Close calls & excuses

[charlatan44]

Just wondering what excuses people have used when they have either been spotted by someone and/or recriminating evidence may have been found (google map directions etc)

In my first punt this year I waited till the OH was out of town then set up a meeting in central London. It was during the summer so 30+ degrees but wanting to impress I had jeans, sleeved shirt etc. As it happened there was a train strike and there was only 1 train that could get me to the punt on time. Just as I get to the station I hear my name and it is my OH best friend  with the grilling of where am I going, why do I smell nice... Only thing I could think of was that I was going a couple of stops then going to a park to read the paper (luckily I had a newspaper in hand). I then had to get off at said stop as I was sat next to her . Cue having to download uber and cabbing it all the way in to London, then having to delete Uber account as it kept coming up with the WG address. I'm sure the best friend said something but somehow survived that one

[Marcusnash187]

Why did you have to put on a smart shirt to see a WG? As long as you're clean all they care about is you're money. You dont need to dress to impress pal. 

[Bonker]

So, you wear jeans and a shirt to impress!
Next time, keep your shell suit on, she won't care.

[charlatan44]

It was only because it was a weekend - normally i do punts during/after work so generally got a suit on anyway

[nigel4498]

I had to visit the GUM clinic which is situated in the local hospital. After the tests they gave me a prescription. I wander off down to the in-hospital pharmacy, hand in the prescription and sat down to wait until it's ready. I here my name called and look round, it's only my sister who was visiting a friend there. I told her I was picking up a prescription for a friend. Then I thought what if they call my name when it's ready  I suggest that we go to the League of friends cafe for a coffee which we did.
I went back later to pick up the prescription.

[clackers]

I had to visit the GUM clinic which is situated in the local hospital. After the tests they gave me a prescription. I wander off down to the in-hospital pharmacy, hand in the prescription and sat down to wait until it's ready. I here my name called and look round, it's only my sister who was visiting a friend there. I told her I was picking up a prescription for a friend. Then I thought what if they call my name when it's ready  I suggest that we go to the League of friends cafe for a coffee which we did.
I went back later to pick up the prescription.

At least she had her excuse ready, just in case 

[Buttons]

I had to visit the GUM clinic which is situated in the local hospital. After the tests they gave me a prescription. I wander off down to the in-hospital pharmacy, hand in the prescription and sat down to wait until it's ready. I here my name called and look round, it's only my sister who was visiting a friend there. I told her I was picking up a prescription for a friend. Then I thought what if they call my name when it's ready  I suggest that we go to the League of friends cafe for a coffee which we did.
I went back later to pick up the prescription.

What’s your sisters AW link? 

[lewisjones23]

Just wondering what excuses people have used when they have either been spotted by someone and/or recriminating evidence may have been found (google map directions etc)

In my first punt this year I waited till the OH was out of town then set up a meeting in central London. It was during the summer so 30+ degrees but wanting to impress I had jeans, sleeved shirt etc. As it happened there was a train strike and there was only 1 train that could get me to the punt on time. Just as I get to the station I hear my name and it is my OH best friend  with the grilling of where am I going, why do I smell nice... Only thing I could think of was that I was going a couple of stops then going to a park to read the paper (luckily I had a newspaper in hand). I then had to get off at said stop as I was sat next to her . Cue having to download uber and cabbing it all the way in to London, then having to delete Uber account as it kept coming up with the WG address. I'm sure the best friend said something but somehow survived that one

wanted to impress? 

you sound a fucking tit

turn up with the money at the time specified, be clean and able to speak in more than grunts

that’ll impress more than whatever shit outfit you’ll have worried about wearing

[Ilikemuff]

you sound a fucking tit

Don't hold back Pal, a valuable contribution to the debate.

[lewisjones23]

Don't hold back Pal, a valuable contribution to the debate.

likewise 

[thekingreturns]

I almost got caught out recently and I wasn't even on a punt! fucked a bird off POF in a City miles away from mine... thought I got rid of the evidence but an Asda receipt and train ticket caught me out! Luckily the train ticket was timed wrong and I actually had proof I was somewhere else at that time.

