I took my first trip to Thailand late 2016. I know should have posted a lot earlier, it's taken ages writing this post as I've been adding and removing various sections. I wanted my report just to focus on the punting but I also have shared some personal experiences which I hope may help save someone from following the exact same pitfalls, myself and thousands of other blokes going to Thailand for the first time. I wished I had read the book 'Private Dancer' by Stephen Leather before I traveled. Whilst out in Thailand I did a lot of touristy stuff so I have left those details out. It might read like I was in Thailand for only 7 days but I was there for 3 weeks. Also, there is a word limit on here so had to keep taking bits out.
I also went back in June for two weeks but more on that in my sequel, 'The Return Trip To Thailand, He Should Have Known Better' - Written By a Plonker
I know there are people on this forum who have been Thailand many more times than me and have a wealth of experience and knowledge, I'm writing this as someone who has been a couple of times just to share my experiences and hopefully hear from those who have been a few times can pass on their knowledge.
PhuketDay 1 arrived at Patong, Phuket, mid afternoon I ventured about exploring and I couldn't quite believe my eyes! Walking down Thanon Ratuthit Songroipi road towards Walking St the number of shops both sides of the road with the massage girls shouting at you to go in or grabbing you and touching you up in broad daylight! There were some mingers but also some pretty fit ones! I know the Thai word for sex was 'boom boom' or 'bum bum' and I was whispering to them asking how much.
In the massage parlors the minimum price is approx 200 – 300thb for a basic massage, anything else jumps to 1000thb, maybe my negotiating skills weren't up to scratch at the beginning but I knew I had a big night ahead of me so I continued my venture taking everything in.
Walking back I headed through Soi Kep Sab, a little place which I refer to as my Golden Triangle. I decided to stop for a beer in one of the bars and was approached by many Thai girls, some nice and some weren't so nice wanting to take me away for ST or begging me to back that evening with my friend. This place
As you continue down Soi Kep Sab a bit of triangle opens up with massage parlors down one side and a lady boy massage down the other and there's a bar in the middle, this is just a non-girly bar, no freelancers where you can sit and enjoy a drink without. As I was walking down the alley where the girls where I couldn't believe how they all rush over to you, there was girl who I liked straight away, she grabbed my cock through my shorts and called me Mr Floopy, I wasn't quite in the mood there and then and I don't think I had enough cash so I promised her I'd be back later that night. The actual place I found on a YouTube clip a couple of weeks ago
External Link/Members OnlyIn the evening, Patong is a different place, we walked the same route I did earlier but now stood on the corners of the main road near the 'Sleep With Me Hotel' were freelancers who claimed they massage. Some of these girls were stunning, they were dressed for a night out rather than a massage but to entice you in they would shout massssssage at you. More on these later. Approx location
External Link/Members OnlyWalking St was an eye opener, proper fit Thai girls spinning around on really high poles, I've been to a few strip clubs in my time and the poles were definitely not that high! There were a quite a few hot Russian chicks as well but I thought I'd rather not get involved.
I persuaded my mate to go into Suzy Wongs Go Go bar, he claims he didn't know what one was and if he knew he wouldn't have gone it, soon after I ordered our Chiang beers two stunning Thai girls sat down with us, I kind of knew what to expect with the inflated lady drinks, I knew we would stay one drink only so I bought the girls vodka or whiskey and coke, I remember my mate's face seeing all the hot chicks dancing around on stage and he was enjoying the sight of 'his girl' stroking his arms and legs and then he saw the bar bill looool, the way he jumped up it was like a deadly snake was about to bite him! I told the girls jokingly that he had no money and I would be paying for drinks, I told them jokingly that I was taking my friend back to the hotel after our one drink and I would be back, I remember asking the girl who sat on my lap for her Line id and I was asking her how much for ST and bar fines, the girl who was sat on my mate's lap then walked off knowing she wouldn't get anything from him and thanked me for the drink. I could see him getting sulky and not wanting to fall out on the first day we drank up and left. From a 1000thb note, I don't remember much change left.
Walking back towards Soi Kep Sab I got the horn, I told my mate, if you see someone you like just get in there and get back to the hotel, don't wait around dithering. As we got nearer the parlors I was looking out for the girl who called me Mr. Floopy earlier.
Girl 1We agreed to 300thb up front for a massage, this was the first time I had been in a massage parlour before, I remember the girl telling me we would go upstairs to the private rooms, here I was expecting a private room but all it is basically is a large upstairs room which is split into tiny booths with a curtain separating the different booths, you just get a bed which I thought was a smaller than a single bed and width of the booth was tiny. Imagine if you stretched your arm out you could easily touch the person in the next bed. No room to swing a cat.
As the massage started I was only in the mood for a bj and nothing else, the girl told me 1000thb for bj which included sex, I offered 500 for bj which would have meant 800 for a shit massage and bj but the girl was insisting on 1000, I would have paid 1000thb if she was stunning or if I was in the mood so she just wanked me off, my mate banged a milf in one of the booths next to us.
My last night in Patong for a couple of weeks and I was eager to get my first shag in, now that I got slightly acclimatized. My plan was to buy some viagra, find my girl, have sex, eat and then sleep. There are loads of pharmacists around, they try to sell you Viagra which is around 1500bht and the ones who I spoke to weren't prepared to budge on price. In the end, I bought a couple of packs of Sidegra, after some bartering, I think I paid around 300 – 350. There are street vendors that also sell them.
