated for a second, the crisp fifties felt good in my hand then gave in and passed the fee to her.
I came back, kissed and groped and undressed her, the Victoria’s Secret model’s body in the photos is either a figment of a photoshoppers imagination or some time ago because she has a good body but it’s much more rounded these days, clean, fresh, smelt good, soft and unblemished, well done falsies, fully shaven.
Naked she lay on the bed and pulled me in for a kiss, stroking my cock, I kissed back, shallowish but tongues, groped, poked and licked then straddled her face while she gave me a reluctant blowjob, looking about as happy as a teenager having a sly wank when mum knocks on the bathroom door.
I lay beside her, we kissed and groped some more, she should have been seducing me but I was definitely leading, she got on top, slid down my body, started sucking again and I had to guide her to lick balls and shaft which she did for all of two minutes, then back to sucking, we were twenty minutes in and I was ready, as I started to ejaculate I warned her, she said “not in mouth”, she pulled her head up, grabbed my dick and avoided my sweet love juice like it was contaminated, totally ruining my orgasm then, handing me wipes and tissues she jumped up and disappeared for five minutes.
While she was out of the room I berated myself, looked to the heavens, face palmed and thought what the fuck am I doing here.
She came back in we chatted a bit, she’s Ukrainian, from Kiev, comes in for short visits then buggers off home with the cash.
She said “would you like a massage”, I said “come here”, we snogged and groped and I was hard again, she said “no more sex, only massage, one cum per hour” then we had an increasingly heated conversation which went something like this:
Me: “Are you taking the piss, £300 and you’ve given me a half hearted blow job, avoided my cum like the plague, wasted ten minutes, we are 30 minutes into an hour booking, I paid for your time and haven’t even fucked you yet, that is fucking ridiculous”
Her: “My rule, I’ve been working a few years, always one cum per hour”
Me: “What about the services on the website, cum in mouth, facials, are they fictitious because presumably the fisting and watersports part was a fucking fairytale”
Her: “Call the agency”
Me: “I will” and did
The agency said they’d call her, they did, she ignored the call, then they texted her and she said “they asked me to let you go again”
Me: “No fucking chance, I’ve had half an hour of half-hearted service and lies, I want some money back”
Her: “You came, no refund”
Me: “That’s bollocks luv, I’m calling the agency again”
I did, told them what I thought and what I wanted, handed the phone to her and after a drawn out conversation got half my cash back which she threw on the bed.
I told her that she was a lucky girl if she got away with that level of service at that price, she said she’d had no complaints and the agency reiterated that as I angrily spoke to them after I left.
Conclusion: Agencies know fuck all about the girls and get lucky if they happen upon great girls who deliver great service.
Price means nothing.
Some punters put up with this shit and are much too easily satisfied.
I’m very pissed off, just had probably the most expensive blowjob in London, should've walked early doors, my tallywacker needs a proper seeing to and right now I hate this fucking game.
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