Your Punting Confessions

[Poopster]

Shit you should have done, shit you never should have done, get it off your chests here.

I have never, despite having lived in or around the city for 9 years, visited one of Edinburgh's saunas.

I have arrived at a punt I wanted for months only to find her off her tits and DIDN'T walk away. 

I have had a couple of street girls in my car.

I'd like to think this confession will feel better... but writing it down has filled me full of self-loathing! 

[od13218]

About 20 yrs ago picked up a street whore in Kings Cross, was horny as hell and not thinking straight. Went to some dodgy alleyway to do the business, got chased away by 2 blokes, found another spot, she got a condom on me (how I got hard I'll never know) then told me it was her period but I could fuck her anyway or pay extra for anal. Can't believe I went ahead. Touched her hair (long, black) and it was more or less solid. Still can't work that out. Went home feeling slightly sick and washed frantically, not sleeping well until I got the GUM all clear a couple of months later!
Worst part was I paid £30: in those days I could have had 2 Soho girls for that price!

[cueball]

I once shot a wood pigeon in a tree when I were a lad, poor bugger were just sat there.

I felt terrible, not shot nothing since.



Oh, hang on, it's punting confessions 

I had a go with a big girl with a genuine mono brow many years ago, I should have walked, I can still see her face in my minds eye to this day

[threechilliman]

The 'spunk in the shoe' incident - not punting but sex-related.

A female colleague used to leave her shoes at work and wear trainers to walk to and from. After she'd left one evening, I took her shoes, hung one round my cock by the strappy heel and promptly wanked a load into the other.

Don't shoot me boys - I feel bad to this day about what I did.

tcm

[cueball]

The 'spunk in the shoe' incident - not punting but sex-related.

A female colleague used to leave her shoes at work and wear trainers to walk to and from. After she'd left one evening, I took her shoes, hung one round my cock by the strappy heel and promptly wanked a load into the other.

Don't shoot me boys - I feel bad to this day about what I did.

tcm

Spunkyshoegate 

[raylondoner]

The 'spunk in the shoe' incident - not punting but sex-related.

A female colleague used to leave her shoes at work and wear trainers to walk to and from. After she'd left one evening, I took her shoes, hung one round my cock by the strappy heel and promptly wanked a load into the other.

Don't shoot me boys - I feel bad to this day about what I did.

tcm

I take it you don't have security cameras then?   

Also trust you didn't catch verruca's - could be embarrassing to explain at the clap shop ("well doc, I was at work one evening when ...........") 

[Happyjose]

Never been to an Edinburgh sauna either

Got stuck in a lift on my way down from a punt in a shit apartment block for 2 hours (could have been worse, at least I'd blown my beans)

Had a whore in a Spanish brothel lift money from my open wallet when paying for the room, was pished and did nothing about it

Had a prossie break down in front of me over a very recent personal tragedy, and after politely sympathising then after 10 mins realising it was going nowhere, jacked myself off as she quietly sobbed. That was a low, even for me

[Poopster]

Had a prossie break down in front of me over a very recent personal tragedy, and after politely sympathising then after 10 mins realising it was going nowhere, jacked myself off as she quietly sobbed. That was a low, even for me

 

"What are you laughing at?"

"Oh, a guy on UK Punting who wanked himself off while a hoor cried on his shoulder... I mean, a joke on Sickipedia..."

[cueball]

Had a prossie break down in front of me over a very recent personal tragedy, and after politely sympathising then after 10 mins realising it was going nowhere, jacked myself off as she quietly sobbed. That was a low, even for me

I must admit, I'm with poopy on this, I think you got taken for a fat lad there, unless she gave you a full refund. Did she refund you?

[Happyjose]

I must admit, I'm with poopy on this, I think you got taken for a fat lad there, unless she gave you a full refund. Did she refund you?

That's the really shameful part. She offered some cash back and I refused. During my mug punter phase.

I'm better now

[Poopster]

Oh please don't misunderstand, I think the imagery you conjured is genuinely hilarious!  I'm imagining myself sitting there thrapping one out over some prossie while she sobs at the mess her life has become, barely thinking of the mess I'm about to unleash on her.

[vw]

I punted a customers wife ! 

sorry no links for obvious reasons, still a customer ! 

[Poopster]

I punted a customers wife ! 

sorry no links for obvious reasons, still a customer ! 

How did you come around to that??

[vw]

How did you come around to that??

Well booked her fucked her, then found out after when in his office who she was nice family picture on the desk !

