Removing the smell of smoke

[dreamwrx]

Coming from a non-smoking household, and an OH with a bloodhound-like sense of smell, a few days ago I faced the nightmare of a very smoky room - occupied by an early-20s BBW with a big cleavage and the world's shortest skirt. What to do ... exit quickly to avoid the smoky smell, or get stuck in?

My recent review of a young BBW in Rotherham tells the story.

BUT, gents has anyone faced a similar problem with meeting a WG in her smoky bedroom? And how do you remove the smell of smoke afterwards?

"You can't" may be the right answer, but I'd appreciate any thoughts.

As it happens I didn't have to be at home until approx four hours after my meet with the smoky BBW, so I hoped it would fade but upon walking thru the door at home my kid sniffed me and said: "You smell like you've been standing next to a bonfire". Luckily my OH wasn't there when he said it.

Ah cock, I thought.

My solution? a) a quick change, b) a throughly soapy wash in the bathroom, c) hide away the dirty clothes overnight and d) I went for a jog in those same clothes first thing the next morning and successfully added "sweat" to "smoke" as regards odours. I also spilt some black coffee on the shirt, for good measure.

It seems to have worked but fuck me the things we do, and it was only a Neutral punt at that.

Next time, I'll check first if a WG is a smoker, and if she is I simply won't go there .. I could do without the stress.

Any geniuine tips?

[winkywanky]

Next time, I'll check first if a WG is a smoker, and if she is I simply won't go there .. I could do without the stress.

Any genuine tips?

I think you pretty well hit the nail on the head.

When booking, check with the WG whether there'll be any smell of smoke in the room. If she lies, you go and a fug hits you as she opens the door, simply walk away (if it makes you feel better, tell her she's a stupid cow for lying to you).

[MassageBloke]

I'm a none smoker. I can smell cigarette smoke about 100mtrs away. The only excuse is an after-work drink with a smoking colleague (male !!) from work.

[CheeseBoard]

Maybe a change of clothes and Fabreeze the clothes you went in with?

That may help to lessen the smoke smell. I have found anyone who doesnt smoke can always tell.  As long as the smell isnt too strong, say you were waiting outside a shop (wherever works for the situation) and someone was smoking. 

If it's a big concern, best advice as mentioned is to walk 

[Will2k]

Lots of pubs seem to have outdoor smoking areas. Passing one, chatting to a friend?

[freeze44]

Maybe a change of clothes and Fabreeze the clothes you went in with?

That may help to lessen the smoke smell. I have found anyone who doesnt smoke can always tell.  As long as the smell isnt too strong, say you were waiting outside a shop (wherever works for the situation) and someone was smoking. 

If it's a big concern, best advice as mentioned is to walk 

Some good points there. One I have used is that a mate gave me a lift in his car and smokes like a chimney so have to wash the clothes 

[millbush]

I'm a none smoker. I can smell cigarette smoke about 100mtrs away. The only excuse is an after-work drink with a smoking colleague (male !!) from work.

Same here I think non smokers can smell it miles away.

[Home Alone]

There's a number of plausible reasons provided above.

Sounds like we need a thread of 'Excuses' for various circumstances for those of you with OHs. [He typed, smugly!]

[dreamwrx]

Thanks (as the OP) to all of you above.

Clearly the only true solution is ... if the room is smoky, me no poky.

Applogies for the extremely forced rhyme    at least it scans.

If she smells of fags, pack your bags. That's better.

Basically I had a close shave. WAY too risky. Won't make the mistake again 

[MassageBloke]

Thinking about it, a nice perfume wafting from you when you arrived home would be harder to explain away !! 

[dreamwrx]

Oh the perfume's just as dangerous mate .. in fact this whole pastime is rife with peril 

[RedKettle]

I have a punting rule - that is often broken as most of my rules - to shower after a punt and before contact with the OH.  This is usually at the gym but might be at home depending on timing and whether OH is home.

Clothes can remain a problem and I tend to stuff them in the basket and hope for the best - although once when the smell of perfume was particularly strong I "accidentally" put my shirt into wash with my gym towel.

[Dipper]

a staged accident on the way home?

You go to fuel up the car and get some on your hands/clothes thus overpowering any smoke smell.
Desperate I know but possibly a good last resort. 