Lady BoyThis is where I had my first not so pleasant encounter with some Lady Boys, as mentioned earlier about Soi Kep Sab, this time I walked up from the main road on the corner there is a restaurant as shown here
External Link/Members Only. A lady boy approached me from the parlour on the right and gave the usual “message, boom boom take me to your room”, with everyone who I meet, I politely decline, smile and move on. However, this one would not let go and I mean not let go. As I tried to walk past her the Lady Boy grabbed my arm and got it into a sort of lock like some muay fighter, I tried to wriggle out not trying too hard as I thought it was a bit of a joke, then I was being attempted to be dragged pulled into the massage parlour I kept saying no thanks to get my arm and I was pulling back myself back, I'm a bit of a lump, fat rather than muscle but the lady boy couldn't drag me any further as I got myself to a stance which meant she would have pulled all my weight to get me to move. With a raised voice I kept saying of my arm, I remember thinking to myself that there was the restaurant full of people and the lady boy wouldn't be that stupid to try something. A bit of panic did set it to be honest but I tried to remain calm and I knew I still had my other arm just in case I needed to fight my way out, so now I started raising my voice and using my other arm to push the lady boy off but my arm was still in a lock, now a few more lady boys came out the massage shop and fearing the worse of a mugging or something worse I thought I'll need to kick out, after a few more second of struggling the lady boy let go. Walking up Soi Kep Sab I think my right arm was dead, and my shoulder was killing me with pain. I kept looking back and that skank of a lady boy was just stood there arms crossed staring right back. To compose myself and get my head straight I went for a drink at the bar in the middle of Soi Kep Sab, I contemplated revenge, going back and kicking off or putting a window through, I also thought about finding the tourist police and I know the police are corrupt and what could I say? A lady boy held my arm too tight.
Girl 2Anyway back to the task at hand, my first shag in Thailand, whilst sat at the bar I spotted the girl who I wanted, she was about 5ft – 5ft 2 really slim, cracking arse, dyed blonde hair and cute face. I watched her as she tried to pull in customers. She caught me looking at her few times and she would wink back or wave over. I made my mind up and thought right go for it. I approach her, paid 300thb for the initial massage, she said she would do boom boom also. Up and I go into the parlour, same sort of setup as the previous parlor with separate booths split by a curtain. At first, I ask to massage my arm, although the pain wasn't as bad now. Her English was OK, we spoke the usual, first time in Thailand, where you stay how long here for etc. My now I was really getting turned on, the massage was ok, just rubbing warm oil over my body and delicate touches rather than anything firm. She claimed to have seen me walking around and I began to explain my earlier incident with the lady boy. Then she started to impersonate a lady boy my talking in a deep voice, at first I thought oh shit and I quickly sat up, she said she was joking and even pulled down her pants but even though she was joking and I could tell that now she had killed the mood. My hard cock was trying to shrivel up, so she tried to upsell and I politely declined. She tried to wank me off but I wasn't in the mood, when we finished off she got me a little tiny bottle of water, those small ones where you have to puncture it with a straw, we chatted for a bit about the different bars her and friends visit to play pool. I was actually thought she was a sweet girl and she wasn't pushy at all, we must have chatted for around 10mins in the booth. I knew I had some small notes so I paid her 200thb tip, I know that water in a 7-Eleven is 10thb but I just wanted to show my appreciation.
Girl 3Out the massage parlour I knew where I was heading, the corner which had the freelancers, walking pass the massage parlours and seeing the beauties was getting me going, before I got to the corner I cross the road as I wanted to get a good look who was about, then I spotted who I wanted, another blonde, but this one had enhanced tits, slightly taller and she looked like she was dressed for a night out on the tiles. I approached her and asked how much for massage, straight away she said 2000thb short time. For a massage or freelance girl, I knew this was too much. This girl was hot though and I think we agreed to 1500thb as I said was walking off. We walk off down the side street which opens up to more massage parlours, they looked as if they were shut but we walked in one where all lights were off, there was young lad sat at the till and the girl told me to pay 300thb, I quizzed this and she said you pay for room, Well if I knew this before I wouldn't have bothered or tried to lower the price. I pay the 300 and we go in, this place is definitely shut and we're the only ones here. She gives a fairly rushed shitty massage which she is just squeezing my arms more than anything. On with the condom for a bj and again it's all very rushed, even though it was a shit BJ the girl who pretty hot, she was slim, enhanced boobs and blonde hair. She says it's an extra 500thb for me to lick her pussy and I think 1000thb to shag her ass, I decline these offers and tell her to get on top, she's riding me and then bouncing up and down really grinding in an effort to make me cum quick. The thing is my cock is really hard from taking the Sidegra and I'm not cumming anytime soon. I can tell she is getting pissed off so I ask to take from her behind. Not the most comfortable position but the sight is pretty good, I did contemplate the extra 1000 for anal as her ass hole was so inviting but I had a chuckle to myself it would be my luck I'd pay 1000 and I couldn't get it up her. We finish off with reverse cow girl as I couldn't be arsed seeing her moody face, seeing all her tattoos on her back just added to the occasion and after a few mins, I exploded inside her.
There wasn't any gfe, more clinical and trying to get my cum asap, looks wise she was great even with her pissed off face, just wished she had a bit more personality, the sex wasn't the best but at least I had some good almost faded wank bank memories.
