Top-notch reviews of the year

[limarasa9]

With December comes the inevitable top this and top that threads. So, here I am, doing just that.

I am not a good review writer myself but when I see some of the reviews from fellow members that are top-notch, I really admire their review writing skills. I usually look for reviews only in the London and East England section, so I might have missed a few (or many) that are worth a read in other regions. If you remember any such review(s) that is worth reading please feel free to share the link. Below are the two reviews that are my personal favourites for their review quality:

https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=354757.0

https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=362099.0

Disclaimer: As this is a highly subjective topic I understand there might be differing opinions.

[standardpostage]

I think that all reviews are good    I have no favourites.

Some are short and sweet.

Others are long and detailed 

[ulstersubbie]

Disclaimer: As this is a highly subjective topic I understand there might be differing opinions.

I see trouble ahead....

[scutty brown]

Surely the point of a review is to appraise the girl? Not to prat around trying to compete in a prize for prose and linguistic presentation?

[shed]

Stupid post

[daviemac]

I said the last time this was suggested, it will only lead to those with egos embellishing their reviews so they can be praised by others.

The best reviews contain all the relevant information so others can make an informed decision on whether to book or not. It doesn't matter if they are concise and use abbreviations when describing services or written in a Mills and Boon style.

As long as we know how long the booking was, the price paid and what services were offered etc it's a top quality review.

[PilotMan]

There are a lot of different styles of reviewers on here, some are full of wit and humour, others are dry and factual, some just use emoji's 

I like that variation, if we all adopted the same style and format it would become boring.

[Dipper]

As long as we know how long the booking was, the price paid and what services were offered etc it's a top quality review.

THIS

Anything else is a bonus (usually.) Less CAN be more sometimes.

[Punterperson1971]

The one that made me laugh and he’s been consistent in his reviews and I like to read his anyway even though he punts in a different area to me(him oooop north me in West Midlands)is mr fishyfoo,one stood out was a Romanian(I think) who started going on that it was too big for her but it’s her accent she started to say’zits  zoo zig zits  zoo zig’
That made me chuckle.

Found it
https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=197939.0

[limarasa9]

The one that made me laugh and he’s been consistent in his reviews and I like to read his anyway even though he punts in a different area to me(him oooop north me in West Midlands)is mr fishyfoo,one stood out was a Romanian(I think) who started going on that it was too big for her but it’s her accent she started to say’zits  zoo zig zits  zoo zig’
That made me chuckle.

Found it
https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=197939.0

Zat waz zilariouz !!

[Dipper]

The one that made me laugh and he’s been consistent in his reviews and I like to read his anyway even though he punts in a different area to me(him oooop north me in West Midlands)is mr fishyfoo,one stood out was a Romanian(I think) who started going on that it was too big for her but it’s her accent she started to say’zits  zoo zig zits  zoo zig’
That made me chuckle.

Found it
https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=197939.0

 

This thread wouldn’t be complete without mentioning the East Midland's very own Mutinyonthecounty. For anyone who’s not familiar with his reviews, i reccommend setting some time aside for a lot of great reading.

 

[Punterperson1971]

This thread wouldn’t be complete without mentioning the East Midland's very own Mutinyonthecounty. For anyone who’s not familiar with his reviews, i reccommend setting some time aside for a lot of great reading.

 

You should post one for us to read

[HailWood]

You should post one for us to read

https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=339010.0

Maybe not his very best but pretty much par for Mutiny.

[Dipper]

*edit.

See what you meant now. HW has taken care of it, thanks.

[HailWood]

Surely the point of a review is to appraise the girl? Not to prat around trying to compete in a prize for prose and linguistic presentation?

I agree Scutty that this is the prime function but there is no harm IMO in reading a review which achieves this and is also well written and delivers a little something more such as humour or thought provoking.

[PilotMan]

I agree Scutty that this is the prime function but there is no harm IMO in reading a review which achieves this and is also well written and delivers a little something more such as humour or thought provoking.

+1

[ulstersubbie]

I agree Scutty that this is the prime function but there is no harm IMO in reading a review which achieves this and is also well written and delivers a little something more such as humour or thought provoking.

+2

[HailWood]

https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=339010.0

Maybe not his very best but pretty much par for Mutiny.

I must disagree with Mutiny’s recommendation on post punt song on this occasion though. I think the Roxy Music version is much better than Dylan’s.

* runs to fetch tin hat 

[Mutinyonthecounty]

You Philistine !!

[akauya]

Surely the point of a review is to appraise the girl? Not to prat around trying to compete in a prize for prose and linguistic presentation?

100% agree.

The reviews that sounds more like the author's own attempts at soft porn really don't do it for me; I much prefer the facts without embellished prose. Sometimes they remind me of that "Bad sex in fiction" awards.

Apologies to those punters who write reviews like that, not trying to offend your grammatical and story writing prowess, just stating the type of reviews I prefer 

[HailWood]

You Philistine !!

I appreciate this could be the end of our friendship 

But I prefer my music as I prefer my sex - the harder and faster the better 

[Poopster]

I don't mind a little stream of consciousness in a review, but like DM said, there are people who'll go out of their way to create a persona around their reviewing style and it's all a bit wanky.  Mango chutney guy, or whatever the gimmick is, I'm looking at you.  Wasn't there also something like a king sized Mars bar?  Give me fucking strength.

[Stevelondon]

I usually have a chuckle at those reviews (or posts) where a comma or full stop seems have been lost from the keyboard.

ie:      Three things I like in life,
Eating my family and leaving commas out of sentences.

[lillythesavage]

I usually have a chuckle at those reviews (or posts) where a comma or full stop seems have been lost from the keyboard.

ie:      Three things I like in life,
Eating my family and leaving commas out of sentences.

Is eating the family not incest 

[PilotMan]

You can't beat....

Eats, shoots and leaves.

[scutty brown]

Is eating the family not incest 

only  if you chew or gobble

[timsussex]

Is eating the family not incest 

you should try everything once - except incest and Morris dancing !

[Punterperson1971]

And what’s wrong with morris dancing 

[ulstersubbie]

And what’s wrong with morris dancing 

Everything!   

[Punterperson1971]

I’ve never danced with anyone called morris…well I don’t think I have 

[FLYING BLUE]

Surely the point of a review is to appraise the girl? Not to prat around trying to compete in a prize for prose and linguistic presentation?

This

[Chazz]

You Philistine !!

MOTC, you Sir are a Poet. Your reviews could've been written by James Joyce.
I salute you. 

[Stevelondon]

MOTC, you Sir are a Poet. Your reviews could've been written by James Joyce.
I salute you. 

I loved MOTC’s last review where it started,
“I shall keep this short”

He of course actually means,
“I’ll attempt to keep this shorter than my usual stuff” 

[mr.bluesky]

And what’s wrong with morris dancing 

I tried morris dancing once,  fell off the bonnet damn near broke me leg 

[scutty brown]

MOTC, you Sir are a Poet. Your reviews could've been written by James Joyce.
I salute you. 

but Joyce's utterings are virtually unreadable
or is that what you meant?

[shed]

I tried morris dancing once,  fell off the bonnet damn near broke me leg 

A "minor" injury then 

[Stevelondon]

I tried morris dancing once,  fell off the bonnet damn near broke me leg 

You should have parked it first. No wonder you fell off if it was travelling.