Genuine Sub girl - any tips

[Ali Katt]

Great thread, and excellent advice, especially from Ali Katt and the Lodger.

My bit for the OP: It doesn't sound you're quite ready for proper BDSM, but just want to explore your dom side.

In which case, I would simply say to the SP that you're not into crazy like pain/restraint/etc but know what you want in the bedroom. This usually sets the mood of the dialogue and she may ask you more questions if she wants to. What's important is that you set the mood and are in control of the conversation, while giving her the option to "opt out" as it where, in case she's not into something specific. What you don't want is ask for "permission" as such, as this can change the dynamics, especially if you're not experienced.

Then during the meet itself: It's all about confidence, frame and attitude. Don't be arrogant, but know what you want. Keep a calm deep voice, move slowly and lead her throughout the meet. Decide when to do the paperwork, when she should strip etc.  One tip, don't suddenly change from one position to another or give an "order" out of the blue. You have to try and signal things naturally and she will follow your lead. If you want to be edged, don't ask for it! Just let her play with you and make her slow down or stop when you want her to.

Cheers. I have to agree with this as you say tonality is important. Not every man has a deep voice, admittedly a man with a deep voice is considered more dominant by women, but it isn't the be all and end all. I know what I want in advance, sometimes it goes in a different direction which is really exciting, I love spontaneity and like you hint at the best thing to do is bounce ideas of the person you are with. You either have good symmetry or you don't, you can't force chemistry.

[Ali Katt]

You’re correct in thinking I’m not ready for (or into) full on bdsm.
It is, as you say, about exploring or trying to find my more dominant side and trying to find more confidence is going to be my biggest challenge.
Thanks for the observations.
I’ve been blown away by the amount of advice and insight that’s been imparted in this thread.
Much appreciated, cheers guys 

I've said it before ultimately what do you want? And why do you want to be more dom? If it's because you read some article don't bother, if you feel it  defines your masculinity don't bother. If you feel it is who you are do bother, but like I say don't run before you can crawl. Like I've said it came natural to me, but it took fucking years, like I think I've said on this forum before one parlour girl asked me to call her "a dirty slut as I've been naughty" I was so embarrassed to use those words; hard to think about 10 years later I would be telling a girl she is "my dirty submissive slut and I love it when she has my big cock inside her wet mouth".

[Ali Katt]

I like the build up albeit I get instant immobilisation. 

Also so many idiots using single locking cuffs. Why anybody would risk those poundland hand cuffs is beyond me?

[shyboy1]

I've said it before ultimately what do you want? And why do you want to be more dom? If it's because you read some article don't bother, if you feel it  defines your masculinity don't bother. If you feel it is who you are do bother, but like I say don't run before you can crawl. Like I've said it came natural to me, but it took fucking years, like I think I've said on this forum before one parlour girl asked me to call her "a dirty slut as I've been naughty" I was so embarrassed to use those words; hard to think about 10 years later I would be telling a girl she is "my dirty submissive slut and I love it when she has my big cock inside her wet mouth".

More to think about!
I’m not sure exactly where this need to be more dominant is coming from, it’s nothing I’ve been reading or watching, in fact I might be one of the only ones left who hasn’t seen the Grey films/books.
I’ve also got no doubts or concerns about my masculinity or hang ups about previous treatment by women etc.
I’ve always been fairly sub myself and required the girl to control the action. However on a couple of punts lately I have taken a more assertive roll as the meet progressed and found I enjoyed the feeling of having a bit more control.
I think this is what started me thinking and fantasising about a Sub girl so maybe it’s just a natural progression and something that’s always been lurking in my subconscious.
I have been thinking it through though and I do think there is a separation between wanting to dominate and wanting to cause pain and discomfort (bdsm) my bdsm side doesn’t seem to extend much further than some mild spanking and a bit of slightly more rough handling.
Perhaps this will also change as things develop... who knows 
SB

[Ali Katt]

More to think about!
I’m not sure exactly where this need to be more dominant is coming from, it’s nothing I’ve been reading or watching, in fact I might be one of the only ones left who hasn’t seen the Grey films/books.
I’ve also got no doubts or concerns about my masculinity or hang ups about previous treatment by women etc.
I’ve always been fairly sub myself and required the girl to control the action. However on a couple of punts lately I have taken a more assertive roll as the meet progressed and found I enjoyed the feeling of having a bit more control.
I think this is what started me thinking and fantasising about a Sub girl so maybe it’s just a natural progression and something that’s always been lurking in my subconscious.
I have been thinking it through though and I do think there is a separation between wanting to dominate and wanting to cause pain and discomfort (bdsm) my bdsm side doesn’t seem to extend much further than some mild spanking and a bit of slightly more rough handling.
Perhaps this will also change as things develop... who knows 
SB

Cheers Shyboy that was the answer I was hoping for. TBH it sounds like you are on the right path. There's been a lot of bad advice on YouTube and on blogs about men that SHOULD be more dominant and not everyone is by nature and I think people shouldn't pretend to be something they are not; it sounds like you are naturally dominant though. The way I see it is when I punt I am working with the girl not against her, to have the best time possible and I do that by being a dirty fucker. It isn't about control it is the illusion of control, like I say to me it is pretty much roleplay, the sub is always in control.