She bought my story and everything is fine but my god was I shitting it

[SN5]

I almost got caught out recently and I wasn't even on a punt! fucked a bird off POF in a City miles away from mine... thought I got rid of the evidence but an Asda receipt and train ticket caught me out! Luckily the train ticket was timed wrong and I actually had proof I was somewhere else at that time.

She bought my story and everything is fine but my god was I shitting it

Know the feeling. I did the same and was seconds away from evidence being found by OH.

Always always always destroy said evidence as quickly as possible! 

[snaitram99]

I almost got caught out recently and I wasn't even on a punt! fucked a bird off POF in a City miles away from mine... thought I got rid of the evidence but an Asda receipt and train ticket caught me out! Luckily the train ticket was timed wrong and I actually had proof I was somewhere else at that time.

How did you have proof you were somewhere else if you actually weren't?

[thekingreturns]

Because the timing and also to/from station on the train ticket was wrong I was able to show I was in a pub and it was impossible to get to said station for that time..... when in fact it wasn't as a taxi / free train journey until I got to Manchester meant I only had to say I got on at the stop before.

[Horizontal pleasures]

electronic meter parking and how many miles on the car might be clues. Care needed.

[stevedave]

Bloody hell, don't tell JRC you used uber 

[stevedave]

I had to visit the GUM clinic which is situated in the local hospital. After the tests they gave me a prescription. I wander off down to the in-hospital pharmacy, hand in the prescription and sat down to wait until it's ready. I here my name called and look round, it's only my sister who was visiting a friend there. I told her I was picking up a prescription for a friend. Then I thought what if they call my name when it's ready  I suggest that we go to the League of friends cafe for a coffee which we did.
I went back later to pick up the prescription.

More importantly, who gave you a dose, who do we need to avoid? 

[charlatan44]

wanted to impress? 

you sound a fucking tit

turn up with the money at the time specified, be clean and able to speak in more than grunts

that’ll impress more than whatever shit outfit you’ll have worried about wearing

Yes, thank you for that contribution - makes me feel so special

But thanks to the people who didn't feel the need to abuse me

[Cum_again]

You need to make everyone aware that you are going into town so if you get spotted it’s no surprise. 

Just don’t include the bit about going whoring.
Your excuse needs to be as close to the truth as possible

[parker]

Once saw this escort at her place.  We had just finished, so went down the stairs into the kitchen.  Then we both heard the sound of a key going into the back door and the lock turning.  I thought shit who's this ?  The door opened and in walks her mother with the 2 kids who she had picked up early from school.  I was introduced as the computer man.  Her mother nearly killed me just by looking at me ! The kids thank god, didn't have a clue as to what had just happened, but the mother did 

[lewisjones23]

Yes, thank you for that contribution - makes me feel so special

But thanks to the people who didn't feel the need to abuse me

hidden in the disbelief I had is good advice

turn up in a normal outfit with the correct money and dont act a wierdo

that will ‘ impress ‘ the WG, not some shirt or whatever 

[magnetico]

Once saw this escort at her place.  We had just finished, so went down the stairs into the kitchen.  Then we both heard the sound of a key going into the back door and the lock turning.  I thought shit who's this ?  The door opened and in walks her mother with the 2 kids who she had picked up early from school.  I was introduced as the computer man.  Her mother nearly killed me just by looking at me ! The kids thank god, didn't have a clue as to what had just happened, but the mother did 

She was whoring at her mum's house ?

Sounds pretty fucked up 

[qetzl]

More importantly, who gave you a dose, who do we need to avoid? 

yeah, talk about burying the lede

[Jeremy]

She was whoring at her mum's house ?

Sounds pretty fucked up 

I wonder how many "computer men" the kids have been introduced to. They must be afraid to touch the family PC with all the technical problems they keep having

[SN5]

Always have some excuse ready for being in the area. Whether it's attending a football match in that town, or some other legit event. If you are physically seen closer to a property, you're there to view a laptop or chest of drawers etc that someone is selling online.

