When wanking just isn't enough . . .Married Man Dilemmna

[threechilliman]

Not to laugh at tcm's expense (respect) but this did make me snort in my beer. 

No problem my friend - I'm always happy when I make people laugh, or in your case, snort in their beer!

tcm

[SUMO61]

Married, 26 years, separate beds, due to me snoring, apparently..

Tap was very off for much of the time, despite much complaining from me, to no avail. I admitted to a brothel hand job once, because of frustration etc. Made not a blind bit of difference.

Three years ago I stopped asking for sex. After the first few months, she started making moves, but I just made excuses, too tired etc. I then realised I wasn't that arsed about shagging her anyway..

Women/ wives just like control over sex, look at all the evidence on here from married forum members.  Take their control away from them and stop begging for sex. Go for the occasional punt. You'll feel a whole lot better about yourself, trust me..

[lewisjones23]

It is for a lot of women the only thing they hold over their other half

As has been said - turn the tables on them

That really puts the cat amongst the pigeons

[wheeliebinwanking]

I really feel for you. I think it is about a year since Mrs. Sparquin admitted me into her nether regions. Or expressed the slightest interest in things carnal.

I agree with those who favor a pump and dump approach but think it might be helpful to put that in context.  The real risk here is developing a taste/habit/addiction to punting as so many of us have.

I say this because if you go for a young, attractive girl then (a) she probably enjoys sex with you or at least gives the impression she does (b) she will be pretty damn good at it (c) she will do things your wife will not do (d) she will be someone you would never stand a chance of fucking in civvie land which is where you will return to after you close the door.  The last point alone will get you hooked.

And then there is the possibility of EAS.....

So I would suggest going for someone that seems fairly vanilla and of your own age. I have a reg that I visit for just those "break glass in case of emergency" punts and it works ok for me. If you can find some way of addressing your frustrations within the marriage, that would be the best of all. I wish you every success in that regard.

Cheers Sparquin. Sound advice, I'd like to think that I wouldn't 'get hooked' , I've gone FS before just not for a while and I haven't fully given up hope of marital sex but the frustration / self loathing at going FS is an issue.

I don't get the same guilt trip with FBSM, perhaps that's why I prefer it...Also I do think the release when done properly can be outstanding...but I also think I am using it to gain access to satisfaction I am not getting elsewhere.

Thanks for all the views and the commradery (sp?) I thought I was going to get ripped for being a fluffy cunt but it appears that others know the feeling.

I guess there maybe a day (and I hope it never comes) when the tap is well and truly turned off and when it does come I will just have to see what I can do. Perhaps the same thing (FBSM / FS when away on business) but with less guilt 

Who knows

WBW

[King Nuts]

So it's the usual thing I have posted before and I am ready to be ripped apart. . .

I haven't had sex with the OH for coming up to 100 days I reckon. Valid reasons  which I don't need to go into, some of which are medical though. But I am struggling......

I am usually a massage man and I;ve had 2 or 3 in this time frame and they've been awesome but feel I really need to get my leg over. Starting to get distracted at work and manual relief doesn't seem to cut it anymore.

I've punted before but it's not something I am into that much so don't do it, but things are getting pretty desperate!

Feel like I need to find a pump and dump WG. I know I will feel guilty as but I can see me pursuing this on my next business trip unless something changes at home.

Any thoughts or words of encouragement / discouragement

Yours is a dilemna shared by many, and there's a lot of interesting responses here.

My 2p's worth: it seems to me that you do still want to have sex with Mrs WBW, and I think you need to confront her with that.

My own situation is that I don't want to have sex with Mrs Nuts any more, but I have no intention of leaving, because of the kids. And like a great many people on here, I'm a 50+ guy who still has plenty of lead in his pencil. So what to do?

Yes, tarts have their uses. But you can go off that idea. Too many useless ones, too much fake advertising, lousy VFM in the main. Or you can try dating for married people, and there are a few sites catering for that. But the same pitfalls of fake advertising, chasing dead ends, and poor VFM apply there too.

Guilt? Sometimes. I'd be a chump not to feel guilty. But I don't all the time. Only sometimes.

End of the day, all these problems can't ever really be solved, but they can be managed. You carve out a corner of your life, out of the work and family stuff, for yourself. You don't let it overlap or intrude onto 'reality'. You learn to be discreet, and you take all possible precautions to make sure there's no comeback and you don't get found out.