[Ali Katt]

Mmm, yeah; it did!

And doesn't it show what a journey punting can be. I'd never have predicted this development when I took my first nervous steps into Sandy's Prestwich parlour 14 years ago.

Welcome to the dark side, you'll never go back.

[Home Alone]

Welcome to the dark side, you'll never go back.

Promise??

I might end up not wanting to!! 

[nbarnes]

Welcome to the dark side, you'll never go back.

Having had my first experience with a sub in November - I wholeheartedly agree with this statement. (review is in the east anglia board)
So much more to experience and lovely new things to try now.

Doesn't seem to be any nice hot girls in the East Midlands who like this sort of thing, I have to travel further afield.
If you know anything I don't - I'd appreciate you letting me know.

Cheers!

[Ali Katt]

Having had my first experience with a sub in November - I wholeheartedly agree with this statement. (review is in the east anglia board)
So much more to experience and lovely new things to try now.

Doesn't seem to be any nice hot girls in the East Midlands who like this sort of thing, I have to travel further afield.
If you know anything I don't - I'd appreciate you letting me know.

Cheers!

There's loads you just need to ask. Not every girl will state it on their profile, you have to play detective. I'm mainly into big girls though, it also depends what you want, my tastes are maybe tamer than most.

[TailSeeker]

It may sound stupid, but would a female plastic sub be naturally dominant or would they be naturally sort of vanilla? The reason I ask is most females I meet seem to like a man to take the lead or be submission towards men, the level of submission like I say varies there is a huge difference between a woman saying "what should I do next?" and "punish me I've been a naughty slut".

They could be either, but more likely vanilla.

I do think there is a difference between wanting a man to take charge, and being submissive. The former is more passive rather than submission.

I can only speak for myself, but I'm a sub, however I'm not passive. If a guy doesn't take charge I will and I'll direct.

I would say those questions are pretty typical unless you get to know someone better (which requires regular visits, which some punters like, some don't). I mean I advertise as a brat, put to a one punters never want that the first time, but that may be because of the style of brat I am. As you're recently said, you need to ask to know what someone likes. AW listings are not always clear. And there's a lot when it comes to bdsm that isn't covered in the selection options.

[Ali Katt]

They could be either, but more likely vanilla.

I do think there is a difference between wanting a man to take charge, and being submissive. The former is more passive rather than submission.

I can only speak for myself, but I'm a sub, however I'm not passive. If a guy doesn't take charge I will and I'll direct.

I would say those questions are pretty typical unless you get to know someone better (which requires regular visits, which some punters like, some don't). I mean I advertise as a brat, put to a one punters never want that the first time, but that may be because of the style of brat I am. As you're recently said, you need to ask to know what someone likes. AW listings are not always clear. And there's a lot when it comes to bdsm that isn't covered in the selection options.

This is interesting. I've met a lot (well a few) of civvies who would fall into passive, I just thought it was because they hadn't really developed their sexual identity or were relatively inexperienced.

I've met girls who take charge as well, but are submissive. I thought of them more as being switch, but leaning towards the subby side.

There's actually very few brats in my area. Two look like webcam spammers and the other offers bareback  I tend to prefer subs that are naturally submissive, but I do like the challenge of a brat. I tend to tease back which may not be the most dom approach, but it is the most fun to me.

[hungrypunt]

just speak to her see what the boundaries are, discuss the meet.

[Midori]

This is interesting. I've met a lot (well a few) of civvies who would fall into passive, I just thought it was because they hadn't really developed their sexual identity or were relatively inexperienced.

I've met girls who take charge as well, but are submissive. I thought of them more as being switch, but leaning towards the subby side.

There's actually very few brats in my area. Two look like webcam spammers and the other offers bareback  I tend to prefer subs that are naturally submissive, but I do like the challenge of a brat. I tend to tease back which may not be the most dom approach, but it is the most fun to me.

Just because someone doesn't advertise as a brat, doesn't mean they aren't a brat. 

[Midori]

To try and help the OP out, I would try and go for a provider that says something like they are naturally more submissive or read reviews on here that state certain things they like. Certain things it wouldn't help to familiarise yourself with - for example the idea of the traffic light system and if you are into spanking, correct spanking technique and also which areas are safe areas and which are not. Anything in particular you want to try, just okay it with the girl in the communications beforehand.

[Ali Katt]

Just because someone doesn't advertise as a brat, doesn't mean they aren't a brat. 

That made me smile this morning.

[TailSeeker]

This is interesting. I've met a lot (well a few) of civvies who would fall into passive, I just thought it was because they hadn't really developed their sexual identity or were relatively inexperienced.

I've met girls who take charge as well, but are submissive. I thought of them more as being switch, but leaning towards the subby side.

There's actually very few brats in my area. Two look like webcam spammers and the other offers bareback  I tend to prefer subs that are naturally submissive, but I do like the challenge of a brat. I tend to tease back which may not be the most dom approach, but it is the most fun to me.

