Author Topic: vomit corner -- oily review cliches (Read 7995 times)

Marmalade · « **on:** July 22, 2016, 05:15:37 pm »

think of a dumb fluffy phrase -- one of those that might normally be used in sarcasm -- and have a quick search. Or if you've just eaten your dinner, add the phrases that most stick in your gullet (and maybe people will stop using them!)

eg

I was pleasantly surprised

she is a most beautiful lady

she loved every minute

Brazilian Martian · « **Reply #1 on:** July 22, 2016, 05:24:58 pm »

I would like to add the phrase she tasted sweet and I could tell she was into me

ickydicky · « **Reply #2 on:** July 22, 2016, 05:45:58 pm »

felt there was a real connection

OakTree · « **Reply #3 on:** July 22, 2016, 06:05:48 pm »

There was no need for me or her to lead, She instinctively knew my every desire.

NotoriousNot · « **Reply #4 on:** July 22, 2016, 06:07:21 pm »

Quote from: Brazilian Martian on July 22, 2016, 05:24:58 pm

I would like to add the phrase she tasted sweet and I could tell she was into me

I remember one review where the guy said something like, 'I couldn't believe how sweet she tasted!'

I thought, never heard of strawberry-flavoured lube then?

Ben4454 · « **Reply #5 on:** July 22, 2016, 06:07:39 pm »

''Perfect in everyway''

Brazilian Martian · « **Reply #6 on:** July 22, 2016, 06:12:00 pm »

Quote from: NotoriousNot on July 22, 2016, 06:07:21 pm

I remember one review where the guy said something like, 'I couldn't believe how sweet she tasted!'

I thought, never heard of strawberry-flavoured lube then?

The worst is when guys say it before any lube has been applied in my 32 years of life I've never known pussy to taste sweet

Corus Boy · « **Reply #7 on:** July 22, 2016, 06:15:31 pm »

Quote from: ickydicky on July 22, 2016, 05:45:58 pm

felt there was a real connection

But there is always a real connection;

My cock in her pussy.
My cock in her mouth.
My cock in her hand.
My finger in her pussy.
My tongue in her arse.

To name a few possibilities.

Roth · « **Reply #8 on:** July 22, 2016, 06:20:41 pm »

Quote

....it is a crime measuring her in terms of money.

the groper · « **Reply #9 on:** July 22, 2016, 06:31:56 pm »

She told me it was the biggest one she'd ever seen.

DannyJames · « **Reply #10 on:** July 22, 2016, 06:34:19 pm »

'It's like we had known each other all our lives'

Marmalade · « **Reply #11 on:** July 22, 2016, 06:44:24 pm »

Quote from: Corus Boy on July 22, 2016, 06:15:31 pm

But there is always a real connection;

My cock in her pussy.
My cock in her mouth.
My cock in her hand.
My finger in her pussy.
My tongue in her arse.

To name a few possibilities.

or cash in her hand

SamLP · « **Reply #12 on:** July 22, 2016, 06:46:15 pm »

I made her cum

Negatives - None

the groper · « **Reply #13 on:** July 22, 2016, 06:48:16 pm »

She said I was so good she should pay me.

Brazilian Martian · « **Reply #14 on:** July 22, 2016, 06:52:10 pm »

We then lay about and chatted and stroked and nibbled and whatnot, and it was all very comfortable.

Taken from the cunt of cunts Atticus finch

Corus Boy · « **Reply #15 on:** July 22, 2016, 07:33:42 pm »

Quote from: Marmalade on July 22, 2016, 06:44:24 pm

or cash in her hand

Especially that one!

pewpewpew · « **Reply #16 on:** July 22, 2016, 07:52:23 pm »

Enjoyed talking so much that we never actually got around to sex

Read that on here once. Can't remember the exact quote or who said it but dayum!

carefree · « **Reply #17 on:** July 22, 2016, 07:53:42 pm »

" She loved it"

No mate, she loved your money -twat

DogFace36 · « **Reply #18 on:** July 22, 2016, 08:22:10 pm »

'She definitely wasn't faking'......

LanceVance · « **Reply #19 on:** July 22, 2016, 08:23:46 pm »

Reading these has made me wonder if I have ever used those phrases in my reviews...