If you're not seen, just make sure to destroy physical evidence, as well as location history on your device!

[Ihateaero]

Not actually caught but very close. My OH took my phone to work by mistake and I never used to use a passcode or finger print recognition to open the phone. I had been browsing the rota page of my favourite parlour at the time before she took it. That was an awful day!! Thank God she’d been so busy she hasn’t even clocked it was my phone in her bag!! Needless to say, I enabled a passcode that night!!!!

[CaptainHoratio]

No close calls on my part, but the most dangerous one I ever did was when I pretended to my OH that I had the dentist so I could go out and see a WG that was only in town for the rest of that day.  Unfortunately it was her day off so she said she's come with me.  By luck, the dentist and WG were on the same street in Aberdeen and I persuaded my OH to go for a coffee whilst I went and fucked the prossie then went and joined the wife  for a latte!

[puntlover1]

I walked into SS in Manchester once, only to see OH's friend's husband sitting in the waiting room. We didn't know each other well, so he didn't immediately recognise me. After a few minutes I turned to him and asked him if he was So and So's husband, at which point he went pale. I told him it was alright and that he didn't need to worry, but he began to concoct a story about waiting for a friend who was inside seeing a girl. After a few minutes his friend came out to the waiting room and walked over at which point the poor guy said 'Oh, are you done? Lets go then'. His friend was puzzled and replied with 'What? Aren't you going in now?' to which he 'Lets go, lets go' and rushed his friend out of their. I carried on with my punt and as i was leaving, I saw he and his friend were both still outside in his car, waiting for me to leave. 

[Bogof60]

No close calls on my part, but the most dangerous one I ever did was when I pretended to my OH that I had the dentist so I could go out and see a WG that was only in town for the rest of that day.  Unfortunately it was her day off so she said she's come with me.  By luck, the dentist and WG were on the same street in Aberdeen and I persuaded my OH to go for a coffee whilst I went and fucked the prossie then went and joined the wife  for a latte!

Wow
That takes some balls.

[matthew1986]

Before using a punting phone got caught out with Find My Friends. Multiple calls and text - why are you at the Holiday Inn.

Told her I needed a shit on the way home from work. Went to the hotel as better than the services.

Now use a punting phone and if ever she uses Find My Friends just assumes I am using the facilities. Personal phone stays in car and contact SP on the punting one. Never stay more than 30 minutes which is enough for a good dump as an excuse. She even chuckles at it now, blissfully unaware.

There was another time, again before the punting phone, when main phone left at home. She knew the passcode and had to sign in to lost phone and delete entire phone remotely, just in case!

Moral of the story - get a punting phone and don’t leave it lying around.

[Horizontal pleasures]

Once saw this escort at her place.  We had just finished, so went down the stairs into the kitchen.  Then we both heard the sound of a key going into the back door and the lock turning.  I thought shit who's this ?  The door opened and in walks her mother with the 2 kids who she had picked up early from school.  I was introduced as the computer man.  Her mother nearly killed me just by looking at me ! The kids thank god, didn't have a clue as to what had just happened, but the mother did 

link?
review?

[theoldmaggot]

Before using a punting phone got caught out with Find My Friends. Multiple calls and text - why are you at the Holiday Inn.

Told her I needed a shit on the way home from work. Went to the hotel as better than the services.

Wow....thats cutting it very fine.



TOM

[Aj280]

One time, I came back from a punt a few towns over. When I got back, my brother asked if I can give him a lift to the station. When he gets in my my car, he ask where I'd been. I say I just went for a drive. My brother gives me a stern look and then says with an unusually serious tone "A drive? You were out for hours". My mind goes blank and I'm looking at my brother not realising I'm about to hit a parked car. My brother warns me of this fact and I turn the wheel out the path of the car. Luckily, that distraction was a gift from God, as my brother didn't pick up from where he left off and was all jokey again now talking about something he did at uni last week. I still can't get that tone in his voice out my head and wonder where he was going with it. This was two years, so maybe it was nothing.