Passive is common both among men and women, although certainly more women. In my experience has nothing to do with experience. Lack of experience has led to freezing up.

Brats are the rarest subtype, some will claim it, but aren't actually it, some won't claim it but are (and should mention it as it is the rarest subtype). Meeting the first time, a sub who is experienced will never go full brat. Although this does depend on the level of brat. I've only ever gone full brat once with a punter, and he asked me to let up. But my brat level is pretty high (I'd broken my collar and cuffs and was holding the crop at the point he asked me to let up, plus I'd done a lot of verbal insulting). Others will differ. I know when let loose I am a difficult brat sub. But I rein it well in for punters unless it's a reg who had asked me to slowly let loose. I can still occasionally be mouthy (usually directions, or about restraints). But I am also a masochistic so it makes me the worst type of brat for Dom(me)s.

I'm not a switch at all, I tend to flounder a bit when put in charge, but I can do it briefly. If it's vanilla that's not a problem, but if bdsm I can do one thing if asked, but to draw up a full scene I just end up asking for direction. As such I don't offer Domme services unless it's a reg I know well who knows my dynamic. Order me to tie you up, orgasm denial, corporal punishment all fine, I know how to do that as a good sub should train in what they ask of someone (so should a good Dom(me)), but beyond that I become a bit lost. I'm not dominant naturally so I always need guidance, and as such I don't offer it as a service.

It's certainly true some my advertise one way and be another. I know a few Dommes that are switches or subs. So would expect there are similar numbers offering sub only services.

The key is to have a chat beforehand. Those in the know will be matter of fact, no dancing around the bush. They'll outline what they like, what they've done, what they're interested in trying, stop words, and agreed no go zones.

But also it's important to talk before meeting as you pick up on tone of response. Any hesitance or nerves will show. Which may or may not be justified, depending on the services.

I would certainly advise if you go with a brat, ask them to ease you in. Don't ask me for full brat. I am not going to be the way you want to enter that world.

[S.X. MacHine]

I've been seeing a submissive WG, who takes a moderate degree of punishment, for six years now. Our sessions involve BDSM with, of course, bondage and impact play.
So, last week I gave her a spare black leather flogger of mine, to keep. She told me today that a new punter showed up asking to try some BDSM on her, so out came the flogger, a vicious looking thing with braided strands, knotted at the end. In fact, it looks way worse than it feels.
On seeing it, the would be Dom suddenly became apologetic and decided to settle for a nice hour of GFE instead!
It seems the thought of flogging a girl appealed to his fantasies, but that he couldn't actually bring himself to do it.

[bhudda]

I've been seeing a submissive WG, who takes a moderate degree of punishment, for six years now. Our sessions involve BDSM with, of course, bondage and impact play.
So, last week I gave her a spare black leather flogger of mine, to keep. She told me today that a new punter showed up asking to try some BDSM on her, so out came the flogger, a vicious looking thing with braided strands, knotted at the end. In fact, it looks way worse than it feels.
On seeing it, the would be Dom suddenly became apologetic and decided to settle for a nice hour of GFE instead!
It seems the thought of flogging a girl appealed to his fantasies, but that he couldn't actually bring himself to do it.

I can understand this ... sometimes its being allowed to do something that appeals ... once permission is granted the appeal of actually doing it evaporates. Ive been there with whipping and watersports ... once the lass agreed to it i didnt fancy doing it any more ... was just nice to know she would let me if i wanted to

[Ali Katt]

I've been seeing a submissive WG, who takes a moderate degree of punishment, for six years now. Our sessions involve BDSM with, of course, bondage and impact play.
So, last week I gave her a spare black leather flogger of mine, to keep. She told me today that a new punter showed up asking to try some BDSM on her, so out came the flogger, a vicious looking thing with braided strands, knotted at the end. In fact, it looks way worse than it feels.
On seeing it, the would be Dom suddenly became apologetic and decided to settle for a nice hour of GFE instead!
It seems the thought of flogging a girl appealed to his fantasies, but that he couldn't actually bring himself to do it.

It wasn't one of the made in Scotland Tawses used in schools was it? They are very collectable.

[Ali Katt]

Passive is common both among men and women, although certainly more women. In my experience has nothing to do with experience. Lack of experience has led to freezing up.

Brats are the rarest subtype, some will claim it, but aren't actually it, some won't claim it but are (and should mention it as it is the rarest subtype). Meeting the first time, a sub who is experienced will never go full brat. Although this does depend on the level of brat. I've only ever gone full brat once with a punter, and he asked me to let up. But my brat level is pretty high (I'd broken my collar and cuffs and was holding the crop at the point he asked me to let up, plus I'd done a lot of verbal insulting). Others will differ. I know when let loose I am a difficult brat sub. But I rein it well in for punters unless it's a reg who had asked me to slowly let loose. I can still occasionally be mouthy (usually directions, or about restraints). But I am also a masochistic so it makes me the worst type of brat for Dom(me)s.

