Excuses for getting out of the house

[geostorm1]

What excuses do you make to get some time away from the wife?

My go-to is the gym but eventually she's going to notice I'm not making any body improvements, and it's hard to squeeze in a session with a girl in the evening who happens to be local AND a gym session.

I've had some chance encounters when I've had a genuine need to visit another town, for example fetching something I bought on FB marketplace etc.

Curious what other excuses I could make that would give me unquestioned time away to play.

[superchamp]

A mate of mine took up photography to get out of the house when he was having an affair. Nobody knew until after his OH was caught cheating and they'd divorced.

[senordingdongs]

Say your nipping down to get petrol come back 5 hours later blaming massive queue of panic buyers.

[PaulRuff]

Since I'm mostly WFH now I just say I'm nipping into the office for a meeting, can be gone then for less than an hour or for a full morning or afternoon.

Works perfectly.

[Keema]

Need to head to that other B&Q.
Christmas / birthday shopping - so difficult these days, you know what it's like. Could be hours.
Get a hobby that she won't want to come along to - record collecting, train spotting (they are abolute pervs - everyone of them).
Suport local sports clubs.
Take half days off work or have long lunches or leave work early if you're on flexi. 
Risky - time off work for a hospital appointment.

[southcoastpunter]

Risky - time off work for a hospital appointment.

very risky. if your employer finds out,  its probably gross misconduct and dismissal. Not worth the risk imo. lots of other options. 

[Gingerdrewabz]

very risky. if your employer finds out,  its probably gross misconduct and dismissal. Not worth the risk imo. lots of other options.

just claim it's for a prostate exam?

[Waterhouse]

just claim it's for a prostate exam?

Talk about bad taste. 
 

[CanOfRedBull]

Back in the day when I worked in Maidenhead I used to go in my lunch break.  Back then Maidenhead was fully of brothels ( Chantelle’s / Sensations ).  Just rock up without any faff of booking and you’d be guaranteed a brilliant 30 minutes.   

Now working from home its a tricky old one.  Certainly requires planning,  as previous has said gym works well.  This also helps when you’re flush in the face and looking a little hot and bothered when getting home 

[Circusboy]

I do have hospital appointments and fit punting around that and business trips. I’m self employed so can be flexible and it’s not gross misconduct!

[Derrick101]

Take up golf ! A round takes about 4 hours 

[Moby Dick]

Taking the tortoise for a walk.

[Thephoenix]

Being an codger with a free bus pass, I often enjoy going for long bus rides to pass the time.
So I put on my flat cap and duffel coat. Stick on the old favourite trainers, take a few butties and wait for the bus outside my dwelling.

On punting days, I only go one stop, ditch the butties and walk round the corner where my Aston Martin's parked.

Then I change into my Saville Row suit, put on my shades and head off into punting land.


 


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[jimbobted]

Work meeting.
That's also the excuse I give work in the unlikely event someone tries to get hold of me whilst I'm balls deep in a 20-something year old. "Yeah I was in a meeting so my phone was off. No, not sure if they'll commit, will follow up in a few weeks"

[Bonker]

Phoenix, can you please stop parking outside my house? I can't get my maybach out of my drive.

I would also appreciate something other than cheese and chutney.

Thanks

[JPin]

I was going out for long bike rides weekly at one point, was pretty much perfect cover. Mentioned in this review here: https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=304821.0

Also rented my own office, even though I work from home (long story), and it was in another town. So I'd make best use of my days away working there.

Similar to someone else, even if WFH, to get out I'd just say I had a face to face meeting somewhere .. Essentially I wasn't lying. 

Luckily I'm single now so don't have to make any excuses at all.

[Stevelondon]

Thinking up stuff used to give me headaches.
Was bad enough when I was working and could at least get out of the house legitimately.
But then I retired and things just got seriously hard.

I was just about to call an end to my punting lifestyle and then suddenly it dawned on me.

You live by your fucking self you idiot. 

[tynetunnel]

 

[Subboy1980]

Going off to watch a football match always works well.

[Thephoenix]

Keep them coming.
There's surely some material here for a comedy series, although I admit I did use a bit of artistic licence in my recent post.

[bigboy96]

I'm lucky in that I like long walks, so off I go, via a massage parlour if needed.

[Edd67]

I've used 'I'm off to watch the cricket' a few times.
Must remember not to use that one again until next April 

[signy]

I've used 'I'm off to watch the cricket' a few times.
Must remember not to use that one again until next April 

"I'm off to see the Ashes for about three months. I might be a bit tired when I return".

[Pedalwall]

Allotment and bike.
Just need to remember to bring home some veg. Oh, and the bike!

[Straightsix]

Just reading this thread certainly makes me grateful for my blessed single status.

[itslavish]

Just reading this thread certainly makes me grateful for my blessed single status.

 
+1

[unclepokey]

Take up bell ringing and get good enough to be invited to ring peals. They can take around three hours and you've got a reason to return home with rather sweaty clothes and a bit of a beery wiff.

[simon07]

Often wondered about Salsa or other dance classes? I guess there must be WGs and Punters at such events.
Only problem is that I have 2 left feet.

[scutty brown]

Leave message for wife "I've gone for a long wank walk"
bloody autospell

[pewpewpew]

I used the gym excuse for ages. I would go three or four times per week anyway so would just use one of those days as a punt day instead. After the action, I would go to the gym and just have a shower so I smell like my own body wash and the towel is wet etc so nothing suspicious.