I don't know of any other way. Life isn't perfect. But you can make the most of it if you're smart, and acknowledge you have needs but you're not going to be a totally selfish pig about it.

[threechilliman]

I admitted to a brothel hand job once, because of frustration etc. Made not a blind bit of difference.

I wonder what her reaction would be if you admitted to a full service? If that makes no difference, you've cracked it!

Life isn't perfect. But you can make the most of it if you're smart.....

Wise words.

tcm

[azrael]

Look guys its as simple as 123, sex is another tool women use to beat us up with but nature has a funny was of restoring the balance. Girls are cunts- they try to over power you by controlling the amount of sex you get, guys on the other hand are bastards- we'll fuck any thing on two legs with a hole, so seeing a wg on off my excuse to the missus is "i love you but you hate sex, and she loves me screwing the shit out of her... Win win" 

[Rod trotter]

Another option would be to leave her?

Easy to say of course but why the fuk do we put up with it?

Denying her a shag hardly ever works as most of us give in ffs

[SUMO61]

Another option would be to leave her?

Easy to say of course but why the fuk do we put up with it?

Denying her a shag hardly ever works as most of us give in ffs

Dual income, no kids
No mortgage
Thousands in the bank
Season ticket at major club
Exotic fishing trips abroad
Fantastic house
Fantastic car
Oh and I love her, real good fun and company..

A punt just deals with my Inner Chimp, needs must. Not giving up my lifestyle for a crummy flat and not enough disposable income.

[threechilliman]

Dual income, no kids
No mortgage
Thousands in the bank
Season ticket at major club
Exotic fishing trips abroad
Fantastic house
Fantastic car
Oh and I love her, real good fun and company..

A punt just deals with my Inner Chimp, needs must. Not giving up my lifestyle for a crummy flat and not enough disposable income.

Yes, this is the reason I won't be giving up my 'normal' life any time soon....

tcm

[wheeliebinwanking]

Yours is a dilemna shared by many, and there's a lot of interesting responses here.

My 2p's worth: it seems to me that you do still want to have sex with Mrs WBW, and I think you need to confront her with that.

My own situation is that I don't want to have sex with Mrs Nuts any more, but I have no intention of leaving, because of the kids. And like a great many people on here, I'm a 50+ guy who still has plenty of lead in his pencil. So what to do?

Yes, tarts have their uses. But you can go off that idea. Too many useless ones, too much fake advertising, lousy VFM in the main. Or you can try dating for married people, and there are a few sites catering for that. But the same pitfalls of fake advertising, chasing dead ends, and poor VFM apply there too.

Guilt? Sometimes. I'd be a chump not to feel guilty. But I don't all the time. Only sometimes.

End of the day, all these problems can't ever really be solved, but they can be managed. You carve out a corner of your life, out of the work and family stuff, for yourself. You don't let it overlap or intrude onto 'reality'. You learn to be discreet, and you take all possible precautions to make sure there's no comeback and you don't get found out.

I don't know of any other way. Life isn't perfect. But you can make the most of it if you're smart, and acknowledge you have needs but you're not going to be a totally selfish pig about it.

Great posts still coming in.

Leaving my OH is absolutely not happening. I am madly in love with her and I love my life and he fruits of our marriage.

I do want to have sex with Mrs WBW for sure and I'd be happy with once a week but more is welcome. Altough the sex isn't anything like it was when we started out it's just that closeness thing again. I've said it before...I can see a WG or a civvie and shag them 4/5 times a night and be unfulfilled but I have sex with the Mrs and bam...total contentment and I'm literally out for the count (in a very stereotypical way). This is what I want

I need to work and try at it, but if I can't I'm happy to go along but service the inner chimp so to speak via via discreet encounters

WBW

[jcdmj12]

Another option would be to leave her?

Easy to say of course but why the fuk do we put up with it?

Denying her a shag hardly ever works as most of us give in ffs

lots of other benefits to having a wife - have a much higher standard of living than I would otherwise.

[Hawkwind71]

lots of other benefits to having a wife - have a much higher standard of living than I would otherwise.

You beat me to post 1000. 

[Rod trotter]

Ok but remember you aint bombproof

Std or simply getting caught can send your world crashing around you

Many forget that

[vw]

Ok but remember you aint bombproof

Std or simply getting caught can send your world crashing around you

Many forget that

Most of these guys get fucked at most once per decade, so as long as they keep moaning to a minimum and suck the pain up they shouldn't have a problem.