[Happyjose]

Oh please don't misunderstand, I think the imagery you conjured is genuinely hilarious!  I'm imagining myself sitting there thrapping one out over some prossie while she sobs at the mess her life has become, barely thinking of the mess I'm about to unleash on her.

No worries, glad to share

[Poopster]

Well booked her fucked her, then found out after when in his office who she was nice family picture on the desk !

Ah, ok, I had a theory in my head of a customer having difficulty paying and you making an indecent proposal.

[RedKettle]

Many years ago there was a really old bird who could have been my gran - I felt bad about fucking such an old one but carried on because I was horny.  She then offered CIM which I had never had before and I thought it was fantastic - I was new to punting and was not aware you could get that sort of thing.  So despite my reservations about fucking granny I agreed a cheap price and kept going back.

I felt really bad/dirty about the whole thing - which did not stop me seeing her regularly!!

Now being older myself and having been exposed to the wider punting scene (partly by this excellent site) I would not feel guilty about it all.

[jimbm55]

Pissed in Shepherd's Market and walked into one of the red light places to be confronted by a French woman who must have been 70. Settled for OWO. Ought to have walked

[cain]

The year was 1992, the place was kings cross Australia, I was seriosuly fucked up on booze and cocaine, met a hooker outside a strip show got rinsed for a fair bit of cash, utterly shit punt due to the amount of chemicals running through my body, but then after the deed was finally done............... she started shooting up........................... what a fucking evening....................................

[texasjapan]

Now this thread should get some interesting posts
Sorry lads nothing nowhere near as fucked up as you folk

[Jock D]

Never been to an Edinburgh sauna either

Got stuck in a lift on my way down from a punt in a shit apartment block for 2 hours (could have been worse, at least I'd blown my beans)

Had a whore in a Spanish brothel lift money from my open wallet when paying for the room, was pished and did nothing about it

Had a prossie break down in front of me over a very recent personal tragedy, and after politely sympathising then after 10 mins realising it was going nowhere, jacked myself off as she quietly sobbed. That was a low, even for me

Genuinely, lol at that. 

[pierrot]

Back in the day before the Internet and it was just phone numbers in the local rag and phone boxes as there was no mobile phones I remember shagging some ugly as sin bird on a bed with so many spunk stains it was as stiff as a board, I'm pretty sure I Remember feeling a damp patch at some point.

[ramrodronnie]

I punted a customers wife ! 

sorry no links for obvious reasons, still a customer ! 

He wouldn't be very happy with you if he found out VW  Good fuck though was she?

[Ben4454]

Apart from Romanian-regret I cannot think of any major punting regrets.

Do wish i had seen the blonde Adele in surrey. If she ever comes back i'd like to give her one.

[vw]

He wouldn't be very happy with you if he found out VW  Good fuck though was she?

I didn't put the advert up, no guilt here.

[Nagilum]

Well booked her fucked her, then found out after when in his office who she was nice family picture on the desk !

Even if I punted for the next 50 years I could not match some of your fables VW 

[vw]

Even if I punted for the next 50 years I could not match some of your fables VW 

Village life, imagine Emerdale Farm with prossies !

[MJ.spritzen]

A few years ago in an office i used to work, they hired a 23yo girl to be our new manager - one of those "straight from Uni, blonde, goodlooking, no real expereince so i've got something to prove" girls.

The rest of us had worked there for years and knew our jobs inside out, we would've got on fine with her had she not been a real jobsworth and tried to install a "no talking" policy. She would constantly verbally put down any man that was liked in the workplace.

So after a few run in's with her, the final straw was her moving me to another desk with someone she knew i couldn't stand. So when she went into a meeting i went to her desk, took her half finished Starbucks coffee cup (the paper takeaway kind), took it into the gents and wanked off into it. I left a good heavy deposit in her latte. Replaced the lid. Snuck it out in my jacket and put it back on her desk.

Her knocking back on that latte and jizz more than made up for the rest of the year.

[Sonny Crockett]

I passed out mid-punt after over-exerting myself big time. I didn't know where I was for a few minutes.

However I gradually got myself back together and eventually had a great time with the lady!!!!