I'm not a switch at all, I tend to flounder a bit when put in charge, but I can do it briefly. If it's vanilla that's not a problem, but if bdsm I can do one thing if asked, but to draw up a full scene I just end up asking for direction. As such I don't offer Domme services unless it's a reg I know well who knows my dynamic. Order me to tie you up, orgasm denial, corporal punishment all fine, I know how to do that as a good sub should train in what they ask of someone (so should a good Dom(me)), but beyond that I become a bit lost. I'm not dominant naturally so I always need guidance, and as such I don't offer it as a service.

It's certainly true some my advertise one way and be another. I know a few Dommes that are switches or subs. So would expect there are similar numbers offering sub only services.

The key is to have a chat beforehand. Those in the know will be matter of fact, no dancing around the bush. They'll outline what they like, what they've done, what they're interested in trying, stop words, and agreed no go zones.

But also it's important to talk before meeting as you pick up on tone of response. Any hesitance or nerves will show. Which may or may not be justified, depending on the services.

I would certainly advise if you go with a brat, ask them to ease you in. Don't ask me for full brat. I am not going to be the way you want to enter that world.

I must have been very unlucky with some of the civvies I met when I was younger. Passive, it was like shagging a corpse, but I didn't know any better.

Agree with you on all points. The scenario you listed does sound very exciting though - even the insults, I tend to insult back and be cheeky which might not be the desired response. I wouldn't class myself as anywhere near a Brat Tamer or even working towards it though. I can get a bit dark as well and as I've said before it is like flicking a switch with me where I just get lost in the moment\roleplay. I have a rough idea of where it is going and follow the girl as well and play off her.

I can relate to the latter. I've had to bin a few girls off as the replies were very vague or they half answered what was actually available. Weirdest one was a girl who offered a lot of kinky services, but wouldn't kiss which was a total deal breaker. In all honesty I trust my gut instinct and as everybody knows punter or escort - you never know what the person you meet will be like on the day. There's people who have replied to this thread who are a lot more experienced than I am both you and Midori for a start as well as some of the punters, but I am having a lot of fun learning.

[TailSeeker]

I must have been very unlucky with some of the civvies I met when I was younger. Passive, it was like shagging a corpse, but I didn't know any better.

Agree with you on all points. The scenario you listed does sound very exciting though - even the insults, I tend to insult back and be cheeky which might not be the desired response. I wouldn't class myself as anywhere near a Brat Tamer or even working towards it though. I can get a bit dark as well and as I've said before it is like flicking a switch with me where I just get lost in the moment\roleplay. I have a rough idea of where it is going and follow the girl as well and play off her.

I can relate to the latter. I've had to bin a few girls off as the replies were very vague or they half answered what was actually available. Weirdest one was a girl who offered a lot of kinky services, but wouldn't kiss which was a total deal breaker. In all honesty I trust my gut instinct and as everybody knows punter or escort - you never know what the person you meet will be like on the day. There's people who have replied to this thread who are a lot more experienced than I am both you and Midori for a start as well as some of the punters, but I am having a lot of fun learning.

Ah, the dead fish, I didn't know men could be like that until I encountered one. A civvie I ended up throwing out as like you say, it was like shagging a corpse. Put his hand on my head during a bj, flop back on the bed, on my hips in cowgirl, flop back on the bed. No sounds, eyes shut.

Even had the gall to complain he was enjoying it when I told him to put his pants back on.

Fine if you're paying for it, but otherwise give some feedback.

I like the insulting back, but both sides have to be prepared for when things get personal and recognise it's part of the fun, not actually meant. Getting lost can be dangerous there. Or really any roleplay/bdsm, as you have to be attuned to the other's body language. And be prepared to stop at the drop of a hat if either party needs to stop.

I've only called stop occasionally, mostly with civvies. But twice with punters. One of those punters I have to take some blame for, I should have cancelled on him, he was very erratic and clearly confusing me with someone else during the run up. But we live and learn. Much like with the incidences I've had with civvies that don't obey limits.

Any one who offers sub services should absolutely be specific about what they offer, any vagueness can lead to problems. Including any physical or medical limitations. Yes, maybe it's not sexy, but it's important for both parties safety and enjoyment.

It establishes that there's a level of frank conversation can occur. And you both know what to do if something goes wrong, as well as aftercare (very important, especially with a heavy scene). Without that clear discussion, almost always someone will leave the scene with a bad taste in their mouth.

Much like with discretionary services, explicitly state what the conditions are, then it's clear what the boundaries are. Otherwise at least one party is going in blind, which is never a good thing.

[workinallweek]

I'm not a switch at all, I tend to flounder a bit when put in charge, but I can do it briefly. If it's vanilla that's not a problem, but if bdsm I can do one thing if asked, but to draw up a full scene I just end up asking for direction. As such I don't offer Domme services unless it's a reg I know well who knows my dynamic. Order me to tie you up, orgasm denial, corporal punishment all fine, I know how to do that as a good sub should train in what they ask of someone (so should a good Dom(me)), but beyond that I become a bit lost. I'm not dominant naturally so I always need guidance, and as such I don't offer it as a service.

