You know you're a punter when...

[Marmalade]

You know you’re punter when

At the pub and on the way back to her place you’ve spent all afternoon chatting her up and then she says…
“I have something terrible to tell you about what I do for a living”.

You make rapid mental computations between what you now realise is numerical garbage coming out of her mouth and trying to remember what’s left in your wallet.

[myothernameis]

Do you use public transport in London to get to your punts, sparkus? If so, it could have something to do with the information London Transport can collect from your ticket.

Dont forget, there also google maps timeline, which record every place you have visit, onto google

[Private Parts]

Dont forget, there also google maps timeline, which record every place you have visit, onto google

You can disable that function on your iPhone or Android handset. 

[sparkus]

Dont forget, there also google maps timeline, which record every place you have visit, onto google

Disabled, though searches are harder to erase.

[vindici]

Disabled, though searches are harder to erase.

There's a setting to automatically erase this at specified intervals 😎

[nwluvit]

You can disable that function on your iPhone or Android handset. 

The Google map thing is getting really accurate. Had a haircut the other day. Now been asked if I wanted to review it. Had literally walked in off the street, but had to take a call so phone was on.

[JPin]

When your mate posts a pic in your WhatsApp group featuring a well-known TS on all fours with just a hint of ballsack showing, saying, "Caption this" ... and you instantly know the TS's name, how much she charges and where she's based - but respond with, "She got the sack".

For anyone who wants to know, it was this pic 



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[RAJEC]

When your mate posts a pic in your WhatsApp group featuring a well-known TS on all fours with just a hint of ballsack showing, saying, "Caption this" ... and you instantly know the TS's name, how much she charges and where she's based - but respond with, "She got the sack".

For anyone who wants to know, it was this pic 



Hidden Image/Members Only

You also know your mate is on ukpunting 

[webpunter]

In the new section beginning with a 'T' 

You also know your mate is on ukpunting 

[myothernameis]

This 15 year old boy was walking in front of me, with his rucksack on his back, and had his initials on the back.  Now when this boy grows up, wonder what sort of hobbies he will take up

And his name was, Alan Walker

[Sheraton]

When driving and heading West, I always smile when the needle gives a sign that looks like an A, followed by W

[WorcWarrior]

You ask all of your customers to pay cash!!

[lamboman]

Whenever I pass the Longbridge roundabout Warwick which reminds me of my sadly retired regular.
Also whenever I go to a new hotel and the bathroom reminds me to have a shower and get ready.

[stampjones]

You get a work email from a girl called paulina and it makes you think of a big titted polish escort from 20 odd years ago. Happened today. Literally hadnt thought of her in 20 years but suddenly remembered every beautiful inch of her.

[sparkus]

You get a work email from a girl called paulina and it makes you think of a big titted polish escort from 20 odd years ago. Happened today. Literally hadnt thought of her in 20 years but suddenly remembered every beautiful inch of her.

Link?

[stampjones]

Link?

It was one of the agencies. Admiral the hot collection or one of those. She was 250 an hour which I couldnt really afford but couldnt resist either. Kids dont need food that much anyway right?

[puntingpumping1920]

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[tantric talents]

Vaguely aware of “flog it” being on Tv in the background and suddenly the buxom girl who is examining a diamond solitaire just asks the lady seller the question
“ How big is it?”  And then “ it’s what every girl wants to know!”
I had to smile at the double entendre. 

[myothernameis]

Lady Gaga, loves 9"
Nicki Minaj likes 7"
Kylie Minogue likes 6"
Victoria Beckham likes 5"
Gillian Anderson likes 4"
and Holly Willoughby likes 3"

These girls love it big, and its not cock, but heels

[webpunter]

GA = yes please

Gillian Anderson likes 4"

and Holly Willoughby likes 3"

Her name is Holly Willoughbooby

External Link/Members Only

Any more errors like this & i'll be recommending to DM that you get a week ban 

[pythondan]

When you are watching "The Outlaws" on iPlayer and one of the locations make you smile because it triggers flashbacks of visits to  to English Rebecca. Your wife then asks you why you have a stupid grin on your face.

[Thephoenix]

Just watching the latest episodes of Guilt, and noticed the development company's called Phoenix.🤔😁

[puntingpumping1920]

When you get a unwanted call from an escort or agency

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[sadolddeejay]

When you see a sign that says "Local honey for sale" and immediately think of this thread.

[nwluvit]

When you s
ee a sign that says "Local honey for sale" and immediately think of this thread.

When you see a magazine at a trade show entitled CIM
"Composites in manufacturing"
I know. I need to get out more

[WAP]

When you get back to civvies place after a couple of dates and know that you can fuck but leave preferring to shag an SP half her age and twice as beautiful!   

[MrMatrix]

When you get back to civvies place after a couple of dates and know that you can fuck but leave preferring to shag an SP half her age and twice as beautiful!   

Aint that the truth

[Billy the kid]

I walked past some younglings the other day and overheard one say 'we need to swing by the gash machine on the way to'....... Wherever it was they were going.
And I thought you don't know how true that it.
Gash is pretty much the only thing i use actual money for these days and often visit the gash machine en route to a punt

[wolfiesmith69]

An attractive yummy Mummy mobile hairdresser near me has a small white car & the registration ends in OWO,
 I am sure she doesn't know the relevance -i wish she did !!

