External Link/Members Only or
External Link/Members Only15 minutes - £40
From the sublime to the ridiculous (see my last review...).
I'm not going to spend much time on this one because it's just not worth it. I was stuck in Perth for a couple of nights and desperate for any kind of action. Nothing much available so I was having a look at some granny-porn on PH and getting quite into the idea as something a bit different. Spotted this one was touring so I thought 'what the fuck; why not give it a go'. Photos looked not too bad for an old bird; decent tits still pointing in the right direction; what could possibly go wrong?
Arrangements by phone/txt were fine. Arrived at a modern flat in the city centre and got the usual behind the door greeting. Stepped inside to be greeted by "Your Gran". The light was dim but even so, I could still tell it was a long time since she'd seen 60 and had those pictures taken. Still, I was only after a BJ and I could always close my eyes and imagine it was someone attractive
Into the bedroom and the harsh reality hit home (the lighting was better). Bigger than her pictures, not at all shapely, and wrinkly all over. Still, I persevered. Told her what I was after and she started prattling on at length about nothing of consequence (just like your Gran would if she hadn't seen you for a while), then she attempted to move on to 'sexy' mode, but the chat was still delivered in the manner your Gran would use to ask you how things were going at school. I had my kit off by this time and she was gumming my dick, but nothing much was happening; her technique was unimaginative, to say the least. I tried to quell her chat and up the eroticism (from zero) by wanking myself into her mouth and getting her tits out but she didn't really play ball. I eventually got hard by closing my eyes and imagining I was somewhere else and shot my load on her tits which, to be fair, still had some shape about them. This was greeted by approving comments delivered in the tone you'd expect to hear when you've just been seen to ride your bike with the stabilisers off for the first time. Cleaned up and left, 40 quid poorer and with only a traumatising memory to show for it.
She revealed during conversation what she was touring with her pal Chanelle, from Fife, who I know from past experience (a long long time ago) to be a wrinkly old hag. What a duo they would make, but I can't think about that if I want to sleep at night.
TLDR; Ugh