So does that not still make you sub as you are following intruction ?

[S.X. MacHine]

It wasn't one of the made in Scotland Tawses used in schools was it? They are very collectable.

Nah, nae tawse, a flogger; Lovehoney's finest!
Met a retired schoolmistress at a Burns Supper (don't ask; its a thing Scottish people do) a couple of years ago, who still had her tawse. I offered to buy it from her, but she wasn't selling. Did she maybe take me for some sort of perverted sadist? Me?
I very well remember being on the receiving end of a tawse as a schoolboy growing up in Scotland. Bloody evil things. Painful beyond belief and not in the least erotic.

[Ali Katt]

Nah, nae tawse, a flogger; Lovehoney's finest!
Met a retired schoolmistress at a Burns Supper (don't ask; its a thing Scottish people do) a couple of years ago, who still had her tawse. I offered to buy it from her, but she wasn't selling. Did she maybe take me for some sort of perverted sadist? Me?
I very well remember being on the receiving end of a tawse as a schoolboy growing up in Scotland. Bloody evil things. Painful beyond belief and not in the least erotic.

Thank Christ for that. I would hate for something worth three figures to be given away for free. Luckily when I was at school they were just starting to do away with corporal punishment. Burns Supper\Night is great believe or not I've been to one.

[Midori]

So does that not still make you sub as you are following intruction ?

There's a name for it, it's called "service topping".

[Ali Katt]

Ah, the dead fish, I didn't know men could be like that until I encountered one. A civvie I ended up throwing out as like you say, it was like shagging a corpse. Put his hand on my head during a bj, flop back on the bed, on my hips in cowgirl, flop back on the bed. No sounds, eyes shut.

Even had the gall to complain he was enjoying it when I told him to put his pants back on.

Fine if you're paying for it, but otherwise give some feedback.

I like the insulting back, but both sides have to be prepared for when things get personal and recognise it's part of the fun, not actually meant. Getting lost can be dangerous there. Or really any roleplay/bdsm, as you have to be attuned to the other's body language. And be prepared to stop at the drop of a hat if either party needs to stop.

I've only called stop occasionally, mostly with civvies. But twice with punters. One of those punters I have to take some blame for, I should have cancelled on him, he was very erratic and clearly confusing me with someone else during the run up. But we live and learn. Much like with the incidences I've had with civvies that don't obey limits.

Any one who offers sub services should absolutely be specific about what they offer, any vagueness can lead to problems. Including any physical or medical limitations. Yes, maybe it's not sexy, but it's important for both parties safety and enjoyment.

It establishes that there's a level of frank conversation can occur. And you both know what to do if something goes wrong, as well as aftercare (very important, especially with a heavy scene). Without that clear discussion, almost always someone will leave the scene with a bad taste in their mouth.

Much like with discretionary services, explicitly state what the conditions are, then it's clear what the boundaries are. Otherwise at least one party is going in blind, which is never a good thing.

The replies I mainly had back were "well, I can be" which didn't fill me with confidence.

[TailSeeker]

So does that not still make you sub as you are following intruction ?

Still subbing as following instruction, but there's a limit as to how far that works. It is however an entirely different dynamic than with someone who is vanilla, the same structure isn't there which changes things.

The replies I mainly had back were "well, I can be" which didn't fill me with confidence.

Not a great sign, some enthusiasm is important. Although that can be difficult to convey via text, especially if the request is vague. And on profiles, bdsm services is so vague, even in the body of text you have to be careful as AW does not allow certain terms or services to be mentioned.

It's important to be clear in communications about what you want and like, listing out can be helpful, however some may not like that. But a phone conversation is always key, easier to judge tone and responses.

[Ali Katt]

Not a great sign, some enthusiasm is important. Although that can be difficult to convey via text, especially if the request is vague. And on profiles, bdsm services is so vague, even in the body of text you have to be careful as AW does not allow certain terms or services to be mentioned.

It's important to be clear in communications about what you want and like, listing out can be helpful, however some may not like that. But a phone conversation is always key, easier to judge tone and responses.

I took it that they maybe weren't submissive or were possibly inexperienced. I'm not really into what I would call hard dom or sadism so it makes it a bit easier I guess. I pretty much go through a list of services, I mainly get replies back, but they will mention some services (often basic ones like dirty talk), but ignore others which leaves it open to guesswork, far better if they said "I don't do receiving spanking" or whatever. I was surprised by the number of girls that are submissive, but don't mention it on their profiles, surely it's a selling point?

I didn't know terms were banned from profile text on AW, other than the word child.

[TailSeeker]

I took it that they maybe weren't submissive or were possibly inexperienced. I'm not really into what I would call hard dom or sadism so it makes it a bit easier I guess. I pretty much go through a list of services, I mainly get replies back, but they will mention some services (often basic ones like dirty talk), but ignore others which leaves it open to guesswork, far better if they said "I don't do receiving spanking" or whatever. I was surprised by the number of girls that are submissive, but don't mention it on their profiles, surely it's a selling point?

I didn't know terms were banned from profile text on AW, other than the word child.