[MrMatrix]

After a sexless marriage which I'm still in, I gave up 12 years ago asking, but I became an angry man. We've had hundreds of arguments but i could never bail out whilst i had children. I'm pleased I haven't as I have been an integral part of their lives. I've not met a guy whose come off best in the law courts either. My children left home some years ago and one day 5 years ago I realised I had to do something cos wanking wasn't enough. My first punt was not good, also I felt so ashamed for this was not what I ever wanted to do. But I was so desperate......O and I caught oral thrush, great!!!! So I now don't do OWO.
I've had counseling, we've had counseling (took me 2.5hrs to tell my story). It was all too late really (should have done it years earlier as it probably would have worked). What it did for me was calm my anger . But being with a nice young 20 something was a wonderful experience. No excuses, soft body and knowing you're not going to be rejected yet again etc.  So now I punt once a month there abouts. Its been an interesting journey but I would of rather had a sex life at home.
And yes I do love the OH and I don't want to hurt her. But I will never have piece of mind whilst punting. Trouble is its so addictive.I guess most of us have a similar story as to why we punt.. yes WBW its a real dilemma.  such a silly girl, we could of had it all.

[MrMatrix]

What does EAS  stand for please.

[vw]

What does EAS  stand for please.

Emotional attachment syndrome

Escort Attachment syndrome

What ever you call it it is an inappropriate attachment.

[gamelghari]

Sadly same story for me ... married for 40 yrs. Around 23years ago separate beds because I snore and there was always some ridiculous excuse for no sex, headache, backache, landslip in Myanmar and that was before the separate bed in another bedroom.

Reasons for not divorcing big house, no mortgage and I do my own thing. Last shag with missus was in 2006 and it was like shagging a sack of spuds.

I do run 'countermeasures' along the lines of,  'There's a good film on the cinema,'  'You'll have to find someone to go with ......'  or 'Can you help me with this?' 'Sorry, got backache.'
The best one to date was late 2014 with 'I'd like to go to China for our holiday .......' My reply was, 'Ours? I'm going to Thailand, booked it yesterday.' Not a word was spoken in reply, so I booked a flight later that day.

I'd like to see a marriage counselor sort this one out [and its always the husband's fault]. Personally, it's rather depressing.

[vw]

I'd like to see a marriage counselor sort this one out [and its always the husband's fault]. Personally, it's rather depressing.

You need to do something, not fair on yourself.

At least treat your self to a punt this weekend maybe 2.

[shagbambi]

landslip in Myanmar

If it makes you feel better I heard that one too   

[gamelghari]

Thanks VirtualWaster and ShagBambi,

Punt was last night and just to finish a successful evening's congress I had a few pints as well.

Glad you heard that landslip ShagBambi [splendid non de plume]; I wondered if my missus secretly worked for British Rail what with mine 'being the wrong type of semen ' as well.



GG

[Mansell]

You need to do something, not fair on yourself.

At least treat your self to a punt this weekend maybe 2.

2nd VW's comment. If you can't even go on holiday together then what's the point.

[jcdmj12]

After a sexless marriage which I'm still in, I gave up 12 years ago asking, but I became an angry man. We've had hundreds of arguments but i could never bail out whilst i had children. I'm pleased I haven't as I have been an integral part of their lives. I've not met a guy whose come off best in the law courts either. My children left home some years ago and one day 5 years ago I realised I had to do something cos wanking wasn't enough. My first punt was not good, also I felt so ashamed for this was not what I ever wanted to do. But I was so desperate......O and I caught oral thrush, great!!!! So I now don't do OWO.
I've had counseling, we've had counseling (took me 2.5hrs to tell my story). It was all too late really (should have done it years earlier as it probably would have worked). What it did for me was calm my anger . But being with a nice young 20 something was a wonderful experience. No excuses, soft body and knowing you're not going to be rejected yet again etc.  So now I punt once a month there abouts. Its been an interesting journey but I would of rather had a sex life at home.
And yes I do love the OH and I don't want to hurt her. But I will never have piece of mind whilst punting. Trouble is its so addictive.I guess most of us have a similar story as to why we punt.. yes WBW its a real dilemma.  such a silly girl, we could of had it all.