Also a good reason to jump straight in the shower or bath upon your return. 

[CanOfRedBull]

The days of being surrounded by people at work smoking at their desks really helped in these situation  everything night I’d go home smelling like an ashtray

[dreamwrx]

Dipper that's a beauty ... put some diesel in the car and get it on your hands ... maybe scratch the nose.

That's the best solution yet (other than abstinence) :-)

[threechilliman]

Dipper that's a beauty ... put some diesel in the car and get it on your hands ... maybe scratch the nose.

That's the best solution yet (other than abstinence) :-)

Diesel, to be known from now on as 'punters aftershave'

[Home Alone]

Diesel, to be known from now on as 'punters aftershave'

[Gordon Bennett]

Become a gym goer. Duck in gym on way home, get a shower and put on clean clothes (or at a push put gym kit on, but remember that putting supposedly sweaty gym kit on AFTER showering could look odd).
More generally..... joining some sort of sports club/team provides perfect opportunity and cover for your occasional disappearances and arrival home smelling of Lynx Africa.

[Dipper]

Dipper that's a beauty ... put some diesel in the car and get it on your hands ... maybe scratch the nose.

That's the best solution yet (other than abstinence) :-)

Glad to be of service

[Steely Dan]

Febreze really does really work better than you think.  It has cyclodextrin which traps odours - more than just perfume is what I am saying.

Still like the  - Q' You smell like smoke, honey?' A 'I know, right? some arsehole poured an ash tray on me' sort of excuse ready.

[sadolddeejay]

I had a situation like that last winter. Not only cig smoke but I think the girl had been burning joss sticks to mask the smoke. Jeez! I drove home (30 minute drive) with all the car windows open. Nearly got fucking frostbite but as far as I could tell I was odour free - and the other half similarly has the nose of a bloodhound. I didn't have a plausible excuse ready so this thread might be useful in future.

[Home Alone]

Just a note of caution, dreamwrx; I'm sure you'll probably already have realised this; but you'll have to rotate your excuses if you come out of a punt smelling of either perfume or smoke. Or joss sticks, for that matter!

You're the only one who knows how Mrs dreamwrx would react to a second spillage of diesel/petrol too soon after the first time you used that ruse, but I can tell you that if the OH and I were still together, she'd have smelt a rat if I used an excuse like that twice in a short space of time.

Which is one reason I didn't start punting till nearly 2 years after she'd pissed off!

[dreamwrx]

I'm thinking this might be the most useful thread in history lol .. cos surely we've all been right there.

Diesel after shave lol

Christ though if I joined a gym my OH really *would* be suspicious. "Hmmmmmmm.... he's definitely not doing that for me. Who's he porking on the side?...."

Sadolddeejay ... The Frostbite Drive Home ... oh I have absolutely done that too 

Am now thinking of where I can hide Febreze in the car ..

[freeze44]

I'm thinking this might be the most useful thread in history lol .. cos surely we've all been right there.

Diesel after shave lol

Christ though if I joined a gym my OH really *would* be suspicious. "Hmmmmmmm.... he's definitely not doing that for me. Who's he porking on the side?...."

Sadolddeejay ... The Frostbite Drive Home ... oh I have absolutely done that too 

Am now thinking of where I can hide Febreze in the car ..

Try a bottle of screenwash spray for the Frebreze!

[MissWolf]

I have on more than one occasion been asked not to wear fragrance.
So if it's an after work booking and obvious in comms they will be going straight home to the partner I will ask if they would like me not to wear it.

Maybe it's something to consider adding to comms?

I have had issues with the smell of smoke lingering after a client and changing bedding, fabreeze and all the windows open is the only solution.

I had one gent who came for a 30 min massage booking, very heavy smoker, his fingers were heavily stained almost black in places, the smell was so bad I almost vomited, I did the booking but it took me the rest of the evening,  a shower, clean linen, air freshener and fresh air to get rid of the smell 

I explained I couldn't see him again after that due to the smoking,  I was new, if it happened now I'd refuse the booking and send him on his way.

[dreamwrx]

I have on more than one occasion been asked not to wear fragrance.
So if it's an after work booking and obvious in comms they will be going straight home to the partner I will ask if they would like me not to wear it.