If they are, they should mention it. But genuine female subs, switches, Dommes are not nearly as common as men who Dom, switch, or sub. However it does come with a certain level of spam (at least once a day I'll get an email that will ask for something specifically on my no go list). Along with just general spam that bdsm providers get regardless of dynamic.

A fair few bdsm terms fall foul of bans, especially with the last law change on pornography (like when service options were removed), also words like forced and torture do feature in some bdsm terms. I've fallen foul a few times with my profile containing words they don't like. And be reported/flagged often for SM pics. It's annoying, but they're being stricter than the law so they don't get shut down. As such I'll play ball until I hang my stockings up.

[Midori]

I took it that they maybe weren't submissive or were possibly inexperienced. I'm not really into what I would call hard dom or sadism so it makes it a bit easier I guess. I pretty much go through a list of services, I mainly get replies back, but they will mention some services (often basic ones like dirty talk), but ignore others which leaves it open to guesswork, far better if they said "I don't do receiving spanking" or whatever. I was surprised by the number of girls that are submissive, but don't mention it on their profiles, surely it's a selling point?

I didn't know terms were banned from profile text on AW, other than the word child.

I used to openly advertise as a submissive when I first started, I used to do introduction to BDSM sessions etc and also DDLG as well. However, whatever I might like in my personal life, does not mean it always translates to a sell-able service. It attracted a lot of attention from clients who wanted to waste time or had absolutely no clue what they were doing...and also, as you know yourself, BDSM is not always what you see in sadomasochist porn. I am a service orientated submissive and I love a lot of activities that would tick boxes on a fetlife quiz, including things like spanking, but I'm not a masochist and have no interest in being hit to within an inch of my life by people who have no concept of safety. Instead, I leave breadcrumb trails on my profile for anyone who bothers reading and I figure that I'm covered enough on here and UKE for people to know what I'm about. Every now and again, I might put a different spin on my profile to engage new clients, but sometimes I do get bored of the stupid plastic dom enquiries and tone down the fetish stuff.

[Ali Katt]

I used to openly advertise as a submissive when I first started, I used to do introduction to BDSM sessions etc and also DDLG as well. However, whatever I might like in my personal life, does not mean it always translates to a sell-able service. It attracted a lot of attention from clients who wanted to waste time or had absolutely no clue what they were doing...and also, as you know yourself, BDSM is not always what you see in sadomasochist porn. I am a service orientated submissive and I love a lot of activities that would tick boxes on a fetlife quiz, including things like spanking, but I'm not a masochist and have no interest in being hit to within an inch of my life by people who have no concept of safety. Instead, I leave breadcrumb trails on my profile for anyone who bothers reading and I figure that I'm covered enough on here and UKE for people to know what I'm about. Every now and again, I might put a different spin on my profile to engage new clients, but sometimes I do get bored of the stupid plastic dom enquiries and tone down the fetish stuff.

I've not seen much D/s porn - what I've seen is far rougher than anything I would be comfortable doing in most cases - things like choking which is a big no for me, I've experimented both ways in relationships where trust was built up, but it does nothing for me; likewise what I would class as throat fucking is really common, not face fucking we are talking the more extreme version, then you have face slapping. I've nothing against people that do these things, but they are all rare in punting and I'm not surprised as to why.

I had a look for examples of plastic doms. I've heard the term, but wanted clarification. 18 year olds claiming to be slave masters on fetlife. It would be funny, if there wasn't as has been said serious ramifications if people take up these offers. I think self-awareness goes along way.

What I find really interesting is how everyone's style is slightly different and unique in their own way. I just try to work around that.

[Ali Katt]

If they are, they should mention it. But genuine female subs, switches, Dommes are not nearly as common as men who Dom, switch, or sub. However it does come with a certain level of spam (at least once a day I'll get an email that will ask for something specifically on my no go list). Along with just general spam that bdsm providers get regardless of dynamic.

A fair few bdsm terms fall foul of bans, especially with the last law change on pornography (like when service options were removed), also words like forced and torture do feature in some bdsm terms. I've fallen foul a few times with my profile containing words they don't like. And be reported/flagged often for SM pics. It's annoying, but they're being stricter than the law so they don't get shut down. As such I'll play ball until I hang my stockings up.

That's probably a factor in why loads of options are missing off the likes\dislikes list and why some are so vague. A profile I had on my hotlist has disappeared and I really hope that's not the reason why, although I half-suspect it is the email verification thing.

I honestly thought subs and switches at least were common, but after thinking about it and what was written on here I suspect most on AW are vanilla or as has been said passive.

[mrfishyfoo]

That's probably a factor in why loads of options are missing off the likes\dislikes list and why some are so vague. A profile I had on my hotlist has disappeared and I really hope that's not the reason why, although I half-suspect it is the email verification thing.

Ihonestly thought subs and switches at least were common, but after thinking about it and what was written on here I suspect most on AW are vanilla or as has been said passive.

True subs are like the FAF size 6/8 blondes, I "hunt" for, that can properly deep throat and take it up the arse like they take it in their pussy.......they're UNICORNS.

