What’s your excuse?

[Georgejetson]

Short of burying it, there is at least a 50% chance my wife will find my passcode locked punting phone. She finds everything.  So I figure I should have an excuse ready on the tip of my tounge.

So what excuses have you creative punters thought up?

(Extra points if you have actually used the excuse with success. )

[vw]

Hide it better if the odds are that low.   

[Alanroy]

Assuming it's a complete bog standard £10 POS like mine, it's one of the on call phones from work

[Georgejetson]

Virtual, in a spare bedroom in the house there is a bed, underneath I have cut a hand sized hole in the box spring frame fabric, and pass the the phone, sticky backed with duct tape,  through the slit.  I then affix it to an upper frame segment, where it sits till the next punt. Still she might find it! There is no improving on that hiding place. If she looks under the tired old bed in the spare bedroom she sees...a 5 inch tear. Maybe I should have married a different woman, because flip a coin, she will find it. I need an excuse! My biggest fear is when the phone is in transit. Pocket. Backpack car. It can’t live in its hiddy hole forever.

[Alexis12]

As someone who is slowly trying to get the front together to visit one of the ladies reviewed on here, I might not be the best to listen to.

For email, your hiding place is almost too suspicious. As in, if that is found it looks like you've definitely been up to something. Wouldn't it be better to put it in a drawer somewhere that is rarely visited, and use an old phone with a simcard? Maybe a simcard that you store elsewhere? Just a thought.

[The Film Director]

Virtual, in a spare bedroom in the house there is a bed, underneath I have cut a hand sized hole in the box spring frame fabric, and pass the the phone, sticky backed with duct tape,  through the slit.  I then affix it to an upper frame segment, where it sits till the next punt. Still she might find it! There is no improving on that hiding place. If she looks under the tired old bed in the spare bedroom she sees...a 5 inch tear. Maybe I should have married a different woman, because flip a coin, she will find it. I need an excuse! My biggest fear is when the phone is in transit. Pocket. Backpack car. It can’t live in its hiddy hole forever.

The downside to that approach is that it is too clever/calculated so would be difficult to defend...

....mine is simply that it's that old phone I bought (you remember?) when my main phone was playing up a couple of year ago .... oh, didn't I mention it to you....

[Justanotherman]

hide it in plain sight.

if youre anything like the rest of the population you've got a drawer in the kitchen full of miscelaneous crap, and a box somehere with a random assortment of old wires, USB cables, etc etc  surely everyone nowadays has enough old phones lying around the place that you could simply leave it in the drawer  or box with no fear

[Richthescouser]

hide it in plain sight.

if youre anything like the rest of the population you've got a drawer in the kitchen full of miscelaneous crap, and a box somehere with a random assortment of old wires, USB cables, etc etc  surely everyone nowadays has enough old phones lying around the place that you could simply leave it in the drawer  or box with no fear

My wife would find that incredibly suspicious - we always sell old phones as soon as we get new ones. I’d say the best bet is think of a good reason for a second phone - maybe a spare phone in the car glovebox on a different network with better battery life, so if the car breaks down you’ll always have a way to call for help?

[Analist]

If you haven't already, watch Breaking Bad. Great series, and see how much trouble he goes through explaining why he has a second phone to the wife.
If she's likely to find the phone anyway, any elaborate hiding will be highly suspicious. Find a reason for having a second phone and make sure you erase any texts or call history etc.
Does she go through your clothes? Maybe keep it in your jacket pocket in the evening and transfer to what you're wearing the next day.

[m4rmite]

I use my normal phone .
All contacts, email and web browsing are done within secure folder( previously knox).
You can't copy and paste from within this to your normal party of your phone.
The only thing you have to remember is to delete texts and call history,  this needs the normal part of your phone to do this.
Have secure part set to block the private contacts so you receive no random call/text. Turn it off when punt planning.

Emails goto secure part and set to no notification sound/ alert.

Perfect for me so far. 
1 tip.  Bmw's telephone system can't tell the difference so shows all your contacts
So.   I have named them as Bmw then appropriate locations, Dudley,Brum, derby etc
If I do get a call and it someone gets through while I'm in the car I will tell the wife it's about the bmw recall.