Maybe it's something to consider adding to comms?

I have had issues with the smell of smoke lingering after a client and changing bedding, fabreeze and all the windows open is the only solution.

I had one gent who came for a 30 min massage booking, very heavy smoker, his fingers were heavily stained almost black in places, the smell was so bad I almost vomited, I did the booking but it took me the rest of the evening,  a shower, clean linen, air freshener and fresh air to get rid of the smell 

I explained I couldn't see him again after that due to the smoking,  I was new, if it happened now I'd refuse the booking and send him on his way.

Hey MissWolf .. after my experience on Monday which started this thread, I am definitely adding some sort of "smell-check" to my bookings on AW.

Both perfume and smoke make the whole thing harder to enjoy ... those worries do sit at the back of your mind while you're meant to be enjoying yourself.

Hearing you describe the opposite problem was illuminating. It definitely works both ways ...

[threechilliman]

Hey MissWolf .. after my experience on Monday which started this thread, I am definitely adding some sort of "smell-check" to my bookings on AW.

Both perfume and smoke make the whole thing harder to enjoy ... those worries do sit at the back of your mind while you're meant to be enjoying yourself.

Hearing you describe the opposite problem was illuminating. It definitely works both ways ...

It's one of the reasons I like hotels. Always worth checking though if the smell of smoke would raise awkward questions.

[Home Alone]

I'm sure one of my Regulars - I can't remember which; and in one sense, it doesn't matter as they're all retired or, in one case, deceased - used to ask clients to tell her if they felt they'd run the risk of being compromised by going home with the smell of perfume on them.

If they told her, then she wouldn't wear perfume for their appointment.

[Dipper]

I have on more than one occasion been asked not to wear fragrance.
So if it's an after work booking and obvious in comms they will be going straight home to the partner I will ask if they would like me not to wear it.

Maybe it's something to consider adding to comms?

I have had issues with the smell of smoke lingering after a client and changing bedding, fabreeze and all the windows open is the only solution.

I had one gent who came for a 30 min massage booking, very heavy smoker, his fingers were heavily stained almost black in places, the smell was so bad I almost vomited, I did the booking but it took me the rest of the evening,  a shower, clean linen, air freshener and fresh air to get rid of the smell 

I explained I couldn't see him again after that due to the smoking,  I was new, if it happened now I'd refuse the booking and send him on his way.

Sounds truly revolting.

 

Any other interesting hygiene snippets for us from the other side of the fence?

[freeze44]

It's one of the reasons I like hotels. Always worth checking though if the smell of smoke would raise awkward questions.

Yes hotels should be ok although there a post in the NW region about getting covered in weed smell a a well used wg whortel!

What's worse? Smoke/weed/seeing wg's??! 

[formulajuan1]

I'm sure one of my Regulars - I can't remember which; and in one sense, it doesn't matter as they're all retired or, in one case, deceased - used to ask clients to tell her if they felt they'd run the risk of being compromised by going home with the smell of perfume on them.

I haven't stopped laughing, do we have a Necrophilia Thread?

[Dipper]

Or a WG memorial page perhaps....

[Steady Eddy]

So many tell tale signs to avoid.

With so many WG leaving you with no where to hang your cloths but the floor - watch out for pet hair!!

[sparkus]

I can't imagine why any woman would equate smoke on a bloke with playing away from home.

Perfume on the other hand is a total nightmare and some strippers seem to douse themselves in industrial quantities of the stuff.

[freeze44]

So many tell tale signs to avoid.

With so many WG leaving you with no where to hang your cloths but the floor - watch out for pet hair!!

  going to make everyone paranoid! So we got:

Fags
Weed
Perfume
Lipstick
Coke
Snail trail
Cum
Pet hair
Human hair
Finger nail scratches
High heel marks
Bite marks
BDSM marks

others?!

[CheeseBoard]

I can't imagine why any woman would equate smoke on a bloke with playing away from home.

I think its more that people are creatures of habit, so if you dont smoke and suddenly start coming home smelling of smoke time and time again, then suspicions can arise as to what you are up to.

[sparkus]

I think its more that people are creatures of habit, so if you dont smoke and suddenly start coming home smelling of smoke time and time again, then suspicions can arise as to what you are up to.