Another time was when I was browsing adultwork on my phone. My cousin snuck up from behind and said "Holy fuck mate, is that an escort site. If you're into that, I want in too, haha". I quickly respond its only a porn site with a laugh. He seemingly bought that, but who knows. He's never brought it up again.

[shagmore]

Always have some excuse ready for being in the area. Whether it's attending a football match in that town, or some other legit event. If you are physically seen closer to a property, you're there to view a laptop or chest of drawers etc that someone is selling online.

If you're not seen, just make sure to destroy physical evidence, as well as location history on your device!

That only applies if you are married, or with partner, or GF, as I am not, then does not mater to me

[bhudda]

Some of you chaps need to be mindfull of giving too mucb detail in these stories ... coukd give yourselves away.

[fed24]

Closest call for me was a few years back in London, I used to regularly stay at a hotel in Queensway which was a perfect area for Punting. One particular week staying at the hotel I was attending a trade show in the area so sharing the hotel with a large number of work colleagues.

Unwisely I decided to go for a punt late in the evening with a Thai girl, for some reason she was really into giving love bites. This was all very well but it did make for some awkward conversations with my work colleagues the following morning at breakfast.

Much mirth and awkward questions directed at me by my colleagues. I denied it but it was obvious that I had been with someone the night before, luckily they assumed that I must have spent a night with one of the other hotel residents working for another company that was at the same trade show and were pressing me to reveal who it was. I played the 'too much of a Gentleman' to reveal her identity line whilst giving a sheepish grin neither confirming or denying which seemed to pacify them. Luckily at these large trade shows it is not unusual for the employees of the various companies attending to have a bit of sexual adventure with employees of other companies, so all assumed I must have had a bit of innocent fun!

[RayGuy]

Closest call for me was a few years back in London, I used to regularly stay at a hotel in Queensway which was a perfect area for Punting. One particular week staying at the hotel I was attending a trade show in the area so sharing the hotel with a large number of work colleagues.

Unwisely I decided to go for a punt late in the evening with a Thai girl, for some reason she was really into giving love bites. This was all very well but it did make for some awkward conversations with my work colleagues the following morning at breakfast.

Much mirth and awkward questions directed at me by my colleagues. I denied it but it was obvious that I had been with someone the night before, luckily they assumed that I must have spent a night with one of the other hotel residents working for another company that was at the same trade show and were pressing me to reveal who it was. I played the 'too much of a Gentleman' to reveal her identity line whilst giving a sheepish grin neither confirming or denying which seemed to pacify them. Luckily at these large trade shows it is not unusual for the employees of the various companies attending to have a bit of sexual adventure with employees of other companies, so all assumed I must have had a bit of innocent fun!

A night with a competitor would have been the cheaper option and might not have marked you 🤓

[fed24]

Well i have taken the free option of a competitor at the odd trade show yes but alas not that time. 

[Noman]

Two close calls in one punt. I’d been working in Leicester & decided to break my journey back to London with a punt at (I think) House Of Divine in Milton Keynes. Close call one: all parking meters nearby were electronic only, so I had no choice but to enter the reg of the family car which meant I had to quickly nip to the shops to buy a gift for the wife to justify being in MK. Close call two: when I got home, the wife commented that I smelled of coriander (the prossie’s perfume, probably) which I explained away as a particularly fragrant Thai curry lunch I’d had. I was stunned that she believed me.

[Home Alone]

These reports are so scary. They remind me that I'm such a rotten liar - I blush when I'm telling the sort of tale others have told us about on here - that I couldn't be married/in a relationship and be a punter. As I wasn't 'getting any' from being married, I turned to punting but not till about 18 months after the OH had pissed off.