[myothernameis]

On the Glasgow Underground, and it was packed full, no room to move, and I just happened to be behind a female wearing a silky green dress, and my crotch was pressed against her ass, for a good 15 min's.............missed my stop, stayed on the subway for another 10 min's before she got left

It was a strange day, she never protested, and made and commotion at what was going on, and at times it crossed my mind, was she pushing back as well, so that was one hell of a day

[Hydrant]

I started punting as a kerb-crawler in Stoke and Liverpool in 1983, so if I were to confess to all the embarrassments of the last 33 years it would take up three pages. A few moments stand out:

1. Smoking crack in a shitty Camden Town flat with an out-of-it whore at 4am (mid-90s). Luckily for my future health, it did nothing for me. Then we had to share the only bed with her sleeping four-year-old son. Then she disappeared at 7.30am and I had enough nous to get the hell out, sharpish. I saw her coming back down the street with an evil-looking black dude as I made hot feet in the other direction.

2. Two teenage junkie hookers starting a catfight over me when I went back to a flat near Kings Cross (early-90s) but showed more interest in the second girl than the one who had taken me there. (I didn't have enough dosh to have them both.)

3. Realising that the reason I was getting the most dirty and enthusiastic blow-job of my life up to that point (mid-80s) is that the hooker blowing me in my car was using it as a distraction to take some cash out of my pocket (stupid mistake having it there, not to be repeated). She totally denied it and only produced it from her shoe when I started driving towards the local cop shop and told her I would have no problem reporting her as a thief.

4. Continuing to bang away at an inexperienced and rather beautiful teenage blonde in my car when she burst into tears mid-shag (mid-80s). She said after I'd climaxed that it was only her second day on the job and I was the first punter who had been nice to her and talked to her like a person, not a rented pussy. Which made me feel better, then after more thought, worse.

[DickDiver]

Got absolutely off my tits working in Munich and got a cabbie to take me to girls at about 3am.

Got a 5/10 lassie to a room spent E300 on "champagne", paid another E300 to have a bath with her. Smoked half a packet of her fags (I've never smoked). Ran out of time and then paid another E50 to stay in the room to have a wank. E650 for a self-administered handjob. Seriously.

Fucking ridiculous abuse of the mastercard.

[GreyDave]

I take it you don't have security cameras then?   

Also trust you didn't catch verruca's - could be embarrassing to explain at the clap shop ("well doc, I was at work one evening when ...........") 

It was ThreeChillman ....he has already got Athletes Dick

[Liverpool]

I was going hard at with a Polish WG in a flat in Victoria, London. Went too hard and broke my banjo string. Blamed the WG for not telling me she on her period, she apologised and said she didn't think it was her time of the month. Got a £40 refund.

[Poopster]

I was going hard at with a Polish WG in a flat in Victoria, London. Went too hard and broke my banjo string. Blamed the WG for not telling me she on her period, she apologised and said she didn't think it was her time of the month. Got a £40 refund.

Sorry, I call bullshit. 
1) it's fucking sore.
2) Period blood looks very different.
3) It's really theft from a prossie... and that ain't cool.

[od13218]

Sorry, I call bullshit. 
1) it's fucking sore.
2) Period blood looks very different.
3) It's really theft from a prossie... and that ain't cool.

+1
Also, unless you were barebacking her, there's no way you could pull that "stunt", because there'd only be blood *inside* the condom.

[licky]

Many years ago there was a really old bird who could have been my gran - I felt bad about fucking such an old one but carried on because I was horny.  She then offered CIM which I had never had before and I thought it was fantastic - I was new to punting and was not aware you could get that sort of thing.  So despite my reservations about fucking granny I agreed a cheap price and kept going back.

I felt really bad/dirty about the whole thing - which did not stop me seeing her regularly!!

We know now who you really are in real life RedKettle
You are Wayne Rooney aren't you

[Liverpool]

Sorry, I call bullshit. 
1) it's fucking sore.
2) Period blood looks very different.
3) It's really theft from a prossie... and that ain't cool.

1. yes it was fucking sore.
2. yes it does, thanks to dim light it looked the same.
3. The money was pumped (figuratively) back into the WG as part of a guilty bonus.
4. As another person who questioned my bona fides, it was as I took the condom off while still between her legs that the blood got everywhere..
5. It does sound like a load of shit but it did happen that way as the irate WG testified next time I saw her.

[aimen]

Never been to an Edinburgh sauna either

Got stuck in a lift on my way down from a punt in a shit apartment block for 2 hours (could have been worse, at least I'd blown my beans)

Had a whore in a Spanish brothel lift money from my open wallet when paying for the room, was pished and did nothing about it

Had a prossie break down in front of me over a very recent personal tragedy, and after politely sympathising then after 10 mins realising it was going nowhere, jacked myself off as she quietly sobbed. That was a low, even for me

hahahahahahahaahahahahahaahha