Received a letter for a wire replacement that they will get in touch with me about.
I hope she ain't logged on this forum hunting me down lol. 
Safer than a second phone as I have a works one as well,  3's a crowd on this occasion. 

[Formicahunt]

Buy an older obscure phone from a second hand place. Take the battery and SIM out. Have no information on the SIM. Keep the battery, charger, and SIM at work. Put the phone in the side pocket of your car or in the drawer of many things.

"What's this phone doing here?"
"Oh that, found it in the car park at work, need to put it in to lost property."

You could also pretend your real phone is faulty, 'send it off for repair', borrow or but that as a stop gap, have it hanging around without SIM.

Always have a mate from work, pub, down the road, called Dave Bunbury. He has you nipping out a fair bit for all sorts.

[JonasG]

Have a lock/code for the phone, even if she finds it she still won't get in and see the content.

[hornyguy19891]

Have a pass code on the phone. Don't save photos or anything dodgy on there. Use incognito mode at all times, even if it's a pain to enter password etc. Take sim card out and store that on your person or at work.

Then leave it anywhere.

It'll look like an old phone. Your hiding place, while difficult, will be all the more suspicious when she finds it.

[Squire Haggard]

A friend could keep the phone for you. I agree with others that your current hiding place is very suspicious if found. An old phone [that you found] without a sim card or battery would not be so suspicious. Maybe hidden under the car seat, as long as its low and difficult to access?

[magnetico]

hide it in plain sight.

if youre anything like the rest of the population you've got a drawer in the kitchen full of miscelaneous crap, and a box somehere with a random assortment of old wires, USB cables, etc etc  surely everyone nowadays has enough old phones lying around the place that you could simply leave it in the drawer  or box with no fear

This is the best way, mixed with other electronic crap.

If it looks hidden, you'll have to give some explanations.

[Waterhouse]

Virtual, in a spare bedroom in the house there is a bed, underneath I have cut a hand sized hole in the box spring frame fabric, and pass the the phone, sticky backed with duct tape,  through the slit.  I then affix it to an upper frame segment, where it sits till the next punt. Still she might find it! There is no improving on that hiding place. If she looks under the tired old bed in the spare bedroom she sees...a 5 inch tear. Maybe I should have married a different woman, because flip a coin, she will find it. I need an excuse! My biggest fear is when the phone is in transit. Pocket. Backpack car. It can’t live in its hiddy hole forever.

OP, sounds to me like your other half is a bit of an amateur sleuth... she must be if you think the chances of her finding your burner in the bedframe is high.  I mean, in all honesty she only likely to go looking there if she is in fact searching for something; does she have a suspicious nature? 

If the answer is yes and you can't think of an excuse for a second phone, how on earth are you going to explain it to her when she catches you out, or worse, indulging in your shady hobby?

[mexicola]

Do you have a shed ? Or garage ? So many better places to stash  stuff

[Sleet]

Keep it in the car as an emergency phone, in case your smartphone runs out of juice and you have an alternator or battery problem. Nokia batteries last months without a charge.
Maybe suggest she gets an emergency phone too.

But do make sure you remove all trace of use, incase she borrows your car and it does break down.

[magnetico]

Keep it in the car as an emergency phone, in case your smartphone runs out of juice and you have an alternator or battery problem. Nokia batteries last months without a charge.
Maybe suggest she gets an emergency phone too.

But do make sure you remove all trace of use, incase she borrows your car and it does break down.

Awful idea.

His wife may find random SMS like "Hi Mr Wanky-Wanky, wanna get your dick sucked on Sat for £50 like last month?" 

And you can't really block numbers as WGs change numbers every so often.

[PeachyAssFan]

Why not say to the wife that you are worried about losing your nice phone when out boozing with your mates and plan to buy a cheap PAYG. buy 2 sims - one legit to take out with you. The other leave at work until needed to punt. You will of course have to take the crappy phone out with you a few times before saying you miss your smart phone. Then keep the PAYG in your electrical crap drawer.

[Jimmyredcab]

Ever thought of just getting a divorce.   