Sex used to be pretty good a long time ago, but it tailed off after kids and I gave up asking after it just ended in fights.  Now  I have the best sex life I've ever had with a variety of young, fit, filthy women, doing stuff that I couldn't even imagine when I was younger.  I know that I should probably make an effort to rekindle some intimacy etc. but she's such as pain in the ass around the topic and I'm having so much fun I don't really want to change.    I get on with her in other aspects of our life (kids etc), and I did seriously consider leaving, but when I weighed it all up I realised I'm much better where I am, at least for the time being.   She doesn't really give a shit where I go or when I'm out which is a bonus; I certainly couldn't stand someone prying into my life like some seem to have to put up with.

[jcdmj12]

Yours is a dilemna shared by many, and there's a lot of interesting responses here.


Guilt? Sometimes. I'd be a chump not to feel guilty. But I don't all the time. Only sometimes.

Weirdly, I never feel even remotely guilty.

[Watts.E.Dunn]

Now we do understand that the missus can dry up after children and all that so we seek the young hotties and some of us do have a very fine time with them indeed we do.

However it does make me wonder what becomes of the average WG does she end up dry and no longer giving her bloke any few years or so down the line after she too has had a brood, or does she still carry on shagging?.

Is it that some girl's just have higher drives than others?.

[shagbambi]

I do believe some just have higher drives than others (exponentially so).  I say this as I see women across a spectrum of ages and there are forty, even fifty year olds who are just so good between the sheets that they put much younger girls to shame with both their enthusiasm and technique.  I will also add that some of them are physically in exceptional condition even after children.

[Bluefin]

If it was left up to the missus we would have sex about once per year where as I would fuck every night if possible. If it was down to some medical condition I would have a bit more sympathy but the only reason is that she can't be bothered and when we do, do it, its like the previously mentioned sack of spuds!
This creates a huge sticking point for me, I have tried to suggest that we make an effort once per week but it never lasts and you go back to the porn/wanking cycle.
She does not seem to realise the resentment it causes and I genuinely wouldn't punt if it was on the table once per week.
I wouldn't leave because of reasons mentioned earlier, kids, no mortgage, big house etc but why should I have to endure forced celibacy?

So for me punting, I think in some way reduces the resentment caused, even though I'm not a prolific punter, and I wonder how many marriages are improved because of the option to punt?
Hopefully she will never find out, and if not, struggling to find a downside.

[MrMatrix]

If it was left up to the missus we would have sex about once per year where as I would fuck every night if possible. If it was down to some medical condition I would have a bit more sympathy but the only reason is that she can't be bothered and when we do, do it, its like the previously mentioned sack of spuds!
This creates a huge sticking point for me, I have tried to suggest that we make an effort once per week but it never lasts and you go back to the porn/wanking cycle.
She does not seem to realise the resentment it causes and I genuinely wouldn't punt if it was on the table once per week.
I wouldn't leave because of reasons mentioned earlier, kids, no mortgage, big house etc but why should I have to endure forced celibacy?

So for me punting, I think in some way reduces the resentment caused, even though I'm not a prolific punter, and I wonder how many marriages are improved because of the option to punt?
Hopefully she will never find out, and if not, struggling to find a downside.

I'm with you Bluefin. My OH just isn't interested and the resentment I feel is overwhelming. Punting was never something I wanted to do. I didn't sign up to a celibate marriage. The OH says I know things aren't right. Well you're the one that wanted a relationship that's cold, has NO passion and no intimacy. So you've got what you wanted, whats your problem. I think 30 years is long enough to get your act together....No answer (as fucking usual)
 It took me ages to come to terms that I punt and yes it does somehow reduce the resentment, but in my mind its still not right. I don't have peace of mind and I wrestle with the whole issue constantly. But I really enjoy punting. My last punt (3 weeks ago done report) was so much better than anything my OH has delivered,  ever.  why the hell would I want to now deny myself of all this sexcitement.....

[Bluefin]

I'm with you Bluefin. My OH just isn't interested and the resentment I feel is overwhelming. Punting was never something I wanted to do. I didn't sign up to a celibate marriage. The OH says I know things aren't right. Well you're the one that wanted a relationship that's cold, has NO passion and no intimacy. So you've got what you wanted, whats your problem. I think 30 years is long enough to get your act together....No answer (as fucking usual)
 It took me ages to come to terms that I punt and yes it does somehow reduce the resentment, but in my mind its still not right. I don't have peace of mind and I wrestle with the whole issue constantly. But I really enjoy punting. My last punt (3 weeks ago done report) was so much better than anything my OH has delivered,  ever.  why the hell would I want to now deny myself of all this sexcitement.....