[sparkus]

... watching Antiques Roadshow and some bloke gasps at being given the valuation for his item and says "Wow, I'll keep it safe!" and you think "I've spent more than that on the same WG".

[nwluvit]

An attractive yummy Mummy mobile hairdresser near me has a small white car & the registration ends in OWO,
 I am sure she doesn't know the relevance -i wish she did !!

Would be even better if it was
BJ69 OWO

[norwichfunseeker]

When you are arranging a medical appointment for a family member which isn't offered locally and your first thought is which of the options offered is better to punt in.....

[Horizontal pleasures]

You are considering what to watch on TV with the Missus and you spot this and remain silent:

External Link/Members Only

Online Pimps Exposed
Panorama
The sex industry has been transformed by the internet, and most sex workers now meet their customers through online sites. Their pictures can be seen next to adverts for lawn mowers and patio furniture, but has the move away from the streets made prostitution any safer for the women involved? Reporter Bronagh Munro investigates the online pimps who traffic vulnerable women for sex and the high-profile website that is helping them to cash in.
 
Release date: 09 November 2021
29 minutes

[myothernameis]

A 20 yr old blonde female, spotted only wearing underwear, and 9pm on A76 near to Holywood

News story, where cops are concerned for the woman's wellbeing and have launched an appeal.


My first though WG out looking for business

[puntingpumping1920]

😤😂🤣

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[MrMatrix]

😤😂🤣

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Dr Kate should be on that thread of people you'd like to meet or was that shag

[Horizontal pleasures]

You are considering what to watch on TV with the Missus and you spot this and remain silent:

External Link/Members Only

Online Pimps Exposed
Panorama
The sex industry has been transformed by the internet, and most sex workers now meet their customers through online sites. Their pictures can be seen next to adverts for lawn mowers and patio furniture, but has the move away from the streets made prostitution any safer for the women involved? Reporter Bronagh Munro investigates the online pimps who traffic vulnerable women for sex and the high-profile website that is helping them to cash in.
 
Release date: 09 November 2021
29 minutes

Vivastreet is the site. Burnley is the location.

[webpunter]

Good spot HP on the programme
BTW, its Vulvastreet

No surprise that VS is full of trafficked burds
Read the stuff on here
Loads of fake profiles & comments about whether burds are being co-erced
& UKP'ers run a mile & have read comments bout calls to the police on the odd occasion 

As for VS working with the police & authorities to prevent trafficking, what a load of bollox
'Escort Washing'

VS makes Awank look like a relatively safe platform for the SPs, which is +ve 
UKP helps indirectly, by steering unsuspecting punters away from the iffy ones

Vivastreet is the site. Burnley is the location.

[Horizontal pleasures]

Vivastreet is the site. Burnley is the location.

External Link/Members Only

Location is bit baffling, it starts in Burnley and the policeman certainly has a Lancashire accent. It then continues in Belfast and the journalist/narrator has a Northern Irish accent.

The filming is mostly with clouded images so we do not really see the women or the clients but we do see the alleged 'pimp' and a politician. We do not see any Viva Street personnel although they are accused of enabling or aiding exploitation and trafficking.

[webpunter]

Thought the blondie milfy presenter looked fit
In her black leather jeans
I would

External Link/Members Only

Location is bit baffling, it starts in Burnley and the policeman certainly has a Lancashire accent. It then continues in Belfast and the journalist/narrator has a Northern Irish accent.

The filming is mostly with clouded images so we do not really see the women or the clients but we do see the alleged 'pimp' and a politician. We do not see any Viva Street personnel although they are accused of enabling or aiding exploitation and trafficking.

[DouglasReynholm]

Thought the blondie milfy presenter looked fit
In her black leather jeans
I would

Her accent put me off. It's a typical BBC prostitution programme on the whole. It investigates the bleeding obvious and moralises. A female Labour MP is interviewed who thinks she can stop the world's oldest profession. I'm not defending Vivastreet, we all know what that's like.

By the way HP, according to this https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=327474 you will be 80 next month? 

[Horizontal pleasures]

By the way HP, according to this https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=327474 you will be 80 next month? 

yes thanks DR
I will not mention the actual date in this forum. Problems now are much reduced income, and Missus working from home so no freedom of movement. I have a plan for August when she has a working holiday away!

[DouglasReynholm]

Then many punting returns HP! 

[tantric talents]

Then many punting returns HP! 

Here here! 

[norwichfunseeker]

When this comes up on your insta feed,



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[DouglasReynholm]

When this comes up on your insta feed,
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When you join the Chartered Institute for the Management of Sport and Physical Activity.
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[webpunter]

To be punting @ quatre-vingts ans is impressive

The double century isn't that far away
Not many UKP'ers can tick this box

Good luck Sir 

yes thanks DR
I will not mention the actual date in this forum. Problems now are much reduced income, and Missus working from home so no freedom of movement. I have a plan for August when she has a working holiday away!

[Horizontal pleasures]

To be punting @ quatre-vingts ans is impressive

The double century isn't that far away
Not many UKP'ers can tick this box

Good luck Sir 

thanks for the good wishes WP
not quite yet but almost
a bientot
HP

[Thephoenix]

A new Thai massage shop recently opened in Wirral, and right opposite is this....

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[Bonker]

Serendipity?