[rocket88]

hide it in plain sight.

if youre anything like the rest of the population you've got a drawer in the kitchen full of miscelaneous crap, and a box somehere with a random assortment of old wires, USB cables, etc etc  surely everyone nowadays has enough old phones lying around the place that you could simply leave it in the drawer  or box with no fear

I have a space which the OH calls the 'man's box' where I keep tools, batteries, leads etc. in which she does not venture - a hiding place for the punting phone!

[Moses]

Ever thought of just getting a divorce.   

Pmslllllllll

[TheHobby]

Why not stick it with the spare wheel in your car? Is she really going to go looking there?

[anonyorks]

Maybe don't post about it on a forum in case m*msnetters lurkers see this? 

[HarryZZ]

Everbody has an old phone in a drawer, having a "punting phone" that's an old school lo-fi model may help protect your digital anonymity but potentially expose you in other, more tangible, ways.

I just use my old phone that has as much of me stripped off it as possible, I travel to eastern Europe regularly and buy a local sim which is far cheaper than using my work phone so I need the second phone for that.

[mgkerx]

Invest in a new Iphone with Facial recognition although I have read stories about suspicious wives and GF's holding an Iphone by a sleeping partners face in the hope that it unlocks
I think it needs open eyes as part of its security protocols
Good luck and 100% if she's suspects she will find

[catweazle]

Why not stick it with the spare wheel in your car? Is she really going to go looking there?

M*msnet recommend suspicious wives to look here!

[fatboy]

Mine is on open view in the car glovebox.
After I left my main phone on the car roof and drove off the OH
suggested I get a cheap PAYG phone to keep in the car just in case it happened again.
More than happy to oblige.....

[Punter115]

Do what they do in prison ..stick it up your arse ....always remember to take it out before having a crap
Pop it in a plastic bag ...make sure it is switched off could be embarrassing sitting on the bus , fair bit of lube and up she goes well tucked away from prying eyes!   

[Hungarian Lover]

If you have a loft stick the phone in a plastic bag and hide it under the loft insulation. Can't imagine she would look up there!

[dubs]

Why not stick it with the spare wheel in your car? Is she really going to go looking there?

If she watched the Dr Foster series, yes!

I wonder how many guys watching that with their wives had an "Oh Shit!" moment.

[Dorsetpunter]

Read this is If you want to improve your security 

https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=102255.msg1210587#msg1210587

[piotrskut]

best hiding places are the ones in plain sight.  Mine's an old phone that I broke the screen on deliberately so she thinks it doesn't work but I keep just in case I need to cannibalise it for parts (battery etc.)

[fed24]

As already mentioned hiding in plain sight is often the best policy albeit the OP does beg a few questions. Why is he concerned that the other half might find his punting phone? Has he done anything to draw general suspicion? There are a million and one reasons to have a spare phone and plenty of excuses to explain it away if found. As a policy always keep it code locked and all phone calls/messages deleted, not exactly an onerous task after a punt.

In the end this is about general psychology, if you go about your life with confidence and don't make any foolish mistakes that could reveal the 'hobby' then the risk of being caught is reasonably low. Of course if you are in a relationship or married there are a few things that you need to ensure that you are not caught out like the perfume smell of the Escort being washed off before you return home by making sure that you can shower after the punt at the girls flat/parlour/etc.

[badsin]

Leave it lying about anywhere, but guard the sim card meticulously. In the shed near a spiders web or similar

[shagmore]

Hide it in plain sight, that way they won't get suspicious if you leave your phone lying around. For the lock on it say that as you use it for work you have to password protect it due to the new GDPR laws, and if the company found you didn't you would be disciplined.
I don't make an excuse, don't be sorry for the things you have done, only the things you have had the opportunity to do but havent

[NotThePrimeMinister]

Have you read the thread on apps like Hushed?

If she scrutinises your phone so much that a single app will make her suspicious, then you shouldn't be punting!

Or you could always uninstall it after each use...

[NotThePrimeMinister]

On a more serious note, the easiest way to get caught is if someone finds your bank statements (no paper statements is a good policy). Faking a gambling addiction might be the easiest way out. Can't fake a drug or alcohol addiction, she'd know.