[Ali Katt]

True subs are like the FAF size 6/8 blondes, I "hunt" for, that can properly deep throat and take it up the arse like they take it in their pussy.......they're UNICORNS.

What a depressing thought. It's even harder to find civvies that want to play, in punting I have a few options and I don't mind if it is with a switch who can play sub for me.

[mrfishyfoo]

What a depressing thought. It's even harder to find civvies that want to play, in punting I have a few options and I don't mind if it is with a switch who can play sub for me.

Not at all as it's so good to find one.

The really depressing thought is that once found a unicorn ALWAYS ups her prices and then inevitably withdraws the anal as every fucker else will want to fuck her arse like they fuck her pussy. 

[S.X. MacHine]

True subs are like the FAF size 6/8 blondes, I "hunt" for, that can properly deep throat and take it up the arse like they take it in their pussy.......they're UNICORNS.

Indeed. I know of just two in Scotland who fulfill the functions you mention. One is very difficult to book, but the other is a firm favourite and regular of mine.

[mrfishyfoo]

Indeed. I know of just two in Scotland who fulfill the functions you mention. One is very difficult to book, but the other is a firm favourite and regular of mine.

I'll bear that in mind for when I'm next in Scotlandshire. 

[TailSeeker]

That's probably a factor in why loads of options are missing off the likes\dislikes list and why some are so vague. A profile I had on my hotlist has disappeared and I really hope that's not the reason why, although I half-suspect it is the email verification thing.

I honestly thought subs and switches at least were common, but after thinking about it and what was written on here I suspect most on AW are vanilla or as has been said passive.

We may find AW opens back up, the laws around obscenity in pornography have just been relaxed. My friends have just been posting about it online. All the previous bans have been over turned except in cases of children, animals, and non-consenting parties.

So we may see more straightforward language, but as with kinks and bdsm, it's rare everyone is going to cover a yes or no to everything. Especially if we take into account fetishes, those can range from tupper wear and centaurs to latex and leather. Fetish and bdsm is always something people can't fully list yes or no's for as it's such a wide audience.

There is also the crossover from bdsm/kink to mainstream, anal before the 90's was considered kink. Since the 90's it's viewed as pretty mainstream. Similarly light bondage and spanking has become more mainstream with porn changes.  So then being a bdsm/kink provider does tend to suggest more extreme, rather than just the basics and maybe more.

[davidgood]

This has turned into a very interesting thread with all the contributions, especially from SP members.

Going  back  to the OP, my advice is that rather than looking for a  specialist SP, have a look at AW for girls who at least have 'spanking receiving'  in their likes.

Arrange a meeting, making it clear what you want. At the first meeting take it easy and abide by the limits set by the lady. If she provides most of what you want,  arrange further meetings. Once she gets to know and trust you it might be surprising what implements she has in her toy box and what she will let you do to her or what she will do for you.

If you find a willing sub who provides what you want then my advice is to stick with them as they hard to find.

If you do find what you are looking for, then please let us have a review.

Regards,

davidgood

[nbarnes]

Not at all as it's so good to find one.

The really depressing thought is that once found a unicorn ALWAYS ups her prices and then inevitably withdraws the anal as every fucker else will want to fuck her arse like they fuck her pussy. 

https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=237573.0

I found one. She was up here for work and then fucked back off to Devon. Touch far from Nottingham.
Wasn't cheap (£160) - but didn't care, got lovely service.

Got the feeling that it would have got better if I'd made her a regular as well.

[mrfishyfoo]

https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=237573.0

I found one. She was up here for work and then fucked back off to Devon. Touch far from Nottingham.
Wasn't cheap (£160) - but didn't care, got lovely service.

Got the feeling that it would have got better if I'd made her a regular as well.

Now that's what I call a quality "toy". 

[Murray Mint]

...............…. Arrange a meeting, making it clear what you want. At the first meeting take it easy and abide by the limits set by the lady. If she provides most of what you want,  arrange further meetings. Once she gets to know and trust you it might be surprising what implements she has in her toy box and what she will let you do to her or what she will do for you.

If you find a willing sub who provides what you want then my advice is to stick with them as they hard to find...………...

Good advice.

I like submissive women, but my pleasures in that area are probably pretty tame. There have been several SPs over the years who, whilst not offering submissive services, have engaged in, and enjoyed, bondage and mild pain activities with me.

[Ali Katt]

Good advice.

I like submissive women, but my pleasures in that area are probably pretty tame. There have been several SPs over the years who, whilst not offering submissive services, have engaged in, and enjoyed, bondage and mild pain activities with me.

Depends how you define tame. What is kinky to you and what is kinky to the rest of the public are two different things. TBH I'm probably tame compared to a slave master or someone who does pet play. But WE are unfathomably kinky compared to someone who owns a pair of Poundland handcuffs and has used them once. It all about enjoying what you like and finding someone who wants to share that, but that's stating the obvious.

[nbarnes]

Now that's what I call a quality "toy". 

Certainly fucking was.

Just a shame that she had to go back to the South Coast.