[Rick2468]

I have a punting phone but used to stupidly use my main phone to browse adultwork as it was always close to hand. I was in a pub for a friend's birthday and used my phone to settle some debate about a pointless piece of trivia. I typed a search term into the search bar and Google autocompleted to some exotic escort name. I said to my mate "you didn't see that did you?" and he said "no what?". I don't think he did see but my question made him suspicious. Out of all my mates he would be the one to pick if someone did find out about my activity as he is so boring he wouldn't have told anyone about it.

Not really a near miss but I visited a girl at Colliers Wood. I have a friend whose nickname is Collier and he is a bit of a lad so I took a photo of the tube station sign to send to him as a bit of banter. When I saw him next he went "what were you doing in Colliers Wood?". Of course I could have been doing a number of innocent activities but because I was punting I started going "err....err....was visiting a friend" but again I made myself sound suspicious.

I liked the excuse someone had on here about saying you are viewing a laptop I would use that in future.

[catweazle]

An excuse l have used is buying/selling something on ebay - either delivering or collecting it.

I once actually did deliver something l had sold on ebay, nad had to park a few streets away due to a manic one way system. When l returned to the car some fishwife bint stopped me and said " youve been to see that dirty prostitute havent you? I know your type".

I didnt (still dont) know of any WGs in that locality.......

[Widescreen]

An excuse l have used is buying/selling something on ebay - either delivering or collecting it.

I once answered an ad and arranged to go collect the item from the buyer, turned out to be at the home of a regular WG that I used to see..... 

A bit awkward to say the least, as now we knew each others real names and phone numbers and I knew her home address.

Anyway, I was invited in, had coffee, handed over the cash and instead of getting sex, got the item as advertised and I was told not to be a stranger and to book her again soon, she would make it special.....

We laughed about it on our next 'date' and have actually become very good friends now.

[shagmore]

I was once on the way to see a WG, it was for a 9.30am punt, I like shagging in the morning, when I was about 2 miles away some muppet side swiped me and ended righting my car off.
First call to WG to say not able to make it.
2nd call to GF saying had been in accident but was ok, she asked if I was going over to see my parents as it was in the near area - so thank fully she gave me my excuse

[lewisjones23]

I once answered an ad and arranged to go collect the item from the buyer, turned out to be at the home of a regular WG that I used to see..... 

A bit awkward to say the least, as now we knew each others real names and phone numbers and I knew her home address.

Anyway, I was invited in, had coffee, handed over the cash and instead of getting sex, got the item as advertised and I was told not to be a stranger and to book her again soon, she would make it special.....

We laughed about it on our next 'date' and have actually become very good friends now.

Please explain what you mean by “ date “

[RAJEC]

some muppet side swiped me and ended righting my car off.

Did you feel wronged? 

Sorry, I’ll get my coat 

[magnetico]

I typed a search term into the search bar and Google autocompleted to some exotic escort name.

If you mean the autofill of the keyboard itself, you can long-press to delete something you don't want to predict , like "ukpunting"

[Widescreen]

Please explain what you mean by “ date “

This happened when I lived in North America.  Over there 'punting' is the 'hobby' and the get-together is a 'date'.

Its hard sometimes after living over there for so long, to re-write into English-English, if you follow.

Like I know the front of my Car has a Bonnet but the number of times I still call it a Hood, is crazy.....lol

[catweazle]

This happened when I lived in North America.  Over there 'punting' is the 'hobby' and the get-together is a 'date'.

Its hard sometimes after living over there for so long, to re-write into English-English, if you follow.

Like I know the front of my Car has a Bonnet but the number of times I still call it a Hood, is crazy.....lol

I lived Stateside for 5 years, and made a point of keeping English vernacular..... used to drive the  locals crazy!

[myothernameis]

A very close call, and don't know who was most surprised, me  or him

So paid for 1hr massage, and seeing my fav escort, so now in cabin, doing the dirty, and 1 hr later finished, so now leave the cabin, and who sitting in the lounge........my young brother, how embarrassing

Could make up an excuse, were both there for the same reason