[RedKettle]

Why not stick it with the spare wheel in your car? Is she really going to go looking there?

That one was used in a TV show, Dr Foster I think, so is perhaps the first place many women will look.

[RedKettle]

I used to hide it but now go for the in plain sight plan.  I have a cheap PAYG for when I do not want to risk my main phone - in particular a genuine hobby that I am not going to mention here.  She knows I have it for that.

I keep it switched off and code protected.

[TailSeeker]

Short of burying it, there is at least a 50% chance my wife will find my passcode locked punting phone. She finds everything.  So I figure I should have an excuse ready on the tip of my tounge.

So what excuses have you creative punters thought up?

(Extra points if you have actually used the excuse with success. )

Hide it better.

Or if you've got one of those expensive smart phones that break piss easy. Keep the SIM out of your burner and in your wallet (or somewhere else she won't snoop). Then you have the cheapo phone to take with you on nights out with the lads in case you drop/smash/drown/run out the battery on your reg phone, and use the cheapo one in case she needs to contact you due to dropping/smashing/drowning/no battery.

It's just concern as you heard how worried Bob's/John's/Peter's/random colleague's/etc's wife was when the same happened to him. (Stick to a guy she hasn't met/whose wife she doesn't know).

Or again, just hide it better.

[oneeyedvic]

I have a second phone which is an iPhone. My main phone is an Android phone but I need an iPhone for a certain app that isn't on Android.

Works for me :-)

[Georgejetson]

This is why I love this forum! Reading the responses I will;
1. Switch from hiding in what I still think is a good hiding place (inside a box spring) , but a deeply suspicious hiding place (wtf is a phone doing taped to a pine frame?!?) , to the “hide in plain sight” tactic
2. I was separating “hiding” from “the excuse”, but I see from the conversation  that “the excuse” and “the hide” should be woven together
3. Therefore , condensing all the good ideas here, I am inclined to change my plan and go with a “best of” the suggestions in this thread ;
A) the 2 SIM phone,
B) in the car , but in a plausible spot that doesn’t instantly reek of “he is hiding something!”
C)  yet is still unlikely to be found
D) the punt sim elsewhere
E) the premade excuse is, “baby, it is an emergency phone...you know how often iPhones are dead”
F) the plausible hiding spot is my car emergency kit (accident reflectors, jumper cables and the like...and phone!)
The marriage is worth saving saving—only the sex sucks, but not literally— so thanks for the help on the plausible deception.

[magnetico]

Looks like you've got it sorted! 

[vw]

Looks like you've got it sorted! 

then told the world what he is doing.   

[dubs]

These threads on how to hide your phone, get cash, disappear for a couple of hours etc are a "How To?" for mumsnetter's suspicious wives 

[FLYING BLUE]

Virtual, in a spare bedroom in the house there is a bed, underneath I have cut a hand sized hole in the box spring frame fabric, and pass the the phone, sticky backed with duct tape,  through the slit.  I then affix it to an upper frame segment, where it sits till the next punt. Still she might find it! There is no improving on that hiding place. If she looks under the tired old bed in the spare bedroom she sees...a 5 inch tear. Maybe I should have married a different woman, because flip a coin, she will find it. I need an excuse! My biggest fear is when the phone is in transit. Pocket. Backpack car. It can’t live in its hiddy hole forever.

IF she finds it where you've hidden it, you'll have some amount of explaining to do

I don't need an excuse for my punting phone since I'm a widower but, might I suggest you do what I do anyway and keep it in your car 'for use as an emergency phone' - make sure you store the number for the 'AA/RAC' and a couple of emergency numbers for authenticity. Make certain to clear any text or call logs each time you use it.

[Hallon]

Wow Jetson !

If your missus finds that phone, you don’t have an excuse !

If you really need a punting phone, then store it in a backpack or rucksack you take to work, with sarnies, paper etc

Maybe consider using an app like “Hushed” which gives you a virtual mobile number, which you can turn on and off whenever you want ?

[Stiltskin]

Hide it in plain sight UNLOCKED. This looks far less suspicious. Just remember to do a reset on the phone after each use and turn it off.