If you told me before I got married that I would end up paying for sex, I wouldn't have believed you.
Cheated on a girlfriend once and felt guilty for ages, yet felt hardly any guilt going for a punt!
I don't think women realise the power of the male sex drive when the tap is turned off at home!

[Aspen]

I don't think women realise the power of the male sex drive when the tap is turned off at home!

I don't think there are many that much care either.

[americandianna]

There are many women who never have much interest in sex and many more whose interest wanes over time. Then there are women like me who are horny from puberty and find fifth gear around 40. I don't know if the difference is genetics, psychology or social indoctrination, or that the frigid ones never had sex with anyone who knew what he was doing, but the difference is real and there are more of them than us. There are also men who don't have a lot of interest, but they are rare, and this differential between the sexes causes a lot of misery.

For women who aren't very interested, perhaps they really don't understand what it means to need sex and not get it. I'd like to think it's that rather than not caring about the men in their lives. I know you are not just whining and excusing your behavior when you bitch about not having your needs met. If I had been married to an uncooperative spouse I would have gone insane, or gone elsewhere. It's also not fair to expect a lot of sex from someone who doesn't enjoy it, but meeting those needs to a reasonable degree is part of what you sign up for in a relationship.

Older men need to consider menopause as a factor. Even very horny women experience a significant drop in desire afterward. Sex is still enjoyable for them but they don't seek it out the way they did before and you are going to have to work harder. Hormones can help a lot with that, but if the woman was never interested I don't think that is the answer.

You might ask yourselves if you have done what you can to make sex enjoyable for your partner. But if you've done your part and she isn't responding you have the right to be unhappy about it. Whether that gives you the moral right to punt is not for me to decide. I don't believe in religion or monogamy and I'm a sex worker to boot so I'm not the appropriate judge.

However, I will opine that punting is a world better than getting involved in an affair that can lead to emotional entanglements and possibly heartbreak for both your wife and a second woman.

Finally, I will note that a man who asks a board full of punters if he is justified in punting is probably looking for vindication for what he is already going to do.

[Nagilum]

I was talking to one of the girls recently and they love the Married punters the most.  Their time keeping is impeccable, but they do feel guilty straight after the punt because of their partners.

I took the view long ago that if a wife holds sex against you and will not give you satisfaction then she can expect you to punt/cheat.  So this is when wanking is not enough... But as I said previously if you are going to be riddled with guilt, do not do it. 

[jcdmj12]

I was talking to one of the girls recently and they love the Married punters the most.  Their time keeping is impeccable, but they do feel guilty straight after the punt because of their partners.

I took the view long ago that if a wife holds sex against you and will not give you satisfaction then she can expect you to punt/cheat.  So this is when wanking is not enough... But as I said previously if you are going to be riddled with guilt, do not do it.

As far as I'm concerned, if you're not having sex, long term, it's not cheating.  I'm sure they wouldn't see it that way, but tbh I'm waaaay past giving a fuck.  Truth be told, I do have one eye on the exit now, but having kids etc means I need to play the long game.    If things improve between now and me eventually running out of patience, great, I'll re-evaluate. If they don't, well, that's life.

There are a few people very close to me who know how bleak things are at home, and they're amazed at how I'm not particularly unhappy.  If only they knew...  (but I'm not bloody telling anyone!!) 

[Aspen]

There are many women who never have much interest in sex and many more whose interest wanes over time. Then there are women like me who are horny from puberty and find fifth gear around 40. I don't know if the difference is genetics, psychology or social indoctrination, or that the frigid ones never had sex with anyone who knew what he was doing, but the difference is real and there are more of them than us. There are also men who don't have a lot of interest, but they are rare, and this differential between the sexes causes a lot of misery.

For women who aren't very interested, perhaps they really don't understand what it means to need sex and not get it. I'd like to think it's that rather than not caring about the men in their lives. I know you are not just whining and excusing your behavior when you bitch about not having your needs met. If I had been married to an uncooperative spouse I would have gone insane, or gone elsewhere. It's also not fair to expect a lot of sex from someone who doesn't enjoy it, but meeting those needs to a reasonable degree is part of what you sign up for in a relationship.