I did start to worry about my gym clothes not smelling of sweat so I began wearing the t shirt on the way to the punt with the heater tight up to make me sweat, but I think that was a little overboard

Cancelled my gym membership during lockdown and am loath to start back up again but I also need an excuse so may rejoin just for the punting

[Thephoenix]

Often wondered about Salsa or other dance classes? I guess there must be WGs and Punters at such events.
Only problem is that I have 2 left feet.

That shouldn't be a problem. Just take your flip flips!

[defty]

Say I'm going into office, then call in sick, gives me whole day free

[southcoastpunter]

Say I'm going into office, then call in sick, gives me whole day free

if you are employed (as opposed to self employed or its your company etc) doing that could get you an awful lot of free time - as if caught, most companies would regard that as gross misconduct and dismiss you!

[tynetunnel]

I have quite a specific excuse to be out, a hobby. I’m not posting it here though in case it gets on mumsnet and the wife reads it!

[itslavish]

if you are employed (as opposed to self employed or its your company etc) doing that could get you an awful lot of free time - as if caught, most companies would regard that as gross misconduct and dismiss you!

 how would you get caught? just curious

[Moby Dick]

 how would you get caught? just curious

If you have ‘phoned in sick, then your employer may expect you to stay at home.
If they later phone your home line, and your wife/OH answers and says “No he is not here, he left to go to work at 8am” then both your employer and OH will have some questions for you.

[southcoastpunter]

 how would you get caught? just curious

as above and its surprising who may see you out and about. There are lots of ways it can go pear shaped! My strong advice to any employed person is keep your employer out of it completely.

[daviemac]

I have quite a specific excuse to be out, a hobby. I’m not posting it here though in case it gets on mumsnet and the wife reads it!

Very wise, you never know who's reading this.   

[geostorm1]

If you have ‘phoned in sick, then your employer may expect you to stay at home.
If they later phone your home line, and your wife/OH answers and says “No he is not here, he left to go to work at 8am” then both your employer and OH will have some questions for you.

What year is it, 1995? Who still uses a landline phone?

[Mr_Shins]

I used the gym excuse for ages. I would go three or four times per week anyway so would just use one of those days as a punt day instead. After the action, I would go to the gym and just have a shower so I smell like my own body wash and the towel is wet etc so nothing suspicious.

I did start to worry about my gym clothes not smelling of sweat so I began wearing the t shirt on the way to the punt with the heater tight up to make me sweat, but I think that was a little overboard

Cancelled my gym membership during lockdown and am loath to start back up again but I also need an excuse so may rejoin just for the punting

I used the gym excuse when I was going to see Jessica Wood, and often the activity did get me quite sweaty but not on this occasion and the wife did notice. I said I had been lazy that day and just done some light exercise then relaxed in the sauna.

I was more concerned when I saw Mistress Cameo in 2007 just after the smoking ban in pubs and my clothes smelt of smoke due to her smoking constantly during the session. I did have a cycle home, and fortunately she didn't notice, or didn't say anything.

[Moby Dick]

What year is it, 1995? Who still uses a landline phone?

Not everyone lives in the big smoke.
No mobile signal at my country estate.

[sparkus]

Visiting a mate/brother - though as pointed out before, was slightly awkward when she asked to come along to see him!

I do have an elderly relative I can use as cover though, offer to do shopping etc.

Sister needs to go to doctor's/on an online date/champers with pals and needs a babysitter (this would be 7/7 if she could so is entirely believable).

She often needs to go to work/see mate having mental health crisis etc. so I do get gaps in schedule opening up.

[GingerNuts]

Say I'm going into office, then call in sick, gives me whole day free

One sick day in nearly eight years...

[RogerBoner]

External Link/Members Only
I had an app similar to this a few years ago. I could program any real contact profile text or call me at a scheduled time. So whoever you are with can see the incoming call as you go into the next room where it's more quiet. "Sorry darling! One of our tenants in the next parish has locked themselves out again. Darn and dash, I should be back in a tick or two!" And you're off..

[Stevelondon]

Allotment and bike.
Just need to remember to bring home some veg. Oh, and the bike!

WTF........you take the WG home with you.

[WAY-WARD]

While out walking with the Mrs. we saw some anglers,
we both agreed it must be so boring....it was only afterwards I thought for the price of a cheap rod you could go missing for hours.

[shant999]

Working from home most of the time and sneak out when OH is at work.

HOWEVER!

Didn't think this one through when I installed the ring doorbell and subscribed!!
Now need a plan B

[Punterperson1971]

While out walking with the Mrs. we saw some anglers,
we both agreed it must be so boring....it was only afterwards I thought for the price of a cheap rod you could go missing for hours.

You wouldn’t want to go in the cold

[lillythesavage]

Working from home most of the time and sneak out when OH is at work.

HOWEVER!

Didn't think this one through when I installed the ring doorbell and subscribed!!
Now need a plan B

You may as well connect a dash cam and body cam to it too, 

[SamOmar]

Not everyone lives in the big smoke.
No mobile signal at my country estate.

Get a virtual number and make calls using the internet. No worries about bad signal as long as you have broadband. It's also great for privacy and an alternative to a punting phone