Oh well, at least I've never told my fellow punters to 'treat her well' at the end of a review...

Oneatatime · « **Reply #20 on:** July 22, 2016, 08:27:50 pm »

Quote from: NotoriousNot on July 22, 2016, 06:07:21 pm

I remember one review where the guy said something like, 'I couldn't believe how sweet she tasted!'

I thought, never heard of strawberry-flavoured lube then?

Who lubes up for oral?

Bangers and Gash · « **Reply #21 on:** July 22, 2016, 08:29:36 pm »

''all eyes were upon us, as we entered the Michelin star restaurant''

Brazilian Martian · « **Reply #22 on:** July 22, 2016, 08:39:30 pm »

Quote from: Bangers and Gash on July 22, 2016, 08:29:36 pm

''all eyes were upon us, as we entered the Michelin star restaurant''

Loooooool please expose the fluffy twat that said that

Moresomes · « **Reply #23 on:** July 22, 2016, 08:44:35 pm »

From a member famed for his Mills and Boon, and Barbara Cartland plagerism.

Quote,
"The template began with the face and body of his favourite guardian of the gates of heaven. A face truly of an angel framed by golden blond hair, voluptuous body, with milky white skin" Unquote.

Then for the benefit of those who had held onto the last of their breakfast, it was followed by......

Quote,
"Magnetic Aquamarine eyes, so sparkly, that refracted light into the eyes of men, drawn to her by her beauty, triggering spasms of desire in their loins" Unquote

Loosely translated, I think this meant that he booked a prossy, Gave her some cash, and shagged her.

threechilliman · « **Reply #24 on:** July 22, 2016, 08:51:30 pm »

Quote from: Bangers and Gash on July 22, 2016, 08:29:36 pm

''all eyes were upon us, as we entered the Michelin star restaurant''

Can't have been me. I think mine was ''all eyes were upon us, as we entered the local chippy''

tcm

cueball · « **Reply #25 on:** July 22, 2016, 08:55:22 pm »

Quote from: threechilliman on July 22, 2016, 08:51:30 pm

local chippy

tcm

Harry ramsdens?

Yeboahsleftfoot · « **Reply #26 on:** July 22, 2016, 08:58:30 pm »

"She was a true courtesan and had me entranced from the moment our eyes met, the details will stay between us, treat her well."

Translation: she charged way over the odds for limited services and had a lazy eye, I'm too embarrassed to describe the covered oral that was mainly hand and only took the first inch, the lazy sex with her holding a hand in the way to prevent deep penetration and the way she held the wet wipes in front of her tits as I shot my bolt.

Yeboahsleftfoot · « **Reply #27 on:** July 22, 2016, 09:00:50 pm »

"She gushed uncontrollably as her cheeks and neck flushed."
Translation: She pissed herself.

Yeboahsleftfoot · « **Reply #28 on:** July 22, 2016, 09:06:34 pm »

Quote: "Gorgeous face, sumptuous breasts and a perfect ass that I could eat for days."

Translation: A fat lass with a dodgy boat and cellulite.

Yeboahsleftfoot · « **Reply #29 on:** July 22, 2016, 09:08:31 pm »

Quote: "She was very accommodating and instantly put me at ease."

Translation: She asked for the cash before I was across the threshold and I was glad to get it out of the way.

Quote: "I almost fell asleep in her warm embrace. I like her, I really do. Treat her well!"

It was the hottest day of the year, I'd had a couple of pints over lunch and she was sweating like a fat lass at an all you can eat buffet.

Quote: "When I met her I was overwhelmed by this sensual gorgeous woman. She was inviting and courteous; I couldn't take my eyes off her face and entire body. This was mesmerising encounter; I felt more relaxed as we chatted casually about theatre, literature and politics. Even at this stage I was totally turned on. (fuck off you cunt, unless she was stroking or sucking you it's not believable.)

We began a role play where she acted out a nun who had had sexual relations with another nun. I was the archbishop and her only hope not to be barred from the holy church was to seduce me. As she stripped naked I was so stimulated by her sublime body and it was no effort for her to slowly seduce me with a warm hug, then she moved her hands onto my cock explaining she was doing this in the name of the Holy Mary. She kissed me with great sensitivity and made me touch both her perfect breasts; as we fucked she reached orgasm quite quickly with deep breathes and sighs. It wasn't long after that I came;

I did feel this was perfection. Even after I came we were both still aroused. We drank champagne and discussed another play we had seen.
For any guy who enjoys a gfe experience with a touch of class I strongly recommend her."