True but what's to say he's not just having a few tins down his mate's allotment while they burn waste?

[Plan R]

Be honest OP, just say  'I fucked a fat whore on the way home and she smelt like a pub carpet '
I'm sure your other half will understand and leave it at that - it'll be fine
 

[getsbettereverytime]

Be honest OP, just say  'I fucked a fat whore on the way home and she smelt like a pub carpet '
I'm sure your other half will understand and leave it at that - it'll be fine
 

That should do nicely !

Or just find and adopt a local dodgy cab driver with a bad smoking habit, get his number ,ideally he should have a nasty smoke stained rattly old Peugeot diesel shitbox cab - alway get him to
Drop You home. Explains mal odour and need for immediate shower!

[Home Alone]

Be honest OP, just say  'I fucked a fat whore on the way home and she smelt like a pub carpet '
I'm sure your other half will understand and leave it at that - it'll be fine
 

Has to be a candidate for 'Funniest post of the year', Plan R!

[sadolddeejay]

I haven't stopped laughing, do we have a Necrophilia Thread?

A necrophilia thread would be dead boring.

[Home Alone]

A necrophilia thread would be dead boring.

Happy birthday to that joke, first broadcast in 19__!

[Dipper]

Classic thread... great reading

[cotton]

I haven't stopped laughing, do we have a Necrophilia Thread?

Returning home smelling of dead chik might raise some concerns 

[dubs]

I had a punt last week where the girl had sparkly makeup on. I spent half the time there thinking up excuses in case some rubbed off on me.

[Convince Me]

I had a punt last week where the girl had sparkly makeup on. I spent half the time there thinking up excuses in case some rubbed off on me.

Might be good to share her name.

[tynetunnel]

Might be good to share her name.

It’ll be in the review I’m sure 

[Vic69]

Go to the booking in a fresh set of clothes and then stop off on the way home and put your "day" clothes back on.  When you get home hang your smokey clothes up in your shed or garage (somewhere your OH doesnt go) and fabreze them, leave them to hang a couple of days then put in the wash.  I dont smoke but I do see clients that do (it doesnt bother me....dont allow them to smoke whilst with me though) even if a guy comes in that doesnt smell of smoke and is really fresh I can tell he is a smoker.....even the genitals taste "smokey". Another thing to consider is kissing, if I kiss a smoker I can actually taste it for hours later....even after teeth brushing and numerous mouth washes.  There are a couple of brands of mouthwash that are good at clearing the smokey taste you can get them from superdrug or boots they are specifically for bad breath CB12 is one of them.  Dont forget smokey atmosphere will get in your hair as well and stick, so wash your hair too or use a dry shampoo on the way home (but make sure you brush it out properly else you will look like you have gone grey lol)

[tynetunnel]

Go to the booking in a fresh set of clothes and then stop off on the way home and put your "day" clothes back on.  When you get home hang your smokey clothes up in your shed or garage (somewhere your OH doesnt go) and fabreze them, leave them to hang a couple of days then put in the wash.  I dont smoke but I do see clients that do (it doesnt bother me....dont allow them to smoke whilst with me though) even if a guy comes in that doesnt smell of smoke and is really fresh I can tell he is a smoker.....even the genitals taste "smokey". Another thing to consider is kissing, if I kiss a smoker I can actually taste it for hours later....even after teeth brushing and numerous mouth washes.  There are a couple of brands of mouthwash that are good at clearing the smokey taste you can get them from superdrug or boots they are specifically for bad breath CB12 is one of them.  Dont forget smokey atmosphere will get in your hair as well and stick, so wash your hair too or use a dry shampoo on the way home (but make sure you brush it out properly else you will look like you have gone grey lol)

Really? Could or would anyone change clothes and use a dry shampoo? Simply ask upon booking, if going home smelling smoky will be an issue, and if she smokes, pick a different girl. I foresee that my wife finding my clothes hanging in the shed (smelling of smoke or not) will be equally if not more suspicious than if I smelt of smoke when I got home!

Why make life so difficult? 

[Vic69]

Maybe if a guy realy wanted to see a particular girl and she smoked it could be an option.  I very rarely go into my OH "man cave" and I'm sure a set of clothes could be discreetly hidden lol