Older men need to consider menopause as a factor. Even very horny women experience a significant drop in desire afterward. Sex is still enjoyable for them but they don't seek it out the way they did before and you are going to have to work harder. Hormones can help a lot with that, but if the woman was never interested I don't think that is the answer.

You might ask yourselves if you have done what you can to make sex enjoyable for your partner. But if you've done your part and she isn't responding you have the right to be unhappy about it. Whether that gives you the moral right to punt is not for me to decide. I don't believe in religion or monogamy and I'm a sex worker to boot so I'm not the appropriate judge.

However, I will opine that punting is a world better than getting involved in an affair that can lead to emotional entanglements and possibly heartbreak for both your wife and a second woman.

Finally, I will note that a man who asks a board full of punters if he is justified in punting is probably looking for vindication for what he is already going to do.

Excellent and informative post.

A lot I knew, or rather had deduced, already. But the insight and POV is still good to learn from.

[Turtle Z]

Reading these posts I wonder if anyone experienced what I did in my last relationship... OH never refused sex and even seemed to reasonably enjoy it but in 10 years never once instigated sex and if I didn't make the move then it was never gonna happen. Seems sort of ok doesn't it, except that you start to feel rejected when the traffic is all one way, which leads to anger and resentment. Then you start to make the move less and less due to the imbalance. I remember throwing the towel in after receiving a green light for sex one evening as 'it'll only take half an hour', not if I had my way it wouldn't. Told me everything I needed to know, primarily that she saw it as a duty rather than a pleasure and it was one of the rare occasions I can remember abandoning the session because it was so lifeless. Only thing worse than no sex is shit sex!

[tonysoprano]

Reading these posts I wonder if anyone experienced what I did in my last relationship... OH never refused sex and even seemed to reasonably enjoy it but in 10 years never once instigated sex and if I didn't make the move then it was never gonna happen. Seems sort of ok doesn't it, except that you start to feel rejected when the traffic is all one way, which leads to anger and resentment. Then you start to make the move less and less due to the imbalance. I remember throwing the towel in after receiving a green light for sex one evening as 'it'll only take half an hour', not if I had my way it wouldn't. Told me everything I needed to know, primarily that she saw it as a duty rather than a pleasure and it was one of the rare occasions I can remember abandoning the session because it was so lifeless. Only thing worse than no sex is shit sex!

That sounds horrible. Never experienced anything like this but if my girlfriend didn't instigate sex for 10 days (let alone 10 years) that would be us finished. It's not that i'm a sex maniac but it think a good healthy sex life is essential to any successful relationship. I have friends like you who are in relatively sexless relationships and I just don't understand how they can do it. I appreciate kids and family can complicate matters but I just could not be in a relationship with someone that wasn't satisfying me sexually.

[Aspen]

in 10 years never once instigated sex and if I didn't make the move then it was never gonna happen.

The number of relationships I've had runs nearly into double figures, and they were all like that. I've yet to meet a girl who instigates sex when not being paid to do so. Most of them are incredibly passive. You shouldn't really expect much else, and if it happens then great!

[Bluefin]

That sounds horrible. Never experienced anything like this but if my girlfriend didn't instigate sex for 10 days (let alone 10 years) that would be us finished. It's not that i'm a sex maniac but it think a good healthy sex life is essential to any successful relationship. I have friends like you who are in relatively sexless relationships and I just don't understand how they can do it. I appreciate kids and family can complicate matters but I just could not be in a relationship with someone that wasn't satisfying me sexually.

10 days FFS you're at it like rabbits!
We're in our forties and can go for months without it, then when I try to tackle the subject it turns into an argument, so sometimes it's not worth the hassle.

Been struggling with the should I or shouldn't I be punting all week, but after reading several viewpoints, and not just here, I've come to the conclusion that a woman cant expect sexual exclusivity from her husband if she is not supplying any.

So I have made a booking for this weekend.

[Bluefin]

Excellent and informative post.

A lot I knew, or rather had deduced, already. But the insight and POV is still good to learn from.

[Bluefin]

Excellent and informative post.

A lot I knew, or rather had deduced, already. But the insight and POV is still good to learn from.