Without further comment but this poor fucker is obviously repressed and trying to justify spending £750 for three hours, came once and was happy about it!

Brazilian Martian · « **Reply #30 on:** July 22, 2016, 09:10:42 pm »

Quote from: Moresomes on July 22, 2016, 08:44:35 pm

From a member famed for his Mills and Boon, and Barbara Cartland plagerism.

Quote,
"The template began with the face and body of his favourite guardian of the gates of heaven. A face truly of an angel framed by golden blond hair, voluptuous body, with milky white skin" Unquote.

Then for the benefit of those who had held onto the last of their breakfast, it was followed by......

Quote,
"Magnetic Aquamarine eyes, so sparkly, that refracted light into the eyes of men, drawn to her by her beauty, triggering spasms of desire in their loins" Unquote

Loosely translated, I think this meant that he booked a prossy, Gave her some cash, and shagged her.

shaunogg · « **Reply #31 on:** July 22, 2016, 09:48:18 pm »

Fluffy twat quote:
'A gentleman never divulges what occured between us'

Translation of fluffy twat:
I could not get it up so ended up paying 130 quid for an hour of me going down on her'

uutarn · « **Reply #32 on:** July 22, 2016, 10:32:57 pm »

Quote from: Brazilian Martian on July 22, 2016, 06:52:10 pm

Taken from the cunt of cunts Atticus finch

Not been here that long but i'm glad at least one other feels this way. I'm sure the guy doesn't walk, but slides on the oil that exudes from him, odious little turd.

Anyway clichés make me wince, but i accept them.
The only one i don't, and surprised that it hasn't been mentioned yet, is the king of them all IMO.
"Treat her well guys"

MilesPrower · « **Reply #33 on:** July 23, 2016, 12:23:18 am »

"She was loving it"

"Worth every penny"

MilesPrower · « **Reply #34 on:** July 23, 2016, 12:23:50 am »

Quote from: shaunogg on July 22, 2016, 09:48:18 pm

Fluffy twat quote:
'A gentleman never divulges what occured between us'

Translation of fluffy twat:
I could not get it up so ended up paying 130 quid for an hour of me going down on her'

Mate don't diss my punts. I don't diss yours FFS

Turtle Z · « **Reply #35 on:** July 23, 2016, 12:38:01 am »

Quote from: cueball on July 22, 2016, 08:55:22 pm

Harry ramsdens?

Tut Tut, too down market; got to be The Cods Scallops!

Turtle Z · « **Reply #36 on:** July 23, 2016, 12:45:34 am »

Here's one cringer from a recent review...

Quote from: fiver33 link=topic=104900.msg12

Thanks again Helen babes for a wonderful time ... till my next visit .. take care and stay safe now ..

Marmalade · « **Reply #37 on:** July 23, 2016, 12:47:54 am »

Quote from: pacmario on July 23, 2016, 12:23:50 am

Mate don't diss my punts. I don't diss yours FFS

S'ok I've just read your reviews and you defo didn't say that in so many words. 3 great reviews with positives in 2 days, a fatty who doesn't strip nude, will keep the middle covered, one where you didn't have sex, and one you say others will want to marry. Everyone to their own taste including lardies and chick with dicks but don't worry, I for one will defo not be marrying your fish. Sir. Keep 'em up and cumming or just post 'em here.

MilesPrower · « **Reply #38 on:** July 23, 2016, 12:53:25 am »

Quote from: Marmalade on July 23, 2016, 12:47:54 am

S'ok I've just read your reviews and you defo didn't say that in so many words. 3 great reviews with positives in 2 days, a fatty who doesn't strip nude, will keep the middle covered, one where you didn't have sex, and one you say others will want to marry. Everyone to their own taste including lardies and chick with dicks but don't worry, I for one will defo not be marrying your fish. Sir. Keep 'em up and cumming or just post 'em here.