I think meetings 2 + 3 would have been even better as we got more comfortable with each other.

[jaydefo24]

I disagree that she would have to have a screw loose. I've been dominated on a first meeting. If I feel comfortable enough to meet a complete stranger, and be naked and vulnerable with them, and they have enough feedback and seem to have a clue, and of course we discuss boundaries, then I'm happy to do that.
If the guy clearly doesn't know what he's talking about, then hell no.

Can you send me Your profile please? Now.

[jaydefo24]

A civvie gf of mine announced out of the blue that she had wanted to explore BDSM kink side of her sexuality since breaking with her last bf who was firmly against it. All good so far. But she then tells me she’s in contact with a master whom she’d met at a dungeon for unrelatedcircus event. She’d been engaging in a text based role play with him and wanted to meet again in real life at the dungeon. When asked why can’t I do this she said that it had to be an experienced master separetly from me to get the effect.. At first I was ok with it as she said we could also explore it together separately so I can learn the ropes.

This all sat increasingly badly with me the more I found out and the more I asked. She had a way of persuading me that it was not a threat, and he was not a threat but just something she wanted to experience once as a sideline.

I’m naturally drawn to be dominant and she sub.

Sadly I got increasingly jealous about her going with an experienced master, when I realised this was more than her being spanked and tied up. The thought of her being fucked by ( her words ), “an old fat master who’s dick could be a dildo “ was too much and I threw my toys out the pram.

This revelation was all in a short space of time, early on in what had been a promising relationshi. Was falling for her in a big way and got too attatched.

Biggest regret of my life so far. Fuck. She was gorgeous, intelligent and interesting. A little too interesting maybe.

But now, I want to learn the ropes and be a don so if I ever meet a girl like this again, I’ll have it all up my sleeve. Any suggestions for SP’s whom I could take to a dungeon and practice the ropes and toys and spamming etc? Other girls have told me I’m ‘surprisingly dominant in the bedroom’ as I know what I want and once I know a girl likes it, I’ll gladly get her on a her knees to do what I tell her. I wish I could’ve resisted my jealousy and taken this further.

[Ali Katt]

A civvie gf of mine wanted to experience explore BDSM kink... with an experienced master separetly from me. At first I was ok with it as she said we could also explore it together separately.

I’m naturally drawn to be dominant and she sub.

Sadly I got increasingly jealous about her going with an experienced master, when I realised this was more than her being spanked and tied up. The thought of her being fucked by ( her words ), “an old fat master who’s dick could be a dildo “ was too much and I threw my toys out the pram.

This revelation was all in a short space of time, early on in what had been a promising relationshi. Was falling for her in a big way and got too attatched.

Biggest regret of my life so far. Fuck
,

Nothing wrong with being attached to someone. The green eyed monster was also justified in this case, the fat old master offered something you seemingly couldn't. Try being in a relationship where talking to a girl in a chip shop is considered cheating by your girlfriend.

[jaydefo24]

Can you send me Your profile please?

[Midori]

A civvie gf of mine announced out of the blue that she had wanted to explore BDSM kink side of her sexuality since breaking with her last bf who was firmly against it. All good so far. But she then tells me she’s in contact with a master whom she’d met at a dungeon for unrelatedcircus event. She’d been engaging in a text based role play with him and wanted to meet again in real life at the dungeon. When asked why can’t I do this she said that it had to be an experienced master separetly from me to get the effect.. At first I was ok with it as she said we could also explore it together separately so I can learn the ropes.

This all sat increasingly badly with me the more I found out and the more I asked. She had a way of persuading me that it was not a threat, and he was not a threat but just something she wanted to experience once as a sideline.

I’m naturally drawn to be dominant and she sub.

Sadly I got increasingly jealous about her going with an experienced master, when I realised this was more than her being spanked and tied up. The thought of her being fucked by ( her words ), “an old fat master who’s dick could be a dildo “ was too much and I threw my toys out the pram.

This revelation was all in a short space of time, early on in what had been a promising relationshi. Was falling for her in a big way and got too attatched.

Biggest regret of my life so far. Fuck. She was gorgeous, intelligent and interesting. A little too interesting maybe.

But now, I want to learn the ropes and be a don so if I ever meet a girl like this again, I’ll have it all up my sleeve. Any suggestions for SP’s whom I could take to a dungeon and practice the ropes and toys and spamming etc? Other girls have told me I’m ‘surprisingly dominant in the bedroom’ as I know what I want and once I know a girl likes it, I’ll gladly get her on a her knees to do what I tell her. I wish I could’ve resisted my jealousy and taken this further.

Search for someone who receives spanking and has toys on their likes on AW? Rope play usually comes after a couple of bookings once you have proved you are a safe player, some SPs will do it straight away if they have security nearby or you have been recommended by other SP's, personally although I love rope play, I would never allow it on a first booking until I had established you understood boundaries and safety and kept to within the limits.

[Son of the Desert]

I've wondered about trying the girls at London Submissive Girls but I wonder if they are really sub or just pretty standard with a bit of spanking thrown in?