Agree, and good to hear to hear it from a woman's perspective

[Turtle Z]

I have friends like you who are in relatively sexless relationships and I just don't understand how they can do it. I appreciate kids and family can complicate matters but I just could not be in a relationship with someone that wasn't satisfying me sexually.

Yes, I used to think like that and smugly tell myself that it'll never happen to me! 

[Turtle Z]

The number of relationships I've had runs nearly into double figures, and they were all like that. I've yet to meet a girl who instigates sex when not being paid to do so. Most of them are incredibly passive. You shouldn't really expect much else, and if it happens then great!

Generally not my experience at all. Most of my long term ex's have all been very demanding which was great. Moreover, whilst I get the 'passivity' to some degree there are always subtle ways to instigate sex. Simply making the effort to wear nice underwear is all it takes to send the right message. Before my ex moved in with me quite some years back she would call round mine unannounced and knock on the door, which I'd open to find her wearing a long coat. She'd then unbutton the coat and pull it aside to show me she was wearing nothing more than stocking/suspenders and occasionally knickers and bra, sometimes no knickers. "Can I come in" she'd ask?  She was slim with big natural 34DD tits and I didn't need asking twice. It's an extreme example but my point is that woman don't actually have to directly make the move. If they're interested and have any understanding of men whatsoever then there are very subtle buttons to press so that I wouldn't consider that it was always me making the first move.

[sgb66]

ive been with my OH now for 20years and I have not had sex with her for over 10 years .I used to get in bed put my arm around her and she would say get off you make hot, well fuck me don't ware pyjamas in bed then .
I'm not a prolific punter ,when I have some spare cash I go out and fuck
I don't feel guilt why should I
it hurts me to be rejected or should I say it did hurt I gave up asking
when I do say get some condoms she just shuts up talking and fucks off in another room

I have a good life
I have a ps4 boys toys
xbox one more boys toys
golf clubs  more boys toys
she just leaves me alone so who cares I still get sex but with girls half my age .





 

[americandianna]

The number of relationships I've had runs nearly into double figures, and they were all like that. I've yet to meet a girl who instigates sex when not being paid to do so.

Come to my next party and I'll introduce you to 30 of them in one room. I'm starting to wonder if my friends and I are even more abnormal than I thought.

[Mansell]

Come to my next party and I'll introduce you to 30 of them in one room. I'm starting to wonder if my friends and I are even more abnormal than I thought.

Yep, your sure unusual but great  wish all women were as interested in sex as you are.

What amazes me the most is when your OH stops, what the fck does she think we are doing about not getting any !!! How can they not be surprised when all of a sudden we have hired a proffessional to do what they won't anymore 

[Monsieur69]

I haven't had sex with the wife for 8 years / since her menopause. I have always had a v high sex drive and in my 60s I still do. I had no sex with anyone for over one year when it stopped with my wife but then I cracked and started punting. My wife does not ask questions but must know I get sex somewhere. She - like a lot of women just does not understand how miserable she makes me in a sexless marriage. Sex is as important as food and drink to me. No sex is not an option for me. End of!
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[Bluefin]

Come to my next party and I'll introduce you to 30 of them in one room. I'm starting to wonder if my friends and I are even more abnormal than I thought.

You do sound great and hit 5th gear when you're 40!
In my experience it goes into reverse before that.

The problem we men have in finding a wife like you though, is that most of them are nymphs at the start of a relationship, the real test is 10+ years down the line at which point you've got kids and a house and it becomes much more difficult to break off.

[Bluefin]

Yep, your sure unusual but great  wish all women were as interested in sex as you are.

What amazes me the most is when your OH stops, what the fck does she think we are doing about not getting any !!! How can they not be surprised when all of a sudden we have hired a proffessional to do what they won't anymore 

Exactly, but if you're punting habit was ever found out, all the focus would be on your wrong doing,  nobody would even know of your years of suffering!

[Bluefin]

I haven't had sex with the wife for 8 years / since her menopause. I have always had a v high sex drive and in my 60s I still do. I had no sex with anyone for over one year when it stopped with my wife but then I cracked and started punting. My wife does not ask questions but must know I get sex somewhere. She - like a lot of women just does not understand how miserable she makes me in a sexless marriage. Sex is as important as food and drink to me. No sex is not an option for me. End of!
-

Thats me fucked, she's not even hit the menopause yet and you can count on one hand the amount of sex per year we have