LOL I was joking FFS. I will take my humor elsewhere

I might fuck (or not fuck) fat birds/chicks with dicks but least they ain't jocks

Chuckman · « **Reply #39 on:** July 23, 2016, 02:52:46 am »

"Treat her like a princess"

I asked if she fancied a drive through Paris.

tyrese999 · « **Reply #40 on:** July 23, 2016, 03:48:20 am »

She's so amazing ..........she should charge double her quoted fees

Anadin · « **Reply #41 on:** July 23, 2016, 06:09:22 am »

Quote from: Roth on July 22, 2016, 06:20:41 pm

Quote
....it is a crime measuring her in terms of money.

I know I'm a fluffy cunt but that's too much even for me. C'mon there's no way someone actually said that.

Brazilian Martian · « **Reply #42 on:** July 23, 2016, 06:30:30 am »

Sorry for the long copy and paste it's a snippet from a former member Unclesnideheart the king of snide and atticus finchs brother in arms.

We talked a lot, after a couple of hours, as I was knackered. It’s not possible to overstate what a lovely girl Katie is. For one proof (there are many) she talked about other clients, including some familiar UKP names, and what struck me forcibly was the real warmth and affection with which she spoke of every single one. She even offered, as we were talking and smoking, that if I’d run out of juice she’d knock 25% off the price. The offer was totally sincere, but you can’t for very long have a naked, beautiful Katie on all fours over you sucking your cock, and encouraging you to perfect your arse-slapping technique on her while she does so, and remain juiceless for long.

No clock watching at all. I kept reminding Ellie that I didn’t want to overstay my welcome but it seemed she enjoyed my company and so – we carried on. Not for a ridiculously long time, but enough to make me feel pretty damn special

Yeboahsleftfoot · « **Reply #43 on:** July 23, 2016, 09:52:40 am »

Quote: "Special. Perfect intimate encounter once again. I felt like a piano being tuned and played by a master maestro. Made to feel like a king by a goddess. A lovely, lovely person."

No comment!

cueball · « **Reply #44 on:** July 23, 2016, 10:24:30 am »

"Bouncing enthusiastically out of my porky pie hotlist comes this lass"

Makes my blood boil

Oh, hang on, that's mine

brianthedog21 · « **Reply #45 on:** July 23, 2016, 10:59:13 am »

Although it doesn't make me vomit, something that really annoys me on AW reviews are the twats who leave feedback for a girl, to say they didn't actually go through with the booking. Along the lines of.....

I had to cancel my booking with Fat Slag as I'm a timewaster, but she was lovely, see you soon darling

I bottled my meeting with Princess Bad Breath by sending a text, she was gorgeous and didnt ring me up and call me a cunt.

Why do they find it necessary to do this

On a slightly different topic some of you my find my review of the latest Aston Martin interesting..........

I was going to buy one but got a second hand Ka instead, George at the Aston Dealers was lovely. Treat him well guys!

Type_O_Negative · « **Reply #46 on:** July 23, 2016, 11:20:48 am »

"She is so lovely She could easily rise her hourly price from 100 to 150".

We hardly ever see that in reviews but we all know some punters do give this sort of advice

Students Notebook · « **Reply #47 on:** July 23, 2016, 11:26:23 am »

How about this one

From : bradmo02 (37)

"wow a saw a star fall from the sky and found in alice xx "

Yuk.

Very poor English. Makes little sense but you get the gist.

SN

James999 · « **Reply #48 on:** July 23, 2016, 01:46:32 pm »

Quote from: pacmario on July 23, 2016, 12:53:25 am

LOL I was joking FFS. I will take my humor elsewhere

What the fuck do you keep reporting posts to admin for, do you think its a school playground and Admins your mother, you come accross as a total fucking idiot (no offence and all that shit)

Sex Bob-omb · « **Reply #49 on:** July 23, 2016, 01:51:27 pm »

"Treat her well gentlemen, she's a classy lady"
Should read
"Smash her back doors in and spaff in her eye"

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Author Topic: vomit corner -- oily review cliches (Read 7995 times)

ickydicky

NotoriousNot

Ben4454

DannyJames

carefree

DogFace36

Oneatatime

Yeboahsleftfoot

Yeboahsleftfoot

Yeboahsleftfoot

Yeboahsleftfoot

MilesPrower

MilesPrower

MilesPrower

Chuckman

tyrese999

Yeboahsleftfoot

Type_O_Negative

James999