Kappa tracksuit..... check
Nike trainers blinged up with swarovskis.... check
2 week unwashed hair, scraped into a ponytail, scruntchied and tucked into a Burberry basey cap to keep the smell in.... check
Hula hoop sized earrings from Lizzy Duke (or maybe not if they've Cash for Golded them).... check
Ronseal rich mahogany bodywash..... check
Mixed race triplets called Leroy, Winston and Denzil... check
Tarantula eyelashes araldited on.... check
Tattoosonaneck.... check
Pile of twenties stuffed into the arse-crack.... check
Sounds like half of Essex